I spoke something, but it's so so long that I think I will try to make it as short as possible so you can understand. And basically, your social misery is not from you as yourself, instead, it comes from your family. And my, a friend of mine, an old friend of mine, has something similar.
His father was a narcissist, her mother was bipolar, she had severe, pretty severe depression and alcoholism. She would take alcohol instead of taking her own pills, even if she was very good to me, as her father was.
And you have to take this with a grain of salt because I think you might need therapy and psychology if possible. If not, research it on your own, because the social misery you are talking about here, is because of your family. Your family is so miserable they failed yo raise you properly.
Because society is ingrained in little, like, parts and little cycles, little patterns. In that patterns, you have to learn since you are a child that every little thing socially has a reaction, has a consequence. And each little thing, for example, well, making friends is rather than something fun it's also a cope for survival, because everyone had friends back in middleschool, and I knew if I made a friend, it would mean I was not socially in trouble.
And each friend I made was rather done for my own pleasure, it was more of how to survive. I socialized to survive in school. I rarely had any real friends in school, even to highschool. I only had one friend who actually became a friend of mine and played with me, and then another friend of mine I knew well enough as a sister. My parents spoke often about how I became more shy or stopped being as social as before, yet it was because I was not interested in such dynamics anymore.
Each person the played a social role, played a social dynamic that even if I understood, I was not interested in interacting with that kind of logic. And understanding that kind of stuff will make you open your eyes and realize that you have a miserable social life because your parents didn't raise you proper, because they are miserable.
A miserable father will rarely raise a happy child. That's why, I mean, I'm against miserable people having children because their children will be miserable, and miserable people will make miserable societies most of the time. It's very rare for a miserable man to have a happy child. And you have to go through it and accept that, make peace with the fact t
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