I thought I finally got what I wished for when I ran into a random normie girl from my neighborhood and we became fast friends, but she's been so annoying and frustrating that I want to get some distance. She's a lovely person and does a lot for me, but I'm so fed up with her compulsive need to be adored by everyone and her utter lack of intelligence or emotional maturity. I tend to get annoyed with people really quickly and was hoping it wouldn't happen with her because I crave friendship and was so happy to have met someone close to me, but holy fucking shit. She has so many annoying habits and quirks that are so utterly predictable, I can tell what she's gonna say whenever we enter a certain part of town, she repeats the same stories to me every time we meet and they're extremely cringy on top of that. I've been saying things like "I know, you don't have to tell me every time, I actually listen to you" but to no avail. She's extremely unsure of herself and as a result, she tries to please every single person she meets to avoid any sort of rejection. She seems too naive to realize where her weaknesses lie. She believes to have excellent people skills, calls herself a 9/10, and talks about how great she is at "psychology" and has even offered to by my "therapist" for certain topics. Realistically she's an extrovert but a terrible judge of character, closer to a 7, and reads mommy blog-tier psych websites at most. Guys butter her up (or neg her) because her constant need for acceptance makes her easy to manipulate and further inflate her ego, she takes all the compliments at face value but not the way they actually treat her, which is nuts to me.
Within an hour of running into each other and starting a convo, she had already told me her entire life story including launching into childhood trauma and giving graphic details unprovoked. She texts a lot, springs random pseudo-philosophical questions on you, walls of text everywhere. She got attached to me quickly and intensely and tells me often that I'm already her closest friend and most important person in her life. She tells me how much she appreciates my insight and how I read people and constantly asks for advice. It's been getting to a point where I feel like I'm entertaining a teen. She's very bubbly, happy, energetic and outgoing. She loves meeting new people and connects with everyone. That's how the trouble starts because she wants to be very important to everyone and tries to fast-track relationships by putting her everything into them even when the other person barely reciprocates. Her version of events is vastly different from how I perceive them (based on the exact quotes she gives me, texting convos she shows me etc.)
She's such a nice girl and puts a lot into our friendship. She's been calling me her best friend and citing me as one of two people who are the sole reason she's staying in this town. It's all I could ask for. But holy shit am I tired of her essentially acting like a 16yo school girl who's dating for the very first time, not a 29yo woman. I have so many stories about her baffling and confusing behavior and have been typing it all up to vent, but I wanted to post this summary first before I launch too far into it.
She's been noticing that I've distanced myself a bit. Last week she ran into my only other local friend B at a party, who recognized her from a photo and introduced herself. Later B messaged me telling me that every single thing I had told her about my normie friend's weird behavior made an appearance that night, and that she brought me up too, talked a lot about me, asked if B and I had hooked up (oh yeah, she's tried to hook up with me before and told me she had a crush on me but knew we weren't compatible for dating but asked if we would essentially be best friends with benefits who also go on dates -I declined)… and even told her that I don't text as much anymore. I told her I need a bit of a break from her guy stories because of how frustrating they are to me, and otherwise I've been not texting as much, but we still hang out approximately the same amount except for the fact that I'm traveling more recently.
B is just about the sweetest person in the world and told me she doesn't want to conclusions after just meeting her once and with the confirmation bias from the things I told her, but that she was super weirded out and uncomfortable and that she suspects my friend to be on the autism spectrum. I disagree because the spergs and autists I've met have given me a different sort of vibe, this friend seems more like garden variety emotionally unintelligent (she has a good career but is definitely more book smart than anything).
What should I do? Tell her I'm down to be more casual friends but not with all the pressure? Or shut the fuck up and be grateful I have a sweet friend who adores me and would do anything for me even if she's not my ideal friend type?
Hmm, I kind of have a friend like this, but she isn't clingy. Since she isn't super clingy, at my worst, I find her behavior interesting. Most of the time I am quite invested in her well-being and I overall care a lot about her. I accept her quirks as she accepts mine.
I think if you have more fulfilling friendships elsewhere, you should pursue those and that it's okay to slowly distance yourself from this girl. If she asks why, you could tell her that you care about her, but that you feel overwhelmed at times. If you really still want to be friends with her, say that, too.
I think that's how I'd go about handling this, but it's just one opinion, and I have not been in a situation where I'm stuck with a clingy friend. I just thought I should respond since you took all that time to type this out.
Thank you Anon. I talked to her, it helped that she met my friend and I learned that we have more mutual friends because I namedropped one of them and she froze up, I could see how the gears were turning in her head as she realized how weirdly she comes off. She also told me she's finally going to start therapy and won't put it all on me anymore. (I always tell her she can't put all her emotional baggage on the 2 friends she has and she used to just say "but you're enough for me" no matter how much I protested that just because she's scared of facing therapy doesn't mean it's ok for other people to carry her shit…)
yeah it's not easy. i wanna say put yourself at the forefront and dont endure her shit but i've had these type of friends all my life and i just deal with them until life flushes them away. maybe get a new phone(number). it's dishonest and cowardly but hurts less feelings.
I find it bizarre that there is are people out there who actually believe this. Getting ghosted is OBVIOUSLY many times more painful than getting rejected openly. The only person it protects is the one doing it. It's the epitome of selfishness. It's selfishness taken to an extreme that it borders on psychopathy.
Yeah I agree with you. I've been ghosted countless times, even by places that I thought were going to hire me. Ghosting is an absolute last resort option that you should only really use on someone who is trying to manipulate you into staying in a toxic relationship. Just be honest, it's like ripping off a bandaid. Hurts a bit at first but at least you know it won't hurt again.