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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Anonymous 46069

Can we talk about how twisted our judgmentality on people tends to be? Ive noticed that as ive gotten my shit together, beaten depression and become skinny, people have gotten much kinder towards me. Fat and unhygienic people are deemed as disgusting and lazy instead of considered to be going through hell mentally (for me atleast eating has served as a coping mechanism against emptiness and poor hygiene has been due to lack of motivation for anything). Especially women who dont take care of themselves are viewed as defects.

Anonymous 46070

That's just patriarchal society showing true, though. Men value a woman by her looks and what she can give them sexually. If a woman doesn't make their dicks hard, she's worthless to them. That's why society practically forces you to wear makeup, act cutesy, etc. from a very young age.

Anonymous 46071

why do you watch jordan peterson.

Anonymous 46073

Seems like maleposting to me. Posting a literal MRA poster boy and saying something like "How healthy you are is a reflection of your dedication and self-worth so people use it to judge, perhaps erroneously, your character."

The only thing keeping this from being completely ridiculous is "perhaps erroneously," admitting that it's at least possible for someone to be dedicated and value themselves without being healthy. If it is a woman, I feel sorry for her. Society places so many expectations on women and girls and pressures us to meet them, many of which are unrealistic. I know there are a lot of women who don't understand that not everything is "your fault."

Anonymous 46075

Jesus christ, representing a position contrary to the status quo gets you banned. This place is more a hivemind than plebbit

Anonymous 46078

Ban evading, pissy Jordan Peterson moid aside, OP:
What >>46070 said. Notice ugly men don't get treated nearly as badly as women who don't look "good". There's a ridiculous pressure on women to be "palatable", like we're products. Even women who take physical care of themselves can still be attacked if something about them just doesn't fit the status quo, like being taller than usual, having monolidded eyes, having brown skin, thinner lips, thicker lips, or just a bone structure/body shape that's not currently in fashion (this isn't about being fat, by the way, it's more about not having certain physical assets, or even having too much).
Sometimes, it's something as petty as not wearing makeup.
There's no logic to it, no rhyme or reason. Just double standards and pointless cruelty.

Anonymous 46079

I don't see how that's not applicable to everyone. The standards placed upon a group are always harsh, whether it's a culture or sex, but usually by the group itself towards its own members.

Anonymous 46080

You were banned before. No one wants to hear from you, accept it and go back.

Anonymous 46082

I wish I wasn't ugly so I could timestamp my face, you guys are so mean. Anything you disagree with you just call a moid then ban.

Anonymous 46083

>being ugly
>defending men and ban evading just to post regurgitated, garbage-tier opinions and copes on an imageboard meant for women
Pick a struggle.

Anonymous 46086

Who's "we"? All you've done is attempt to softly gaslight women and pretend it's our faults if we get treated like shit, even when there's no logical or even subjective defense for it.
There's one particular sex who loves doing that, and they also love breaking boundaries and whining when people don't coddle them.

Anonymous 46090

>"You guys are so mean ;_;"
>"Oh my god you fucking idiot"
There it is. That rage.
"Health" has nothing to do with having the wrong body type, eye shape, height, skin color, facial structure, etc. People will treat women like shit regardless if they don't fit within certain boundaries, even if they're the most physically healthy people in the world. Take your delusions back to incel/evopsych forums.

Anonymous 46091

Funny Jordan Peterson couldn't take responsibility for his life and preferred to overdose benzos and give himself a brain damage kek

Anonymous 46095

Why are you defending MRAs and the insensitive conservative "responsibility" trope when they would NEVER come out to bat for any issue relating to women? It's like, if you're actually a woman, you're doing their dirty work (the gaslighting) for them and trying to spread this toxic viewpoint to other women. Also, just FYI, you really fucked up with this post:

Anonymous 46098

Not to mention, incels genuinely think ugly men have it way, way worse than ugly women. I spent a lot of time watching their vidoes. They base it on the fact that some fat women get a lot of matches on tinder etc. But even if some men want to fuck undesirable women, being fucked is not a value of its own (like incels believe). Just because someone wants to fuck you doesn't mean they value you as a person. Doesn't mean they want to stay with you either. And society will treat ugly women as invisible.

Anonymous 46100

>You only assumed that was anger
Yeah. Healthy, sane people always curse and call people idiots when they're happy and calm. Maybe you should take better care of your health so this sort of thing doesn't happen again.
Why are you bringing "health" into the matter when women are discussing being unfairly treated over their looks? It's almost like you're projecting your own bad habits on everyone else, and trying to gaslight about it on top of that.
>why have a fit over it
No one's having a fit, though. We're not even allowed to talk about it on our own sites because the male coalition might cry and feel left out? Do you think there's anything good about what you're doing here?

Anonymous 46102

Sensible people shouldn't be banning others off the basis of broadly conservative beliefs, that doesn't make me male. Presumptuous of you to think I'm happy anyways, as I said exasperation is reasonable given the ceaseless accusations.

Health and how you're seen are very strongly correlated. This isn't a matter of projection. If the concern if how you're seen then you need to maximize what you have control over to account for what you can't control. In any case life is unfair, attractive people are unfairly treated, so are the undesirable. I am acutely aware of how that feels, and that's why I've taken this position. Cause the only way I've come to have a sense of normal life is by doing everything I can to make myself look better. This isn't gas lighting.

Of course you should be able to talk about it, but you can't complain that the males might cry out about it if you're willing to ban people representing the other side of an argument. There is plenty good in this, if you realize your life is completely in your hands then you now have an incentive to improve it in every way you can. I know it's difficult though to realize it may be your fault, it always is at first.

Anonymous 46103


So, let me get this straight—you're a woman that hangs around radfem-leaning communities and yet you "know nothing about politics," i.e., you don't know that conservatives are disgustingly misogynist and that they are actively assaulting "your" bodily autonomy? If you lean conservative, by all means, go talk to them and participate in their communities. Just don't be surprised when they don't even try to relate to your problems, are overcritical of you, and value you as nothing more than a baby factory.

You have already been told why your behavior is considered gaslighting. I can't imagine you're making these posts in good faith, so this is likely my last time interacting with you. If this is genuine, you are a just a strangely passionate pickme, but your apparent ignorance of many of the struggles we face and their severity indicates otherwise. Again, if you truly are a woman, I feel so sorry for you and I viscerally despise the men that manipulated you into believing all of this. It must make you miserable if you aren't able to get their approval.

Anonymous 46104

Some people can't be functional because of their autism or mental illness. I guess it's their own fault if they can't just magically rewire their brains

Anonymous 46105

If you get banned from anywhere, take it as a sign that you're not wanted, and your opinions aren't welcome. We're not "complaining" about men crying, we're telling them to get off our site and stay on their own. You're not entitled to anything, we don't care about your viewpoints.
Women are treated like shit, and no amount of male or pick-me tears will ever make this not a fact. I know this because I've personally gone from unattractive to conventionally attractive, what you say is a bullshit cope and you're literally trying to blame women for things they don't have a say in.
Go run your ridiculous takes by /fit/ again, maybe one day they will accept your tragic simping for males and "based" conservative viewpoints. We sure won't.

Anonymous 46106

Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.

Anonymous 46107

I don't hang out around radfem-leaning communities. I browse /fit/, /v/ and /vg/. From where this you infer this? I'm not involved with politics I have an idea of what policies are left or right but I'm not knowledgeable about that world at all.

I have trouble saying either leaning is wrong because people's political leanings are primarily personality based, which isn't something they control. I don't know how to convince you I'm arguing in good faith, but I am. I don't know why you have trouble just having a discussion with me. Men had nothing to do with my beliefs, I'd be just as conservative in an all female world, again, political beliefs are primarily personality driven.

I said earlier that it's not your fault, but it's still your responsibility, refer to >>46078. I have dyspraxia so I understand the struggle with mental difficulty, but that's not a valid reason to excuse yourself of agency.

Anonymous 46108

I think it's a pickme not a moid though

Anonymous 46109

Should the rules be changed then?

Anonymous 46110

Maybe. It's pretty clear that this pickme in particular has no interest in listening to us and struggles to understand basic feminist concepts, including those that should be readily apparent just by living as a woman. I don't think talking to committed pickmes is any more useful than interacting with moids, and I don't see any of either changing their views through conversation here.

Anonymous 46111

Wouldn't seem right to ban them though, they're a part of this discussion as anyone else. If we start cordoning off pickmes it seems an arbitrary place to draw the line, slippery slope and all that

Anonymous 46112

>Fat and unhygienic people are deemed as disgusting and lazy

They are. Congratulations on recovering.

>instead of considered to be going through hell mentally

I'm going through hell mentally, but I still wipe my ass. You know, it's weird that the deleted post got accused of moidposting, when it's usually moids who would rather whine about being (correctly) perceived as worthless and gross than just go take a fucking shower.

Anonymous 46113

It's a moid. It has been bothering in other threads in which it was discovered today.

Anonymous 46115

I want to agree, but when they insist on repeatedly shitting up a thread with their worthless thoughts they got from misogynists, I feel like there should be something done about it.
Varying opinions are fine, but when it gets to the point where you literally sound like a scrote and all you're doing is whiteknighting men non-stop and disrupting conversation, IMO, bans are in order. At that point, you might as well be a moid for practical purposes. I think even most pick-mes are a bit better than this, or at least they'll stay on places like Twitter to try and siphon male attention instead of browbeating other women.

Anonymous 46119

Maybe I'm just too immersed in internet culture at this point but I can't imagine actually an ironically wanting this website to be a echo chamber circle jerk. If someone is making a dumb argument they explain to them why they're wrong and if you get tired of repeating yourself move on to a new thread

Anonymous 46121

>Why don't you just let retards keep repeating themselves and polluting threads that could actually be good? Anything less is an echo chamber circlejerk.
I disagree with this.

Anonymous 46123

This is the same logic as allowing Nazis platforms "so that we can explain to them why they're wrong," right?

We have so few communities where we don't have to be bothered by agitators like the moids that come here.

Anonymous 46124


It wouldn't matter if they're going through something when it's like over half of people in certain places aren't taking care of themselves. You have to have agency in your own life.
>This is the same logic as allowing Nazis platforms "so that we can explain to them why they're wrong," right?
It's not the same at all, and yes, sunlight is the best disinfectant. This is a specialized website, not the internet public space.

Anonymous Admin 46125

The user is banned, but I'm leaving this up for now as an example for future conversations about banning users who might be legitimately female but hold views influenced by internalized misogyny. I've been thinking about adjusting the rules, but it's not an easy call because a lot of opinions often expressed on here could count for either side depending on personal bias. A lot of the time, anyone who disagrees with a certain point of view will be reported as male and demanded to be banned and I don't think that's necessarily the only right solution. A large percentage of imageboard users will always be weirdos with a unique worldview and controversial opinions and that counts for women as well. That said, we're not a space for anyone to come and respond to venting about issues with males with "well actually, not all men/men also have this issue…" and if you post JP or sound too much in defense of men then you have to expect backlash.

From here on out, please get back to the original topic and if the user ban evades, ignore them. I'll continue banning/deleting.

Anonymous 46126

>crystal cafe
This is a small imageboard for women. In a sea of spaces blatantly for men, or mixed-gender spaces where men and pick-me's voices dominate, this is a tiny island where we're actually free to be ourselves and voice our thoughts.
We're not obliged to accommodate people who already have the rest of the internet to smear their shit, and we don't actually need to function as anyone's "disinfectant" if they're infected. If we want to argue with retards or convince them they're incorrect, we can hop to any other site.

Anonymous 46130

I couldn't have said this any better myself. These people, whether moid or pickme, have literally almost all of the internet to peddle that bullshit. I'll admit I get a little annoyed when I see it here, but that's only because I really value connecting with other, like-minded women who do their best, as I do, to see past societal manipulation/internalized misogyny. That, and I REALLY got the vibe that that poster was a moid larping, particularly from the rage post they made. It's no matter, and this will be my last post about it since I really hate to give them attention (and I should have tempered myself and not responded instead of lecturing them). I know for a fact from scouring conservative shitholes online that these people seldom change their minds, and if they do, it won't be from an online conversation.

Anyway, I'm interested in hearing more anons' thoughts on this. My own problems don't relate to not taking care of myself physically, and I keep my house clean and don't really struggle when it comes to work ethic. For me, it's that I have multiple mental illnesses (autism, APD, BPD and bipolar disorder, and more) and have no friends and no social life as a result. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I don't go outside to hear about what anyone thinks of me.

Anonymous 46137

It's for women who don't believe in trying to silence or gaslight other women with incel bullshit. There you go.

Anonymous 46139

If "being conservative" takes you so far you literally sound like a typical moid to multiple people, it's time to rein things back and re-evaluate yourself.

Anonymous 46141

I was referring to misogyny being touted as "being conservative", which is why I put it in quotes. If you're a misogynistic woman, then yeah, no place for you on a woman's site.

Anonymous 46145

I kind of have the opposite issue. Girls who are pretty and put together I subconsciously assume are vapid bitchy whores. I know enough of them now to know that they can be great and supportive, just have different priorities. Like who spends that much money on clothes and makeup and waxing and shit when you could have a million other hobbies? I have to actively tell myself they're not bitches, and could secretly be really nice.

Anonymous 46185

Go back to lolcow.farm

Anonymous 46190

Yeah I’ve been depressed my whole life, I used to be fat and scruffy and although I showered I would smell good, people would look at me with a mixture of curiosity and disgust and people would be rude and treat me like crap. Then I lost a lot of weight due to stress and illness and now even when I’m still dressed like a hobo people are really kind and concerned and fuss over me and want to make sure I’m okay. And of course men pay way more attention to me and actually treat me like a human being. Now I see why ana-chans stay skelly. The amount of attention and care you get in that ‘oh poor you, you’re so harmless and cute and vulnerable looking, let me take care of you’ stuff must be insane.

Anonymous 46252

"It's a website for women"
Yes and sometimes women have opinions that are different from yours. How come only your womanly opinions get to be the ones expressed on this site?

Anonymous 46331

Get a grip

Anonymous 46332

how does anon need to get a grip? apparently peterson is the one memeing himself to death, kek.

Anonymous 46333

Maybe you should read what happened yourself.
Besides, whatever happened to him just proves his point more. You can only rely on yourself.

Anonymous 46351

If you have internalized misogyny, you should stay on websites for men where you can act as their pick-me princess, not try to force your mental issues on other women.

Anonymous 46352

CC isn't Lolcow, but it's definitely not a place for women who worship scrotes and think literally anything that happens to a woman is "her fault" for not "taking responsibility". I don't know the place for you (maybe Reddit), but you should go there if you dislike that viewpoint.

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