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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Coming out Anonymous 50884

Me and another girl are on the cusp of going out, when we finally start dating I don't want to have to hide my relationship with her from my mum if we end up being together long term
How should I come out to my mum? She would likely be a bit surprised as I've only dated guys before but I think she'd be accepting for the most part
I'm worried she'll ask me questions about when I realised and stuff and I don't really want to talk about that or make things awkward, what should I do?

Anonymous 50919


Toughie. I never really came out to my mom - I guess I just normalized the idea by barely bringing home guys and casually raising bi awareness.

Have you discussed it with your future partner? Doesn't even have to be about your relationship specifically but she's a queer person who knows you well. If she went through a coming out already she can give you some pointers. And these things are easier to do with support.

Anonymous 50930

It all depends of how accepting your mom is in reality.
A good test, once some LGBT stuff comes out so as to start the conversation, is to ask her what does she think of homosexual people (do NOT specificy lesbians); ask her further if she would mind someone if someone in the family turned out gay, and if she doesn't, stop talking about LGBT stuff the moment you notice the disapproval, and if she does approve sincerily and verily, then come out eventually.

I literally did this with my mom, and I seriously expected her support for gay people insincere, but at the end she accepted me.
Nonetheless, have a backup plan if things get very unexpected and you might have to get out of your mom's house.

Anonymous 50931


Very cute image! She told her parents and I believe they've always been supportive of her, when I tell my mum I want it to be a casual thing but since but I'm a bit worried she'll ask too much information or something..
Having a more organic coming out like you did sounds a lot more ideal though..

Anonymous 50933

Hmm, also, don't mind the "Ts" I typed, gomenasai.
I hate typing that letter in particular when using 'LGB'.

Anonymous 50940


ahh don't worry, the Ts don't bother me, but yeah LGB is so much better

also yeah i think my mum is pretty neutral to lgb stuff, she has said positive things about gay men at least once but that may or may not transfer to lesbian/bisexual women
i also had a yaoi phase as a teenager and my mum found my "homoerotic anime books" to be amusing so that's something i guess?

Anonymous 50955

Be careful and test the waters like other anons mentioned. Maybe bring up lesbian celebs if she's into that, or politicians. Or maybe see her opinions when something on the news happens that involves gay women.

Even if her opinion is negative, if she loves you she'll overlook it tbh. My mother has mixed feels about gay women (though overall her opinion on the gays is one of pity because of some theories she has) and even if her response to me was "You aren't gay! Impossible!" she still loves me and has started including women when we discuss my future partner. We've always been close so I never really feared it even if her opinion was negative sometimes.

But if your mom is religious then be super careful. Stay safe first anon.
Also congrats on gf!!

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