Breaking uuup Anonymous 35097
I really really need some sort of support, I know this is just another breakup post and this is something people sometimes have to go through but the pain and emptiness is so much I genuinely want to die ; __________ ;
We talked last night and decided to not be in touch for a couple of weeks, and it seems a bit that we won't try to salvage it anymore after that. I know it's probably for the best, it was one of those soul sucking messes for years, though we never were hostile or toxic to each other. But he had bad depression and anxiety that made him constantly feel bad and guilty and prevented us from fully enjoying anything, and I have a high need to plan for the future and to know my partner is 100% committed and happy to be with me (by default unless there's some problem that needs to be worked on of course).
He's found a therapist who seems a bit better than the ones he tried previously but for this it's probably useless, this has been going on for so long that both of us associate this relationship with insane stress and anguish. And we had to go LDR a while ago which has prevented us from making new positive memories even after things momentarily improved a bit last year. Now there's corona and we can't even fly to see each other.
I just think it's so rare to find someone who doesn't lie about small things or cover things up, is understanding and never judgmental even when there are hardships to go through, is smart and likeable and funny but hasn't had a string of hookups or fwbs. Everyone says all men will appreciate other women even when they don't want to act on it, and he wasn't like that which was so adorable. And he was so attentive and affectionate like always saving the better bit of cake to me and giving me neck rubs and holding me if I had a long day. So many guys do those things in the beginning but then just stop.
I have an important deadline today but obviously can't focus in the slightest and haven't been performing well for a while because of this. I know everyone is losing their jobs now because of the virus but I really don't have anything left in life if I lose my job too. I keep thinking there's still a chance, he still said we're working on these problems and that he loves me. But I don't think his heart is in it anymore and I'm not sure I would be happy either. (But maybe? Things seemed to be going a bit better last year… :c )
I'm sorry for the vent but this hurts so much I can't bear it and I'm just going to be alone in my apartment for weeks. I have never felt this bad and have no one to talk to. Please help ; __ ;
I thought the dog was a headcrab at first.
These aren't easy times, but if he really means it when he says he loves you and at least shows it then just try talking it out more. You're both human beings and need each other, so if times get thin just do your best to develop the upcoming thick by showing it.
Thank you. I really don't know how this could get better to be honest but I'll try. I'm so tired but I also can't bear the thought of letting things go, even though I know I should.