Suicide Anonymous 3159
- do you know anyone who committed suicide?
- how did you feel? and how do you feel now?
- how do you feel about suicide? is it fair/unfair/right/wrong/a choice, etc
Share your thoughts.
(I'm unsure if I should post this to /x/ or here, but won't mind having it moved.)
I think if someone is suffering, they should be allowed to get euthanasia. People who try to keep suicidal people alive are cruel. They don't know what he suicidal person is going through and their reasons for keeping them alive are so incredibly selfish. If someone has gone through counselling and doesn't enjoy life on medication and still wants to die, they should be allowed to do so in a safe environment. I'd rather see a loved one go quickly and painlessly and of their own accord, rather than come home to see their dead body and know that they died slowly and painfully by hanging themselves or overdosing or other similarly violent ways. In fact, it'd be easier to see someone euthanised than see them try to numb themselves for years with alcoholism and drugs.
Suicide is only painful for the people who are left behind. Life isn't this super precious thing, but people think it is so we keep people suffering, force people to suffer and bring more people into the world who will suffer with them. People are just selfish.
I wish it wasn't a sin.
Agreed. People talk about improving but that's generally said by people who aren't sinking in quicksand. I get motivated often by those "I became better" stories but then reality hits and I know I can't escape it.
Earlier this year, a friend of mine committed a suicide (or "died of depression"). We were not super close but we worked together for a year, a year ago, and often chatted about movies and video games and I thought he was a really lovely and interesting guy. A couple of weeks before that happened it was his birthday and I texted him, hoping to catch up. He never replied. One day he did not show up to work, and my former boss got a frantic phone call from his family saying they didn't know where my friend was. He had died in his flat.
Noone knew he was suffering. No one. Noone suspected he could've done it to himself. He was just such a lovely, polite, cheerful guy.
I don't talk about it often, because it feels like I don't really have the right to be sad - I was no longer working in the same place, and we were not very close. But I was sad. And of course I kept thinking whether it would have helped if he knew he could've told me, that I wouldn't have judged because I know how it feels when you barely feel alive, when your life is slipping through your fingers, when everything seems meaningless. I wish he had known. I know I couldn't have saved him, but I wish I could've done something, anything at all. What really sucks is that he was the last person you would've thought was suffering from depression.
I'm really glad other people feel the same because I wouldn't be able to say that irl, I know people would freak out.
When people shame suicidal people (through religion or "but your mom will miss you!" comments or "you're so selfish, you only think of yourself and not the people you'll leave behind!" comments), I think it has the exact opposite effect. As someone who has been suicidal, these reactions actually made my suicidal thoughts worse. Firstly, they fed into the ideas I already had that I was a shit person. I thought, "Yeah, they're right! I'm selfish and uncaring and I'm just a burden to all my selfless, concerned friends and family! They'd be better off without having to worry about me!". Also, a part of me thought that my friends/family only showed concern because it made them look like good people, not because they actually cared. They didn't make me snap out of my suicidal thoughts like people keep insisting these stupid comments will, they just made me feel more
guilty about how I was feeling. Of course I had already considered who would "miss" me or if what I was doing was actually the right thing. Why do these unimaginative people think depressed people are incapable of independent thought???? Saying these things doesn't make someone feel supported, it pushes them further away and makes them feel like their suicidal thoughts are justified.
Just my opinion.
I think most people who are stringently against suicide or think that people who commit suicide are cowards or selfish don't really understand how pervasive and crippling emotional pain is. It can be explained to them, and they may understand it logically, but they don't really "get" it. Once you do get it, or have been there yourself, you see why people would kill themselves and how unreasonable it is to ask someone to live like that for years or their entire lives.
I think about killing myself almost every day. I'm not an edgy teenager, but life is unbearable even though I'm a relatively normal adult woman. I've taken meds for years, but nothing much has helped me. I just don't try to kill myself again because I don't want to deal with failure again, and the consequences that come with it. Killing yourself with dignity is hard.
I've suffered a lot, but I do understand why some people cannot understand suicide, or suicidal thoughts, and I feel happy for them. Suicide is always sad for the ones left, even if the person who died wasn't able to live and function normally anymore. I hope there is a day when suicide isn't as much as a taboo anymore, and people can get help without dealing with the stigma many of us who want to die have to face when opening up.
Is it wrong to think suicide IS selfish if you have people that genuinely love you and care about you left on Earth? I understand crippling emotional suffering exists and how impossible clinical depression can be. I understand that life isn't some gift and that it's suffering even in first world countries. I'm even diagnosed with depression and anxiety and take medication.
But I can't imagine how my family would feel if I ever killed myself. Just looking at mothers who have lost their children to suicides… it's heart breaking. How can you do that to genuinely loving parents? All they will ever think about for the rest of their lives is what they could've done differently and how they could've saved you. No matter how bad my life and depression gets I would never do it. It may be selfish to ask someone to live, but it's also selfish to kill yourself.
You're right. It's weird instead of helping them they just give them shit for it. Like for example, if someone "hates themselves" and they're a POC they will get hated on for "hating themselves". It seems like people just want to be moralistic and use anything to jerk off and it's annoying.
I 100% believe shitty parents are a huge part of it.
My mother has always helped me with my depression. She listened to me, took me to several psych appointments, bought me my meds… And i still wanna die. That would devastate her. Parents are definitely a huge reason why many people wanna kill themselves, and for others they're the reason why they can't.
My brothers have both attempted to commit suicide (on OD'd recently and the other made threats while in the army) and my mother still thinks it's "just being sad". I tried to explain to her that using drugs doesn't make you depressed, its the other way around, and she doesn't allow me to tell her this. It's bullshit because here I am at 27, got my ass beat multiple times and attempted more times that needed and she still tells me to go outside or make new friends. I already do that, I'm not going to control something that chemically happens. It just pisses me off. I've sought help through meds and therapy and that's not a big enough clue.
I think suicide is selfish when it's done in a way that can physically harm other people or done in a very attention seeking way.
Like there was a guy from my school who jumped off a floor into an open, crowded hallway and almost hit a person when he crashed into the floor. My first reaction was "well what a fucking asshole".
The dumbass ended up living anyways.
i feel the same way. People who jump in front of trains are assholes. There are many ways to commit suicide without having to harm someone physically or mentally.
I still feel strangely jealous of a girl I know who commited suicide. I know… this is awful. Ive struggled a lot and my attempts were so shitty compared to hers. I know she died in a very very painful way though. She had a lot fo live for, maybe more than I do. I will never know. That was years ago when we were teens. It just makes me sad to think I'm still struggling with depression and that she hasn't had to deal with this shit anymore, but I know she shouldnt have ended like that. RIP.
So you're basically jealous that she no longer has to suffer what you're going through. That is a horrible feeling to have. The best thing I could say is what my suicidal friend always says. Life is beautiful because it ends, and ultimately it comes down to you when you wish to get off this wild ride.
I know for me, I used to be depressed, and scared of dying. The idea of getting older and losing everything you loved seemed terrifying to me. I eventually managed to conquer that fear and instead of being afraid of dying, Im excited about it. I wish it would happen while I was sleeping with no pain or suffering. I like to tell myself that when I die, Ill go to the world of aqua and it makes me feel cozy.
Same here, anon. Met a girl who killed herself when we were 17-18. It was a really horrible and painful suicide. Still wish I had been her every now and then. I know this is just a symptom of depression, but I feel guilty of feeling this way.
Keep doing psychedelics until your depression disappears. Worked for me and some other suicidal friends
>do you know anyone who committed suicide
>how did you feel?
surprised and disappointed
>how do you feel now?
i understand why they did it.
>how do you feel about suicide
it's a choice. i'll never say that it's the right choice, but i think that it takes an immense amount of pain in your life to decide that it would be better off over. for that reason, i don't judge the people who decide to do it. i don't call it selfish. but i wish they were still here. i looked forward to growing old with you guys. i wanted us to meet on the front porch in forty years and rock on the swing together and talk about our kids and cook together and eat together. man you made curry so spicy that one bite would make your eyes water and it was so good, nobody else knows that recipe now. my eyes are watering again just thinking about it.
Fully agreed on what you say about it being a choice, the circumstances it would take to make it happen etc.
>do you know anyone who committed suicide?
I grew up next to a woman who's father committed suicide when she was just a girl, she hated him for most of her life and couldn't let go of that hatred until she was long into her adulthood. I can't judge someone for judging under those circumstances, opinionated people that are emotionally far from what happened calling it selfish are despicable though. Sadly her eldest son killed himself and she couldn't possibly hate her own child. Once when sharing a bottle with his younger brother he opened up for the first time in his life to me, he went on about how much he hated his brother and how he turned all of their lives into a nightmare after his death. Every morning his brother drove him to school as a condition for having the car, he went into his room because they were going to be late and found his corpse. He was diagnosed with PTSD later on. We lived in a small city and the next few days after he had killed himself I heard all sorts of gossiping and was getting upset, people speculating why he did it and wanting to judge his parents or him for it and running their mouths about stuff that was none of their business.
>how did you feel? and how do you feel now?
I was shocked and yet at the time couldn't cry about him being gone, I only felt worried for his mom and brother and how hurt they were. I was guilty because I was told a secret that he had a boyfriend over the internet and was going to move to him. The same trusted source later gave news that he was in massive trouble at his dad's house for this after admitting it. Then 3 months after being told that he killed himself. I felt and still do feel guilt for having never spoken to him about this when it would have been the right thing to do. It crossed my mind a few times to approach him but I was selfishly scared of breaking the promise of keeping my lips zipped. I just felt "that sucks" and thought nothing more of him being punished by his religious dad. No one will ever know if that's the reason he is dead because the note he left was so vague. I resent the bashing of any LGBT people on online, even here on CC, and I hate how hopeless it is to convince anyone that it's harmful.
These days I will cry at certain times thinking of all the memories of the things he did. His mom would tell him to go play outside and he would curl up in the shade with a book, he was a cute and special person and didn't deserve to feel so awful. He had a fascination with military things and knew all kinds of details about different naval vessels and fighter planes and tactics used. He was always so quiet and reserved nobody would even be able to tell he was in pain. It was his greatest dream to be a fighter pilot but due to a medical issue he could never be enlisted and so he settled for marine biology. He was more special and valuable as a person than most and the world was a better place with him in it.
>how do you feel about suicide? is it fair/unfair/right/wrong/a choice
Copy paste what the poster above said. And if you spend time reading posts of suicidal people they often are considering the people around them all the time when they think of wanting to die.
Suicide is unfair but the world is unfair. There's so many harsh things going on and being done to people it feels shortsighted to judge someone for opting out.
I wish those I knew who killed themselves gave me the opportunity to let me kill them myself instead
I would've felt better about it, this anger about their decision to die would've been placed directly into their death
Its made me such an angry person for the last 9 years and no amount of therapy, drugs, travel, etc has helped me, I hope to find you in an afterlife one day and pay you back, you've ruined me
suicide itself seems like the easy way out but in truth its just painful for everyone, there is a reason you exist anon
This. Closest you can get to dying without physically harming yourself is ego death. Once you discontinue the subjective experience for a moment death seems overrated. What's the worst that happens, you get more mentally ill and kill yourself?
Seems like that time of year is hitting hard.
I really wish we lived in a world where people didn't feel the need to commit suicide but we do sadly. I feel like if a person has expierenced so much suffering and have done everything in there power to try and stop it and nothing works, I feel like it can be justified. I don't think everyone is capable mentally of surviving in this world and though that sucks, it still seems to be the truth. It's more unfair that people had to come to the point where they felt they needed to take their life's.
Would rather certain people die than I die, honestly.