Leave abusive husband or Stay to protect baby? Anonymous 133766[Reply]
Fuck guys idk where to start. Yeah. He switched up when I got pregnant and isolated me hard. Financial abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, some quasi-physical abuse (corning me in a room and flexing his fists for one, punched walls, doesn't let me leave a room or the home while he bearates me.) He's lost his temper with baby before too, slapped, screamed insults, yells if she does something that annoys or bothers him.
I have c-PTSD (diagnosed after I went to a women's shelter, from this relationship and the previous one) and Asperger's, but I've done a lot of counseling and reading on communication and in the beginning of the relationship was quite good at it, but the moment he starts the word twisting, taking everything as an attack, blaming me for it, insulting my character, all the DARVO shit, I lose it and have meltdowns.
He was arrested, but his colleagues (he's a cop) protected him, and then he had been threatening me for months about this specific scenario and I fucked up massively by lying and hiding what he's done to get the charges dropped.
He lacks empathy entirely, and I'm not sure he feels any emotions other than anger, and he thinks it's justified to act out that anger however he pleases. He thinks hitting kids, shaming them, yelling at them - even newborns and toddlers (mine is 1.5yo) is important and how you get them to behave. I am more a "natural consequence" and empathetic "home is a place of understanding and valuing each other as individuals" parent.
I feel really fucking stuck.
He has many advantages in court because of his career, he's very manipulative and lies well, brags about it. He will take my baby from me if I leave, he's very vindictive. Even just an overnight stay a week I feel panicked, what if he smacks her or screams at her again, and she can't tell me because she can't talk?
So I am torn - I leave, to protect myself, potentially leaving my baby open to the same emotional abuse.
Or I stay and try to play nice/lay low until she is old enough or until work transfers him too far away to see her, so that I can be there to protect her.
If I'm there, he does essentially no parenting, unless he thinks I'm leaving him, and then all of a sudden he's the most fun and hands-on dad…
Idrk what I'm asking sorry, my mind's all fucked and I don't have any close friends, or family.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.Anonymous 133778
>>133770Because in cases of abuse the abused is often not in the right mindset to prepare and compile evidence.
Meanwhile the abuser is collecting and documenting every time you even so much as slightly snap back at them.
Anonymous 133779
>>133775I would never kill my baby. I love them dearly. If it were just my husband and I, I would have gone the murder-suicide route a while ago.
>>133778Thank you for pointing that out. He, and some others, have recently revealed that he's been covertly starting a smear campaign against me, including embellishing and outright lying about things I've done or not done, making up a postpartum psychosis diagnosis, all while leaving out his and downplaying his own actions and accusing me of "collecting evidence" to "make him out to be an abuser and take everything from him." Quotes being his words
Anonymous 133780
>>133778He has also stolen and destroyed notebooks in which I've recorded incidents, and broken into my phone to delete proofs.
Anonymous 133781
>>133778yeah, that makes sense to me. I just assumed OP meant he'd receive the custody even if she did present her side of the story.
hopefully a lawyer helps you OP, best of luck
Anonymous 133845
you do not have close friends but you do have friends right? even acquaintances. please, i am begging you, talk about this to a woman you know, ANY woman you know. that is not related to him, to help you
Ask your parents for help
your extended family
anyone you have
anyone you can trust
your therapist(if you have one)
for him deleting stuff: use your own phone, change all passwords (if necessary) and always keep your phone on yourself. never ever let it get away. sleep with it in your pockets or panties. use cloud storage. try aes encryption if necessary
make a document. make a timeline of events. add proof if possible. photos. videos. urls. anything. ask a friend for help and if none use ai to reorder the document if necessary.
