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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 57050

Anyone else here whos just never really had friends besides family members, feels completely disconnected from other people due to having a mind that works differently and sees neetdom as a favourable option. I just wanted a deeper meaning to life so that i could know that my input matters but apparently everything is subjective and you assign things their value. Given that im unable to see the same value in things people on average see, why cant i just live for myself instead of pretending theres a connection between me and others?

Anonymous 57067

cute space reimu.j…

I lost all my friends when I moved to a different town when Covid started. I haven't been out with people in like 13 or 14 months.

I decided to just focus on my career, possibly retire early. Nobody will ever love me haha.

Anonymous 57069

I've never had friends other than family and my spouse, but I believe that will change after I exit NEETdom into college. I already have an Associate's, but I actually understand what socialization means to me now and my goals. This means that I'm ready to expose my self to other people even though I am not particularly interested in them other than how they can help me. I hope if I cross this first bridge, I can close the gap into caring about other people. If this fails I will try some other method.

Anonymous 57071

This sounds like autism anon. I don't mean that as a putdown, just similar to how I've heard female autism described. I'm the same and have wondered for a while if I could be on the spectrum.

Anyway, if you want to live as a loner, there's nothing stopping you. I have found there are some drawbacks though that can be hard to get around:

>job/character references difficult

>never recognized for your hard work or contributions
>no one to care for you in illness
>no network to help get unadvertised jobs/apartments/etc
>viewed with suspicion by others (makes it hard to stop being a loner if you change your mind)
>everything more expensive (look up "singlism")
>pity glances/comments from others at Xmas/birthday/restaurants
>preyed on by abusers

The best situation I've found is finding a loner partner and be loners together.

Anonymous 57077

>The best situation I've found is finding a loner partner and be loners together.
That sounds nice. I used to have a classmate in collage, she really had no friends either. She said herself, she basically just hangs out with her bf and reads manga all day. That would be nice.

Anonymous 57136


To add to that, breakups will absolutely ruin you if you're a loner because you can afford to put all of your emotional-investments into your partner and thus become codependent quite easily as your social-needs get met by a single individual and so everything starts to revolve around them and they become a big part of your identity; and people occasionally get into these kinds of situations while outright possessing a thriving social-circle, so it can send you crumbling pretty hard if you don't even have any friends or much of a social-circle to begin with.

Can also put you in situations of abuse and also give your partner the leverage to shape the narrative of the relationship more easily as you being the crazy and clingy ex if you happen to date a social-butterfly who broadcasts all their shit to the world. Dunno how it is when both are total loners as I haven't been in that situation before but I imagine that it is unhealthy in its own way as well.

I think the most important part is to have a healthy self-esteem and to NEVER base your self-worth on the opinions of anybody else, no matter how much you love them. But of course I realize this is hard if you are lonely and get to feel loved for once.

Anonymous 57140

Are you a loner yourself?

Anonymous 57142

How do you stop being codependent on your SO while also not making friends? I'm pretty happy in my relationship but most of our issues come from both being loners and getting kind of codependent on each other. My bf even started telling me I should make friends but I hate people and don't want a social life.

Anonymous 57151

I'm a loner but I do actually care about people. Unfortunately, my interest in them is overshadowed by my love of my own company, so I am a serial ghoster. I cut people out then cyber stalk them for years…absolutely senseless. It's just exhausting to have to interact on a regular basis. My existence in the conversation detracts from my ability to fully absorb who they are as people, since I have to worry about making the right responses and influence their judgment of me. Interpersonal relationships involving two egos are impure, which is why I like imageboards where people anonymously shit their feelings out in such a frank way. Also I'd rather be drawing naked ladies than talking sometimes (often).

Anyway, if not autistic, maybe you're schizoid? Not that knowing helps aside from maybe giving you some tools. I have suspicions I'd be classified as avpd but it changes nothing. I still have to continue to be accountable for my avoidance and work towards consistent socializing, so whatever.

But if you just don't care and are happy alone I guess it's different. I only want to change because I dream of having a partner. If I was happy alone with no sexual/romantic desires and it was financially feasible to become a NEET I would, damn.

OT but I've seen a few HS images around cc lately. Is it all you or is the fandom rising once again?
Godspeed either way.

Anonymous 57162

yup. I recently stumbled upon someone's facebook and they radiated like the sun. Millions of friends who liked her photos and commented about "lets hang out again next time!". She looked so cool and seemed to have a cool, quirky style. Everyone loved her. I felt amazed. She had this connection with people and they with her. I think the problem is that we are social beings to begin with. No getting out of this one.

Anonymous 57197

God, I got out of a 2 year relationship that was really intense and took up most of my time since we also worked together on projects etc, and suddenly I resurfaced in my old life and most of my old friends had moved on. I'm still extremely grateful for those who accepted me back without a hitch.

Anonymous 57251

Start lifting for that dream body of yours
Keep in mind though that fitness isn't something that you do for like 2 years and stop because you achieved your goal
To achieve your dream physique you have to make a series of significant but very much lievable lifestyle changes and you absolutely have to go at your own pace
That way you can not only achieve a good body but also keep it

Anonymous 57324


Yeah, in a way. I'm socially-graceful and can get along if I try and if my depression and especially anxiety doesn't get the best of me that day. I do have this shitty habit of ghosting and going off-the-radar for a while, probably a shame-related thing since I'm neurotic; I also enjoy being missed. Another thing is that I have issues maintaining friendships and relationships for long. My hobbies are also primarily on the introverted-side and focused on loads of reading and writing as I run a blog where I translate old texts and scriptures, and a side-blog where I write poetry, display symbolic art, answer questions, etc. - I can be as dumb as a rock when it comes to anything physical, so I enjoy using and honing my linguistic and artistic talents instead. Have also been considering delving into music since I believe that it as a medium can convey thoughts and emotions beautifully.
I also tend to get stuck in my own head too much at times thinking of abstractions and aesthetics and putting them to paper, and also enjoy my own company too much to allow that many people into my inner-circle, especially because I'm paranoid as hell about being used - physically, mentally, whatever. But I also like being praised for my intellect and personality, and especially my looks. I love dressing up and am a bit obsessive about remaining thin after having been overweight in my teenage years and it having hurt my self-esteem a lot.
But when it comes down to it, I'd like to think of myself as a pretty good friend. Just a bit on the shy side of things. People either love or hate my guts. I tend to get very domineering and emotionally-intense when I know someone up-close and personal, though. But it's just that I get easily bored and appreciate novelty.

>I resurfaced in my old life and most of my old friends had moved on. I'm still extremely grateful for those who accepted me back without a hitch.
Speaking of which, I have always had a better experience reuniting with people irl than online personally. The greetings can be quite overwhelming, lol. I'm often worried about being judged for something. Like people have great expectations of me. But yet they still seem to smile warmly as they realize I am still little ol' me, and, I mean, why shouldn't they? I think because I can be judgemental, I attribute that same behavior onto anyone I come across. Makes me a bit of a perfectionist.

Yeah, I think the best part of having an SO in that kind of situation is that while initially building up a rapport of friends or even just outright failing in that, you can always have a safe-space in your partner to retreat to. Better still if they themself understand and relate to your plight.
If he has been striving to be more social recently, he may be trying to inspire you to do the same? Iunno, but I at least relate to feeling comfortable in a relationship. I get clingy in an emotional-sense and love the attention and adoration. Although I can be difficult to deal with if my current bf fails to meet my expectations, ngl. Ignorance is a big one. It's why I'm picky.

>Is it all you or is the fandom rising once again?
Not at all lmao, the aesthetic just sticks with me years after the fact.

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