Trauma and Recovery Anonymous 30210
>14 year old me, freshman year of high school
>internet socialite, meeting new people all the time online
>loving member of a small handful of tight-knit communities
>read maximum ride book series
>"come to our official website and talk with other fans!"
>log on, see they have a giant public chat room for the whole site
>meet a ton of new people
>become close with a guy, start private messaging Eachother
>talk all the time, become really good friends
>couple of months pass
>one day he comes on and starts telling me how horrible his home life is
>tells me he's going to take his own life
>spend an hour trying to talk him down, no use
>tells me he's ending it, and goodbye
>he logs off
>proceed to log on every day for over a month to see if he changed his mind
>can't eat, can't sleep, all I can think about what I should have said to save him
>after several weeks, it sinks in
>he's not coming back on
>give up on waiting
>stop talking to internet friends
>ghost all the communities I was a part of
>can't form relationships on the internet ever since
It's been almost ten years since that happened, and I'm still afraid to even add people on discord. I've been making an effort to try putting myself out there more since I graduated college last year, things like actively trying to comment more and talking to people in video games.
I even tried playing VR chat just to see if I could make any friends there, but it makes my computer crash too often.
I'm sure that there are plenty of other people here who've had traumatic experiences and had it ruin parts of their lives, but i don't think any of our lives will improve until we can face what's troubling us.
If anyone wants to share advice, I'd be happy to listen to what you have to say. and if you have something bothering you too, I'll give whatever advice I can.
The world sucks, I don't think anyone can argue that, but if we can stop letting our pasts control us then maybe we can make it suck a little less. We've gotta help eachother out, right?
It's just a prank bro
I agree with >>30211
, it could have been just a cruel way to cut contact. Even if it was real, these things are extremely rare. It sounds like it has really impacted you, have you spoken to anyone about it? Even just a friend or parent could help if you can't see a therapist.
Over the years, I think I've told maybe 3 people? I tried to tell my ex that I broke up with a year ago. they convinced me so see one of the therapists at my college Before I graduated, but it was someone who was barely older than me and I got the feeling they weren't very experienced. Only ended up having 3 or 4 meetings.
Besides that, I think I told a friend or two when I was drunk.
If therepy was an option I might consider it, but right now it doesn't seem like a possibility for me right now.
I've just been doing my best to take care of myself and heal on my own.