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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How the fuck are you supposed to trust men again after assault/rape?? Anonymous 41163

It happened 3 times already anons, i'm losing my mcfreakin mind and none were even full on rape

Everywhere i look there's predators. On the bus i see men grinding against women who can't move, at college there are known pervert teachers and no one does anything about it, on the street i see harassment and stares, my insurance covers for doctors who abused minors, my favourite musicians and artists are scum and fucked teens, so so many watch violent porn. With every woman i talk to, there is a story like this, of men hurting them just to get off.

I distrust every single man,no matter what they are to me, because these aren't isolated cases, the ones who are normal human beings seem to be the rarity.

But i just can't fucking take it anymore, the fear. They're everywhere, they're stronger and our justice system is completely useless against even rape with all the evidence.

It got to the point where i'm mildly suicidal. There is nowhere to run and i can't avoid them, it seems inevitable something will happen again judging by the experience of the women around me.

I don't know what to do anymore and can't take it much longer, currently i don't even want to bathe because i am disgusted about touching my body and being reminded of stuff that happened or could happen.

Anonymous 41164

I hope all rapists reincarnate on a rape planet where they will live as rape victims

Anonymous 41165

You should look into therapy since you're feeling suicidal…

Anonymous 41167

I've tried but it did nothing. And i really don't know what they could do, because i can't go back to ignoring all this and all the other victims and be happy with life because hey can't do anything but kms or live in a matriarchy to escape.

Anonymous 41174

Try a different therapist and don't lose hope, I had to go through 3 different ones to find someone who could help me.
Find the strength to move forward and perhaps save enough money to move somewhere where you might feel safer, my hometown is rural and with that came a lot of "antiquated" minds, I made sure to move out.

Hope the best for you anon

Anonymous 41186

Get ripped as hell and become the rapist.
You clearly can't beat them, so you therfore must surpass them.
Or at the very least you could just find a partner who's very submissive suxually so you'll have at least that level of control.

Anonymous 41206

And let the rapists get her?

Anonymous 41212

You don't. This is what men are.

Anonymous 41216

My city is very big, but that doesn't mean anything. We are still seen as objects and old men are still in charge of things so there is no chance at justice. And that doesn't really solve my issue, i can't just run away and ignore how so many women and kids are being abused with no help from anyone back home.

I might try therapy again but i'm not sure it would help. I really don't want to just learn to pretend it's not happening.

Fuck becoming a rapist, i'm getting swole af to become the rapist hunter

Anonymous 41242

The only thing that helped me was having first hand experience that other men fucking despise rapists. The man who attacked me wound up dead in a storm drain, practically turned to pulp by a group of men beating him with sledgehammers. I always thought revenge was a kind of hollow and empty action, but after that I felt as though a weight was taken off my chest; like I could finally breathe deeply again.

Anonymous 41259


Try to go for guys with low libidos. In my experience that's for the best.

Anonymous 41271

As fucked up as it sounds i'm glad for you, that you never have to worry about him again.

I don't know, i've seen so many defend rapists when it's their friend or family, or because they think the girl is lying. I'm sure the truly good ones do hate them though.

Anonymous 41300

>beaten with sledgehammers
What the fuck
Where do you live, Brazil?

Anonymous 41302


Anonymous 41304

>i've seen so many defend rapists when it's their friend or family, or because they think the girl is lying. I'm sure the truly good ones do hate them though.
I mean, obviously she knows with certainty that he did it, but those guys are always gonna have to live with the nagging doubt that maybe he was innocent. I dont think being skeptical of accusations is "defending rapists"

Anonymous 41305

If they didn't report it then how do you know it happened? You can't base facts on ghost stats.

Anonymous 41316

Croikey m8

Anonymous 41353

I know because i have eyes and ears. I talk to my friends and family members, i see it happen on the streets, work and college, i see it on local soc media where girls are more comfortable telling since it's anonymous. Literally every woman, when i or someone else mentions something about abuse, rape or catcalling, has had it happen to them. Old, young (as young as 8), skinny, fat, doesn't matter, all have have been hurt by at least one man because he was horny/power tripping, and i have yet to know one who reported.

So no, you can't trust numbers when it comes to this. Culture and the nature of it make it so you won't get an accurate number, the best thing one can do is analyze it based on their surroundings and the experience of others + themselves. And in my case it doesn't paint a pretty picture.

Anonymous 41354

:-/ yea but do be on the look out for other hazards like substance abuse or addiction of any other sort and anger problems…

Anonymous 41355

I'm aussie too, where abouts did this happen (statewise)? I don't pay attention to the news that much, but I'm surprised I never heard about this. I feel like newscorp purposefully covered it up because they didn't want anyone to get any ideas, despite the fact they incessantly report all the horrible sexual assaults that happen every other day. Hearing stories about rapists getting beaten with sledgehammers kind of makes me feel a little better, I wouldn't mind more stuff like that in the news.

Anonymous 41361

WA. It's not the kind of thing that gets reported outside of crime stats because there was no conviction. A lot of assaults and rapes committed by strangers go unanswered because the perpetrators happen to belong to a protected class of citizen who live in dense, poor communities that protect each other against police investigation due to a high property crime rate. It's practically impossible to find and interview suspects, let alone actually make arrests.

Theoretically, in order to actually find the person, you'd have to take the victim to observe known repeat offenders for hours until they eventually identified the person in question. From there if the victim happened to belong to a large, predominantly rural family who still handled injustice by inflicting mob justice, well you'd end up with that rapist dragged into the back of a ute, driven out onto a highway, beaten to death and dumped in a storm drain with an anonymous tip to police as to their whereabouts.

Anonymous 42272

You can reduce the amount of time you're around men. Remember that full on rape is usually committed by men you already know, so I wouldn't have male friends or speak to non-immediate male family. I only use services like dr and dentist from females. Too many times have they creeped on/taken advantage of me to cop a feel.

But I also get so fucking enraged at how they're everywhere like fucking vermin, crowding you and staring you down like meat on the side of the road. At this point I like the plague because for once men are afraid of ME on the street.

Anonymous 42400

Were you actually RAPED or did someone just touch your butt or catcalled you? Like >>42333 said there's a world of difference. If you weren't raped just grow up, kid.

Anonymous 42402


>It got to the point where i'm mildly suicidal
don't do it but if you must take as much y chromosoids with you as possible

Anonymous 42652

don't need to trust them, carry pepper spray or a taser. or maybe a small knife which is easy to hide.self defense is a meme, depending on your size. or a gun if you are in burgerland. By being prepared you can get some control back. Also find help for the suicide thing, hope your get better anon.

Anonymous 42669

>carry a knife without being willing to use it
>worse yet a tiny knife
Great way to get yourself killed. Pulling a knife out turns a beating (or a rape) into a murder and unless she's willing to be the one who kills and can guarantee the other party doesn't have a knife too it'll end badly. A gun is a far better option or even a taser or pepper spray since while they're probably going to be ineffective they will at least not cause the instant anger reaction a knife will but in most cases a knife is worse than nothing at all unless you're willing to use it fully.

A knife is like holding up a giant sign saying 'if this turns even slightly violent I intend to kill you if you do not kill me first' but without the stand-off range a firearm provides which oddly makes it in some ways more of a threat.

Anonymous 42914

jesus christ you are pathetic.

Anonymous 42915

heh another loser

Anonymous 42937

Buy a gun. Practice with it. Keep it on you.

Anonymous 42984

Buy a handgun. A glock is good.

Anonymous 43053

You might want to look into something like self-defense or martial arts in order to feel more safe. You don't need a lot of strength to incapacitate a man.

Anonymous 43066


>A gun is a far better option
That's probably the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. An ineffective handling of a gun could potentially end up in death as well.

Anonymous 43075

>That's probably the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. An ineffective handling of a gun could potentially end up in death as well.
You can do a tiny bit of training with a gun to solve that and even if the adrenaline hits and you magdump that's still easier for anyone who isn't prone to violence to do than to use a knife to do more than just anger the other party. Train with a knife all you want but short of going full on special forces it's not going to help and even there if you're dealing with a crazy or drunk opponent they don't care about self preservation so the entire thing changes. As they say nobody wins a knife fight. Obviously if someone does something retarded like your vidrelated then it will end poorly too but that would go just as badly with a knife.

And since we're talking about anon defending herself from a man there's far less relevance for physical differences in size and strength with a gun. Colt made us equal.

Anonymous 43171

Shut the fuck up

Anonymous 43342

Thats because that guy was a criminal and he pulled his gun up close like a moron and he deserved what he got for being moid scum mugging others.

Anonymous 43396

Unironically consult
if true youre prolly having a schizophrenic psychotic episode
Extreme mistrust, Isolation, Mood changes, Strange behavior ex: not bathing
t. worked in the psych ward

Anonymous 43466

>t. worked in the psych ward
Yeah, i can tell by you saying common behaviour in traumatized people is fucking schizophrenia.

This is why the mental health system is a joke and people who could use help avoid you.

Anonymous 43485

Any other woman got penetrated early in life and now don't want sex by choice? Is this the sexual assault thread? I mean if I ever have sex again it would be a forced encounter due to close proximity, and not something I would want again, like for example, I would always buy a doughnut and get ready to buy a doughnut, but I won't ever get ready for sex. Probably a bad analogy

Anonymous 43488

Do you not want sex at all, or just not penetration due to trauma?

Even if you don't, it's not a loneliness sentence, there are a lot of asexual or traumatized people like you out there. And if that is not ideal, if you have good insurance and live in a big area therapy could help you overcome this eventually.

Anonymous 43499

>t. worked in the psych ward
You're not a psychiatrist, you're not a psychologist, and you are completely devoid of any knowledge about the subject matter to tell OP she's having a psychotic break.

Anonymous 43852

I have a friend that lost her virginity because her boyfriend "got sick of waiting"
She ended up locking herself in her room for nearly 2 months after that happened
Then she came out And found a new guy, then another, then another
Its been about a year and a half since the rape and she now has a body count of over 200
She's clearly traumatized still, but whenever we try to bring it up she gets really defensive about it and instead just talks about all the guys she's fucking

She was the typical good Christian girl before too, saving herself for marriage

I guess this is similar truma as OP has but resulting in opposite behaviour?

Anonymous 43937

but she's right.

Anonymous 44077

It can be :( in some spaces i frequented when trying to make sense of everything some girls said they turned hypersexual after the abuse, mostly when they were young but it can happen with an adult too.

If you can, keep being there by her side please. It sounds like isn't ready to process it yet, but i hope she opens up to you or accepts therapy soon.

Sure, all my therapists and psychiatrists somehow missed i have schizo symptoms, it's totally not normal to be distrustful of men after being assaulted and a vent post after a panic atack = psychotic behaviour. Guess i should have gone to a psych ward so i could be abused there too and have no way out, wonderful idea.

Anonymous 44128

I got molested once or twice or thrice, I really don't know cause I blocked this shit out for well over a decade and it's still hard to just process it as a child.

It's left me sort of fucked up and sometimes even just hugs from people I know and trust give me this sense of panic. And they can tell I dont want them to touch me, but sometimes it's a family member or friend and making them feel bad just makes me feel like shit - they dont know why I randomly reacted that way and I dont exactly want to explain it, which is justified but I'm still hurting people I care about. It's always clear from their expressions they think the problem is them, or me not liking them or something.

Obviously these issues have fucked up a lot of potential relationships.

I feel guilty as shit for being so…fragile about something that happened so long ago, especially when there's people who had it happen to them way more often or more recently. Or more violently.

That's so sad. I'm sorry that happened to your friend.

Anonymous 44195

good advice.

Anonymous 44196


You shouldn't feel guilty. What happened to you and the effects of it are not your fault.

Anonymous 44637

>If you can, keep being there by her side please. It sounds like isn't ready to process it yet, but i hope she opens up to you or accepts therapy soon.

I'm hoping she does, but our friend group is naturally quite slutty
So while I know that something is wrong and she needs help
The rest of my group is happy that "the prude is now a meag-slut like the rest of us"

Trying to convince her that "hey fucking a new dude every second day is bad" is a very uphill battle when the rest of the group are almost doing that without the rape

Anonymous 46976

So like, in sweden?

Anonymous 46980

Keep trying with therapy and if that does not work kill yourself.

I don't mean that in a callous way. I can't imagine living my life with the fear that 49% of the population is looking for an opportunity to hurt me. If you genuinely believe that then at that point the rapists have already won and what's the point of even continuing to go on.

I don't get it though. This topic reminds me of the thread about all men being pedophiles, where a anon asserted that all men want to fuck 12-year-olds and the only thing holding them back is social norms and fear of punishment. This doesn't really makes sense to me because it's men that make the laws. Boys are bigger than us, faster than us and stronger than us - they basically have the monopoly on violence so if all the men in the world woke up on Monday and decided that rape and child fucking was on the menu by Wednesday we would all be in rape camps and there's not really a whole lot we could do about it. But the fact is there are millions of rapists in jail or six feet under for their crimes, and that implies to me that a fairly large majority of men find these acts contemptible.

Anonymous 46981

Abuse and rape are not on the same level of catcalling, nor they do lead to it.
These issues are not taken seriously do to these comparisons and due to fake allegations. Since a lot of harassing happens in public we have to publicly stop it as it happens, even when it's happening to other women

Anonymous 46983

What would be a good punishment for false allegations?
This is always tricky as we should not have girls afraid to report or being found to have lied when they did not but false allegations happen a disturbing amount and undermine all woman who speak about about their real rape.

This is complex..

Anonymous 46984

I don't necessarily think they should be punished but very morally discouraged. While encouraging stopping abuse as it happens even if it's not on us specifically, so the abuser can't hide behind the false accusation excuse. Basically encouraging victims to be more brave, as hard as it is.
As another anon said, most moid hate actual rapists and abusers, but if you look up online, they are being driven away from these issues by the amount of false accusations or people conflating rape with catcalling and such

Anonymous 46985

>I don't necessarily think they should be punished but very morally discouraged.
Except some people are psychopaths and would still send people to jail for many years with impunity.

I do not have an answer myself but I think if it is found you are lying then you should get in trouble because of how serious it is surely.

Anonymous 46986

Should be punished in the same way false police reports are, because that's what it is.

Anonymous 46987

imagine thinking it is ok for some crazy to falsely report rape and ruin your brothers life lol.
Without it being against the law

Anonymous 46994

I think a hefty fine and criminal record should be made for women who cry rape or people who file false police reports. Basically employers and partners should be alerted that this person has a history of making shit up and manipulation, but not punished to the point it completely ruins their life in the sense that a jail sentence would. And then the employers and partners can make up their own minds. Most people who file false rape charges are highly vindictive and never really change. A victim complex is a textbook symptom of narcissism, particularly prevalent in female narcs unfortunately.

Anonymous 47022

>not punished to the point it completely ruins their life in the sense that a jail sentence would.
Why not when this is exactly what happens if false reports are taken seriously?
If you do not get caught you destroy someones life leading them to being killed or raped ect and if you get caught you get a fine and a warning label??

Anonymous 47063

I was talking about reports that got deboonked and thrown out. If the person who was accused actually served undeserved jail time, then yeah the person who falsely accused them should serve jailtime too.

However I still think false rape reports that result in a wrongful conviction are very rare and moids and incels really like to overplay this shit.

Anonymous 47064

>However I still think false rape reports that result in a wrongful conviction are very rare and moids and incels really like to overplay this shit.

Nta, but this. The absolute worst that would happen should your average moid get accused would be getting their “reputation ruined” aka people who already thought they were a creep would get another reason to hate them. Posting something racist or transphobic is more of a life-ruiner in 2020

Anonymous 47068

I agree with this then although there should be a penalty for false reports that are of such a serious nature regardless.
if it is a debunked lie this is true but what about the way it makes people more sceptical of actual claims of being raped?
It leads men to think woman are not honest like this quote from Schopenhauer shows. many men think this way.

>A completely truthful woman who does not practice dissimulation is perhaps an impossibility, which is why women see through the dissimulation of others so easily it is inadvisable to attempt it with them. – But this fundamental defect which I have said they possess, together with all that is associated with it, gives rise to falsity, unfaithfulness, treachery, ingratitude, etc. Women are guilty of perjury far more often than men. It is questionable whether they ought to be allowed to take an oath at all.

Anonymous 47102


>This topic reminds me of the thread about all men being pedophiles, where a anon asserted that all men want to fuck 12-year-olds and the only thing holding them back is social norms and fear of punishment. This doesn't really makes sense to me because it's men that make the laws
But you do know that for the most part of human history fucking kids was legal, right? Like, age of consent in USA was 10 once, and girls back then had their first period when they were 14, on average, so even from medical point of view, it was pedophilia and it was legal. Girls generally had their periods later than they do know and it was legal to fuck them. In many parts of the world it's still legal.

Anonymous 47437

OP, if you are still here with us, please don't kill yourself and buy a gun if you don't live in a shithole place.

Anonymous 47569

have sex sweetie

Anonymous 47571

t. male

Anonymous 47573


Anonymous 47578

I'm still here, don't worry anon. I do live in a shithole though, but i consider moving.

I still don't trust and fear 99% of them, and does it suck? yes, but it's nothing new. Growing up i aways knew to be wary of them and was proved right again and again. I wrote this post after some very rough weeks where it all surfaced after years and i just couldn't deal with so many men doing all this shit around me and people excusing them anymore (i thought it would be buried to be honest).

I won't kill myself because i have things to live for that don't involve men, even if my life won't be free of fear or if i'm likely to have it happen again. It's the world we live in and honestly? i'm sort of glad i don't have rose colored glasses anymore, since i can avoid harassment better and know it's not my or other womens fault.

Anonymous 47745

I have no idea, OP. It's been three years since my rape and I've just given up on men completely. All they do is let me down. Socialization, along with pornography, have made men completely beyond redemption. My only advice is to make meaningful relationships with women….and, there are some decent men out there but they're rare. DO NOT GO NEAR MOIDS ON THE INTERNET. Near perfect chance they're going to be coomers.

Anonymous 47787

For a good majority of my life I've shared the same feelings posted in this thread but I think the worst thing I've come to know recently is how rape kinks developed as a coping mechanism outside of the cases of actual sexual assault are formed - according to female therapists - in a way of advanced preparation; as in 'I haven't been raped /yet/ but I'm desensitizing myself for when the time comes so that the trauma affects me less' and it's been fucking me up ever since.

Like it's something that just pushed me into a spiral of insanity that I can't believe this is what it's come to.

Anonymous 47809

I'm going to contest that, there's no way that therapists can know what the biological drive towards rape kinks are, speaking as a mental health professional.

If you ask around in kink communities why people have what they have, answers are incredibly varied, and rape fantasies are no exception. It's not some kind of biological inevitability, they literally can't know that through the scientific method. It's just a theory, and a weak one.

Anonymous 103256

Think they do it only in front of us otherwise they likely secretly admire each other to get away with it
Men see vikings that will rape or kill if they can get away with it

Anonymous 103274

>How the fuck are you supposed to trust men again after assault/rape??

You aren't. Worst part is, however, that after going through such a terrible ordeal even the 'good' moids will cease trusting you and will view you as a broken machine and will most likely want nothing to do with you. I seldom see anyone talk about the long-term societal effects of rape, such and shunning and avoidance.

Anonymous 103283

I've dated guys with low libidos and they both had secret substance abuse addictions. So, yeah, I don't think moids can actually just be decent sexual partners independent of some sort of other major flaw

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