Does anyone else experience the following?
Do you feel out of place wherever you go? Unable to relate to anyone on any significant level?
Thread musical theme https://youtu.be/bpew5DB47Jw
I feel as if I am old yet not even 30. I struggle to relate to others on imageboards generally for a variety of reasons. I do not have that compulsion to get hitched or even make friends irl and I feel that alienates me. I think people worry themselves too much about the future and buy into politics and I am just sick of it but something is wrong on an even deeper level.
People will tend to like me and want to spend time with me online or offline (my only experience is psychwards for socializing irl) but I generally do not enjoy being near others and prefer to be by myself.
I try to talk to people and make friends and it becomes so much of a burden so I typically vanish on them. (now I tell people before talking that I will cease contact at some point as it is not nice to ghost people).
Am I a horrible person for treating relationships as an easy way to entertain myself?
On the rare chance I do get close to someone I become a crazy BPD (diagnosed lol) ver them and end up suffering a lot as a result.
Is there some way to fix this? it is only getting worse and I have fallen so far behind with the world. I decided to try discord and did not fit into any public community and even obscure text/imageboard discord communities seem to be full of kids.
It is less that I want to fit in and more that I want to want to fit in. I do not understand people if that makes sense.
Most people seem to make friends with anyone that will like them and I personally do not care about being liked at all and only want to like someone else yet struggle.
I am being taken to some social groups with a social worker soon and hoping I will be able to enjoy being social but I worry I won't.
Do you relate? do you have any tips? I can talk to people for long periods and never bond with them despite wishing to.
I worry that isolation has ruined me for life.
Sorry for a badly written post I did try and I want to hear how you feel.