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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Feeling pressured in a friendship Anonymous 37599

I've been friends with a girl since middle school. We have a lot of projects together and she's a great friend,I love her so much and I know she loves me too. Though, I noticed since we started growing up we started having different political views on the world, but in the end I don't care about that… I don't plan on talking about politics with her anyway. But she recently started to talk to me more and more about her politics. The fact that she started to engage in Twitter more often combined with what's going on in America right now isn't helping at all. Though I still listen to her, because I do not want to make her upset, I know it's important for her to talk to me about these issues, I know she loves exploring those ideas with me. I do not agree with everything, but I just… let her talk since it's important for her. I don't tell her exactly what I think, but I do have to agree to her or else she might get mad at me. (She has told me a lot of bad things about people sharing my views so I do not want her to assiciate me with that…) But in the end, once the conversation stops… I feel guilty, so so guilty. I cannot help this feeling no matter how much I try. I just do. I feel absolutely horrible. I feel pressured to act good for her, I feel pressured to hide "my true self" to her. Plus heck ? What am I even talking about ?! My political views aren't what I am… There's no "real me" I'm hiding… Politics aren't even part of me. I dont like politics in the end since it always ends up making me feel awful.
Plus each time she talks to me, it's about negative things, à la lolcow style. It's always negative this, negative that. "Look at those people doing that. CRINGE.", "Look at that person acting like that ! CRINGE." (Of course I caricature it a bit, but you get what I mean). It's always negative, and always putting people down lately. I feel pressured to respond to her. I feel pressured because if I respond the wrong way she will get mad. If I don't respond she will get mad. Either way I'm losing.
I feel like this pressure is going to make me go crazy at some point. Though I'll get a chance to see her soon. I might try to ask her to "not speak about negative things". I dont want to go into details anymore, it just makes me feel worse. I feel physically sick like I'm about to puke.
And in the end. I will always and always feel guilty.
I know the fact that I tend to put other's hapiness before my own doesn't help much. But it's incredibly hard for me to stand up for myself sometimes which leads me in those shitty situations in the first place. I try to work on this (and talking to her when I'll meet her is somewhat how I'm trying to fight against my habbit), but sometimes I end up in situations like these that just end up hurting me more for no real reason. I just needed to write that out…

Anonymous 37600

You don't have to confront her. Just leave it behind you. The person you liked isn't there anymore. I'm sorry this had to happen, anon.

Anonymous 37601

I won't go into details anyway, I just want to stop the negativity. We are great friends and I just want to come back to when we used to talk about more fun things.

Anonymous 37602

At the rate she's going, you should've confronted her once she started. I don't think there's going to be a warm response to telling her that now. The last thing you need is to feel worse in all this.

Anonymous 37603

It's true, but I still want to put a stop to it somehow. It's not about telling her she's wrong. It's more about telling her I'm tired and prefer to talk about more lighthearted topics.

Anonymous 37604

There's no way around it other than telling her that you can't handle the drama of current politics and are not interested in it. You just need to be ready to be dropped as a friend, and like >>37600 anon said, the person you thought was your friend isn't there anymore if she does.

Anonymous 37607

OP, either agree not to discuss politics anymore or fade her into the background for a bit. People usually go through a faze of strong political feelings and then come out more normal.

Anonymous 37609

> fade her into the background
I'm already kinda doing it, but I for sure plan on trying to agree not to discuss politics with her.

Anonymous 37633

Yet another "centrist" who is actually right wing complaining about ~not being into politics~ and whining when they're forced to think about the shit happening in the world.

Anonymous 37642

I've never said I was a centrist. Our friendship was never politically based, and I don't like politics that much overall. Her negativity goes beyond politics, see it more as a little bit of everything adding up. I wouldn't want to still be friends with her if politics clearly held me back.

Anonymous 37644

Not that anon but, what's wrong with that. There's billions of people in the world, so me as one person is allowed to prefer to focus on escapism and what makes me personally feel better.
I'm only to the left because I'm a poor woman who cares about the environment. I don't have to think about anything else that wouldn't personally affect me.

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