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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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It's just a crayfi…

Anonymous 52386

ITT all of us who wasted their lives because we didn't think we'd survive our twenties anyway and are now trapped in a hollow existence where our supposed "best years" are gone and it feels too late to start over so we're just trekking on until we either die or realize we could have turned things around 10 years ago if we started around the time we posted in this thread
Sister thread: >>>/feels/36

I'll start:
>shit childhood
>academically promising but ADHD and mental health went unchecked because of my insane family situation
>only job experience is entry level shit, only worked for 3-4 years total
>never learned social skills, can't blend in
>didn't pay anything into retirement fund as you're required to in my country
>never thought i'd live past 25 (not just because I'm a depressed loser but also because of physical illness) and now deal with daily existential crises about my age and lack of potential

I don't want to sound like some normie but I really regret not getting better job prospects so that even in the time I wasn't able to work due to illness I could have at least had passive income.
I have intimacy issues and can't make a relationship work for longer than 2.5 years, I just shield myself off and get cold.

Anonymous 52387

Anon, you're not even half way through your life. You can still turn things around.

Anonymous 52391

Anon, don't fall for the "teenage years are the best of your life!" meme, that's just some bs made up by moids that were chads hs but aged badly and are mad they can't date teenage girls anymore.
I'm close to your age and also had a slightly shit childhood, grew up with unchecked illness that got in the way of academic success for a while, and had no social skills for the longest time. But in the last couple years I managed to build up my social skills and find a promising career path.
It's not too late! Keep trying to socialize with people, even if you're shit at it. You might chase some people away at first, but that's the only way to get better.

Anonymous 52393

I could have written this post myself. The only difference is that while I improved my social skills to an ok level, I never fully became comfortable with being social and so just accepted that I am not a social person and stopped pretending to be one just because everyone else is. I prefer a very small number of quality relationships where I don’t have to try to be something I’m not than a large number of less close ones.

Anonymous 52403

other people have said it already, but 30…40…aren't that old, anon. they're not baby age but they aren't "withering old crone" age either.

really tho you're only as old as you feel. don't sell yourself short lmao

Anonymous 52404

>friendless through childhood
>tormented by parents
>homeless at 14
>resented by the new friends i did have after i depended on them for shelter
>barely passed high school
>had no intentions of applying to college
>hate working more than anything
>have no desire to live, only to sleep
>still speak to mom 4 times a year because im the only one left to inherit her shit when she dies
it would be life changing for me too, id easily have enough to support myself forever without working. i just have to put up with this psychopath a little bit longer. i keep saying that as soon as shes dead my life can finally begin, but im already 25 and i can only think its too late for me.

Anonymous 52409

I understand where you're coming from OP, I'm in a similar situation. Have never dated because of mental issues and have distanced myself from all my former friends. But let me tell you how I look at it. If my twenties were my best years that is pretty damn sad. I am working on my mental health and am hoping at some point in my thirties I can finally start living. Things can only get better from here. Maybe a lot of girls have their best years in their twenties or teens but it had better fucking not be me. My thirties are gonna be my best years and I'm gonna be a normie and get laid.

Anonymous 52416


Thanks for the kind replies, Anons. I didn't mean to say that I buy into the "peaked at 20" meme, I know life isn't over just because I'm 30, but it still feels like a depressing milestone and a lot of wasted time and the dating scene bums me out because now it's mostly younger guys who are into me (early to mid 20s) and I don't want to be a mommy dommy trying to teach my boyfriendson how to be an adult who makes his own meals and how to navigate babby's first relationship. Once you're in your 30s, the best way to meet people is at work, but I work from home. And everyone is settling down, getting married, having kids, or at least a career and an irl social life. I'm the one who sits on her laptop all day waiting for friends to be online while they drop off one by one because they've outgrown the internet.

>resented by the new friends i did have after i depended on them for shelter
That sounds awful and painful, I'm sorry.

Anonymous 52420

Sounds like a great place to start working on yourself. I highly recommend getting your shit together one step at a time to improve your life just that little bit more.

Anonymous 52488

>didn't finish high school
>never got a job
>got into uni
>failed out
>abandoned all friends
>distanced from family
>depressed since childhood
>been waiting for my elderly parents to die before I kill myself
>they just keep on living through serious health complications
>considering telling them I got a job somewhere isolated, dating cards, messages ect. and killing myself

Anonymous 52489

That's not true, you lying piece of shit. Get out. You have nothing to offer.

Anonymous 52497


Fuck…this is too relatable and I actually came to cc to vent about this exact thing.


>lived with my shitty, controlling parents until very recently because I couldn't afford to move out so I come across as autistic in social situations or anything that requires acting like an adult
>got mediocre results in school and college because I had untreated mental health issues and now my degree is useless because my results are way below what's expected of me for job applications, never really anticipated that would happen
>let myself go physically so I'm overweight and have chronic acne and a shit diet that's probably killing my insides but shit food and alcohol is the only thing that gives me a tiny glimmer of happiness between the long, long periods of feeling empty
>have no hobbies (so nothing that helps me pass the time or helps me make interesting conversations with people or even anything I could turn into a small business to escape corporate office life), I gave up any of my childhood hobbies as a teen because depression made me so exhausted and now I don't feel like I could pick them up again
>worked for a place for no/very little pay for years because I was so desperate to get experience/escape from being a shut-in (I literally thought it would be for a few months and I'd move on) but it hasn't helped me to progress in any way and I feel trapped there, I'm just trying to survive and it's just enough to keep me afloat so I have to keep doing it. I've been obsessively applying for other jobs but nobody wants my autistic ass (might actually have autism but can't afford a diagnosis and can't justify paying for it because it wouldn't actually help me in life)
>wanted to live abroad but have no language skills or savings, I feel the older I get the less of a chance I have to live out that dream
>attempted ||suicide|| many years ago but after meeting my boyfriend, I haven't tried since because I feel like I have to keep living for him so genuinely didn't think I'd make it to this age and made no plans for it
>pushed most of my friends over the years away
>parents keep pushing me to have children when I have serious mental health issues, no money and no permenant residence which is making me upset because I'm not meeting their idea of being "accomplished"
>have absolutely 0 goals or aspirations, no idea how the fuck I should improve my life
>everything I attempt to do just explodes in my face in the most comical way

I can't tell if this is what life is supposed to feel like or if there's…more.

Anonymous 52514

The best years of your life lie ahead; always. Tell yourself this little lie until it becomes true. It is a cope, sure, but a cope is a protective psychological barrier. Without the cope, we cannot do anything of value, and thus the cope serves a net benefit. If you believe that the future will only bring good, then you will seek for the good in everything that happens to you. I understand this is guru hippy self-help shit I'm spouting, but it works. I'm not religious, nor am I even that spiritual. I just believe that things in the universe happen to benefit me, even if it doesn't seem so.

Everything that happens is meant to happen and you were meant to suffer (yes I know I sound like I come from a weird Christian cult when I say that, or it sounds like I'm someone spitting out fragments of Buddhist philosophy, but it's a thought you should meditate on). Now you're here, you wish you did something sooner, but you didn't, and you can't turn back time. You can start changing now, though. If you want to fix a mistake that you made 10 years ago, the best time to start is now. It's the only time to start. Some people take very little time to acknowledge their mistakes, some, like you and I, take a bit longer. Some never recognise their mistakes. We are lucky to know of our own foolishness, and once the feeling of having fucked up passes, you can start working on yourself. It's ok to feel bad for yourself, but don't indulge it, because feeling bad for yourself ultimately leads to sloth, and is in its own way a cope to justify not doing anything ever.

Your regret can be harnessed into motivation. The things you didn't do needed to go undone, if that makes sense. If you did the things you think you should've done, then you wouldn't be here realising that you didn't do them, and if you weren't here recognising that you should've done more, then you would never aspire to want to do more. It's like Jean Valjean in les mis if you've ever read it; had he never served so long in prison, he never would have had the life altering experiences that lead him on the path to good. Your future is all up to you, and only you can fix it. You're capable of becoming "successful", whatever you define successful to be. Just don't define your success by your looks/age, that's a moidcentric view of the world. To me, I consider myself successful if every day, I contribute something, I grow a little, and I feel content. I think I am largely more successful now than even 2 years ago.

Anonymous 52517


Im 24 and super scared this is going to be me one day. I became homeless for 3 years as soon as I left school and now I have my own apartment but a psychological disability that dictates I can't work or even go outside around people. I've never been able to work a single day in my life. I'll be 30 in 6 years. I've never even kissed someone I genuinely liked. All sex I've had was purely for his benefit, I didn't want to do it at all, I just wanted him to like me. I think a lot about the idea of wasting your youth and I've developed all these primal fears of aging that are a million times stronger than any aging fear I've had before. I'm obsessed with having some facet of me continue past death, and in the modern era, the only consolation comes in the form of being famous. My existence will only feel validated if I become widely known enough to be remembered. As suicidal as I am, I feel I can’t let go without earning a Wikipedia page that describes everything about me, cobbled together by interviews conducted by prestigious publications.

Learning to be 100% content single was an incredibly useful skill to learn. Now I need to learn how to be content being an unknown whose life will only have meaning to herself. I am a normal person in society, meaning I will probably not be remembered by many people after I die, and I want to come to terms with that instead of living in fear of this fact. I really don’t like my mother. When I look into the mirror and see my face age into her’s I feel sick, like she’s taking something from me. Seeing one of my parents look back at me in the mirror for the first time is a teenage memory I will never forget. I wonder if adulthood is going be more about looking in the mirror and seeing what my child will see instead.

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