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How to stop fantasizing all the time and things to do After college outside of work Anonymous 95019

I'm 24 and still a virgin (hope to not be in at most 2 years) and graduated college about a year and a half ago in STEM and I walk into a mostly empty work place every morning while my coworkers are all frequently on business trips and vacations and just sit infront of a computer for 8 hours on end every day and its getting kind of soul crushing even though mostly i just doomscroll and shitpost. Im currently doing applications for graduate school but it'll be at least another year and a half before I can actually start.

I also have my mind set on marriage (i want to be their one and only, having a boyfriend for me is only a temporary intermediate step, i know call me a crazy handmaiden but its what i want and i will never change my mind because its so cute and romantic to me and the idea of a long-term BF/GF together is just repulsive)

I wanted help coming up with some ideas of what to do outside of work, stuff like volunteering and how to meet new people that share my interest.


All of my coworkers are twice my age and the one person my age quit after a month even though i really thought he liked me (he said it was because the hours didnt match his schedule as a student). i spent a month crying in the break room after he left because i was planning out our entire life together like the crazy idiot i am.

everywhere i go its just middle age and old people, i have no one my age to interact with. the few times i go out with my friends to the city i feel terrible because im too shy to talk to people and almost no one comes up me to try to talk to me. i often see attractive people and then i feel depressed i cant be in a relationship with them/marry them.

I talked to a moid my age once and made him blush and a male cashier asked me how my day was and where i go to school and it was like crack to me but that was over a month ago and i dont forseeably see myself having another such interaction until the summer when the weathers good because its always cold here and people dont congregate outside anywhere cool besides bars/nightclubs this time of year. i hate bars and nightclubs.

I went to one party where i salivated over a guy i wasnt even attracted to just because of how lonely i am and then afterward i went to a nightclub and saw a random boy who was so cute it hurts and then went home and cried because he was with a girl. every time i go to a nightclub its the same thing. i only attract awkward moids who suck at making converstation even if they are attractive (which isn't good because I also suck at conversation but im improving) and i cant drink alcohol anyways for medical reasons.

I feel like a lack of human interaction has fed a lot of bad habits and addictions because im constantly alone with myself and i dont enjoy my work in the slightest.

at work I just sit and spiral and read/think/get depressed about romance and prince charming during most of the work day and then go home and rub and hug my pillow at night to pretend its a person so i can fall asleep without crying. I want to be married so bad but cant find someone atm who i can make it happen with also idk if childhood abuse by an older relative and bad habits/coping mechanisms (excessive masturbation and doomscrolling all the time) will make me a terrible and irresponsible spouse and parent.

I love children and kind of wish i could volunteer with them but i dotn know how or where even.

i also tend to stay at work really late because i have major trouble focusing on my work because of ADHD and i often miss out on doing things with friends during the weekdays.

I had a month where i got to babysit the children of a relative and i loved it so much but now they are gone and ive gone back to being my lonely recluse shy self.


My sister tells me I have a nice body but it doesn't mean anything if i have no bf/husband to enjoy it with. I've improved my skin, hair, and body (still skinny but more of a doll type body rather than a skellington) and i've noticed myself getting more and more attention from the opposite sex but often times i think they're just being nice and showing politeness rather than being genuinely interested in me. The very few times a moid does actually look at me with a smile or try to talk to me i feel awesome for a couple hours before crying again about how it doesnt mean anything because its just politeness and they will never marry me.

Speaking to men never massages my ego just leaves me feeling missing out and wanting more and then crying from deprivation/starvation.

Its a very lonely and alienating experience and i feel like im serving a prison sentence until i get into gradschool, especially during the winter months.

Anonymous 95020

>>95019
>everywhere i go its just middle age and old people, i have no one my age to interact with

That's an issue I'm currently having too. Also 24, also a virgin. I just jumped from school to the workforce and most if not all the people at my office are much older than me, with maybe 2 or 3 other girls in my age group. Where the hell are my peers? I'm not the most outgoing person but it seems like whenever I go out there are only old people around.

Anonymous 95024

cont. (am OP)

I also really want children that look like me so I have a weird but quite intense thing for men who have similar mixed eur-asian features to me (except taller, muscular, and more masculine obviously) and when i see one of them in public with a blond girl it inspires a deep seething hatred and jealousy in me and i dont know how to control it.

any advice on controlling this?

Anonymous 95025

>>95020

boomers did this ;_;
their parents multiplied like crazy and then they didnt have enough children so now we are left like this

Anonymous 95026

Elliot_Rodger.jpg

>>95022
>I also have a weird but quite intense thing for men who have similar mixed eur-asian features to me
Nona…

Anonymous 95028

>>95024
>>95026

want him so bad but then reverse image searched and found out its an incel terrorist :'(

Anonymous 95031

>>95024
I wish I could hook you up with my brother. He needs a gf to get some motivation in his life. (Hes asian/white)
But then again he is a neet incel so I wouldn’t subject anyone to a relationship with him. It’s be torture

Anonymous 95070

I recently joined an on campus art workshop and also a literature club in my college, so i spend after classes on either of these. I befriended so many girls from those activities and i’m much more happy. I was a loner for the last 2 years up until a month ago. Idk if your uni has that type of stuff but you could join something of that sort in your area, the reason i mentioned it was on campus its because it was free

Anonymous 95099

>>95070

>Idk if your uni has that type of stuff
nona…. im not in uni. ;_;

>I recently joined an on campus art workshop and also a literature club

im not interested in either of those but im curious is it bearable for someone who doesn't give a damn about the subject matter and is just there to meet people? or would i be found out and exposed as a phony pretty easily?

>I befriended so many girls from those activities and i’m much more happy.

girl friends are cool but i already have a few and i really just want a husbando.

Do you know any activities where i can meet the opposite gender that wont be a sausage fest but also wont be hopelessly female?

Anonymous 95101

2bQv-2OaP5h2Jvui.w…

>>95031

sounds hot but that relationship would probably go something like vidrel

Anonymous 95102

>>95019
I fully relate to you 100% except I am a year younger than you. I am a virgin too, graduated, and have a job…

I even used to daydream about marrying and having children with the first moids who were nice to me because I am shy (mostly because I was bullied when I was a kid so yeah, I was in love with the first moid who was simply nice). I will tell you what my family told me which is that you sound a little too desperate. You should really fix that about yourself first before getting into any kind of relationship with anyone (whether it's a friendship or relationship) because the men or terrible "friends" you will attract will end up taking advantage of you.

>i've noticed myself getting more and more attention from the opposite sex but often times i think they're just being nice and showing politeness rather than being genuinely interested in me. The very few times a moid does actually look at me with a smile or try to talk to me i feel awesome for a couple hours before crying again about how it doesnt mean anything because its just politeness and they will never marry me.

You sound like a nice person but have more confidence in yourself. I am not calling you a handmaiden for wanting a husband. It is very natural to want a family someday but with this kind of mentality, it sounds like you have a low self-esteem and will go off with the first guy who gives you the time of day.

Anonymous 95106

>>95099
>would i be found out
I mean you could join something that haa activities you like, a lot of non artists and readers in my club they just come to socialize and mess around with the tools to figure out if theyre into it. Sometimes they participate as event and meeting organizers. But overall its such a good place to meet fellow young people

OP 95109

Lain_s071.png

>>95102

>I will tell you what my family told me which is that you sound a little too desperate.
>I even used to daydream about marrying and having children with the first moids who were nice to me .
> because the men or terrible "friends" you will attract will end up taking advantage of you.


How do I stop being desperate? I've seen people lose their desperation by losing their virginity but i dont want to do that because i want to keep it for my husbando. And yeah i daydream about that alot. I even told my mom one of the reasons im depressed is because there are no kids in the house (hinting that i wanted my older sibling who is married to have kids). I feel like the desperation kind of manifests in me just pleasuring myself whenever i get the chance because its the only way i can forget those feelings for a few hours. I've tried to quit but then after a few weeks i become miserably depressed and horny.

All of my friends are even worse off than me and they all depend on me for time and emotional support, they get on my nerves often but i never bring it up to them because their company is worthwhile and i need at least someone to have fun with which i do with them occasionally.

>You sound like a nice person but have more confidence in yourself. I am not calling you a handmaiden for wanting a husband. It is very natural to want a family someday but with this kind of mentality, it sounds like you have a low self-esteem and will go off with the first guy who gives you the time of day.

Yeah im actually kind of scared of that because i know i'll fall hopelessly in love if his face is cute enough to tickle my heart in just the right way even if his personality and character are lacking but i guess one of the parts of my idea of getting married is that my parents get to know him and meet his family too first so that our families will be a part of the marriage (i love my parents i dont have any problems with them and ideally they'd be part of my future children's lives).

My older sister's experience of being almost roped into a marriage with an abusive family has kind of scared me straight though, I am much more cautious around moids and wont do anything without my family's support and approval.

idk but then again for a awkward loser with a masturbation/p*rn addiction and little to no social life maybe i am asking too much expecting one man to provide this much comfort and satisfaction.

OP 95111

58.gif

>>95102
>I even used to daydream about marrying and having children with the first moids who were nice to me because I am shy

The only way I manage to get ahead of my daydreaming problem is by self-pleasuring which has turned into a very negative and compulsive habit every time i'm alone after work and i always feel disgusting after because i do it so damn much.

I'm not actually that horny in reality but I do it because it fends off my touch starvation and constant fantasization about having a husband and children.

In a month where I'm traveling or going somewhere new and exciting or hanging out with my cousin's children I hardly self-pleasured more than once or twice because those feelings of emptiness were mostly gone.

But when I'm alone with myself and face the crushing realization that i am 24 and have never been held or loved by a moid the only thing i do is crying or laying flat on the floor like im already half dead.

And honestly when my family walks in on me laying flat on the floor and daydreaming they get more concerned and upset which just makes me feel upset, so i hide it by taking out those feelings with with p-rn/masturb-tion.

bare with me i know this next part sound f-ked up but:

I don't even enjoy what i'm watching. P-rn usually makes me very sad and it usually makes me feel terrible and depressed if the moid in the video is cute because i feel like its unfair and he is wasted and i want someone who has a cute face like him to be with me instead of sleeping with wh-res on video for cash (i feel bad for women in the sex industry and i know they are groomed, abused, etc. but im just saying how my subconcious feels not my rational mind). But watching it and gaining physical satisfaction from it afterwards numbs all of these terrible feelings, except the next time i am back in my normal mental state i start crying again either out of guilt for getting off to a disgusting video (even vanilla p-rn is disgusting to me because its so voyeuristic and the industry is just sick) or because im touch starved.

Sometimes i regret rejecting the men who were DTF in the past year and in college as well but i know it would mess me up worse than i already am if they just dumped me after sleeping together. Even after rejecting them i still fantasize about some of them even though none of them were husbando material.

Anonymous 95112

>>95111
You should stop watching porn. It's damaging to everyone. Speaking as someone who was in a similar place as you not so long ago, here's what I will tell you:

You are not defective, you are not broken, you are capable of finding a loving relationship and fulfilment that way.

You are no different to anyone you see with a partner walking the streets holding hands. This may sound like an attack at first, but it's really a good thing.

It means that all you need to do is make lifestyle changes and changes to how you thing about things to get yourself mentally into a place where you will attract potential partners. Let me tell you, being in a negative place, watching porn constantly, spending all your time alone. These things take a toll on you, and even though its not always plainly visible people can sense this toll when they meet you, and it will subconsciously influence people to not want to be romantic with you.

Like I said, I was in a very similar place not so long ago and I simply started making changes. Changes to my thoughts, from pessimistic or even realist to a more optimistic mindset. Why? because the brain is very powerful, when you feed it negative thoughts it will subconsciously steer you towards negative things and behaviours. Feed it positive thoughts and it will subconsciously steer you towards the positive things. This even happens when driving a car, you never look at the oncoming traffic on a narrow road, you stare straight ahead and your brain keeps you away from the traffic coming against you.

I started with this change first, and it naturally led me to more positive things. Like putting myself out there more, trying new things and hobbies, saying yes to social gatherings more. And this naturally led to me meeting the love of my life. We just moved in together a day ago. I couldn't be happier.

I know this can happen to you as well, but its entirely up to you to make the changes necessary to steer yourself into it. You can do it.

Anonymous 95115

This post is literally me except Im older and I lost all hope to change my situation.

Anonymous 95126

>I also have my mind set on marriage (i want to be their one and only, having a boyfriend for me is only a temporary intermediate step, i know call me a crazy handmaiden but its what i want and i will never change my mind because its so cute and romantic to me and the idea of a long-term BF/GF together is just repulsive)

I get what you're saying and I often wish I had the same just because of how much I hate the dating scene, but that's just not realistic. Marrying someone you don't know well is how you become abused and then screwed socially, financially, physically, and mentally.

Anonymous 95128

OP I'm worried that you are going to fall into an abusive relationship at some point and wont ever leave and end up 100x more miserable than you feel now. maybe kids will be involved and their dad will abuse the shit out of them too.

idk OP maybe read some radfem blackpill type of stuff and perhaps it'll help u chill out about guys while also making you more wary about men and their red flags so u can find a decent male to be with.

I'm saying this as a khhv who also really wanted a bf but then got into radfem stuff and yeah i still would like a bf and to possibly get married some day but im way more chill about it now and know what to watch out for. I feel better now.

also to add in my own silly anecdote about being desperate, years ago when I was like you there was this guy I had a huge crush on during my first semester at college. it was raining one day and he didnt have an umbrella. we weren't walking together and yet i creepily stayed close behind him and would try to cover him with my umbrella. typing this out and thinking back to that day makes me cringe so fucking hard it's like one of the top 5 embarrassing things i've done. also this was for a fat gross obnoxious stoner guy that i felt 0 attraction to when he shaved his beard 1 day but then the attraction came back once his beard started growing out again. oh and also he would chew gum, spit it into its wrapper, save the wadded up wrapper with gum into a box where he had MORE of these, and then open another piece of fresh gum to repeat the process. when i asked him why he did that he said he chewed all of the saved gum again when he got home. not sure if this was a joke but i doubt it. the umbrella story happened after he told me about the gum, i still wanted him.

OP 95148

>>95128

I've already read alot of that stuff and agree with the majority of it. but my mom and dad love each other very much and my dad has sacrificed decades of his life to take care of my mother when she was sick, bald, and overweight and the only reason she became beautiful and in shape and grew her hair back out again after getting better was because of her own will, not because my dad pressured her. He also never cheated and practically shares his phone with her all the time without question. 2 of my uncles have a similarly close and loving relationship with their wives. I only want someone half as good as them.

>when i asked him why he did that he said he chewed all of the saved gum again

;_; hope you've since recovered from this moid.
hope to have your outlook on life

>>95126
I wont jump into marriage with someone i dont know well. my mother and father and older siblings will have to meet the guy and approve first. I have a great relationship with my family and this is how my older sister got married to her husband, this familial approach helped her dodge a very abusive and insane guy from an even more abusive and insane family and find the cute husbando she has now (if she could do it i can too).

Also today marriage is better for women than it has ever been due to widespread access to the court system, if he ever goes back on his commitments and cheats on me i can take the house and kids from him.

OP 95149

>>95128

sometimes i wonder often if certain radfem dating advice is actually applicable though and not even made up by random incels to misguide women, like on the FDS subreddit i remember reading various posts reworded in different ways to make it seem less racist but at the end of the day they all gave the same bullshit message of "dont date non-white guys!!!", "if he's chinese that's a red flag!", "stay away from arab/filipino/black/latino/indian guys!!" which made me think they were masquerading moids from /pol/ with some racist political agenda in mind. Either that or incels who wanted to then screnshot and prove that radfem women are racist.

also ive seen a lot of advice on how to find a rich career oriented husband but i feel like that has only a small correlation to how much he will be invested in the relationship past a certain point.

OP 95151

>>95112
This is great advice i will save it and re-read it to myself later.

>You should stop watching porn. It's damaging to everyone

You're right. I am a prude IRL and i hate porn, promiscuity and other moid satisfying sexual fantasies but i still resort to excessively cooming just to calm myself down and stop from crying for the lack of moid affection in my life. All of it makes me want to vomit. I cant even look at porn when im not in that mood because of how disgusting it is.

I have actually quit like 99% of porn, I have this problem though where I have a few (idc if anyone makes fun of me for this because im here to get better) "porn husbandos" who i can only get off to anymore.

this makes it simultaneously easier and harder to quit because on one hand most porn does absolutely nothing for me but on the other hand i have a weird, one-sided love towards some disgusting moid who abuses women on camera for money just because i like his face and i am scared sometimes i will never find a guy irl whose face tickles my heart like his. I dont know how to get over it. I've tried many times and after climax the guy looks normal to me but when im in the mood again he becomes adonis, and no one else, just his face, again even though hes a repulsive porn actor. they're just so beautiful to me, even when making a disgusting face ( i hate myself for this).

Unfortunately this porn feeds my anxiety in the end because it makes me think all the cute moids are busy being the "community p3nis" and getting turned into a brown mushy banana instead of looking for women like me to be with and love. I will journal this thought and hopefully read it in the future to affirm my principles and stop myself from falling into the porn anxiety trap again.

There was only twice time in my life where a moid who had a face i wanted so bad wanted to be with me as well but one was a child who expressed his crush on me by bullying me for not accepting his advances right away which made me hate him. Also his insistence he lose his virginity by 18.

The other guy was an angel but he is way too older than me and it broke my heart to say no to him.

Thank you for your words of affirmation though nona, i will try and adopt your mindset!
the hope and kind words have been actually helpful. heres to a better future. I am trying to quit for good this time by re-reading the easypeasy method book.

Anonymous 95152

wanting a relationship and everything that comes with it is common, but it does look like the degree of your longing and suffering over this is excessive, and as every excess, it probably hides something deeper behind it. have you tried to analyze and self reflect about what causes so much desperation for a boyfriend in you? working on the root of the problem might help you a lot nona.

Anonymous 95393

>>95152
>and as every excess, it probably hides something deeper behind it

Yes nona, it's the absolutely soul-crushing feeling of being unlovable because of something that you can't quite put your finger on, coupled with burning jealousy of your peers having everything you want seemingly effortlessly.


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