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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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the one who got away Anonymous 42440

do any of you know how this concept really works? did any of you lose a really great guy? is he coming back ever? pls share stories

Anonymous 42593

Not a guy but a girl, wlw. If there is such thing as soulmates, she is the one for me. We had an opportunity to be together but she had to remove herself from essentially everything to take care of a sudden family tragedy, and her mental health, which was struggling as is. I can't speak for her but I know if what happened to her happened to me, it would take years for me to recover.

I can wait for her. But every day I feel how heartbroken I am to where I just dissociate from that pain, but also I just want her to be OK. It's a superbly strange feeling. She might come back to me, and if she does, she knows how to reach me. If not, I have my perfectly fine Plan Bs and Cs.

Anonymous 42596

>after an abusive relationship of 6 years
>he was 2 years younger than me, and in high school when I was 19, he was 17
I can't even. I didn't even understand the concept of sex until 17 and you were in a relationship at age 13?

Anonymous 42600


How did you date this guy for six years and not clue into the fact he's a homosexual?

Anonymous 42601

not her but my cousin married a gay man and had a baby with him, they can hide it really well

Anonymous 42626

They're bi lol

Anonymous 42701

reading this hurts me, I wish for the best of luck for you anon. take care out there >>42593

Anonymous 42718


I really messed up a few years ago
Met a guy during my summer vacation that was beyond perfect, but I had a boyfriend at the time. Didn't tell the new guy until after I told him that I loved him.
I would've ended my relationship for him in a heartbeat but we live across the US from each other - we kept talking for awhile but it was just too much emotional strain.
I miss him so much, and I don't have the heart to tell my current bf about what's bothering me.

Anonymous 42721

You don't deserve either boy.

Anonymous 42740

the happiest marriage I know is of a couple that started when the girl was 13 and the guy was 18.

Anonymous 42749

If you groom a husband since childhood to be your perfect spouse, you can appear happy to outsiders too.

Anonymous 42758


I don't think a simple gender-reverse thing actually works. I can name a lot of older-male younger-woman relationships that were horrifying or disastrous, but older-woman younger-man relationships don't show the same flaws.

Vili's devotion to Mary Kay was such that he stood by her in a situation where a lot of men actually abandon their wives, and not just her years in prison.
There was some unhappiness in their relationship because of the incessant public shaming they received, not from anything natural or necessary to the relationship itself.

This is the only example of a relationship following that pattern that I know of, and it worked quite well for both of the people at the heart of the relationship. Can you show me an example of an older woman grooming a barely-pubescent male to be her husband which was actually bad?

Anonymous 42773

For starters they aren't as common, so you won't find as many fuck ups. Go to the wikipedia page for teacher-student relationships and almost all of them are men excluding two pedo women who did not went on to have relationships with their victims and 2 that got on with students above 18, which is gross but not pedo.

It does not really matter that he seems to have an insane devotion to her, that's actually a bad thing. He was brainwashed since he was a kid, and had no way of consenting to have kids with her while being a kid himself. He probably is fucked up mentally from this whole ordeal, it's not uncommon for victims to actually love and defend their abusers, no matter the gender.

Like i said, it seems like they are a happy couple from the outside, but grooming a child spouse and trapping them with kids will never be a good relationship. The kid will have no way of growing up and developing normally and the adult has to be a special brand of fucked up pedo to want a child spouse they can easily control and mold, and as i'm sure you know mentally unstable and manipulative people do not make good spouses, doubly so when they have financial and physical power over their partner.

Anonymous 42785

they divorced

Anonymous 42787

yes but
>Letourneau died from colorectal cancer on July 6, 2020, at her home in Des Moines, Washington, with Fualaau at her side; she was 58.

Anonymous 42790

How can you consider a relationship that ended in divorce successful? Lmao @ you.

Anonymous 42794

Their divorce was for business reasons, motivated by the fact that she was a registered sex offender. If it hadn't been for that external pressure it looks unlikely that they would have done so.

In the case of male abusers, despite the romanticism that a lot of shoujo and female-authored fic put on the subject, the seams are obvious and the scars are visible to both outside observers and the people involved. It doesn't require an ultra-in-depth analysis involving reading a particular narrative into every bad behavior exhibited by the victim or offender twenty or thirty years down the line, the harm is obvious more or less from the get go.

I'm trying to find examples of anything similar in the reverse pairing and I just don't see it. Even the people who try to take the morally righteous crusader stance on this seem to just give up on providing evidence:
>For example, take my husband. When he was a 14-year-old skate punk in Arkansas, he lost his virginity to a 22-year-old mother.
>"There were about 20 of us freak punks in Booneville, Arkansas," he remembers. "She partied with all of us. One night out drinking at someone's house, she took me into the bedroom and… it was awesome." He continued to have a relationship with this woman, riding his dinky little skateboard over to hang out with her and her three-year-old kid after he was done school. After about a year, the relationship ended when she got pregnant with a much older punk. (Apparently now she and the much older punk are happily married with a litter of kids.) My husband laughs back at the relationship as a rite of passage into this manhood. No part of him, even today, considers it sexual abuse or morally wrong.
I do not think Mrs. Barber-Way considers her husband to be a particularly damaged person, nor does he seem to regard this event as damaging. It doesn't look damaging from the outside or the inside. If damage can't be seen from any angle, inside or outside, then it seems like it's just a matter of prejudice to call it damaging at all. Damage with older men is immediately, arrestingly obvious 99 times out of 100. With older women/younger men, if the visible damage rate is 0 out of let's say 10, then it doesn't make sense to use the older woman/younger man pairing as it was used by >>42749, where it was used as something that's supposed to illustrate the damage in an actually damaging relationship.

Anonymous 42804

please break up with your bf for his sake

Anonymous 42807


>lesbian friend who liked me but lived across the continent
>talked to me everyday and put up with my bullshit
>ended the friendship with her despite sharing feelings
>male friend who would obsessively talk to me daily irl and over text and called me cute
>acted like a sweet big puppy
>ended the friendship because I felt smothered
As well
>guy I talked with on reddit because I thought he sounded sweet and cute
>I somehow got scared when he asked for discord
>deleted my account

I push people away then complain about being alone and call myself a femcel. Misery is my gf/bf.

Anonymous 42809

are you me? how do i stop chickening out every time things get serious i am so tired

Anonymous 42817

Screen Shot 2020-0…

Some of us weren't made to interact with others. No matter how good someone is to us, we cannot connect with them emotionally. It never ends. At least we have 2D copes.

Anonymous 42821

Sad that the anon who said I should get knocked out disappeared. She was right.
At least we're not alone in being alone. Just sucks to be your own cockblock, fucking insane.
Based schizoid anon. Perhaps I'm merely destined to write and draw romance comics but never experience it myself…

Anonymous 42822

It isn't fated, anon. You can will yourself to change.

Anonymous 42823

>Perhaps I'm merely destined to write and draw romance comics but never experience it myself…
In a way, being able to connect with an audience is more fulfilling than irl relationships could ever be.

Anonymous 42845

>For starters they aren't as common, so you won't find as many fuck ups. Go to the wikipedia page for teacher-student relationships and almost all of them are men excluding two pedo women who did not went on to have relationships with their victims and 2 that got on with students above 18, which is gross but not pedo.
That doesn't mean they aren't as common just that they aren't as notable. Wikipedia is not a full accounting of the facts of a situation just a function of what they can find mainstream sources for combined with the interests of the editor behind the article. I mean it almost certainly is significantly more common for it to be older male, younger female but you can't use wikipedia to conclude that and older female, younger male is under reported because the male is culturally expected to enjoy it.
>My husband laughs back at the relationship as a rite of passage into this manhood
Considering casual sex/loss of virginity as some mystical part of becoming a man is already damage from the culture surrounding how he grew up that made him susceptible to sexual abuse. If you ingrained in young girls that losing their virginity at any cost was valuable they'd probably go around defending the older men who did it too.

Anonymous 43205


I lost my best friend of five years to cancer, I was madly in love with him the whole time but never ended up saying anything. I was too scared since I knew he was dying, but it hurt so bad.
I don't know how I can move on.

Anonymous 43206

I'm so sorry, anon.

Anonymous 43207

I am very sorry your loss. May he rest in ease. And may you be reminded that you will get through this pain. <3

Anonymous 43212

Are you sure he is a flaming homo or just bisexual? You can get him back if he is bi.

Anonymous 43310

It's over. Exclusively gay guys should be drafted to the navy. Call the navy recruiter on your new ex-lover.

Anonymous 43426

I met a really great guy online. He was sweet, funny, accomplished, romantic, really monogamous, independent… but I had to reject him because of the distance. I think it's the right decision but I hate that I might never get to have a bf like him.

Anonymous 43454

He wasn't the one who got away but I wasted my developing years on a random long distance relationship, this was 2010 or so and the some years where long distance relationships were trendy

Anonymous 43471

Thank you, that's so friggin sweet. I appreciate you, anon.

Anonymous 43650


Maybe not the one who got away, because I feel like ultimately he just wasn't that into me.

But I can't help but feel like in different circumstances we could've had a very meaningful and beautiful connection. When we met I was in a very dark place. At the start he showed interest to me, even said that he started to like me, but I was too insecure of myself to do anything about it. I just felt like the ugliest most unlovable person at the time who he would abandon the second if he ever got to know me. That feeling made me so passive, and maybe uninterested in his eyes. My self-hatred got so bad I ended up hospitalized for over a month, and after that we just drifted apart. We both tried to rekindle the spark a few times but it didn't lead anywhere.

It's been 2 years, almost 3, when we met the first time, over a year since we spoke last time. I even have gotten into a relationship with a person I could spend the rest of my life with, but I still find myself thinking about him at times. Especially lately.

I just can't shake the feeling of undisclosed desire our thing left me with. I don't think I even love him, I just wanted to experience us together way more than what we actually did. What we had made me feel so alive, I have not felt anything like it since and I didn't get enough of it. I even know that eventually our flame would have subsided, but I'd have left satisfied. Now all I have this bothersome itch and regrets that are always going to haunt me, and I hate it. I should have been more confident, more open and braver.

Anonymous 43661

Ngl you will probably regret it. Good dateable guys are incredibly hard to find no matter how far you look and if he was accomplished I’m assuming he had enough to fly you over?

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