/b/ - Random

damn is picrel this true? i need to review these studies later. thank you for posting this OP

i got married to who I thought was a virtuous guy who loved me, but within a year he left me for an 18 year old girl. We had been together since we were 18 and had a caring relationship. When we spoke about the cheating he was very conflicted: the conflict boiled down to "wife loves me and will continue to do so forever = rewarding relationship" vs "the 18 year old lets me do sexually degrading things that I would feel bad performing on my wife = sexual novelty". In the end he decided the best solution would be to run off with the new girl for a year or so, and keep me as a backup option when the novelty wears off. Obviously I was not going to entertain that so I havent spoken to him since. The last thing he tried to do was manipulate my in-laws by saying that I wanted a break to experiment with other men. If he had access to dirt on me Im sure he would have used it. Seeing the mask slip from who I thought was my life partner has been really depressing for me.

I always thought the issues with men were due to 'a few bad apples', but that turned out to not be the case for me. Marriage is nice, but if an option presents itself the man will choose variety over stability. Get married if you want, but never allow a man to have any upper hand over you financially. Luckily, we were in the early stages of our marriage so there were no assets/children/etc involved. I dodged a bullet. I am wishing you the best. Be intelligent when making these decisions

>>235197
That really sucks.

>>235188
Picrel is retarded. The reason you don't marry a guy is because they're a household menace and burden emotionally domestically.

I could care less about men's faithfulness because i couldn't give a damn about the relationship part. I could care less if the swine is unfaithful. It's unchaining me from what would be a prison.

It's not just marriage that's nightmarish its everything about relationshiting with a guy whose going to do a fraction of what you do in every imaginable way and 10x the entitlement and ego.

I'm not even going to touch N
it with a 60 ft pole. Why the hell should i????

>>235197
Im so sorry, hat’s so terrible op. Did he tell you that wanting variety was the exact reason? That’s terrifying

>>235213
Im not the OP of this thread! i just thought this might serve as a warning to the OP.

Yes that was how he phrased it. I guess he felt he had nothing left to lose by being fully honest with me. We had a multiple days long conversation about what our future will be after the infidelity, why he did it, etc etc. So im boiling down the final conclusion of the convo from his end to basically be: "I am so sorry. You make me happy and I love you, but the need for sexual variety is too much and you alone don't excite me as much as multiple women would. I still love you though and would be willing to stay with you if you can accept me having extramarital relationships that I may or may not prioritize over you."

I want to emphasize that I spent a lot of years with this man and there were no red flags, he was always kind and respectful. He was the type of guy I never thought existed. The only issue in hindsight was that he watched porn, but all men do anyways. A girl he knew for a few months was enough to override any feelings of love or commitment he may have felt for me. (I'm starting to believe they were never there in the way I assumed). If a guy like him is capable of this sort of betrayal, I can't begin to imagine just how bad the average man could be.

I guess the lesson im picking up from this is to never fully trust a man, theyll leave you for younger more promiscuous ass in a heartbeat no matter how close you are, how good your relationship is, how much money you make etc etc. They will prioritize their dick over literally anything.

>>235188
Well, I’m married. Don’t believe everything people say on the internet. When you don’t want a man who is lustful, get one who has a low sex drive or is asexual. They are out there. Not all men are unfaithful. I have always preferred men who aren’t very social and don’t go out much, mostly because that matches me but they’re also less likely to cheat. And you should get to know him well before you marry him ofc. With time it will show if he is faithful and you get to know his character and know if you can trust him

>>235197
how long did you know each other before marriage?

>>235269
>low sex drive
>doesn't go out much
Likely a porn addict

>>235290
about 5 years now that i think about it.

>>235296
>>235298
this. when they appear to have low sex drive it just means theyre fulfilling that need somewhere else.

>>235188
this can't be real can it?

>>235328
This is true. Look of the coolidge effect. Males of all species orgasm much easier when introduced to a new female. Learned some about the coolidge effect from this ted talk on the effects of porn. An interesting watch, even if a bit horrifying.

>>235348
Samefagging to post the graph.

>>235295
>>235383
actually this study was invalid due to a coding error. they did a new one which showed its only %1 (an even smaller minority) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4857885/

i wasnt sure about pointing this out since i knew i wasnt going to contiribute to this thread when its given that men are bad at holding relationships. you dont need the studies to prove (to yourselves) that men have inherently broken pairbonding.

1% is a small hopefuel that, despite their degeneracy, theyre not entirely subhuman.

>>235269
https://eu.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2021/06/17/asexual-what-meaning-axesuality-spectrum-lgbtq-pride-month-graysexual-demisexual-iowa-aven/7709279002/
>only 2% of adults are asexual
rare catch!

Marriage was a steeply abused retarded concept from the beginning. It only benefits men. Its well known women have an easier time, and more free time, raising kids by themselves because it's like having one less extra child. But what you're saying makes 0 sense. How is anybody going to ban maternity tests because "women are supposedly cheating on men so much" get out here with this hilarity moid.

If my husband cheats on me I will murder him full stop not lying, add this to my file NSA. He knows I would.
My husband and I are people who value the returns you get from holding principles and convictions. No momentary pleasure can be worth destroying our bonds and he knows that as well as I.

Problem tends to be how people these days chase the dragon of momentary highs and hold no principles or convictions since they are only raised to listen and believe and they usually listen to worthless blowhards.

>>235739
No, you shouldn't kill him, that's too much and doesn't really do anything because he'll be like… dead. Just pretend that you like cheating or don't care and then cut his dick. It's only 4-5 years sentence most of the time, but for him it will be the rest of his life being destroyed.
And just because you will virtue signal that you don't cheat, doesn't mean that he won't cheat too, you shouldn't care about his feelings.

>>235739
how do I find a moid who is focused on the long term?

>>235764
Older (early 30s) stable career men, as long as they aren't mentally 14 (which is many, sadly). Or a young guy who goes to church, or something. But a cute fuckboy off IG or Tik tok will not be ready for longterm even if he lies to you since that's basically child territory mentally

>>235766
Yeah, just settle for expired sperm, sis! Be with some groomer that is 10 years older who wants to live the dream and pretend that you don't see this relationship as pedophilic and opportunistic because muh committment!

Fr, like what's wrong with you people. Why you don't see the cuckoldry in those practices?

>>235863
seconding this. 30 year old stable career men date 30 year old stable career women - anyone who dates someone 25 years old or younger isn't stable and is likely single not because they were devoted to their careers or something but instead because there's something deeply wrong with them. also the hairlines tho

I'm married and my husband is amazing. He avoids other women like the plague. He avoids looking and even if someone gets too physically close, he moves away. Most faithful man I have ever met, maybe even more faithful than me. They do exist.

>>238527
I think you're forgetting family planning.
If a man whose thirty wants to settle down he's going to date someone who isn't immediately trying to get pregnant.
Also, enjoy the five years of hairline, because all moids inevitably lose it.

>>235188
>women act better towards less attractive men
haha, no

>>235188
Married my high school sweetheart, been together 11 years, he's wonderful. Listens to me and values my opinions, we work really well together on projects, and spend all of our free time together. He takes care of me when I have anxious meltdowns and is fine with me being an antisocial freak. He also listens to me ramble about random shit and even asks me questions. And reads the same books I do when I recommend them (almost all romances) bc he likes my book choices.
He's extremely handsome and is incredibly mellow and easy to get along with.
No one is perfect but I know we're soulmates.
I think it's important to be cautious but my relationship with my husband is honestly as close as it gets.

>>238634
If a man who's 30 wants to settle down he needs to do it immediately with someone who's immediately trying to get pregnant, because his sperm is already starting to get old. Old sperm is what creates Chris-chans

>>238935
Both do and it's delusional to pretend men don't.

>>238935
idk i dont care about fertility bc i dont want kids i just want to have sex with hot men (which i have and will keep having).
i do care about being hot but theres plastic surgery and good lifestyle choices for that, btw men can be "fertile" up until any age they want but if they arent getting any at 20 imagine when they will be wrinkled ugly bald asses viagra dependant at 50, not a pretty sight and the only ones rich enough to bribe women (so sad lol) to sleep with them are such a ridiculous minority i dont even think abt their existence. glad male's life sucks so much, wish it was even worse and i make sure it is for what i can

>>238938
thats when you know she hit a nerve…

Hey nonas, thread OP here.
The very nice and sweet male I was with (for almost 7 months) broke up with me. He said it was because things were too stressful but wanted to try again soon and that he loves me so much and can´t imagine being with anyone else. Then less than two weeks later he downloaded tinder and started hooking up with at least two people as far as I know.
Do with that what you will…

>>238945
fuck men, what an asshole

>>238945
So it goes. Hope you're doing okay :/

>>238986
So, how should she change her dating skills? Date an ugly incel who will troon out instead?

>>239000
Maybe try to focus on possible red flags and then looks?

>>239003
Imperfect looks ARE a red flag .

>>239004
Eugenics much?

>>239003
>Maybe try to focus on possible red flags and then looks?
She never mentioned looks, you did.

>>238986
He was 5’7 and cute, I really couldn’t see any flags.. but now that I think about he did say I love you a bit fast, I think..
Also I don’t believe it counts as cheating after it’s over

>>239007
"Date an ugly incel who will troon out instead?"

>>238945
this is probably obvious to you but just know that he said the whole 'try again soon' thing to keep you on as a backup - please don't hang your hat on it.

>>239003
Males have developed strategies to hide their 'red flags' from women. That isn't a fully reliable strategy. Also I dont get why you blame her for getting broken up with. She never said he cheated on her, just that (predictably) he was a sex obsessed male that was on tinder immediately after the breakup.

>>239009
I'm sorry this happened to you. Use it as a lesson. Males are primarily motivated by sex, not love.

>>239010
Never blamed her though, I'm just saying that we shouldn't overlook red flags even with rose-tinted glasses, all moids slip up eventually

>>239004
At the risk of being called names (or even banned…): do you apply those same standards to yourself? As in not being a 10/10 = red flag?

>>239016
Of course not, women should be judged by the content of their characters.
Men should be scrutinized by their character AND looks however. They're the ones who commit virtually all crime, and never hesitate to make us feel like trash over our looks. Why not treat them with their own medicine, appropriately scaled up in accordance with all the other horrible things they do everyday?

>>239018
Based unequal treatment enjoyer

>>239018
At least you're honest about it, what bugs me is there's people who are always talking about equality yadda yadda and contradict themselves every 2nd word.

>>239021
I guess she just wants to reverse the power dynamics and the worsen the treatment tend fold

>>239005
Yes.

>>239010
NTA, also you were first.

>>239027
How so?

>>239013
No you’re right, now that I look back I did let a lot of red flags slide (inabilitie to apologize properly, slight obsession with becoming friends with a random hot chick, previous age gap situationship, which he dumped as soon as he became interested in me, hypocrisy, lack of emotional intelligence, didn’t listen to what I wanted, probably more) wow he sucked. But I missed them because of how romantic he was, and also because he used autism as an excuse for a lot of stuff. We also had a slight age gap when we started going out, I was seventeen and he’s turning 20 soon, it felt cool to date someone in college….
I’ll let this be a lesson and be way more careful next time I like a man (or I’ll just become female exclusive). I should’ve really took a step back and looked at who he really was.
Thank you for all you nonas who sent their condolences and such. Very sweet. I’ll just try to focus on my career and education now. Hopefully good things come soon, for all of us.