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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Unable to relate- existentially alone Anonymous 59506

Does anyone else experience the following?
Do you feel out of place wherever you go? Unable to relate to anyone on any significant level?
Thread musical theme https://youtu.be/bpew5DB47Jw

I feel as if I am old yet not even 30. I struggle to relate to others on imageboards generally for a variety of reasons. I do not have that compulsion to get hitched or even make friends irl and I feel that alienates me. I think people worry themselves too much about the future and buy into politics and I am just sick of it but something is wrong on an even deeper level.

People will tend to like me and want to spend time with me online or offline (my only experience is psychwards for socializing irl) but I generally do not enjoy being near others and prefer to be by myself.
I try to talk to people and make friends and it becomes so much of a burden so I typically vanish on them. (now I tell people before talking that I will cease contact at some point as it is not nice to ghost people).
Am I a horrible person for treating relationships as an easy way to entertain myself?
On the rare chance I do get close to someone I become a crazy BPD (diagnosed lol) ver them and end up suffering a lot as a result.

Is there some way to fix this? it is only getting worse and I have fallen so far behind with the world. I decided to try discord and did not fit into any public community and even obscure text/imageboard discord communities seem to be full of kids.
It is less that I want to fit in and more that I want to want to fit in. I do not understand people if that makes sense.
Most people seem to make friends with anyone that will like them and I personally do not care about being liked at all and only want to like someone else yet struggle.

I am being taken to some social groups with a social worker soon and hoping I will be able to enjoy being social but I worry I won't.

Do you relate? do you have any tips? I can talk to people for long periods and never bond with them despite wishing to.
I worry that isolation has ruined me for life.
Sorry for a badly written post I did try and I want to hear how you feel.

Anonymous 59511

Hi. This is basically my entire story! I think you have attachment issues. I know that's what's up with me. I am exactly the same way. I like interacting with my friends but I'm okay not talking for ages. But so are my friends? Its just something we do? Maybe we are mutually flakey a ton.. But it kind of works out. I don't know if someone experiences this besides me… I have a job at a front desk and it helps a lot though! I never REALLY feel like I'm isolating too much (though I work nights). But since the people are transient (hotel) its win win for me. I like interacting with people, I can do it, but there's also a lot of downtime since this is a night job. Still when it comes to being at home I LOVE being alone working on something. I wouldn't say people want to hang around a lot though, everyone I know now is too busy, or too far away, or has children so they can't ever do anything nowadays.

Just do what you love but keep some kind of proffession that puts you out there. I don't want to get married, or make new friends that much. I like my old ones. Even though they're way to busy or far away or whatever. I guess I could be down with making friends but its extremely hard I work so much. Then again, meh. I just want to have a lot of projects going on. I have so many projects going on they consume my life.

Anonymous 59512

Seriously get a night front desk job. It will fill in all the gaps that bother you. I used to feel the same way until I got a front desk job, where I work at night talking to no one most of the time. But sometimes I am forced to talk to a lot of people. It helps you fill in all the gaps you think you have with socializing. I used to think this too, because before I had the job I did the same thing. All I did was isolate and try to put myself out there, it didn't feel like enough. I realized I just have to force myself to feel balanced.

Anonymous 59513

Seriously though screw getting married or having kids. I am exactly the same way I relate to no one over those things. I used to feel really bad over it, but then i let go of that and just lived to enjoy things the way I do. I forgot all about feeling that way. Life is so great single and building say… jungle
/water feature terreriums for amphibians… You could do something like that you're whole life and feel like a million bucks.

Anonymous 59514

I literally relate to no other female in the way they usually are. I dunno what it is. But women like us need a community for ourselves !

Anonymous 59518

So I was in some server that seemed cool and then out of no where I kept getting asked if I support trans rights and I said I do not want to discuss politics but this was not good enough for them.. I ended up leaving it is all so tiresome.

Back to being by myself.
Maybe that type of job works well as you never have to interact with clients for a long period? I find I am ok at briefly talking to people but as I learn more about them I get bored.

Anonymous 59524

op, were you emotionally neglected as a child? (CEN)

i go through the same thing and am starting to understand how the lack of emotional validation i received as a child has developed this feeling of “emptiness” throughout my life.

Anonymous 59525

Yes I was and have attachment issues because of all of it. What does (CEN) mean?
What is it like for you? I used to be emotional but now it is mostly extreme apathy that has some positives mind you but it is just not living.

Anonymous 59527

If you get a night job in a hotel, there is a lot of time where you dont have to interact with anyone. I would say 70-80% of the time it's TRUE. Accept on weekends when it's crazy.then its 60-70% not interacting. Most of the night is dead unless its summer.

I got a few people coming to me telling me about their transitioning, though nobody ever asked me specifically if I support them. I just find common ground and like you said avoid politics. I always avoid anything heavy even when the customers are mad I try to turn it around fast and forget it.
You start to warm up to the role and it teaches you how to deal with really difficult people. Eventually nothing phases you no matter how mad or stupid guests get. Luckily it's a rare occurrence.

Anonymous 59528

luckily I do not need to work but imagine some security hob would be nice if I would get hired being meek!
Are you telling me that people irl will come talk to you about transitioning? is this what the outside wold is like now?


Anonymous 59533

Yep I've had a few. I had one gay guy tell me all about it. Oye.. you do have to leave the house eventually if you really want freedom. I hate relying on people for my security more than I'd hate going outside. If you are a trust fund babe, that's cool but it sucks not being able to move around freely and feel rounded in the social way you're talking about. It can start to feel like being in a box

Anonymous 59534

I broke my ankle a few months ago and had to stay inside immobile for almost three months it was awful !! Personally I cannot stand being kooped up anywhere ugh

Anonymous 59544

Well this is disturbing, I guess it is something normals talk about now. Would make me sad to see teens with top surgery though.
I have been isolated for a very long time and being in a box does not bother me I crave being boxed in.

I adapated and did damage to my brain I think

Anonymous 59607


> my only experience is psychwards for socializing irl
there it is.

I had the same problem, you probably can't relate to people because you can't relate to yourself, there is a part of you, a big part that you're denying and trying to ignore… what is it? what is it that you're trying to hide even from yourself? I think if you were to answer that question you'd find out a lot about yourself and know the type of people that you'd fit with.

good luck, anon!

Anonymous 59647

CEN just refers to childhood emotional neglect. Sounds intense - but all that is significant is that one’s emotional needs were not met as a child.

I had an immigrant father growing up who grew up emotionally and physically abused by my grandmother, on top of having PTSD from military service. As a result, he was very emotionally detached from me as a child. I don’t remember having any extensive conversation about me as a person or what my interests were, we never hugged/kissed/said “I love you,” he would spend all his time on the computer, and I remember feeling that I couldn’t open up to my parents about anything that I was going through because it would come across as ungrateful since their childhoods were much harder than mine. I was extremely depressed through a large part of my adolescence due to how I was treated at school, but had no one to talk to because I had no friends and felt I could not use my parents as a support system since they wouldn’t be able to understand my situation (and was usually brushed off when I tried).

Anyways - as a result, I carry this weird feeling of “emptiness,” or lack the inability to form genuine connections with other people. (For people who might relate, the feeling can kind of be described as being on the outside looking in.) How this usually effects my social relationships is that I’m either very flaky or become extremely obsessive to the point of being manic. Additionally, the type of men I find myself being attracted to are those that are “emotionally unavailable,” so to speak lol. I seek a lot of validation from the relationships I do have, but this unhealthy fixation usually ends up blowing up in my face, and am constantly searching for “connection,” even if I’m not really sure what that means or if it’s even attainable. I also get slighted very easily and tend to perceive negativity in people’s tone where there is none + have a fear of being abandoned.

TBH op, I’m not sure if the feeling of loneliness will ever go away. I’ve kind of felt like this my entire life. I do think that trying to understand why you do function the way you do - with CEN being only one of the possible causes for how you feel - helps a lot.

sry if this was ranty, but I just really related to your post and this was kind of a vent if anything lul

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