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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Abusive relationships Anonymous 60485

A lot of women, on cc aswell as lolcow, report having an abusive boyfriend or ex-bf.

How common is it ? Why does it happen so much ? Are moid abusers even aware of their abuse ? It's fucking weird that scrotes always insist that it's the women fault if she desn't leave. Do they secretely want to abuse a woman if she is insecure enough to let them do it ?

And for victims, how do you know you're in an abusive relationship ? How do you differentiate an abusive partner from a moody one ? Who helped you to get out ?

I'm personnally always paranoid about moids trying to take advantage of me, so I always overreact and have a lot of troubles making compromises in relationships. I don't get abused, but I don't have LTRs either.

Anonymous 60486

I would say that for the most part, men are entirely aware that abusive behavior is wrong, but choose to do it anyway.

I will note that for most people I've met, abuse from women and men seems to be as common. Although, moid abuse is definitely more violent, while the abuse inflicted by women is often more psychological. Again, this is just the people I've met, and it's my personal experience, so maybe moid abuse is actually more prevalent than I think it is.

I'm personally of the belief that being abusive is a trait found in a select few. If a person isn't inherently abusive to the people around them and the people that they love (including partners), then its unlikely that they secretly want to abuse their partner. Some people are just abusive, and the task for everyone is figuring out how to find these abusive people.

I don't really have personal experience, but I know many people who do. Being moody is very different from being abusive. Abusive people will try to isolate you from friends, family, and people who care about you. They will try to make you dependent on them, and will do so by berating friends and family, or by disallowing you / preventing you from visiting friends or family. Beside isolation, abusers will generally make you feel like shit, and will then love-bomb you into forgetting the abuse you just endured.

Sometimes, a partner might say something that makes you feel bad. Often times, you can talk it out and communicate how their words made you feel, and reach an understanding. However, you will likely be unable to talk this out with an abusive partner, and they will likely get defensive and further make you feel like shit.

Idk, I would think its kind of hard to figure out if you are in an abusive relationship, as abuse can be very subtle at times. It helps if you know people in your life who have very healthy relationships, as this allows you to see what a relationship should be like.

But idk, I'm kind of talking out of my ass, as I have no personal experience.

Anonymous 60487

It's common. Half of my relationships were abuse in different ways. I would learn how to stop one type from happening but not another.

My first was subtle. I thought he was just an emotional person that needed someone soothing like me. I thought I was crazy, insecure, and bad at making friends until he finally admitted his cheating. Then everything fell into place. I thought that there were traits about myself that I just couldn't see. Nope. He did everything to distract me from who he really is. Read that and remember it. That's what a lot of it is - trying to distract you from what's real and truth.

Listen, always tell friends or family something they did that feels wrong to you. Even if you feel like either party will be upset. And if someone lies, cheats, or does anything shady within 6 months of dating, L e a v e. Think about it, A n y behavior you never want to see repeated in that early on of dating is bad news.

Someone who is moody will either know what they are upset about or they will know what they need to feel better, like talking or space or something along that.

Anonymous 60488

>>60485
Not to sound like a moid defender, but not all of them will prey on you or take advantage of you if you're insecure. I've had some nice relationships where they actually helped to boost my confidence.

The best thing to do when trying to figure out if your partner is abusive is to figure out if there's a pattern. The wheel of abuse figure in this case was super useful to me- it really is a cycle. It might help to keep a journal or have someone to confide in. Gas lighting, as much of a buzzword as it's become, is common in these situations so its good to record things if you're suspicious. Abusive shitheads will also try and discredit you and say that you just "have trouble letting go" even if they slapped you in the face or something. If you're really worried read some literature about abusive men and compare your partner, it will clear up any doubts.

My childhood best friend was in an abusive relationship, and she has permanent brain damage from that fucking Neanderthal tossing her around. It's good to be cautious. If he insults you, take it seriously. There's usually verbal disrespect before an abuser will take it further. A lot of abusive men also have shady or criminal pasts, I remember her boyfriend had a rape accusation that she didn't take seriously enough. So the other thing you can do is trust your fellow women and what they say about an individual man. I've actually seen it twice where girls will trust him over their accuser, and they're always either cheaters or violent psychos. If he only says sorry or turns on the waterworks when your foot is in the door, it's not a good sign either.

My abusive relationship really separated me from a lot of my would-be support, so the person who helped me get out was my therapist. Now I have to rebuild all the bridges I've burned, but at least it's over.

Anonymous 60489

>>60488
>she has permanent brain damage from that fucking Neanderthal tossing her around.
Holy shit, this is so horrible. I hope she's doing fine now…

>there's a pattern

>I'm personally of the belief that being abusive is a trait found in a select few. >>60486
This is good advice. It will tone down my paranoia. Thank you anons !


>>60487
Yes, I'm glad I'm putting some effort to see my friends and family often. It's very important to maintain a support sstem, even if you tend to be closeted and brooding like me.

Anonymous 60490

>>60488
I think abuse can be learnt much like helplessness.
My roommate would go through this sort of cycle with me where he would offer me food, be nice, then try to wear down my self esteem through petty insults.
He would collect weapons and sharpen them in front of me.
Call his girlfriend at 2AM and say "hi asshole" because that was apparently their thing even though she constantly told him to stop.
Later I found out he had lived with his mom out of a car, received severe head trauma in a car wreck, dropped out of school early without a diploma, etc.
He was probably exposed to shitty guys in the hood all that time without proper role models.
Probably my worst experience so far with a roommate.
The worst part is he would regularly try to impress me with his "inventions" when he was just buying random shit and trying to weld it together.
Guy thought he could build a perpetual motion machine by hooking a lawnmower engine with an hydrogen electrolysis thing in a loop.
He spent literal thousands on a bunch of toys he ended up leaving broken and scattered around his room then got mad when I wasn't impressed.

Anonymous 60503

I'd say most women have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, and most men have been psychologically abusive at the very least and that 90% of women's anxiety issues are all from men who toyed with the woman's mental health

>How common is it ?

Most if not all had this experience
>Why does it happen so much ? Are moid abusers even aware of their abuse ?
No one teaches moids anything right outside of don't beat or rape women, but most families will happily encouraged their sons to psychologically abuse women (cheating is encouraged, be superficial and nitpick women's appearance, compare them to other women, calling them crazy and ghosting at any sign of emotion)
>It's fucking weird that scrotes always insist that it's the women fault if she desn't leave.
>Do they secretely want to abuse a woman if she is insecure enough to let them do it ?
They already do that to women who are insecure and then have tactics to make them more insecure for this very reason

Anonymous 60504

I don't think that the average moid has any social (self-)awareness whatsoever. I had a moid who wronged me, stonewalled me when I tried to talk about it, and then threw a huge fit whenever I escalated and demanded improvements.

I cried so much, not because I didn't get what I wanted, but because it was so hard for me to cope with loving someone who now appeared to be a blatantly evil asshat who wanted to hurt me terribly for minimal short-term gain. All the evidence just seemed to point towards him doing it all on purpose and it broke my heart.

Eventually my love for him ran dry and I could observe him more objectively and I saw that he was doing it with everyone and then was genuinely baffled and sad when people reacted the same way I used to. He never had any idea what he was doing, he thought he was just standing his ground and taking care of himself and people reacting badly was further proof to him that he needed to be firmer about never compromising, etc.

I would have really wanted to paint him as an asshole but that wasn't true. He didn't have any awareness, just patterns of behavior he'd accidentally stumbled upon and discovered they were effective. Someone expresses you did something wrong? Just scream at them and they'll go away and the issue will go away. It works in short term, it's easy and immediate so it's the perfect solution for the straightforward one-track moid brain. Mom wants you to do the dishes? Ignore her, she can't make you. Now she's said it five times so it's nagging and nagging is bad so she's in the wrong, confront her, you're stronger.

99% of moids are not evil, they're not going out of their way to hurt you and make your life difficult, they're just dumb and weren't socialized to ever question their thoughts or actions.

Anonymous 60506

>>60503
I’ve never been physically abused and I would never stay with a guy who did it for a minute, but I’ve been psychologically abused and manipulated by every bf I had.

Anonymous 60507

I think most people are abusive, I don't know if it is a thing of these last generations or if it is something normal in humans. Most people I know have been in abusive relationships or have been the abusive ones, in some way or another.
I had abusive bfs in the past and they really destroyed me for a while, but I was a bit abusive with my last bf.
I would say men are more agressive about it and that's why usually we suffer more from abusive relationships, but women can be pretty abusive too

>>60487
>And if someone lies, cheats, or does anything shady within 6 months of dating
Everyone should do this. Most people will try to hide their shitty behaviors the first months of dating, but some people are so shitty that they won't be capable of doing it.

Anonymous 60509

>>60505
How so?

Anonymous 60510

>>60507
Women abuse and manipulate to benefit them whether it be for sex, money, work, etc
Men abuse and manipulate because they're sadistic and get off on literally destroying women's mental health and enjoy fueling their ego by brainwashing the woman they're with into desperation for affection

We also have a lot of people on both ends who are insecure shit heads so they abuse to help themselves feel better

Anonymous 60523

Women are naturally attracted to abusive men. Not a single woman will actually date "a good person". Smarter ones will marry "good guys" then cuck them somewhere down the line, because they are not exciting.
t. done that, not ashamed of that

Anonymous 60524

>>60523
You're not fooling anyone

Anonymous 60525

>>60524
>t.not smart enough to marry a beta man and enjoy thrilling relationships behind his back
Learn to live sweetie

Anonymous 60526

BA133D06-A36D-4B3B…

Riddle me this, Mr. Sixty Fifty-two Three.
What claims to be female, but can never breed?

Anonymous 60527

>>60526
So you are attracted to weak minded men, or you like to pretend to be attracted to them? Your abusive partner is abusive because you chose him by his clearly abusive characteristics. These men are not made for long lasting relationships, you just fuck them sometimes or have them take you out for dinner while your hubby is at work. Feeble men are for creating families with, "abusive" strong men are for short term pleasure.

Anonymous 60529

1615630376192-0.pn…

>>60528

Anonymous 60530

>>60528
Men have used pregnancy as a way to control and maim women for millenia. It’s a common theme in abusive relationships for men to repeatedly impregnate their partner without consent as a way of keeping them chained to domestic duties and more vulnerable. More than 85% of women have a vaginal tear or require an episiotomy during childbirth. The alternative is having their stomach cut open and leaving them permanently disfigured. Heaven forbid some women don’t feel like tearing their cunts in half for a man. Get fucked you stupid moid.

Anonymous 60535

>>60530
Are you from Poland or some Arabic country? It’s the other way around in the western world

Anonymous 60537

>>60535
>I forgot the world existed before the 20th century

Anonymous 60538

>>60535
Lol men in the western world have no obligation to stay with the mother of a kid. They can walk out anytime they want.

Anonymous 60539

>>60533
Most women on birth control are on it for anemia or extremely painful heavy periods that cause them to pass out. Yeah taking birth control isn’t ideal but it’s better than passing out while driving on the highway due to blood loss. They aren’t tearing their pussies in half at the end of it either.

Anonymous 60540

>>60533
>you must choose between muh consequence free promiscuous sex or being a baby factory for a scrote
How about neither ya fucking moron lmao

Anonymous 60541

>>60537
Yeah, and? Meds now
>>60538
Just don’t have kids, wasn’t that the original point of the post? It’s YOU who decides if you want them or not, moids have no control over your body.

Anonymous 60542

>>60533
Even if you lived in a patriarchal country where women’s fathers and brothers arrange a marriage for their daughter, you STILL wouldn’t get laid, kek. Nobody wants to give their daughter or sister away to a porn addicted, skinnyfat, smelly, ugly genetic deadend incel NEET.

Anonymous 60543

>>60540
This. Jfc moids think the entire world revolves around them.

Anonymous 60545

>>60528
>Being banned is an abortion
I'm fucking dying

Anonymous 60546

>>60544
No1curr
Brb time to volunteer for the women's shelter after taking my birth control and morning after pill ofc!

Anonymous 60548

2015 yoba.gif

>>60528
Holy shit

Anonymous 60550

1624911252041.png

>>60528
>>60547

Anonymous 60555

>>60547
Every single forum and imageboard bans people and deletes posts, go away pussy

Anonymous 60567

>>60557
If you want a lawless area go live on an island kek

Anonymous 60611

E415906F-EC99-4E65…

This is 100% a moid bait thread

Anonymous 60649

>>60485
What anime is this from?

Anonymous 60650

>>60649
The Curse of Kazuo Umezu

Anonymous 61236

nana panic.gif

WHY IS MY BOYFRIEND SUCH A CONTROL FREAK LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

Anonymous 61239

>>61236
what's he doing?



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