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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Feeling stuck Anonymous 59033

Does anyone else struggle with getting out of a 'rut'? I've recently left secondary school during which I got pretty badly bullied and teased from supposed friends. I'm really asocial now and I'm starting to neglect educational duties as well as forgetting about job hunting. I haven't picked up enough productive hobbies and I'm starting to get sick of this lifestyle I have lived for the past few years. How do I make meaningful changes to my life? Starting to think I'm missing out.

Anonymous 59052

I used to struggle quite a bit with it. I had a whole summer where I'd do just about nothing but cry and feel like shit.

Some things that helped me (maybe it could help you, too, anon?):
Especially running/intense cardio– very good stress relief and it makes you feel like you've accomplished something. I recommend r/c25k for running and r/bodyweightfitness for body weight training.
>Get out of your comfort zone to do something that could be fun or exciting.
This has become harder with coronavirus, but try to go to events where you could socialize and meet new people or just do something you wouldn't usually do (even if the events are just online)
Don't treat it as expendable– we need people, even if we don't literally die from not socializing.
>Don't ruminate or focus on negative emotions/thoughts.
I used to constantly compare myself and put myself down because I always felt dumber or less successful than others. Don't ever feed these thoughts. Begin to notice those thoughts and just let them pass. Feeding these thoughts will only dig you into a deeper hole.
>Schedule fun.
It sounds ridiculous, but I would make myself watch a new movie each week, and it made me feel better. Otherwise, I would have probably spent that time on the internet doomposting or something.
>"Pamper" yourself a bit more.
By "pamper" I mean just do things that make you feel taken care of. When I was in my depressive period, I'd shower maybe once a week. I never put on lotion, I'd let the skin of my hands crack and bleed and still wouldn't put on lotion. But then I started showering daily (no exceptions), putting on lotion and perfume after each shower, and I felt so refreshed. I used to let dust and particles that bothered me sit in my room far too long, instead of just making the small effort of cleaning it up. I would never change my bedsheets, even though I knew that I'd like freshly cleaned sheets. Now I clean my room and change my sheets weekly– I do things to make myself feel cared for.
>Believe in your own success.
You're trying to do all the things you're trying to do because part of you thinks that you could achieve all your goals. I realized that not believing in my own success and constantly doubting myself was doing nothing but undermining my own efforts. What was the point of working myself to the nub if I was tearing myself down? I just started to take as an assumption that all the things that I can't change about myself (e.g. intelligence, looks) are enough for me to achieve my goals. Maybe they're not. Maybe I really am too dumb or too ugly– but that's not really all that relevant. What's relevant is doing all I can with what I have.
>Make a point to spend some time each day (even just 15 minutes) exploring different opportunities and figuring out what steps you can take to improve your life
E.g. take some time to read about personal finance or read about different careers or educational programs or just anything that could help you learn more about different opportunities you can take advantage of.
>At the beginning of each day, make a list of your top priorities
Pick out the two most important in that list and make sure you cross them off by the end of the day. You don't have to get everything done, but you want to try to make some progress so you can feel like you're moving towards that person you want to be in 10 years
>Don't bully yourself for "not doing enough"– just focus on making at least some progress each day

Sorry for the small novel, but I have a lot of experience being in ruts unfortunately and I just don't want others making the same mistakes I made.

Anonymous 59078

Thank you for this, I was not expecting an answer as helpful as this. Maybe because I dont trust image boards too much. It'll def be helpful to lay out chores and tasks for myself to perform.

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