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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 27229

I have all the makings of a totally nice, normal life; I'm a model student, fit, pretty enough, funny, I have hobbies and talents, I can make small talk with most people. But I have no connections. There's something that keeps me from feeling like people know me/see me for me. I have no friends of my own. People are nice to me, but I can't connect with anyone beyond basic-bitch jokes and dry small talk. I have so much more I want to talk about and hear about from people. It's the loneliest feeling and I have no idea how to change it. I just want to really know other people, to open up to each other and be weirdos and laugh together without worrying about appearances. I'm so afraid of missing out on genuine connection and friendship; I'm only 20, but I haven't had a close friend since I was 13. What do I do?

Anonymous 27232

>I'm a model student
>I'm fit
>I'm pretty
>I'm funny
>I have hobbies
>I'm talented
Would you want to be friends with somebody who speaks so highly of themselves, who wonders why nobody likes them, yet at the same time introduces themselves like that, bragging?
Normal people would ask "Could it be because I [insert flaw], but you basically wrote "I'm literally perfect in every aspect, how come nobody wants to be my friend?!"
Now you have your answer.

Anonymous 27234


Those are all things I've worked really hard for, they're all part of who I am. I love hearing about people's accomplishments and what they're proud of because it makes me happy for them, even if they're total strangers. But I understand that's not entirely normal, and maybe pushes buttons for a lot of people, which is totally fine.

I've got no reason to brag; on an anonymous board, I'm only looking to hear from others based on what I know about myself. If you want to hear my flaws, I'm incredibly insecure, painfully soft-spoken, and naive when it comes to posting!

Anonymous 27235

I relate tbh. My life is pretty great and I have lots of friends at uni, but none that I'd hang out with very much outside of uni and consider close. This is mostly because I've been very hurt in the past by 'best friends' and I'm scared of getting burnt again. I'm lucky I met my boyfriend, I basically hang out with him and his mates all the time now

Anonymous 27236

You're doing it again. The very first thing you said was "I've worked so hard". Just quit praising yourself for a second. Following up with something nice about others won't change that you initially bragged again. Even the flaws you listed sound like you're still trying to put yourself in a good light, nobody says "I'm painfully soft-spoken" as something negative, because they know exactly that people would try to console them with saying that this is actually a nice trait, that it means that you're a gentle person and so on.

Anonymous 27237

How exactly do you meet people?

Anonymous 27239

It's a wonderful thing to have an SO, especially during the loneliest times. It makes me smile knowing you're in good, caring company. That's another confusing/complex thing about this whole sort of feeling - a relationship is great for so many reasons, yet everyone still needs a support system to some degree. There's absolutely no crime in feeling a need for close friends in addition to your relationship, and I'm really sorry you've been hurt before. You're sure to come across good people among the bad people, I hope the good will stick going forward!

Anonymous 27240

I'm not exactly sure what you'd like to hear from me, but thank you for continuing to reply; maybe I'll get it right. It's a challenge asking for advice about my life to people who don't know me. My issue here isn't that I have a bad life, it's that I have all the makings of a nice life, yet I'm missing other people. I might be alone in thinking this, which is alright, but I'd feel guilty trying to complain about parts of my life when things are going well. I hope that makes any sort of sense. Typing these replies to you have helped me think harder on how other people might think of me, so again, thank you!
And I didn't mean to beg for consolation about being soft-spoken; I don't know if that would do any good anyway, since everything here is so anonymous. Being soft-spoken is actually really frustrating, and something I'm trying to work on - slowly. Typing my words is really freeing, since I can get everything off my chest without being talked over or unheard. That's probably why I'm rambling so much..!

Anonymous 27241

In college, I really only talk to people whenever we're in group projects. Outside of class, I try to keep conversations going, but they never really "break the ice". I'm not in any clubs/groups, and rarely go to parties.

Anonymous 27242

My bad, I don't think I tagged my reply correctly, I'm new to this!

Anonymous 27254

I only have two friends but we are very close, and I feel very happy with only them.
I don't know if this will help at all but for both of them I had to take the first step and make myself vulnerable to them. For one of my friends back when I didn't know her very well we were sitting together waiting for someone in awkward silence. We were making awkward small talk and she mentioned a video game that I was currently playing as well. So I ranted about it for a good 30 mins, and I thought to myself that I probably sounded pretty autistic and annoying (which I did and she later confirmed). But then the ice was broken and we grew closer into friends and then best friends. I don't really put much effort in getting to know strangers anymore because I already have my close friends. I would recommend to try to have the courage to open up first to people you see as being potential friends.
OP I would say ignore the posts saying you talk too highly of yourself, there's nothing wrong with admitting you have things pretty good or having a high self esteem.

Anonymous 27265

Not even her, but all of those things can be objectively assessed by OP herself (maybe except being funny), why would she fake humbleness on an anonymous imageboard?
People in general are averse to anything better because it makes them feel bad about themselves. This also answers OPs question.

Anonymous 27275

after reading all your replies here, i find that you sound like someone who tries really hard to be liked by everyone and that makes you seem completely uninteresting and boring and devoid of any personality.

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