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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 18887

How should you deal with urges to isolate and push away?I'll have these mood swings where on discord I'll delete everyone and leave servers, I'll delete other accounts, I'll cancel plans..Whatever. Just this sudden urge to isolate and push away. Not for valid reasons like me only having toxic friends, it's just caused by some unknown mental illness. Maybe depression maybe BPD.

Anonymous 18888

It's probably schizoid.

I have schizoid, and over the years have alienated everyone I knew, due to a strange sense of comfort that comes with being totally alone. Also, knowing that there's some people who could contact me even when I don't want it made me feel insecure. Several abandoned accounts, changed emails, new phone numbers later, I am totally alone.

Like I have always wanted. The biggest deterrent to doing this would be to understand that when you do become totally alone, the comfort of security will be gradually replaced with crushing loneliness. And it's really hard to make friends from 0.

So, I'd say it's better to stay in touch with people even if you don't want to socialize. Think of it as a chore that will prevent the terrible outcome of becoming totally isolated with no way to get out.

Anonymous 18889

Do you really think so?
That would explain a lot.. I always abandon accounts and feel like there isn't a single person out there who's relatable. I've always had a weird underlying sense thst nobody and nothing is real as well.

Anonymous 18890

We all want to be alone sometimes. If they enjoy your company, I would just be honest with them about "going dark" for a bit, they will most likely understand. I haven't talked to my vidya friends in a cou ple months now after being in party chat almost every night for 1.5 years, other than an occasional discord post. This way I can be distant, but not burn the bridge forever.

Anonymous 18891


i do this same exact thing. i've pushed away a lot of friends that i miss dearly who have taught me a lot but i have no way of contacting them ever again

Anonymous 18892

Yep, depersonalization / derealization is another symptom of schizoid. I wouldn't jump the gun on the self-diagnosis, though. Just something to consider.

It kinda sucks to know that I will never be able to truly connect to someone, and will always live partially in my own head. But the upside is that schizoids can become truly independent outside the box thinkers, so maybe take up a creative hobby.

Anonymous 18905


I've found my people

I feel this way a lot recently. I've been suicidal and sometimes I just want to abandon all my contacts irl and on social media and disappear. Being dead to everyone except for me is as close as it gets. I'd never fake my own death but I fantasize about being presumed dead while I live in solitude somewhere because I've given up on other people, not because they're beneath me, but because I myself am too much of a weirdo to form a meaningful connection. I don't even feel like I speak the same language as anyone, it's like having a speech disorder and being stuck with no way to communicate effectively. I wish I wasn't so reliant on other people for comfort, I'm really clingy and social but it always feels futile. I wish I could be self-reliant and happy in solitude.

Anonymous 18988

The fact that you have "found your people" here shows you're not alone in this. Your persona in public can be a bit of a character, a mask, doesn't have to be the opposite of your true self but being not-shit at small talk and having a hobby or two to talk about is enough to get you by in normal conversation, even if you kinda feel like you're going through the motions at first.

Anonymous 19045

I started doing this after graduating for some reason. Before then I was a stereotypical clingy friend, but suddenly felt like I "couldnt" reply and procrastinated shit for 6 months to a year at a time. I've lost a good friend over it because she's as clingy as I used to be.

I'm back on my feet now though with active social media & regular talks with my oldest best friend. Advice:
>schedule chat times once a week or every two weeks
>make a habit out of small online social interactions (liking a mutual's posts in the morning or similar)
>generally work on self-control. Force yourself to at least stay in contact with friends in preparation for when your social energy will return. Even just by letting them know you're having an isolation time will be enough
>don't overdo it by chatting one-on-one every single day
>find friends who are understanding. Explain your issues right away. This is the most important point.

Good luck.

Anonymous 19047

That's not the issue, I have a hobby that requires me to be very social and gives me communication skills and I meet a lot of people through it, some of which I ended up befriending. But it still always feels hollow.

Anonymous 30137

I’m a different anon, but thank you for your list of advice. I really needed this. I haven’t talked to my irl friends in weeks. I was trying my best to stay in contact with them because I isolated myself for a month before, and I felt so bad so I tried to make up it up to them by talking to them everyday. But it eventually got too much for me and now I’m here. I am really scared I’ll lose them because I know one day they’ll get tired of me, but at the same time I really don’t care. I’m conflicted.. maybe it’s because I’m not myself right now.

I don’t feel so alone anymore knowing that there are other people that do this, so finding this thread was really comforting.

Anonymous 30140

Listen to this anon. You don't wanna end up like me

Anonymous 30149

When i was younger i was the opposite, but now slowly I pick up this habit of purging every contact i have. not out of a need for solitude, but more out of a feeling of worthlessness, or from feeling that everyone gets annoyed by me and puts up with me out of kindness/need, so i do them the service of suddenly "disappearing".

This reminds me a whole lot of a friend i used to have who often would "disappear" for months at a time.
She was a great friend, I'm glad she put up with my annoying self back then. I still think
about her often every other day and still hold her as a very good friend. I hope one day fate conspires to have us meet again, although that's deeply unlikely. I hope she's safe and happy.

Anonymous 30152

I've asked my friends, many times before if they wish they could just disappear for a while, and no one has ever related. I kinda wish I didn't read that first post about schizoid thing because now that's gonna be stuck in my head. I can't really open up how I really feel to anyone, I'm feel stupid, pathetic, and performative even in front of my best friends now. I don't even know when this happened.

>felt like I "couldn't" reply and procrastinated shit for 6 months to a year at a time
I've never been able to put this into words like this before. Thank you so much. It's these specific shared experiences that bring me coming back to these websites.

I remember being in the car and cowering like a dog when my friend asked why I ghosted her for months, tears forming in her own eyes. She asked something like "what does your anxiety feel like." I didn't know what to say to her, except "I'm sorry" over and over again. I couldn't even believe myself when I told her it was my anxiety before. These experiences are very painful. I feel awful about cutting people out like that, but it feels like just what happens. It comes out of nowhere, like life just pushes me along and I can't really do anything about it. I'm scared of it happening again with people who may be depending on me in some way and having grave consequences. I don't even know if I care about anyone. I feel like there's just too much pressure in my life right now, I can't really live.

Sorry if this post was real long.

Anonymous 30156

This is gonna sound harsh, but isn't. It's borderline personality disorder. You're fucked in the head and basically go from narcissus to needy intermittently through out the day. Worst person you could date is a bpd, these people are not deserving of love.

Anonymous 30160

Can't you take your sperging to another thread? You've seen everyone here was polite and decided to ruin the mood.

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