I've asked my friends, many times before if they wish they could just disappear for a while, and no one has ever related. I kinda wish I didn't read that first post about schizoid thing because now that's gonna be stuck in my head. I can't really open up how I really feel to anyone, I'm feel stupid, pathetic, and performative even in front of my best friends now. I don't even know when this happened.>>19045>felt like I "couldn't" reply and procrastinated shit for 6 months to a year at a time
I've never been able to put this into words like this before. Thank you so much. It's these specific shared experiences that bring me coming back to these websites.
I remember being in the car and cowering like a dog when my friend asked why I ghosted her for months, tears forming in her own eyes. She asked something like "what does your anxiety feel like." I didn't know what to say to her, except "I'm sorry" over and over again. I couldn't even believe myself when I told her it was my anxiety before. These experiences are very painful. I feel awful about cutting people out like that, but it feels like just what happens. It comes out of nowhere, like life just pushes me along and I can't really do anything about it. I'm scared of it happening again with people who may be depending on me in some way and having grave consequences. I don't even know if I care about anyone. I feel like there's just too much pressure in my life right now, I can't really live.
Sorry if this post was real long.