? Anonymous 1321
Do any of you wish you could rape someone in hopes you'd feel in control again of something? I do. I doubt I'll ever be able to, because I hate hurting people and my stature can't easily overpower people.
But I can't help but feel envy towards my ex, who was sexually abused and also raped as an adult, who raped me. I bet it felt wonderful. Like he was able to affect my psyche in how his psyche was permanently altered. I myself have also been sexually abused as a child.i just hate feeling permanently affected in that way. I am scared of men, have awful dreams, and it feels like I'll never be able to move on. I am terrified that in my new relationship, I'll slip up and not be in control as much as I am now. I feel like men at their base level want to dominate, and I despise that and want to beat them down in their efforts to do that to me. But I know it'll never happen, I'm far too physically weak. I wish i could mar one of those fuckers and make them hurt every time they get reminded by something trace that is reminiscent of their experience with me.
Your ex raped you?
Also you could try some consensual BDSM stuff
Yeah, multiple times. He also filmed it. Sucks to suck.
I feel like a self-respecting guy wouldn't go for BDSM stuff. I would never want to be a sub given my experiences.
I understand, and the answer is yes although I've never had such things happen (it was another type of trauma) I do have issues with men and control. Luckily I am quite large though so feel secure with small men.
I think other anon is right that maybe you'd be best off with a more submissive man? They certainly exist. You shouldn't feel pressured to be in a submissive position yourself, especially after what you've been through.
But overall, though I hate to say it, as it seems right now perhaps you're not ready for a new relationship. It's hurting you and you want to hurt others, so what benefit does it bring?
This. Quit being obsessive, and get over it. Seek out some professional help, and put these horrible things behind you.
You could probably drug people if you were worried about overpowering them.
Also I don't think this is paranormal or a mystery of any sort, but this board is dead as fuck anyway so who cares I guess.
This is horrifying and makes me hate and fear you a bit, but that makes a good thread for here.