Anonymous 130074[Reply]
I am a schizoid woman. I spend most of my time thinking about nebulous stuff in my head and doing solitary activities such as diy stuff, tinkering with computers, trying to make various stuff and all. I do not enjoy talking to other people unless they’re invested in my interests. Usually if I speak with someone I just wait for the conversation to end and for them to go away. I have little clue as to why other people are entertained by what they are. I prefer interactions where I don’t need to adapt to the other persons sense of normal. That’s why I dislike groups and often end up antagonistic towards them unless I have a big presence. I don’t have strong attachments.
That is just who I am.
76 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.Anonymous 130329
>>130328
I mostly did that cuz I am sure a certain someone else on this site has an rss feed for discord. I don’t want to fall behind them technologically.
Anonymous 130330
I do check cc manually too much also
Anonymous 130441
This video hits some topics I had been occasionally thinking for a while.
First, the critical period. Genie was a child who grew up in a dark basement, never receiving any external speech input or love, never having spoken to anyone prior to being discovered. Her vocabulary grew pretty fast when she was being taken care by scientists, but she could never get a grasp on grammar. Obviously, she never became an independent adult.
Sometimes I try to imagine, what if one simply never gets the proper development to work, learn and and keep up with the others. Once the window of opportunity closes, you're essentially stuck in a body and a mind that's only half-human. That terrifies me. I know Genie is an extreme example and most people have enough to eventually catch up with the others, but that actually requires MORE work and support for someone who can't get it. This creates a self-perpetuating loop. This is a harrowing existential trap where the only sure solution is death.
I think there's a lot of people like this, I was like this, my development up until 10-ish years was okay, great even. After that I became an extreme recluse, unable to feel any connection with most others or really just see any point in social convention. Early teenage years aren't quite the critical period, but they certainly define more than your adult years do.
It made my mind go blank whenever I was faced with emotionally charged situations. I could witness a conversation where two people are laughing, their intonations are lively, they can speak spontaneously, but within me there would be nothing. It was almost like some circuitry within me was lacking, hollow, or turned off. It made me livid because I could not understand this problem or see the solution.
The people I spoke to, they told me I was a bit incomprehensible or arcane in conversation. I would veer off into my thoughts, only vocalize half of what I'm thinking, so on… Really it goes on.
I've gradually improved after getting out of my parents' house and finding something worth living for. Then, suddenly, there was a gradual recovery. I could feel more, I started simply getting everything I didn't get before, it's like emotions were a sense no less than smell, taste or vision. I don't know how to describe it, things suddenly started making sense.
I can only wonder what's going to happen to iPad kids. They're going to be studied, for sure.
Anonymous 130446
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Secondly, language played an important part in my recovery.
There's two relevant stories in the video, both involving the experiment of not talking to or around infants ever. Most of them started failing to thrive and died. This is despite the fact that biologically, they got everything their body needed. This is fascinating, almost as if language is the nourishment for the human soul.
This somewhat happened to me too. I was never allowed to express myself. As an adult I tried doing that more and more… But it wasn't until I got someone to hear me that I got rapid improvements!
People said my language improved, I was making more sense.
This is partially why I want to blog here about random stuff. Language is amazing. Even just vocalizing something helps one understand anything better. Informational exchange is like a cheatcode for life! Whenever you have a network of information, you can have the knowledge of the whole network! You can see the perspectives and gain fuller understanding of anything, really.
That's why I blog and why I try my best to have social interactions that can positively affect me. Even if it's not enjoyable, it is vital for the health of your mind.
Anonymous 130462
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Here's a blogpost from 28.09.2025 that's somewhat relevant I guess:
It is a bit silly, but sometimes it puts my life into perspective whenever I see other people's pets and recall what mine as a kid were like. Especially when I compare what my home pets and the adopted street cat were like.
My home pets as a kid were something more like a fluffy vegetable. They don't really do anything besides just existing, shitting, running towards food, being handled around without consent and of course, being teased. It never really occured to me teasing is a bad thing - it was kind of the norm to tease pets in our household - but it's a super mega red flag in the MMPI.
But then there are pets who are actively affectionate and actively engaging with the rest of the family, vocally responsive, well I kinda have a hard time naming more, but you know…
And obviously, I kinda realized I'm a lot like what my own pets were like.
I don't need to spell out probably that both them and I were a result of the same treatment. I kinda have a hard time seeing why would I have any issues in my life but that kinda explains it somewhat maybe?
