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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Help-a-neet Anonymous 2482

> I'm 21 / neet /

> Boyfriend is 23 works full time in a semi decent job that pays enough to cover all bills including pets ( from his past relationship dumped by his ex )
> when I met him I used to work at a company as an office assistant
> I quit the job after being there for a few months due to being (sexually?) harassed
they put my pads in a wall I was the only female on site
> boyfriend insists on me living with him after I quit said job.
> move in with boyfriend and completely feel lost in new town and work online to pay for anything expensive ( see: vintage clothing )
>boyfriend covers bills and refuses to let me work until I get ~depression under control ~
> I'm currently stuck in a cycle of depression and binging habits
I'm not sure how to fix my life and I have no family in this country to talk to and most of my other family hasn't seen me since 2012
( I'm sorry about any typos.. ESL)

Photo very sadly related

Anonymous 2483

Isn't not having a job is a major reason for your depression though?

I think you need to tell your bf to stop playing amateur therapist and support you in what you actually want to do.

t. amateur therapist

Anonymous 2488

What the other Anon said.
By forcing you to remain idle, your mind will wander into depression.
He clearly cares about you, but he needs to give you space and make your own decisions. And trust you enough to know you can come to him if you need help.

Anonymous 2498

Not working means a lack of structure and purpose, chances are you'd be better off with a job. And it's concerning that your boyfriend 'refuses' to let you do something, and that you make major life changes on his insistence. I won't make assumptions about your relationship (maybe it's just your wording) but in the worst case scenario they could be abusive attempts to control and isolate you.

The obvious solution is to just ignore him and get a job whether he wants you to or not.

Anonymous 2523

>boyfriend covers bills and refuses to let me work until I get ~depression under control ~
This will keep the depression going as the best predictor depression lacking social life and a sense of mastery.

Anonymous 2528

op here

Thanks to everyone for your advice and for putting up with my incredibly bad writing.

I guess I should explain my situation
> when I met my boyfriend I was working 2 jobs 9-5 office work and online art commissions + my website
> after I quit the 9-5 I decided to take a 2 week gap ( I had saved 3+ months of money for bills and expenses in general)
> planned to stay at boyfriends place for 1 week to help him out with payments he needed done asap ( car and pet expenses )
> after 1 week my emergency savings payed for his car + groceries and many other expenses ( he needed the car for work so I agreed to help )
> he didn't ask for it and didn't expect me to help but his ex maxed his credit card and he was in a dire possition at the time
> he was stressed overworked and sad because of the debt she left so I agreed to pay for things for a bit
> after the week ended he mentioned that I could stay for longer if I wanted and didn't want me to go back to the place I was renting at the time
> he changed work and was able to buy/do things as his current job pays more
> in his words " I don't want you to work for now I can take care of things for you "
> I agreed to move in with him for a while and reminded him that I would go back to office work in august

That was on January..

Currently he has asked me to not pay any bills and payed for anything I need ( even if I have the money for it and ask him to use that for billls " this is your money you can do anything you want with it let me take care of it")

Every time that I have mentioned going back to a 9-5 he satay that I don't need to and " you don't even enjoy it " " you work from home anyway " " I don't think you should please work on your anxiety and depression first" " you are in no condition to go to interviews right now you will kill yourself "

He really cares about me but I need to work…I'm quite sure he reacts like that towards me working due to me covering most expenses at the beginning but I can't work right now without causing a fight.

Thank you so much for reading this c.c is the only place where I can vent about my relationship due to being NEET for almost a year now
And again thank you to everyone for your advice.

Anonymous 2542

So…. In all this time have you been working on your mental health? Are you seeing a therapist? What have you been doing to improve your situation? If the answer is nothing, why is your boyfriend, who is supposedly so concerned for your well-being, ok with this?

Anonymous 2545


I can't tell if he's controlling and manipulative or just dumb as a brick…

Anonymous 30334

Go outside and get some sun on you, exercise, eat right, volunteer.
well, he allowed someone to max his credit cards out and leave him in the poor house, so dumbass looks like a safe pick.

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