are you 'that' friend? Anonymous 61269
>Always feel bad about being lonely
>Don't make efforts to reach out
>Not enough productive hobbies
>Feeling like even replying to messages takes a lot of energy
>Only truly feel close to 1 friend, only 1 out of many I feel comfy with texting and asking to meet up
I fucking hate myself so much
I was but it's been so long since I've messaged any of them I'm not even sure they'd still consider me their friend.
Even if I did try to reach out to them I really have no idea what the fuck to talk about beyond saying hi and asking how they are. I've been an unemployed shut-in for 3 years and I don't really have any hobbies to talk about either.
Oh god, fuck yes.
I used to bitch to myself about having no friends, even though I wouldn't make an attempt to message the people I know and try to renew or deepen my existing relationships. Now I'm just devoid for any need for friendship (aka lonely as fuck, but ok w/ it). It seems like I hardly click with people and if I do, they drain all my energy that I barely even have.
i'm not lonely but yes, i ignore my friends. woke up to my friend sending me a bunch of pictures of us trying to reach me, who has been trying to contact me for the past few mos, and i just don't have the energy to respond to her at all. i have nothing to say and just feel so crappy. another one of my close friends called me a few days back and i still haven't called her back, i just feel so exhausted. thankfully she's understanding of it but it then weighs on you when you realize you don't respond and feel like shit and more mentally exhausted for not responding. i don't mean to be rude, but at the same time i don't feel like starting conversation with them. it's so much easier to shitpost on imageboards.
oftentimes i procrastinate on responding and then i just push it further and further and it feels like even more of a struggle the further away it gets from the time of the call or texts.
I'm both glad and depressed that others are struggling with the same exact bullshit as me.
It's not anxiety, I just prefer fantasizing about having my friends instead of actually talking to them. Luckily my two whole friends are understanding or similar to me. But ideally I would overcome this since I do hope to get married someday and being avoidant doesn't bode well for maintaining a relationship. I also would prefer to not compulsively ghost people I like for months on end.
I don't fully understand what a friend is, but now that I know what I'm aiming for I feel like I can engage with other people on an emotional level now.
I wish I had your friends. Currently I have none at all.
Yes. Nobody talks to me at all anymore.
I am suspicious of people talking about me behind my back and not really liking me. I know that I am the weird one and honestly I am ashamed to go hang out with them. When I come home afterwards I always just hate myself because I know I'm weird and that I don't belong there and that they just hang out with me because we were friends in high school but they're disappointed with how I've changed.
>>61302>It's not anxiety, I just prefer fantasizing about having my friends instead of actually talking to them
100% me, often walk around my city wishing I could enjoy a bit of sunshine with someone else ;___;
Yeah, I used to have friends but I lost them all because I was insecure and a dick, now I seethe when I them all out having fun even though it's my fault. It's ok though people on the internet like me
I got bullied in high school, like getting my hair pulled or being pushed down the stairs or being videoed getting harassed. Sometimes being followed home just so they could harass me and encourage me to kill myself. Those who didn't take part just treated me differently. I used to talk and laugh with people, but then they started to look at me like gum on their shoe, after rumours and stuff. I was really socially retarded but didn't know it yet as at my old school I had fellow tards.
One day in class, I was venting on a piece of paper as usual (it was an easy and boring class) and then stuffed it into my bag, into my diary, and went to the toilet.
I came back, and the girl at the table next to me looked at me like this 0_0 and I noticed the paper was half sticking out the bag. I had vented about being scared of my sister dying in hospital, bullying, feeling my dad had abandoned us, my mom being crazy, feeling messed up inside, wanting to die, and really, really wanting a friend (corny writing). So I was mortified.
At the time, I didn't put two and two together like I am now, but people started being nicer to me. The girl who read it was pretty popular anyway, so I guess everyone found out. The girls in class used to have group discussions about one girl and decide collectively whether they liked her or not, so it's not out of reach as a theory.
But people started talking to me in school again. Not normally. Like you'd talk to a cancer pateient?
People started asking how I was and talking in high and friendly voices, one girl apologised for stuff, and would come up to me a lot in school. It was nice at the time because I wasn't used to it, but also scary because I wasn't used to it.
I recently bumped into some girls I used to be friendly with outside of school (we just graduated), and they were going to go shopping, and we talked, and they invited me out, but I really don't want to be an awkward charity case that has to be grateful and remember her place. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't know if they mean it, but I'm paranoid of being the laughing stock they take pity on. And I genuinely like some of them a lot.
So I'd rather be lonely and then make friends who don't know me from high school. I want to be somewhere new and not be defined by rumours and bullying. Even if I got screwed up a little.
has horrible as it is to say, I wish I could have a stroke of bad luck in my life that would give me the 'kick' I need to get up off my ass and do something productive, I cannot escape the rut I am
There's a far simpler way of doing that. Try writing out the worst possible way your life could end up if you don't do what you need to do. I want you to viscerally imagine the worst possible set of circumstances that could befall you, could absolutely make you miserable beyond belief. The worst possible future.
Yes>don't make efforts to reach out
Not quite. I always try and be proactive and get things going. People are always too busy or don't want to do what I suggest. When asked what to do instead they just say "Ugh I dunno."
Being rejected over and over again makes me think I don't really have friends. No one ever wants to do anything.