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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 45526

>be me
>21 years
>just don´t happend
>it's ok
>think how it will be when it happens
>no cute
>no soft
>no magic
>tears come out of my eyes

I am doomed, my first time will be with someone with more experience than me, it will not be sweet and gentle, it will be hard and wild.

Anonymous 45527


Assume control of your life, dont wait for it to happen make it happen.

Anonymous 45546

Same. I'm 20 yrs old and I've never had a bf. I feel like I'm wasting my youth and I missed out on so many things in my teens… At my age men have already become creepy and they won't treat me tenderly anymore.

Anonymous 45558

smells like moid posting

Anonymous 45561


I left my first boyfriend who was a Nazi but now he just got another even cuter girlfriend

He was the only guy that made sex about us being comfortable

And made me comfortable

I don’t want another boyfriend

Anonymous 45564

why does it have to be that way?

Anonymous 45568

honestly i feel like it depends on the guy and wont always be this way lolz

im a virgin and have been with guys who have more experience than me and they didn't try to force anything or be "hard and wild"… if anything they were more gentle

but i guess that varies

Anonymous 45573


I'm in the same situation, but I don't even care about his purity at this point. I just want to hold hands with someone who'd at least like me a little. And maybe hug me sometimes too. And kiss (it's fine if he doesn't want to kiss my mouth, but like, kissing my forehead or cheeks would be cool). Please god just give me a boyfriend already. Please.

Anonymous 45595

did you leave him cuz he was a nazi?

Anonymous 45602


I used it as an excuse
Worst decision of my life

I just wanted more love from him and I don’t know how to express my emotions

Anonymous 45606

He’s a nazi
A nazi
A nazi
A nazi.

Anonymous 45608

You'd be surprised the amount of people that will happily date nazis. I told a guy I was starting to see that I like WWII history and he somehow misunderstood that to think I was a nazi supporter. And he was ok with that. Even worse in South American where no one cares that nazi live around them.

Anonymous 45609

I should add that he was from France as well.

Anonymous 45759

I'm in the same boat, 21 yr old virgin. I used to feel a little bad about it but not so much anymore.
I started attending university this year (was at a community college before) and I find my days are a lot busier, studying 7-12 hrs on the weekdays and 4 hrs on the weekends about vs half that time when I was in the community college. So I have to think more about how I want to spend my time. If I got a bf I would have to start cutting things out of my life, like spending less time with my friends, less time to watch my animu, going on bike rides by myself, drawing, etc. From looking at my friend who has dated a lot the majority of guys just don't seem good enough to give up those things for.

Maybe you can find fulfillment in other things, there are plenty of other fun things. Men just seem like a huge hit or miss, I would rather do stuff that gives me a predictable amount of happiness.

Anonymous 45770

Try to be a 25 year old kissless virgin neet, nerd.

Anonymous 45777

See you in 4 years. How long have you been NEET for?

Anonymous 45904

Why do you think a experienced man will be less gentle than a inexperienced man, I feel like it would be the opposite actually.

Anonymous 46153

>my first time will be with someone with more experience than me, it will not be sweet and gentle, it will be hard and wild.

Only if you rush into it thinking you can't get better. I envy you in a way anon, because I lost mine in the way you predicted. I've since found someone willing to learn with me, because we're both inexperienced.

I'm glad I got a second chance, I think it opened my eyes and helped me learn that a sexual relationship involves both parties learning what the others' preferences are and trying to come to some agreement where each person gets a chance to do the things they like. I'm just lucky I'm with someone who likes doing what I want him to do.

Anonymous 46454

I bet he was just trying to be edgy and it was just a phase.

Anonymous 46484

>I am doomed, my first time will be with someone with more experience than me

Nah Anon, my bf was a khv at 27 when we met, and not because he's some incel type or undesirable, just a failed normie - he just had anxiety issues that made him too shy to venture out, so he decided to get therapy, and it worked. You can find your virgin prince if it's really important to you and he won't have to be a weirdo. But even if it'll be with someone experienced, they won't be hard and wild as long as you pick someone decent who respects you. It'll be hard to find, but don't settle for anyone less than that.

Anonymous 46528

You're lucky. Wish I had been as patient as you with my sexuality.

Anonymous 46749


>Virgin only up til recently
>did it with younger than me boyfriend after we’ve been talking nearly a year
>he told me it wasn’t his first time
I feel like piece of shit. He was so gentle to me and so loving and caring and put so much effort into making sure everything was perfect for my first time, and yet my heart still dropped when he said I wasn’t his first. I want to marry this boy and I wanted to have our first time be special, why the FUCK did it have to be this way

Anonymous 46750

uhhh how had you been speaking to him for a year but not known he wasn't a virgin? you guys never talked about whether or not he was a virgin, or did he just lie to you about being a virgin to get you into bed?

Anonymous 46751

Actively avoided the topic. He’s a little younger so we wanted to avoid talking about sexual stuff til he was 18

Anonymous 46752

shouldn't you have spoken to him about it after he turned 18 but before you had sex? how soon did he turn 18 before you had sex with him? most guys that are fairly normal lose it early so it's not surprising

Anonymous 46753


>how soon did he turn 18 before you had sex with him?
His birthday was 2 weeks ago and we met up to do it 5 days after
>most guys that are fairly normal lose it early so it's not surprising
I know but as autistic as it may sound, I really was hoping he was different. I still love him just as much and him not losing his virginity to me won’t change that, but it would’ve been really nice to have, ya know?

Anonymous 46755

not to be mean or anything but you sound a little naive. not to say it won't happen but i wouldn't put too much hope into the prospect of a serious, long term relationship with a freshly turned 18 yo and the potential that it turns into marriage. even if it isn't now, i wouldn't necessarily take any dramatic declarations of commitment too seriously. he's unlikely to know what he really wants and if he has already had sex by 17 he probably isn't going to be the type that's totally happy swearing off any other women and a separate life of his own by 18 or even his early 20s, even if he says he is and even if you guys do get married. just be aware

Anonymous 46759

Thanks for your thoughts, no hard feelings
I have good reasons to believe against what you mentioned, though I won’t go into too detail because I don’t want to share his and our whole past
>he's unlikely to know what he really wants
He’s had the same passion since middle school and has chased it all the way through highschool into college, even doing outside courses specifically to learn more on the subject/get credits early so he can learn what he wants to faster. I trust that he knows what he wants, and that he’s smart enough to think long term about things. And if he changes his mind like you say, then I’ll deal with it accordingly, as shitty as it may be
>if he has already had sex by 17 he probably isn't going to be the type that's totally happy swearing off any other women
It was only with one other girl, his manipulative ex-gf who essentially forced him into doing it (got him high and Forced herself into him). He regrets ever having done it, and says he considers what we did to be his first experience because it’s the first one he actually chose to have (this major reason I feel so fucking shitty, because despite everything he said it still stings a little knowing that some stupid fucking bitch got to take something from him that I would have loved to have. Again, I don’t love him any less, but it still gets to me, and I don’t know why)
Anyways, I hope that context helps a little

Anonymous 46862

>(got him high and Forced herself into him).
It's strange and sad how common this is.

Anonymous 46869

>if he has already had sex by 17 he probably isn't going to be the type that's totally happy swearing off any other women and a separate life of his own by 18 or even his early 20s, even if he says he is and even if you guys do get married. just be aware
Ok wow I must be totally sheltered and ignorant of men because I thought it would work the other way around?
I can see your perspective now though and I know how men treat sexual conquests so it makes sense kinda.
Totally see a guy who fits that description being like this
>he's 19
>friends all talk about other woman
>feels he is missing out
>thinks about cheating
>some usual relationship conflict arises
>he decides to fuck stacy who has been eyeing him at work
I must be a total romantic because I was totally thinking he would just think "ok I found my babe now who I will live forever with"

Not to derail the thread at all sorry OP but does anyone else think the double standard for men and woman about how many sexual partners they had will vanish? Is it a social construct that can change or an expression of the male psychology because it seems to be present (as far as what I know) in other cultures.
Even when men are expected to stay "pure" like in islamist countries woman are still subjugated as subordinates.
It could be because men are the bread winners or were so they had the privilege of a pass to sleep around so the dynamic could change at least in the west where men and woman are equal gainers.


>:( I was 21 when I got my first kiss with my ex, and he was a kissless virgin just like me.
Ok this is cute!!

Anonymous 46892

yeah, that's a thing. but also, i've seen it happen in cases where the guy is a virgin. they get major FOMO and start to resent the women in their lives for "tying them down" during the "prime of their lives". 18 to like, 26, is like, the time when sexual and romantic freedom is most glorified. like you say, men talk about sex, getting laid, brag about their experiences, brag about who they got to fuck, how hot this or that girl is, like literally all day, so it's basically inescapable, too. i can see how and why they'd think the grass is greener given the way the media and male circles really tend to emphasize the importance of "enjoying their youth" by not being tied down. i just wouldn't put much faith in what an 18 or 19 yo guy claims about marriage and romance in general. you're in for a bad time if you don't prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for this reality to happen to you when dealing with literal teens and young adults.

Anonymous 46896

Is there a psychological term for naively presuming others will follow your own morals as this is what I feel about what you said.
The sad reality is that in this hypersexual environment your BF really could just decide to screw around from falling for other mens memes.
Why do they even want to screw around so much I seriously would be weary of any man that consumes pornography.
>training yourself to be a cuck
>looking at woman other than who you share an emotional connection with for sexual gratification
It just seems like a totally bad idea but I know little about the world at all so maybe normalfags remain faithful only mentally cheating on their GF.

I mean we could just hope our anon bf is a free thinking individual that loves us but that seems like too much to ask.
If the reward for sex was equal to the reward for being kind then men would build a utopia within a day.

Anonymous 46897

>i just wouldn't put much faith in what an 18 or 19 yo guy claims about marriage and romance in general.
Just to give everyone a little shred of hope, this does work both ways. When he was a teenager my brother went on and on about how marriage was a scam and he would never get married because he's le epic redpilled mgtow. He just got married to his first girlfriend last summer after dating for like 6 years.
Basically you can't trust anything men say when they're teenagers/still act like teenagers.

Anonymous 46900

Well it's just in their nature to roll over for Nazis, what can you expect?

Anonymous 46925

Honestly this is a big concern when it comes to virgin guys, after the first time they have sex they often start getting curious about what sex feels like with other girls, especially if the sex is good with the person they lost their virginity, or she isn’t their personal 10 or whatever and they think they can do better. They start getting resentful that they are tied down and the curiosity and external pressure that they should be ‘living their life fully’ gets to them.

It’s very rare you see an older escortcel who only ever fucked one escort for example, they usually end up fucking dozens if not hundreds more afterwards and really go all out to the extreme.

Part of me is kind of disgusted by guys who have fucked lots of girls and are very experienced, but I also suspect that those men are psychologically healthier, because they have got all their youthful sexual urges out of their system and appreciate a good thing when they have it.

Incels and older male virgins unfortunately tend to be the guys who are never satisfied with what they have and often develop a lifelong unhealthy obsession with teen girls and teen love (because they never got laid in high school). It’s nerdy losers and rejects like incels who spend decades trying to make up for lost time. It’s no coincidence that pedos and hebes tend to be guys who were constantly rejected in school. On the other hand, if he is the more emotional type or was volcel, he may be able to pair home with you better (at least that’s the idea)

So in short, I really don’t know who makes a better partner. Both experienced guys and virgin guys come with pros and cons.

Anonymous 46926

And btw the ‘experienced guys’ I’m talking about in the 3rd paragraph here, are normie guys and Chads, not escortcels. I would never date a guy who has fucked multiple escorts. Escortcels in particular tend to be very bitter unpleasant people.

Anonymous 46927

Pair bond with you*

Anonymous 46949

>groomed a 16/17 yo
>mad because he wasn't a virgin
>He never actually said he wasn't, you just assumed it to be true

I feel like a lot of people are overlooking the fact that you, as a 21 year old, were dating a freshly turned 17 year old (you did confess to talking for nearly a year). He must've still been in high school. Given how long guys take to mature (experts say 26 years but I'd conjecture never), this seems too pedophilic (or ephebophilic if you must split hairs) for it to sit comfortably with me.

Anonymous 46955

idk anon seems really naive and immature, like, very immature. i don't think older teen guys are that easily manipulated, but it's still not a great idea. i think there's a difference in specifically wanting a teenager, and just being immature and falling for an older teen guy in a romantic and sentimental way, especially as a woman, because there's considerably less emphasis on "teenage bodies" of males, "being tight", "being submissive", there's just a lot more that men fetishize specifically about teenage girls that women really don't do to teenage males.

anon sounds very immature so i don't think she was being conniving. i figured she was one of those kind of like… off, and sheltered disney girls that really, truly does not understand reality. i think it's possible for somewhat older women to 'fall' for teenagers romantically if they're particularly immature. and imo, there's far less of an actual power dynamic with a somewhat older woman and a older teenage boy vs a somewhat older guy and an older teenage girl. the situation is not necessarily exploitative but it definitely can be, and yes, you're right, it's not wise and is weird. i said 'uhhhh' specifically because it was a questionable situation already. the way men seek to take advantage of younger girls is not really the same imho, unless she is proven to be manipulative and aware of any 'power' she lords over him, but i just don't think women a few yrs older than older teenage guys hold as much power as you figure. why they chose to have sex so soon is creepy but whatever. also unsure as to whether or not she only recently started dating him, or if she had been dating him for the past year. she said they had been talking for the past year, not necessarily dating, but very possibly. it's unclear.

Anonymous 46957

I don't understand how men are capable of manipulating teenage girls but women aren't capable of manipulating teenage boys. Yes, it's far more likely for men to be creepy like that, but I've known at least one woman who gave off creepy vibes in that department (she, 27, was dating a 19 yo last time I blocked her). Why are girls not able to guard against older male manipulation, but boys are fine to defend themselves against older women? I don't believe the assertion is true, I believe teenage boys and teenage girls can be equally susceptible to manipulation.

Granted, she isn't /much/ older, so maybe she is just naive, but I was naive too and I didn't go talking to high schoolers four years after graduating. 22 and 18 is just over the barrier of no longer being creepy, but the 21 and 17 period is what I find concerning. Idk, it's not horrible, at least he wasn't any younger, but I still feel like you can't really blame the teenager in this situation when you, to some degree, groomed what is legally considered a child.

Anonymous 46960

i never said it wasn't possible. it's absolutely possible but less probable in comparison to men. i don't think anyone is blaming the guy? i don't think she's mad at him and no one else is taking issue with the fact that he didn't tell her within the 5 days before they had sex. it's not his fault at all.

i agree with you that most naive women won't go after 17 year olds but were you this level of naive where she thinks a barely 18 year old knows, for certain, what he wants out of life and out of the relationship? and that there's little to no reason to be concerned about the fact that he's a teen who has little life experience? that's extreme delusion. she seems to earnestly think they're on the same level, and maybe they are because she's just that sheltered or stunted. i still do doubt it was done in a conniving or actually manipulative way in this case specifically. seeing as how she refused to speak to him about sex or virginity before he was 18, i don't know that they were actually dating, again, so.

Anonymous 46988

Imprinted Brain Th…

I believe women are just capable of less manipulation in general. I unironically think men have greater propensity for evil. You think violence rates would be the same if there were only women in the world? Nah, sis—homicide would go down dramatically. Sexual violence would be almost nonexistent.

I'm a little of an armchair psychologist, so I like to research topics like this. Have you heard the male vs. female brain theory? For instance, autism is considered to be "extreme male brain," extreme female brain, psychosis. (It's not as bad as it sounds.)

Now consider the dark triad (maybe tetrad) personality traits. NPD, APD/Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. All of these are more common in men than women, and most men exhibit these (even if they aren't considered narcissists/psychopaths/Machs, I just mean that they're closer to these) more than most women do. Actually, hot take, but I'd argue that women like Cleopatra probably had at least one of these traits. I believe that, in complete and utter contrast to MRA retards and incels, women are the ones who suffer most from manipulation. Women are easier to emotionally manipulate, and men have higher tendencies to do these things.

I grew up with all of these and have avoided men like the plague since I was young. Partly because all of the men I've met I don't consider on my level, partly because of the way they think about sex—something done to a woman and not with her, a conquest. Imagining that other people view you as a conquest is, to a narcissist, simply unacceptable. I've been struggling practically my whole life, and ever since I looked into myself psychologically, I wondered if I'm actually a man stuck in a woman's body, like a troon fantasy come to life. I know better, of course, but it still nags at me sometimes. But from all of my interactions with men, and my interactions with those who were and are involved with them, there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that they are the ones doing the manipulation, then calling women evil. You ever hear about those gold digger pranks on YT? Men deserve that and worse. They will literally fake love to get sex and laugh about it with their friends, talking about who they "fucked" and call her demeaning words. I hate them. They make my stomach turn.

Sometimes I wonder if the moid bullshit IS true, if women actually are "weak-minded" compared to men, because of these things. Society likes to paint women as manipulative little devils, but it's complete and other bullshit. Just like most negative things that happen in the world, it's men perpetrating the emotional manipulation. How can one be both simple-minded and skilled at manipulation? It's cognitive dissonance on the part of the MRAs and incels. But hey, this is a common tenet of fascism: view your enemy as both strong and weak simultaneously.

Anonymous 46991

aaaaaaah I feel the same, honestly I think testosterone is the devils hormone sometimes and all men fall on the narcissist/sociopath spectrum. their lack of empathy and remorse disgusts me. it’s hard for me to even view moids as human, so many of them lack humanity.

Anonymous 46993

Women had to learn to be manipulative because it was a survival tactic, if you were too direct with men about something they didn’t like, they would bash your skull in, being the brutes of the sexes. I’m not saying all women are innocent saints (many are evil as hell) but I hate how moids try to equate things like well intentioned manipulation or liking Chad to moid shit like rape and murder. Men always talk about how hypergamous women are but it’s men who always want someone several points above their own attractiveness.

Anonymous 47003

Because male sexuality is inherently sadistic and pathological, womens is not, women are not sexually exploitative or cruel to the same degree that men are.

Anonymous 47006

Yeah, I wouldn't disregard the idea that she put the idea of marriage in his head either.

Anonymous 47023

>I don't understand how men are capable of manipulating teenage girls but women aren't capable of manipulating teenage boys

It's because boys are not girls and men are not women. It's foolish to project the dangers surrounding sex for girls onto boys, or to project the types of regrets we feel as women onto men. Pay attention to what men say when the subject is teen boys sleeping with older women, particularly ones with a power imbalance (teachers, caregivers). Pay attention to the porn they write.

Anonymous 47024

based, thank you

Anonymous 47026

>Women are easier to emotionally manipulate, and men have higher tendencies to do these things.
Manipulate as in easier to lie to or easier to physically threaten? If I were to agree with the male brains vs female brain hypothesis, I would take the stand that yes more women are threatened with violence, but it is statistcally proven that, for example, female bullies use almost exclusively social and emotional bullying.

Anonymous 47033

>I don't understand how men are capable of manipulating teenage girls but women aren't capable of manipulating teenage boys.
Probably because it's straight out untrue.

Anonymous 47034

Except that no one ever claimed women can't manipulate boys.

Anonymous 47035

Both. Of course female bullies don't physically bully others. This says nothing about how often each sex manipulates the other, and in my experience (and that of nearly everyone I know), it's men by far.

Anonymous 47137

in the same boat anon. i read stories online of girls losing their virginities and how awkward it is, I've used sex toys before so despite being a virgin i doubt i'd bleed, unless it went in really dry and fast. honestly i'd rather stay a virgin forever than go through the horror stories of being pumped and dumped or being in pain after my first time and seen as a trophy. you get to decide who you will be, if sex is something done to you, if it changes you and essentially requires someone to groom you through gentleness and care to not have an adverse reaction, then fuck that. I only think about losing my virginity because it's something i'd want to do with the person i love and it's seen as a pivotal development in any long term relationship, otherwise i'm only curious to disprove the misogynistic idea that thrusting a meat torch in ya fundamentally changes who you are, as if a woman's sense of self is so weak it's a psychological surrender to submission to a guy for the rest of your life. tldr; fuck men, their fucked up sex drive is the reason why shit sucks

Anonymous 47138

Same, but I'm 22. I've really fucked myself over because I'm so used to being a virgin that I think I've made it part of my identity and now I don't know if I want to lose my virginity anymore unless it's really worth it. It's almost as if I feel that it's now a point of pride in myself that I've gone this long without succumbing to the peer pressure of having sex that I don't want to throw it away. Is that fucked up of me to think? I feel the same way about relationships too. I'm so used to being single and telling myself that I'm independent and satisfied that I feel like if I got a boyfriend now I'd just be proving to myself that I'm not as independent as I think.

Anonymous 47139

You should just do what makes you happy anon.
You do not need to do anything but try enjoy your time here on earth.

Does your identity as a virgin cause you problems because if not what is the issue.

Anonymous 47140

Thanks anon, you're very right. Being a virgin doesn't really bother me much anymore, but I guess it's a bit frustrating because I do wish I could find someone to spend my life with but I just can't seem to connect with anyone. Also it's annoying having some friends/acquaintances who can only talk about boys and sex, but I guess even if I wasn't a virgin it would still annoy me. Anyway you're right, being a virgin/single is not so bad and I should just try to focus on enjoying my life without the angst.

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