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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 38139

>i make friends with a guy
>We have a lot in common and chat near every day
>Have voice calls which I rarely do and we watch things together
>I offhandedly mention my bf
>He loses interest in me and messages me a lot less frequently if at all
Why does this always happen? Why do men value friendship so little?

Anonymous 39248

Because men make better friends and women better girlfriends? You just can't be totally honest around the opposite sex.

Anonymous 39256

He was interested in pursuing you romantically from the start. Next time try to drop the fact you have a partner earlier. Or make friends with someone who already has a partner.

Anonymous 39327

His loss, what a dumbass.

Men like him are way too shortsighted and are only capable of thinking in the present. Even if you are taken it's not like you might not have other single friends or be able to introduce him to some other social group one way or another. One track mind. Smart men don't do this crap, having positive social connections is a good thing. There's nothing wrong with having a completely platonic friendship with the opposite sex.

Ghosting is awful and should only be reserved for dodging people who are or will bring you down, not people who could potentially bring you UP.

I apologize for going off, I just find this type of behavior from a guy absolutely pathetic.

Anonymous 39328

Found the man.

Anonymous 39330

you've probably ghosted people who felt exactly the same way as OP so your rant seems a bit hypocritical.

Anonymous 39336

It could be because he thinks the bf is jealous and therefore he doesn't want to muck up your relationship by going out with you

Anonymous 39343

exactly this, from the OP's post it seems like they got fairly close and in secret - anyone would back off
if he had romantic feelings for you (which are pretty easy to develop if you chat every day, have a lot of things in common, and so on) then it's not only sudden rejection for him, but also all his past interactions with you suddenly start looking like he was trying to get you to cheat, and continuing your relationship as it was would just feel wrong

should have told him from the start, or simply had some basic self-awareness to realize that it could change things between you
either way, you have to fix this lack of understanding and communication if you want to keep being friends

Anonymous 39344


Ah damn that never came to mind… To be honest I was never a strong believer of men just looking to date you before but nothing like that occurred to me…
I suppose I'll have to start mentioning it from the get-go usually I guess
I mean yeah I would have been happy to introduce him to some female friends of mine given the chance but hey lol

Anonymous 39358

You are incredibly closed-minded. Ever considered that maybe he developed feelings for her? What would you do if a guy you developed feelings for suddenly says he has a gf? Continue talking with him everyday only to get reminded that he's already taken?

Anonymous 39375


Hi! this situation I find very similar to my own, except reverse. I would be standing where the man is standing.
>I make friends with the opposite sex
>we have a lot in common and chat near every day
>Have voice calls and phone calls rarely we watch things together
>they tell me that they have a romantic partner already
>I tell them how they gave me mixed messages
>we talk less often
>I feel bad
>eventually they get dumped and go it alone for a while
>we are still just friends, watch things sometimes and chat
>hey lets go meet up irl

In all honesty I have never seen how these things are different. People see friendship and romance as two different things, but the simple fact is that if you have one without the other with the opposite sex you never reach the full potential of your relationship. Romance without friendship is fake and empty. Friendship without love when it is with the opposite sex always leaves something missing.

With me I valued the person as a friend, but because they might someday split from their partner I kept talking to them. That was not a disregard for friendship, but rather a sight of where the future might take us. Let's flip it on it’s head, if you were married would this seem more normal or would you still see it as a disregard of friendship? You are not just two adults chatting before you head home to your husband, you are two people talking in a private and very intimate way. I would say this was not an utter disregard for friendship, but rather a very realistic person dealing with the situation.

Anonymous 39391

That's a dick thing to do. You supposedly "value" the person and wait for the potential they might break off their relationship. Just shows how impulsive the other person is and how common emotional cheating is. Also good luck if you pursue him, might happen to you. rolls eyes

Anonymous 39449

Tbh having one on one voice calls regularly goes a little bit beyond what's typical for new friends imo, it seems like the sort of situation where he probably thought he was getting close to you and when he realized that wasn't the case, he either consciously or unconsciously decided that he wanted to cut things off so he wouldn't have to deal with his own shattered preconceptions
Also, sometimes guys take finding out that you have a boyfriend as code for you saying "back off weirdo"

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