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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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comphet Anonymous 55723

Thoughts on comphet?

>Compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced by a patriarchal and heteronormative society.

Am I a Lesbian? Masterdoc

Anonymous 55726


When you spend so much time with schizos online that you think the most normal things universal in all human societies throughout history are all a conspiracy.

Anonymous 55727

>can relate to a good portion of the list
>is currently in a very serious relationship with a man who I am attracted to and want to marry
Yeah I’m gonna pretend like I didn’t see that

Anonymous 55728

Febfems exist specifically because it's possible to be sexually attracted to men and decide not to date them anyways, the idea that not finding relationships with men desirable is an indicator that you're a lesbian doesn't really fit when you could despise men for reasons other than your sexual orientation

Anonymous 55730

I think they mention that in the doc. If you don't want to date men because of trauma or other reasons, you shouldn't have to feel that you have to push past that and it's ok just to date women only.

Anonymous 55732

They just brush it aside to say that that discomfort is always an indicator you're a lesbian

Anonymous 55733

>having a lot of your guy crushes later turn out to be trans women
this happened to me twice what the fuck

Anonymous 55734

That part is just them trying to be woke, I wouldn’t think too much about it.

Anonymous 55739

It honestly reads like lesbian propaganda lmao.

Anonymous 55740

It depends what part of the list I think. I really don't think this is an authoritative document. Like if you cannot imagine being long-term happy in a relationship with a man (and it sounds like you can imagine that), that's pretty telling, but the part about being more into a narrative/fantasy when imagining sex is just bullshit IMO. That's just how some people tick.

However, if you really do harbour doubt after reading this it is better to confront and explore that than risk regretting it 3 or 13 years down the line.

Anonymous 55741

You can despise men for social reasons but still be attracted to them sexually i.e be straight or bi

Anonymous 55742

Yeah I agree, that's why I have an issue with some parts of the doc. There's stuff in there that IMO screams same-sex attracted exclusively but there's other stuff that's more iffy.

But like, running away from fears generated by that document is not going to be helpful either. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian.

Anonymous 55746


Ignoring the value judgments, hating men doesn’t make you a lesbian. Liking women makes you a lesbian. This document encourages compulsory 3Dsexuality, when perhaps anons here may be 2Dsexual. In fact many of the questions they try to pigeonhole as being indicators of lesbianism are more likely indicators of husbando/waifuism (preference for fantasy, liking the idea of relationships or sex but not the reality.)

Anonymous 55748

waifuism/husbandoism isn't so much a sexual orientation as it's more something like febfems were even if innately you're have a certain sexuality, circumstances have narrowed your behavior only to 2d

Anonymous 55749

I don't know about that. I did see in the recent tiktok drama the creator of the doc wrote it when she was like 18/19, which is… young. But it has been useful to people.

Anonymous 55750

Don't give me hate for this but have you ever been tested for autism? Like srsly. Women show autistic traits so much differently than men. Also, you could just have high standards or are just nervous/shy.

Anonymous 55760

I first learnt about comphet exactly one year ago during quarantine, I read the paper someone shared on a gc I was in, I've been questioning my sexuality since puberty when I was watching yaoi and yuri only as a teenager, I got into a relationship in my late teens and I thought I was straight and only had a phase but my attraction faded away so quickly when I got to know him and I never felt happy in the relationship, when I broke up with him it felt like a huge weight that has been lifted, at this point I think I might be bi, I only like males on a physical level but I come from a very religious family and having a relationship with a woman long term sounds difficult.
I'll just stay single.

Anonymous 55790

I had a ~crisis~ in 2020 and have mulled this over a bit.

My opinion is that if you enjoy anything sexual with men you are not a lesbian, and this includes fantasies. But I'm also not here to police anyone.

I would be considered a lesbian by some as I am (sexually) repulsed by men irl and am unable to engage with them beyond friendship. However, I am bisexual because I have had fantasies and crushes. I just am disgusted when they reciprocate and never want a man to touch me beyond hugs and high-fives.

Acknowledging this is important as I have privilege over lesbians due to being able to relate to straight women when they speak of men. I never felt overly alienated from heteros growing up due to my ability to fantasize about men (I felt alienated for other reasons lmao). It actually took until last year when it happened twice that a man I "liked" returned the feelings that I encountered any issues. Prior to that I felt quite comfortable in the world.

As it stands, I just say I'm gay if necessary and that's fine for me. It expresses that I can only date women, but also doesn't appropriate lesbianism. Febfem is also good but less mainstream, and just saying bi implies that I could date men.

Oftentimes, the topic is best left unmentioned.

Anonymous 55793

>Acknowledging this is important as I have privilege over lesbians due to being able to relate to straight women when they speak of men. I never felt overly alienated from heteros growing up due to my ability to fantasize about men
This is weird to me since I'm actually bi (have relationships with men) but I could never relate to other women's attraction to men. It's part of why I thought I was les for a long time before I came to terms with being bi. I like men sexually only really in terms of function, even when I think they look good it's hard to have extended interest in it. I felt super alienated from straight girls when they talk about "hot guys" and I still do tbh despite having a bf that I know I like and is not comphet.

I think sexually is complicated and multifaceted and not many people are 100% straight or gay if you consider fantasies as a indicator. I could be wrong though.

Anonymous 55863

congrats, nonnie, you're bisexual.

Anonymous 55870

This document has got me really questioning whether or not I am a lesbian. It has also made me realize that my friend, a very attractive 26 year old who has never dated anyone and who no man can win over, is almost definitely a lesbian.

Anonymous 55946

This is just a mindfuck for me. I've been thinking about it for years and idk if I'm a lesbian or if my standards are just too high.

Anonymous 55980

Date her anon

Anonymous 55998


Honestly I would and sometimes I think she was flirting with me but I have that wlw doubt where if they're not like "I like you and this isn't a joke" it's hard for me to be sure lol

Anonymous 56002

No, you are not a lesbian

Anonymous 56012


you're not a lesbian

Anonymous 56013

Sounds like comphet to me :^)

Anonymous 56016


Anonymous 56022

It sounds like establishing that might be a good idea.

Anonymous 56024

I agree with you. sucks that we're both shy

Anonymous 56026

I have so little patience for this shit, the useless lesbian stereotype. OK you don't want to fuck with the friendship, fine. But talking with her about the OP document and how its affected you is a completely reasonable thing to discuss with a close friend, and that's an easy in to a more in-depth and personalized discussion. Maybe that doesn't go anywhere, maybe she's too shy for that kind of discussion - but not even trying is pathetic.

Anonymous 56298

don't care

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