I worry I’ll never be ready to have kids Anonymous 48826
I’m 25, and quite a few of my peers are already mothers. The others talk of this desire to have kids that I just don’t have yet. I did always think I wanted children, and I’m scared of being an old lady with no one to visit me, but I can’t see myself ever wanting to give up living a (kind of) carefree inner city life, doing cool shit and hanging out. Does this change as you get older? Does anyone feel the same? I think maybe I’m just kind of selfish, I don’t really want to give up focusing on myself.
This changed for me as I matured and got more of my life in order. It might be fun to live your own life right now but it's not going to be fun forever.
I know a few middle aged women who are single and childless, and while it's not like their lives are terrible, there's a sense that they have no future as they just sit at home and play puzzle pirates forever and ever. All that time they could have invested in a child they instead invested on themselves so that they can spend a minute impressing people with their wine knowledge at the coffee table at work.
Personally I'm hoping for something more meaningful than that.
>being a lady
what cool stuff would you do in the inner city that you can't do elsewhere rape
eh, i don't think i'm that spiritual about it. I mean, there are women i admire who never had kids. childless doesn't equal single automatically either, plenty of men don't like children (or other women, if you swing that way)
>I’m scared of being an old lady with no one to visit me
This happens as well to old ladies who spent years picking up after their kids. Don't waste your good years on someone else.
>>48827>your life without children is meaningless
Lmao at breeders. They're like npcs who just say what the evolution programmed them to say.
Also, you don't have to be single. Just find a man who doesn't want kids and had a vasectomy.
You don't need to stress about it. I'm also 25 and I don't plan on having kids for another 5 to 10 years. My mom had me at 38, and my bf's mom also had him in her late 30's. There's still a lot of time for you to mature and decide. >>48830
This only happens if you're a shitty parent. Obviously your kids will move out and have their own lives, but they'll still be part of yours if you're a good person.
>>48834>>your life without children is meaningless
I didn't say that.
>Lmao at breeders. They're like npcs who just say what the evolution programmed them to say.
It's the other way around. No one told me to have children, let alone why I should, and I didn't feel like having them for a long time. I came to that conclusion later in life when I had more perspective.>>48836>This only happens if you're a shitty parent. Obviously your kids will move out and have their own lives, but they'll still be part of yours if you're a good person.
No it happens to good parents too unfortunately. Everyone moves to faraway cities to work and then the entire family is separated, and going to visit your aging parents becomes too inconvenient to do often, even if you dearly wish you could.
No one had to "tell" you about it. It's a natural instinct that kicks sooner or later, like for the wast majority of people.
Doesn't make it "right" in my eyes, it's just something people are programmed to feel by nature.
>>48834> like npcs who just say what the evolution programmed them to say
I don't get why people make the point that others are trapped by evolution as if an alternative is even possible. If we could just do what we wanted and unshackle ourselves from the influence or control of our evolutionary history than everyone would.
You would too, you would be able to tell yourself to study for a few hours and you'd be able to without distraction or procrastination. You'd be able to set a schedule for exercise and stick to it perfectly, never be influenced by attractive people's halo effect, or perform erroneous pattern searching fallacies developed by evolution. Until that's possible we shouldn't make fun of people for being controlled by evolution
are you spamming every thread with your "breeder" shit ? Get out of here, nobody wants you
Of course people move away, but that doesn't mean they move out of your lives. My whole extended and close family had to move to different parts of the world to escape a shitty country but we still visit and call each other. This isn't the same as having 0 family because you never had kids. I know several old women who never had kids and their lives are a lot more different than ours, even if we don't all live in the same place.
>>48827>it's so unfulfilling to sit at home all day playing Puzzle Pirates>instead you should stay at home all day watching someone else play Puzzle Pirates
Oversimplification is a fallacy, you know?
There are levels of depth to it though. I can't compare not being able to study without getting distracted to breeding and imposing existence upon someone without their consent lol. There's a difference between feeling an impulse and acting upon it. I may feel attracted to someone but I should still be able to control the extent to which I act upon that attraction etc.
>>48851>it's not oversimplifying to say that single people fritter away their time on bullshit>it is oversimplifying to say that parents also fritter away their time on bullshit
Good for you!
Im 28 in a long term relationship, 8 years and going. We agreed to not have children. I used to really want a son but Im too paranoid of being a bad mother and hes afraid of the idea of his children inheriting his health problems. After a while we agreed to just focus on each other. We do have three fur babies.
My older sisters are the same way, they stopped wanting kids and accepted a childless life.
Having children just isnt ideal for everyone, nothing wrong with that.
>>48827>It might be fun to live your own life right now but it's not going to be fun forever
Why not? This mentality is weird to me. If all you can think of to do with your life besides making kids is playing puzzle pirates and impressing people with "wine knowledge" I feel like you'd never find a lot of "meaning" in life anyway
Ho my God anti-natalist are so pathetic, you're worse than trannies
Nice non-argument. Trannies fantasize about rape-camps for lesbians.
Rape can literally happen anywhere.
No offense but you and your friends sound like youre boring as shit and uninteresting with or without children.
And having children doesnt mean they'll bring meaning into your life. Some people hope to find meaning in having kids only to regret it.
I suddenly felt a significant change around 27. I was slightly apprehensive about kids at 25, but a couple of years kind of kick started the biological imperative. I'm 29 now and actually working on it, because while my life is enjoyable, I do actually want kids. I want to actively improve on the generation, make them better people than me, let them achieve more than I have, do more for the world and their community than I had the opportunity for, and give them the chance to build a better foundation should they choose to have kids.
I'm so happy to see this thread. I don't want kids for the foreseeable future, but I definitely want a husband or wife. I think raising kids is wonderful and rewarding and all, but I'm terrified of childbirth and don't want to create a new human, so I'm thinking I'll have to adopt. Also, I really want a daughter specifically.
But at the same time, I'm aware how expensive and difficult adoption can be. It seems frivolous to waste that money when I have a working uterus, but at the same time i know I would be a much better adoptive than biological mother.
I'm stealth hoping one of my friends or family will have a kid they don't want and let me adopt it.
Also wow rereading that makes me realize how bad the last part sounds, I don't literally want my friends to have kids against their will, I'm just saying I'm here for any kids people might want to give up
It's important to have children when you are ready, OP. Otherwise unpreparedness may negatively affect their growing up. Give it time.
I feel kinda similar. I like kids, make good money, and definitely want a daughter, but I'd kill myself if I got pregnant (psychotic long-term PPD runs in my family). I don't want to put a partner or a kid through what I went through with my mom. Pregnancy is still unfortunately a career/job risk and detriment for me and also, I'm not ready yet situationally (financially and emotionally taking care of aging parents through pandemic).
Looking into adopting if I find the right person, or like you will happily adopt a relative if such a situation comes up. My grandparents and several uncles did that, so it seems it's not as unusual as I thought it was.
I lose my temper too easily. I dont want a kid because im afraid of slashing out and smacking the kid. I know how traumatizing that is, its just horrible. I also struggle with depressive episodes, a child would need a mother to be there not a unstable monster who sleeps all day. And mental illnesses are inherit.
That kind of freaks me out. What changes exactly?
NTA but there is no hormonal changes or anything like that. It's just psychological.
I hate theres a societal prasure to have children, its especially directed towards women. It falls too close to the whole women are good for only one thing mentality.
I dont like how some people on this board views having children so shallowly and black amd white. Without a greater thought then its "meaningful."
I started to feel more attached to children, particularly my baby nieces, nephews and cousins. I didn't suddenly become baby-crazy, just began realising that having children can be fulfilling and rewarding if you do it for the right reasons. I suppose it was also that my life was changing as I got my own place, spent more time at home, realised I could have a career without sacrificing a great deal, and began looking for someone to share the next stage of my life with. All of that together made me realise how little time I have left and really pushed me to think clearly on exactly what I wanted out of life; kids were at the top of the list.
That seems so weird to me. I'm almost 26 and being around small kids only convinces me I don't want children, they irritate me. I had my own place pretty early and I didn't have to worry about money and yet I don't feel anything.
What do you find fullfilling about it? Having children to me seems like nothing else than a means to stave off death anxiety.
Some people just don't have that instinct, though there's nothing wrong or shameful about that; just not wanting to endure the hassle of children, while finding fulfilment elsewhere. I'm fulfilled by my career, where I can help a great number of people who truly need it, but I feel the desire to create life and give it all the love I can, and I want to experience the same connection my mother has to me - something I see as deeper than what can be formed with friends or lovers. That's just me, though.
>>48940>I want to experience the same connection my mother has to me - something I see as deeper than what can be formed with friends or lovers. That's just me, though.
This is interesting to me, I think my relationship with my mom is something that puts me off of having kids. I love my mom and all but our relationship has always been kind of strained. I don't feel like we can ever really be close or understand each other past a certain point. Because I'm an only child I feel like I'm the center of my mom's world. It honestly makes me feel sad on her behalf more than anything, because in return I have fairly lukewarm feelings towards her and probably always will, and I'm only going to leave more distance between us as I move forward in adulthood. I admire parental love but it feels to my like there's an inevitable rift between parent and child. Friends and lovers seem more meaningful to me because there's a lot more potential for mutuality there. My bad experience is probably coloring my view of this though, but the thought that I could do my best to raise a kid and they come out feeling like I do about my family makes it all feel a bit empty to imagine.
I'm sorry your relationship with your mum isn't the best. I'm one of 4 kids, so I have no idea what it's like to be the sole focus of a parent, but I have a few friend's who are only children and have similar relationships to you - finding it strained, distant and the divide growing as they get older. Maybe it's just a coincidence.
I suppose in the end, as long as you find someone or something to ground you and help give substance to your life, it's all good. I hope you have or find someone you can share a deep connection with, even if it's not what I focus on.
I am fully convinced that if I were to have kids, they wouldn't live up to their 10s. They'd probably die by suicide, if not by my own hands. I'd be a terrible mother.
Some people just shouldn't have kids at all, and I'm one of them.
My own mother blames me for my lil bro's disability by claiming I hit or shook him and caused brain damage. I don't think it's entirely false because I'm fully capable of such things, but I only can vaguely remember hitting him for some stupid stuff, not going berserk on him.>>48914
I've read on stuff that can happen if someone's physically abusing the child at a young age and I'm horrified. It makes me sick of myself because I can do that. Everyone can do that.
the stats say it's more likely to be done by a close moid of course though
I dont like it when people undermind or under play how harmful and abusive mothers can be. I know men to be more abuseful, especially pyschically. Most women still use emotional an verbal abuse and dont realize how damaging that is to a child.
i am anti baby
goo goo ga ga
That you'd make your kids better people than you is kinda idiotic, like you made some kind of mistake and are ashamed about it so you'll get a redo through your kids
There's a lot of talk about having kids vs investing in yourself in this thread.
Any ladies ever thought about signing up as a foster parent?
I think if I ever become established in life that's what I would like to do - turn one of my rooms into a nice child bedroom and then help out kids. I don't care if I can ease their life for a few days or if they stay for months, years and we form a bond. I just really dislike this idea of the nuclear family where two people are responsible for the upbringing of kids - it takes a village and what not. So being a foster parent I think is a way to mimic this communal upbringing we lack. Parents are gonna fall on hard times but the kids shouldn't have to suffer as a result.
I don't have any opinions on what you're talking about but this post made me wish I lived in a small village where everyone really did care for each other not like real life surrounded by millions of anonymous faces clawing at each other to reach the top.
Children need to have both parents in their lives to have a good and healthy upbringing, having them being raised by a bunch of communal commies would probably turn them into trannies or dykes
Oh that's funny, cuz I'm pretty sure trannies barely exist in villages. Most of them are well off Americans who were brought up in a nuclear family with the extreme gender roles that have resulted from American marketing and capitalism. Not saying gender roles didn't exist at all in villages, but do you really think every fucking thing, right down to snacks was gendered before there was a profit motive to do so? Not to mention, a lot of trannysim is fueled by the pharma industry prioritizing profit over people.
I'm in my mid 30s with 3 kids. I've had to cut out all my non-mom friends. Not having kids at this age is just a proxy for irresponsible, immature, and selfish personalities that I want nothing to do with.
Just get knocked up already. You can always surrender it to the state if it turns out you don't like it.
Rural indian trann…
Blaming the nuclear family model after it was dismantled doesn't explain rural indian trannies. Unless your arguing the long tentacled arm of Christian familial roles strangled it's way into rural Indian norms.
Perhaps a more nuanced view would show you that current Neo-Lineral Western society loves to put those suffering and under oppression on a pedastal, and those seeking social rapport will, inevitably, embrace these as virtues to have in a race to the bottom of the "privilege pyramid".
Being gay or trans is a minority thing no matter where you go. Most people will be hetero in most cultures.
It seems like there are a lot online but I promise this is not the case irl.
Unless you want there to be no gays ever. In which case, why? It's half-decent population control. There would simply be too many humans if everyone on earth coupled up and had kids.
I wasn't blaming the nuclear family for trannyism, only reason i mentioned it was because the anon I was replying to was acting as if nuclear families are the cure for trannyism. I don't think nuclear families either cause or prevent troons, but nuclear families are correlated with troons because the parts of the world where they are more popular than extended families/tribes happen to have other factors which cause troons, such as attributing gender to all consumer choices. I agree that the "privilege pyramid" that you mentioned is also a factor too. I was just trying to quickly debunk that person, though, not write a comprehensive essay on all the causes of troons.
also, idk much about those Indian trannies, but if they're just transvestites who don't deny biology, idgaf about them. I only have a problem with gender ideology, which seems to be a rich white american thing mostly.>>51430
The foster parent thing sounds like a good idea, anon. I might look into that.
Nuclear families definitely immunize against tranny kids. The nuclear family is the most effective way to pass down your social and political views to your kids, surrendering partial control over their upbringing to a "village" is just going to have them absorb whatever the prevailing views are i.e. gender ideology. Maybe if you actually raised your kids in a highly conservative village it would be different but how on earth do you think a communal upbringing in a highly progressive urban center is going to do anything except turn your kids into trannies?
Same could be said about nuclear families though. Trangsgender parents having nuclear famlies are a thing. Also, conservative gender roles often result in more troons, a lot of troons are the result of their highly conservative parents telling them as a child that if they like pink, that makes them less male somehow, despite still perfectly fitting the biological definition of male. Being raised by gendercrit parents or villagers who accept biological definitions over all else would be least likely to result in troons.
No they aren't. Most trannies are moids raised by single mothers or who spent way too much time on the internet growing up. No one ever became a tranny because they liked pink and their 50s time capsule parents told them that makes them a girl. Explain how zoomers are the generation with by far the most trannies and yet were the ones raised with the weakest gender roles. The blue=boy pink=girl thing is such a shallow, irrelevant issue when the actual cause of people adhering to gender ideology is people being socialized into it through peers/media/school/uni/internet. Strong gender roles existed in nearly all societies around the world for all of history until the late 20th century. Where were the trannies then?
Anecdata, I know, but: I know multiple troons personally IRL and they all come from unbroken nuclear families. One was molested, the others got groomed online during college.
What the fuck? Are you trying to bring up the fucking Jews? I'm a jew you colossal fucking retard.
So every tranny from a nuclear family you know became a tranny because of something entirely different from conservative gender roles
Alrighty, I’m gonna rant
Literally if you aren’t “ready for kids” just don’t have them right now. Simple as.
Believe it or not, many women wait until their 30’s to have kids, even ones who gasp got picked and married young. Yes, even 50-60 years ago that was the case.
Maybe it’s just my country, but I’m around your age anon and while people my age are starting to have kids, it’s never the ideal situation all mixed race babies born to single mothers. I don’t care but I’m sure the /pol/ refugee shitting up the thread does Most high-caste normies in their mid-20s may be engaged and getting married, but they’re not necessarily popping out babies yet. They need to get their doctorate or secure a spot on the waitlist at a good daycare or some shit. You’re ok, trust me. The feeling to have kids may come or it won’t AND THAT’S OK ANON. Seriously, there’s enough kids on earth. The breeder life isn’t for everyone, even if your older female relatives and 20 year old boys on the internet tell you it is.
I’ll end this clusterfuck of a post with a cheeky playgirl billionaire quote for you
“Don’t accept criticism from people who you would not ask for advice”
Pic unrelated and saged for excessive autism
i had an unusual dream last night that i had a baby, and throughout the events of the dream i was caring for her and always had her with me, but then for some reason i found her dead frozen solid in my arms. Even though it was a dream it wrought the the most intense emotions of regret, guilt, despair, and grief i have ever felt in my life and i am still feeling them while awake. WTF is up with that, ive never even wanted kids
My aunt is 40 something years old and has no kids. She has had a very content life and has tons of friends, has gotten to travel to several different continents, can make trips on a whim, has a really cute house full of things she likes, and has gotten involved in work that was really meaningful for her (and then when she grew out of that work, she went back to school to do different work, because she had no obligation to stay at a job she grew out of for family).
Meanwhile my great grandmother had four kids, six grand kids, and five great grand kids and lived a miserable, fairly isolated life (me and my siblings visited her, but nobody else did) living around her batshit insane husbands (she got married four times). Her son murdered somebody and her other son is severely mentally disabled and schizophrenic and had to be taken care of his entire life, and she spent all of her time in her later years sitting in the same chair watching the same tv shows with her cats.
I'm not trying to sway your decision, because whether or not you want kids is your own decision. I understand the desire to want kids, because I do as well. But don't only have kids because you think it will add to your life or keep you from being isolated, because as you can see with my relatives, kids aren't going to fix your life or necessarily keep you from being alone in your later years. Only have kids if you like kids and you want to raise kids.
Enjoy too many things that are stupid and dangerous to ever have kids.
>>52140>Many women wait until their 30's to have kids, even the ones who got picked and married young
This. Your 30s are a WAY better age to have kids than your 20s. Yes fertility declines at 35 for both men and women, but it doesn't mean you're just suddenly sterile the second your 35th birthday hits. I got pregnant at 22 thanks to contraceptive failure and it was very hard fiscally and emotionally, a lot harder than it would have been if I had gotten pregnant while more settled in with life.
natalist nonsense has struck you all and it's sad. imagine wanting to cause permanent damage to your body in order to create more obedient and ultimately expendable workers. life is shit for most people and your children are likely to be very exploited and face much suffering in the coming decades considering the many existential threats humans and animals face due to climate change. sad that you guys don't care tbh.
Anti-natalists are fucking pussies. The logically outcome of the philosophy is that you should be attacking attempting to kill all live on earth, but you all back down when it comes to actual violence and just mutter about "muh voluntary sterilization".
i don't like this post because it justifies moids being deranged r*pists. sorry but i'll have to say no, good people are actively getting over their primal behaviors
There are nuances to all ideologies. Why act so aggressive?
>>48834>say what the evolution programmed them to say
Better than spending decades consuming products and getting excited for next products.
I don't know who convinced you that frying your dopamine receptors with uncontrolled hedonism is a good way of living but I don't think they had your mental health in mind.
I can't really sympathize. I've never felt this feeling of "wanting to focus on myself", so I've never had to make the choice between this and having children. I'd say personally I am forced to accrue lots of wealth before having children as I can't afford the fertility treatments otherwise, but if that weren't holding me back and I would have already had kids. Describe to me this feeling of "wanting to focus on myself"?
improving one's own life and having personal experiences that a child would hinder or complicate before committing to devoting your life and energy for the next 20-ish years to a child. not rocket science
>>56832>improving one's own life
So work? I guess. Sounds like a moid move though.>and having personal experiences
I find it surprising that some people have impersonal experiences. How is that even possible?
>>56833>I find it surprising that some people have impersonal experiences
I think that anon is trying to say that every single thing you do for the next 20 years will be influenced by your child, not by what you personally want
>>56847>I think that anon is trying to say that every single thing you do for the next 20 years will be influenced by your child, not by what you personally want.
Influenced sure, kind of how you're influenced by the friends you keep, or your parents, or the government. Still not understanding the nuance, is it avoiding a sense of obligation?
Improving your own life does not just mean having a job. Yes it can mean becoming financially stable so you can comfortably support yourself and a child (because that is logical and hurrying to birth a baby into poverty is not), but it can also mean becoming more mature, understanding yourself better, and becoming mentally healthier, because not only do those things benefit YOU, but they also benefit your kid. Having a kid while you're inexperienced, immature, unstable, and poor is not a good move for anybody involved.>>56849
No, the friends you keep and the government are not the same influence as the influence of raising a baby. The way raising a child influences you is that it makes it to where almost everything you do is for your child and not for you. And by everything I mean /everything/. During the first few years of your child's life taking a full shower and using the bathroom without being interrupted are a luxury. Trying to have a baby when you have developed as person is not "avoiding a sense of obligation", it is developing yourself to be mature enough to give a child the best life you can rather than stifling them of the things they need because you rushed in to the biggest responsibility you could ever bare.
You are not a good person because you want to rush in to having kids without taking any time to better yourself. In fact, you are a very selfish person, because your decision is about YOUR wants rather than what is BEST for your hypothetical children.