>>129800
trying to find love as a lesbian is so hard… i come from a small ass town with basically no gay people, let alone lesbians. And all the dating apps are filled with troons or normies. Not to mention the straight couples looking for a unicorn. I just want an irl gf who is good with conversation and will talk about her interests to me

>>129825
You can do that with any women if you skip the sexual part.

>>129862
no. i want to hold hands and sometimes have makeout sessions

I havent posted on here in a while but i’m really depressed right now and i’m just angry at myself.
Recently i met this moid and i sort of actually like him. I’m usually so angry at moids and i could never understand why anyone would like one but i’ve met one that seems nice and i feel so stupid for liking him. And it makes me feel even worse knowing i literally have NO shot with him because I look disgusting when i speak and i’m like 10 lbs overweight and i’m super awkward and i know he probably just thinks i’m like. Fucking weird and retarded and ugly.
I don’t know guys. I’m trying to just get over it so I can avoid disappointment but I never let myself have romantic interest in anyone and i just wish i wasn’t me so maybe i could have a chance at a relationship like a normal person. But i’m just going to let it go i guess. It honestly makes it worse that he’s nice to me but I know i’m just taking any kind attention from him and running with it because i’m not used to it haha.
It’s truly over for me nonas

>>129865
Edit: I just found out he has a girlfriend anyway. Of course it’s the one moid ive ever actually liked . it was too good to be true i guess not that i woildve had a chance if he was single anyway.
I guess I’m just gonna go back to being antisocial and not looking for a relationship

I ain't got no panties on
Ain't got no panties on
I ain't got no panties on
On the dancefloor

It took so long to remember just what happened
I was so young and vestal then
You know it hurt me
But I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive
Even if signs seem to tell me otherwise
Got my hands bound
And my head down and my eyes closed
My throat's wide open

Do unto you now what has been done to me
Do unto you now what has been done

Tool- Prison sex. The latter half of the songs explains how abuse comes full circle, the abused become the abuser. Abuse like this leaves a hole in you that only seems to be filled when you hurt others. But you never truly get your power back.

Yo, listen up, here's a story
About a little guy that lives in a reddit world
And all day and all night
And everything he sees is just reddit
Like him inside and outside
Reddit his house
With a reddit little window
And a reddit Corvette
And everything is reddit for him
And himself and everybody around
'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen (to listen)

Rubbbin on her back as I suck on her NIPPLE!
Mane dis gal stacked butt cheeks like a HIPPO!
Jimmy crack corn Im gon bust on her LIPPO!
Jimmy in my cup my nig take a SIPPO!
Down by da benz so her cheese gonna FLIPPO!
Left the hotel with a limp like a CRIPPLE!
Pretty like highs and her smile had a DIMPLE!
Make her twat hot like a bust on a PIMPLE!

If you thinking I'm straight then you better think twice
Say you ain't got no cheese then I'm Jekyll and Hyde
'Bout to click on this bitch 'cause she need to learn me
Beat her with my pistol when I thought she burned me
It's the first of the month, you can call me Sambo
I'ma dick this ho down 'cause I like to gamble
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

AND DID YOU LEAVE ME ANYTHING
YOU'RE THE PHANTOM OF MY PAST
DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LAST, THIS WAY?
(a scar and a phantom pain)

>>129870
I've been waiting to reply to this while the site was being spammed. I'm really glad its over and I'm so sorry you got those awful replies from some weird pedo. I'm not going to lie to you and say "it gets better." My life is so similar to yours, but there are steps I have taken to make it a lot more bearable.

My first tip is move out! I get it. it's hard, but these people will drag you down. If you have relationships that are contentious but you still want them in your life, that's okay. They will improve with some space. I was heavily abused as a child too and I only really get along with my dad who I love but failed to protect me many times when there is a lot of space between us and my social life is active. Anyone you don't want in your life block asap. I don't know where you are, but most major cities have tons of boards of young people trying to meet people to get a roommate, this is also true of colleges if you are still in school. Consider renting a room rather than a whole apartment too.

>I've always been eccentric and weird but it feels worse now, everyone can tell I was abused as a kid right?
I often wonder the same thing. Try to think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff. If someone can see this on you and it drives them away, you don't want them in your life anyway.

I'm sorry about your awful ex. My ex did something super similar about a year ago and because he's still in my space this has become a prolonged Title IX battle. The fortunate thing is, this man doesn't seem to be in your space. Keep him out of your space, get rid of all the things that remind you of him. Maybe a new phone or mattress.

>I want to hug someone without it feeling sexual, I wish I didn't have sexual thoughts about friends I make. I want normal relationships.
I don't think this website is great about sex, so I recommend finding a space where traumatized sexuality (especially the oscillating between horny and self disgust) are better understood. Sex is a raw, biological thing. It's okay to have those feelings and I've found that the best thing to do here is a sort of radical acceptance of your own sexuality rather than repress it. After my assaults I often wished that I had no sexual feelings, had no body to be judged sexually and felt like my experiences made mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>129895
Wow this is actually really helpful, thanks sm.

I'm at a "supportive independent living" facility at the moment.

My head is kind of spinning, my main goal is to get a nice backpack and all my belongings gathered up somehow.

I obviously need a job, I'm gonna try and get somewhere that's understanding if I can.

I should've figured my family would abandon me tbh, They're making me out to be deranged and inherently dangerous and it's making me feel like a monster.

Honestly not sure if I can have a relationship with my mom, I just wish she hadn't done the stuff she did recently. She has untreated bpd and the constant splitting episodes were too much and broke me.

I'm going to see if I can get a ptsd diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I have it at this point. I'm praying that I get a good psych or whatever, I'm supposed to get a call for a mental health program tomorrow or something.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>129896
>I don't know how to do fafsa on my own, or really anything for that matter outside of cooking and cleaning.
Talk to an advisor in your school about this and they will definitely help you

>I obviously need a job, I'm gonna try and get somewhere that's understanding if I can.
Since it seems you're still in college, try working at somewhere like the student center, women's center or personal counseling in your university. If not i'd be shocked if your facility didn't have options for getting people into the workforce.

>I'm going to see if I can get a ptsd diagnosis,
PTSD is an easy dx to get, but I'm also going to recommend you go through an autism test if you have the means to do so. Since you mention that people perceive you as autistic it is probably worth it regardless. A lot of this is to avoid a BPD misdiagnosis, which is really common with the combination of autism x ptsd. Request a woman!!! I can not stress this enough. Because I don't see male mental health providers I've almost never been labeled some stupid bullshit outside of scenarios in childhood where they only saw me with my abusers in the room. Maybe try the RAINN hotline as well? They are usually able to connect you to free mental health resources within your area.

The places to move are narrowing as well.

To add onto what >>129775 said, if you cant find a job, look for volunteer opportunities. Also, try to get your driver's license; it really helps you expand what you're able to do in a secluded environment.

This has been me for most of my life. I don't know what to say other than maybe try to find a hobby or some other way to kill time

Start writing.

I can’t seem to get it right so I’m making rock bottom my home

>>129824
Have you tried talking to other people? That'll help with two of those

>>129859

yes, i have some people i try to talk to/be friends with but they never really seem to be interested in talking to me. which i dont understand because i do try to be very polite all of the time despite my shyness

>>129860
You say you're shy but that sounds like you don't speak much during these interactions so they might interpret that as you being uninterested in the conversation. You should find people interested in something you're passionate about. Is there anything you're passionate about?

>>129864
i am passionate about simple things like art, music, stuff like that. when i try to talk to people i want to talk about these things but im nervous it'll seem like im rambling too much.

>>129866
There's nothing wrong with rambling a bit. Some people find that endearing

It gets better, learn to become your own best friend and that warm glow will bring other people close to you. Im 30 and only in last couple years have i made genuine friendships, and even have a bestie now! I used to be miserable and lonely but i learned to accept things about myself and my situation, and found confidence within myself. Have self respect and don't let awful people steer your life in ways you do not want it to go, its better to be alone and calm than being around people that keep stressing you out and draining your energy. Find people who love, care, and want to grow, help them and theh will help you
♡

I was 20 and I had a friend, then I met more people later in life

Pretend you have a lot of friends. When you want to make friends be casual and pretend you're inviting her to your circle rather than inviting yourself to her friend group.

Manifest.

>>129695
you can't make friends as an adult, once high school is over that's it, even if you go to college these days everyone there will be as autistic as jigsaw puzzle of a german U-boat and won't want to be friends

I used to be in a friend group with three other girls and a boy back in high school. Group died out when the group "leader" realized she could make a bunch of cooler, better friends in college and stopped responding to plans to hang out despite us all still living in the same city. It's been 4 years and I just want a friend group like that again.

>>129708
yeah this is what shitty boyfriends and having BDD/former anachan does to u lol

>>129689
advice to you or anybody that has problems with their bf that they feel they couldn't resolve.
Break up.
Simple.
Never ever ever cheat, you immediately lose your argument if you do. Why cheat and stay in a relationship anyway if you don't like him anymore? Break up and finish it.

>>129689
they’re all booing but im clapping. you don’t ever gotta feel bad about cheating on cheaters.

Do both of yourselves a favor and leave him. If hes lying about porn usage what else is he lying about? cheating is not good either and if youre vernting your frustration that way, why not just cut off the source of it rather than "dealing" with it?

If you're as skinny and pretty as you say you are, then what are you doing dating a balding fat porn addicted, erectile dysfunction having moid? I don't even feel sorry for you at this point because from what you say you apparently have the access to get a much more decent moid who's actually handsome and doesn't jerk off to porn all day. Skinny women should never settle for fat men, they're disgusting, smell bad and have ED. Plus you're in the cosplay community, there are tons of model looking men who are in the cosplay scene. The world is your oyster when you're a skinny woman and you can have access to 90% better looking moids. You're only shooting yourself in the foot.

Come back to me. Come back to me so we can finish what we started. I know you still want to finish it. Don't even lie to me. Don't pretend you don't care. And honestly, I know I still tug at the back of your mind, but you won't admit it to yourself. So come back. Just for a little bit.

>>129616

Ima pretend this is him speaking to me.

I'll keep you around to regulate me but I will never ever be close to you again. I will never be vulnerable around you or allow you to touch me again. Keep thinking I forgave you but I'm actually gonna use you like you use me. And no matter what you promise I know you will run away again but I won't chase

my dear I miss you so much

It's been almost half a year since we last talked. Even longer since we were friends. I know you still like me. I can hear you start to talk louder when I'm around at school. During geography you avoided eye contact while bringing me my test but I could see you smiling. I was smiling to you too. You follow me every so often on spotify. Changed your bio to send me messages. You're so endearing, I wish you weren't so shy.

I know it is kind of my fault things ended but I couldn't keep waiting and only texting online. I want real contact. I think you understand that too. I was always planning efforts to talk to you, for example before exams. A shame you kept coming in late and had to sit in the front.

I miss your humor. You were so fun to talk to. Sometimes I read back our old, now ancient, conversations and find myself smiling. Somewhere I also think I might've took you for granted. I didn't see your spirit at the time. Now I see how sweet you were to me.

I wonder what I have to offer to you though? Looking back on our messages you were mostly carrying the conversations. I feel like I am too,, mentally ill. You are shy and have no experience while I've been in too many toxic relationships- though you don't know that yet. I'm afraid you might not be able to handle it, and support me right. I don't want to "infect" you either. Sometimes you skipped school after I did and it felt really shitty because I don't want to influence you like that. And what if you are just in love with the idea of me or the idea of having a girlfriend? Would you be okay not having sex? It is my greatest fear. I am too afraid to share all of my history with you- but that should be a part of having a partner.

I don't know. I also don't want myself to keep making excuses and not try anything due to my fear of abandonment and pushing people away. I mean, I'm not (yet) scared you'll leave me but more so, that we wouldn't work out and both end up very hurt. There's lots of "practical" reasons why we are "too" different to work but I still feel so strongly about you- that I wonder if I should just give it a shot.

I am planning on making more contact with you- just you wait. But you need to stop being shy. I hope that if you see I like you too- you have more courage to be direct.

When I can't sleep at night I think of you. I fantasize about us finally talking, going on a date. I want to hug and kiss yoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Stop blaming me for being "selfish" and "overwhelming" when all I did was message you occasionally and tried to help when you threatened to kill yourself in my inbox. You're the one who preyed upon me when I was in a bad place, at a young age, yet I still chose to forgive you. But you're just so miserable you can't grasp that people can care about those who've hurt them. Honestly, I think both of us are pathetic.

>>129785
>(but fat tall people are even worse tbh, tall fat bitches looks scary asf ngl)
i kind of like being scary thats the problem i guess. i have unconventional tastes in women and i apply them to myself. i think it would be cool to be intimidating but its impossible to have any type of scary presence when youre 5`3 it sucks

6 inch heels for you

>>129791
im gnc + live in a cold area + theyre uncomfortable. i wish i wasnt malnutritioned as a child so id be at least a little taller

I somehow have multiple +180cm friends and family members old and young, they all complain about it and have horrible posture because they're afraid of standing up straight(bent knees, hunched back). They say they're attracting too much attention and younger ones say they get made fun of. They should be glad they're statuesque and you should be glad you're cute.

>>129794
>you should be glad you're cute.
doesnt really match my personality and the traits that i wanna present. wish there was a way to trade