Your family sounds so much like my family.
>I clean the whole house myself only for my family to throw a fit if I tell them not to be so careless dropping crumbs on the floor when I just hoovered
God, this. I literally have to clean the entire house every other day because my family members are fucking gross. They leave garbage, entire pots and pans of food, projects they aren't going to finish and clothes just lying everywhere. I'm also the only one that will ever clean the cat litterbox. And when I ask for help keeping up with it all, they at best are like "oh sure, sure" and change nothing, and at worst start getting very angry that I'm not just silently cleaning up behind them rather than actually trying to fix the SOURCE of the problem.
>It's just expected I cook and clean, meanwhile if my brother makes toast he gets praised to high heaven.
Yes!! My family does this too!! If my dad puts a SHEET on his bed it's a big deal. If my male relatives do literally anything my grandmother (the one enforcing all of this) makes a huge fucking deal out of it. Meanwhile I cleaned my dad's entire house after I had been moved out for a while, and my grandmother came by and was just like "the garage is still dirty". I can work for hours and hours and it's just expected and anything I didn't do right will quickly be pointed out, no matter how minor it is, with no praise of all the things I DID do right. I also pretty much raised my siblings when I was 14-18 after my parents got divorced, and my grandmother was more critical of my mistakes I made as a literal middle schooler while raising my siblings than she is of my father, a grown man, who is a hero because he will make spaghetti every few months.
My grandmother is basically the tradwife meme other than the fact that she works and expects me to work. I'm in school and they actually want me to work, do school, and run the domestic affairs. She is fiercely misogynistic and believes that women should just be pious and dutiful, e.g. work themselves into the ground for men who can't even flush the toilet. What kills me is when I vent about how hard it is keeping up with my house, she tries to tell me to stop whining because it's easy for her to keep up with HER house, but it's just her and my grandfather, who really isn't dirty at all, meanwhile my direct family can destroy a perfectly clean house literally within a day or two. Also my fiance lives with us, and he grew up in a house where he was expected to contribute (as he should have been), so he helps me, but recently my dad had this long talk with me about how he hates seeing him do the dishes and take the garbage out, and that I should be doing that too. Meanwhile if I'm cleaning circles around him and he (my fiance) is just sitting on the couch, nobody bats an eye.
I'm very glad you're getting away from it all. And I hope you succeed on your path to becoming a doctor, if I was your mother I would be insanely proud of you. I'm trying to get away too.