whens the first time you remember thinking about your looks? Anonymous 54050
For me it was about twelve or thirteen or so. I was in gym and a guy told me I had a porky pig nose. I laughed because I didn't know what else to do and ran off to the bathroom where I burst out in tears and wouldn't stop looking in the mirror. Before then I had a sort of ignorant confidence and had never really thought about the possibility of me being ugly.
At age 21 I went to uni in a foreign country far away from home. At home in my rural surroundings, I was decently above average, but then I went to this place where everyone was beautiful in the western sense, you know the contemporary ideal: pale skin, light features, tall and thin.
I got really self conscious and had a mini crisis. Like, how can you even compete. I also started to suspect all guys who were into me were fetishists or otherwise damaged.
It was not a happy part of my life.
It's also weird, because growing up, I consumed lots of western media and did not see westerners as a different looking people. The contrast was only evident when I was actually living among them.
Looking back it was kinda silly. I think I was really immature and sheltered for my age. I had never been out of the country before that.
At like 5ish, I think?
My mom would cut my hair into a bowl cut because it was easier to deal with.
I remember some girls in kindergarten said that I looked like a boy and was in the wrong bathroom.
I was just angry, but made me want to grow my hair bigger, though. Which my mom would only let me have after I was 8, I think.
But I was still happy despite that, I loved taking pics and wearing a red lip gloss to mimick my mom.
I only started perceiving myself as ugly around 12 or 13, and really ugly by 25 or so.
People always called me pretty as a child (I was), so I was aware from a young age. My mother also always made sure to say "you aren't your looks, it's just an accident of birth" but of course it was in relation to being cute, not ugly.
At 10 I first truly considered that getting glasses would make me ugly.
At 11 a girl pointed out my ethnic nose and I've never shrugged that insecurity. I also realized I was getting chubby.
I became intensely aware of my appearance to BDD levels at 19-20 and it's just grown worse since. I finally look decent and am healthy, but I'm neurotic as fuck.
2nd grade because I was chubby and people would always point it out. 6th/7th grade for thinking my face was also ugly.
15. I was raised alone in the middle of nowhere, with only a handful of family to see every year, so I'd never had to ever think about my looks. My dad passed away at the start of the year and I had to move to the city to be with a cousin who was willing to take custody. I dressed exclusively for practicality and longevity, so all my clothes had holes, tears and mended patches. I trimmed my hair with shears, never owned makeup and kept everything in an old army pack completely covered in patches.
All the girls fucking tore me apart, touching my hair and pretending it stank/burned them, constantly telling me I was stinking up the class and had to leave, spreading rumours I was raised in an incestuous compound, was homeless, got pregnant and fled to the bush, had been in a mental ward ect. Surprisingly the boys in my class were the only ones to defend me, so I just kept dressing the same way until I was told I had to wear "less revealing" clothes, because anonymous people had complained they could see my bra and underwear through tiny holes and tears. Eventually I was suspended and had to update my wardrobe from the 80's, when most of my clothes were made.
>>54055>Surprisingly the boys in my class were the only ones to defend me
It isn't surprising. Most boys are brought up to see clothes as something functional and practical, and you often hear how very few boys have any kind of dress sense.
So they likely saw it as something relatable and petty to criticize someone over.
That is such a 90s thing to say.
Boys today are just as vain as girls.
The marketing whos get into their brains young and brainwash them into being metrosexual faggots who wear brands and shit.
I remember when I was 6, some boy told me he liked me because he thought I was pretty
My friend asked why he didn't like her, he said "because your not as pretty"
Really just opened my eyes at a young age that being attractive means that people will like you more
I was bullied and teased a lot for being poor in primary school, even though I wasnt even that poor. People would make fun of my naturally curly frizzy hair and call it "jesus hair" and say I didnt brush it (I did, but ironically I know now brushing makes curly hair frizzier.)
Girls would also make fun of me for having a monobrow, they'd do that humiliating condescending thing where they frame an insult as a question like "ummm, anon, why do you have hair between your eyebrows?? Why dont you like, shave it off?" I ended up shaving off like half the inner parts of my eyebrows and from the ages of 11-14 I just covered the shame with my emo fringe which I was always self conscious of. They'd always tell me to shave my hairy arms and legs because my hair is much darker and thicker, then when I started shaving my arms I'd get people pointing that out and saying its weird.
I remember being very self conscious about my weight from an early age too. I dont think anyone called me fat but I remember I used to go around sucking in my stomach almost all the time, when I was a perfectly average weight.
probably around 6th grade.
I had a boy tell me "you're not the prettiest flower in the garden" which at the time I thought was cheesy, but it's still stuck with me towards this day.
I also had an obese kid call me a fatass, to which slowly began my descend into developing an eating disorder at 13.
When I was very little, I was playing with the kitchen stove when my hair caught on fire. My face and neck got badly burned. I had to get multiple surgeries, but I never got to look normal again.
My life peaked at 8. I shut down emotionally after that. Looking at old pictures of myself from before the accident fills me with bittersweetness, because it reminds me in the present of the life I should have had and of the life I will never have again.
Kids Choice Awards…
When I started spending most of my time on the internet and kept coming across comments pointing out and mocking physical flaws in other people and nit-picking features I've never paid attention to.
Before that, I lived in ignorance.
My female friends never put me or each other down to feel better about themselves even though they could have since I was the plainest out of all of us. My family doesn't care about appearance beyond "brush your teeth and use deodorant". Never had strangers make rude or judgmental comments about my appearance either. In my teenage years, there was more important stuff to think about than my acne or frizzy hair. These things didn't take up much of my mind space.
Now, I find myself comparing my body to other women's bodies and dwell on flaws for hours, sometimes days.
I'm sorry for what happened to you, anon.
Since I was 12 years old.
The boys insulted me and didn't respect me at all for being a little bit ugly. But instead, if the girl was pretty, they did what they were told.
wtf someone opened up about their traumatic experience and you're talking about guys ???
very young! i was a very cute child, but my weight fluctuated like crazy (abuse) and my southern family members would say i "look very 'healthy'" (polite way of saying fat). we did the same with height as my family is tall, comparing everyone as we grew.
my vivid memory is being on the playground squatting to look for something in the woodchips. the (natural) curvature of my knees + thighs made me sick. i was about 10.
weird for you to assume that shaving half your eyebrows off and shaving your arms is an "improvement". 9 year old kids were not suggesting I "work on myself" they were pointing and laughing at something they thought was unusual just for the sake of it.
I was already like 7-8 years old when I felt like there was something wrong with me. Whenever I saw myself in the mirror I'd just feel uncomfortable. Back then I couldn't really articulate it in my head that I thought I was ugly, but I felt uncomfortable whenever I saw my face. I did realize though that I was nothing like all the princesses or models in the media or girls in my school.
At 9 years old it really hit me somehow and I was wondering why am I not as cute or pretty as the other girls in my class. They were so lively, happy and princess-like while I was such a gloomy resting-bitch-face. I remember being ashamed of my eyebrows. They were super thick, straight and close to my eyes, I felt like I looked like Tarzan. I'd shave them or plug them trying to make them thinner. I thought my face was fat aswell and I admired oval/heart shaped faces. I tried running and not eating in hopes of getting thinner face. I also had fucked up teeth that'd be crooked and my front teeth were big and tilting forwards, making me look like a rodent.
It didn't help either that I overheard boys talking about who is the ugliest girl in the class and they said my name. This actually scarred me deeply and that was the first time I felt like I truly hated myself and I think this started the downward spiral of lifetime. This was actually so bad that I couldn't help but cry when I described this out loud to my therapist 2 years ago.
To this day (23 years old) all I ever think about is my looks and looksmaxing and I make sure my eyebrows are snatched and I suffer from anorexia because I still hate my fat face. My teeth were somewhat fixed. My front teeth weren't perfectly fixed but they are far from being as bad they were. I honestly feel like after all the looksmaxing I'm somewhat Stacy-tier now but all the memories of people saying I'm ugly and they'd kill themselves if they looked like me, all the boys rejecting me makes me doubt myself. I think I'm probably just delusional and don't want to think I'm still the ''ugly girl'' but hey at least I like seeing myself in the mirror now.
Being sexually abused is what made me start to become hyper aware of my looks.
Also, the experience of being a twin makes you aware of your appearance very early. Everyone always compares your appearance to your twin and treats you like you're some science experiment of what is similar and what isn't. Luckily, I have been the resident "prettier" twin. My sister had trouble with this, but she says once she accepted she was uglier, it just made her feel better in general whereas I always stress out about being prettier than other people. But the sexual abuse was awful in terms of appearance awareness as well because my abuser said hurtful shit regarding my appearance while wanting me to butter him up and call him handsome.
I freaked out that I was going from 60 lbs as a little kid and gaining weight through the start of puberty. I suffered from anorexia and have always been underweight until I went on birth control, antidepressants, and mood stabilizers. Now I'm a regular bmi. I hate my body now, but with breast implants, I think I might be okay I'm not skinny like I used to be.
Everyone thought I was going to be a Stacy when I was a little girl because I was really pretty and popular. Light blonde, wavy hair, huge eyes, small doll-like features, sweet/polite.
I'd get compared to Dakota Fanning as we were the same age when she was little, and then, I became REALLY ugly from the age of 10 to 15 (puberty was harsh), and it gave me massive body image issues, seeing how different I was treated throughout different attractiveness phases.
I became outcasted by all of my fucking peers.
I remember when I was 10, I posted a picture over Facebook where I had all of my family added that I hadn't seen in 2-3 years
My hair had darkened from the pretty platinum blonde to a drab mousy brown, my nose had grown in to be bulbous, and my sister that moved away just commented,
"Uh…. you look different… lol…"
I was in 5th grade (10) and I had a "boyfriend" that was hot-and-cold
I remember he looked at me thoughtfully, like he was going to say something sweet, and he just scowled and went, "Jesus… you are so ugly…" with the most genuine, repulsed tone.
People would also say I have a pointy chin and nose. There was a guy that would come up to me and call me "witch chin".
I had stringy, flat hair, stick thin lips, completely flat ass, BIG nose, and crooked teeth
I got compared to a female Fred/Lucas Cruikshank lol.
2 years later (12-14), I had being "petite" and "smol" ingrained into my identity because I had been told how short/slender I always was for my age
When I got to middle school (12-14), I had a pedo "boyfriend" that would call me fat because I was gaining weight during puberty, and would say I have gorilla tree trunk legs.
Guys in my class would say that I was "curvy" and grope my body parts. Guys would say, "you're not fat, Anon, you're curvy!," and show me a picture of some girl I considered big, and it would make even more self conscious because I didn't want to be a voluptuous Kim Khardashion type. It seemed like a "nice" way to say fat, even though I was only 5'0" 1/2 and 105 pounds.
I looked like a ghoul because the way I would wear makeup is that I would wear a foundation and nothing else, so it'd remove all of the life/shadows in my face, as I wasn't contouring or anything.
I wanted to be slender and dainty. I became vegetarian, so I could consume less calories, and developed Anachan-like qualities
At the age of 14, I bleached and fried all of my hair, going through my emo phase, and would dye it neon pink and shit. I had a lip piercing, and half of my eyebrows were shaven off, and I looked bloated and gross. I just looked like shit. I would always take photos in the most unflattering angles too, that would highlight how fucking gargantuan my nose is.
Somehow, though, I was semi-Tumblr famous at this time, I guess because I had the "scene look", but I looked fucking terrible.
At the age of 15-or-so, I shaved all of my hair off because it was damaged, and bought black Asian wigs, and learned to do makeup. I started sloooowly getting more male attention, and my small following online kept growing, and people would repost my pictures on "scene/emo" sites.
Then, at 16, I finally got into the 90 pound range. I grew out my hair, and dyed it a pretty red, and learned how to do makeup properly, and dressed better, and male attention started flying at me. I started getting hit on IRL constantly, and I was so confused each and every-time. The first time I got hit on (by an ephebophile in Wal-mart, lmao), I literally looked around for cameras because I thought it was one of those YouTube prank videos where someone tries to get as many numbers from girls as they can.
Now, at 22, I'm very skinny (87 pounds), fit, and I've become more fashionable. My face looks different because my features are more defined as I've lost weight, and even though I get told that I'm a 7-7.5/10, I don't believe anyone. I still feel like fucking Lucas Cruikshank underneath all of my makeup and hair extensions.
I also still have crooked ass teeth as I didn't get braces as a kid, because I thought it'd make me even uglier, but I regret it. I want to get adult braces at some point.
I was in 6th grade I think or 5th. THe only asian in my group of very pretty white friends. I don't know why they even associated with me, perhaps I was a goof and made them laugh. Anyways, we were playing a dare on the bus and one of my friends dared me to ask the high school guy (we were still in primary) out and I hesistated but then the second girl was like "don't be shy, I will go first" and so she approached him and proceeded to casually ask him out. I think the boy said something about her being very cute and not wanting to be a pedo for dating a girl in primary. So I got the courage to walk up to him and ask the same thing, before I even got close to him, presumably, he saw me get up and walk towards him, he knew what was coming and instantly said out loud in front of my friends and so that the entire bus could hear "Oh yuck not her as well". And yeah I felt shit for a while. In retrospect, my friends probably knew that was going to be the reaction I'd get and did it in a passive aggressive way to remind me that I'm ugly and different.