I need some help because I have serious behavior issues that I don't know how to fix.
I get upset very easily (especially when I misunderstand a situation) and my anger escalates very quickly. From a normal conversation to me yelling,slamming doors, throwing things, crying, etc. I did some online CBT for a few months which helped me realize the root of this problem but it's flared up again. I think this is just my poor personality and I need to practice more awareness and self-control.
Does anyone have thought exercises they could suggest?
I also act extremely erratically (being extremely violent, yelling, breaking things,crying loudly for hours) and completely forgot them. This was partially substance based as I started drinking too much, but I'm sober now and I still have these blackouts. I'll remember everything up to and after the freak-out, but my bad behavior is a complete blank, even right after it happens.
I also try to set it up to look as if I'm the vulnerable/hurt party in these episodes.
Wtf is this? Is there a name for this? I want to go to therapy badly but going could cost me my job and I live paycheck to paycheck. :(
(I'm not sure if this belongs here or in /hb/, but it feels more advice-oriented so I posted it here.)
Are you me? I have the same things happen and I was diagnosed with bipolar. It can be stabled out by medicine though. That and therapy.
It feels like an uncontrollable anger probably but it'll take effort even with medicine and therapy.
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, think of trashy TV shows like Maury or Jerry Springer and think of the human garbage on those shows fighting and arguing for the amusement of others. Realize that what you're doing, to an outsider, looks like that sort of behavior.
Don't go overboard and start doubting everything you do, just acknowledge that outward displays of anger really solves anything.
Oh fugg, that's not what I wanted to hear. But I've been told I seem bipolar and that's why I did the online therapy. But it didn't really work because I couldn't self-report a lot of my episodes because I didn't remember them.
I'll look into it. I don't even realize I've raised my voice until someone points it out, though.
This thread is making me realize the obvious: I have two distinct problems. The anger control problems, and then the dangerous black outs where I'm violent, loud, and instigate physical fights.
They may be related, but I think they may be separate problems since they're on such different levels. Earlier this week I had an episode where I was yelling, shouting,attacked someone I live with, and then opened the windows and cried loudly for a full hour. The next day I only suspected something had happened because my eyes were puffy as if I had been crying.
I've done better this week with the anger by being more aware of what's happening and trying to actively listen. But I have slipped up a few times.
Reviving my dead thread in case it helps someone else. My psychiatrist said it's likely I am bipolar and put me on mood stabilizers. So far they're helping a bit.
Glad to hear things are a little better, anon.