/x/ - /x/

What happened to you?

>>11895
my parents yelled at me constantly everyday for every mistake for literal hours. like theyd stand in the doorway blocking it not letting me go anywhere and they would just yell and yell and yell and yell. it didn't matter what i said theyd just shout over my words because in those moments i didn't matter to them as a person i was just a convenient outlet for their anger. this could go on for so long that they would take breaks from yelling at me and slam my door really loudly and then come back 5-10 minutes later to continue yelling at me. ive had no control in those moments there was nothing i could do about their anger, being a really small child and all. by the time they were done screaming my face was always red from crying. i was also bullied heavily but thats a wound that i dont wanna reopen rn.

>>11896

how old were you then? how old are you now?

i don't believe you actually correlate any of these desires to love. i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.

it sounds like you don't think many people (if any) love you, including your parents - you probably don't interact with others enough to catch a glimpse of the spectrum of romance/sex/love or whatever - why the correlation to love?

>>11902
>how old were you then?
6-14
>how old are you now?
20s
>i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.
>why the correlation to love?
i know that those sadistic impulses stem from isolation and abuse and mental illness and whatnot, im not afraid to admit that because its a rather obvious conlusion, i just dont know what else to call them. like sometimes i will feel enamored by a person, i like thinking about them and having them on the backburner of my mind, i like how they look and i find them hot, but instead of wanting to make them happy all i think about is hurting them and i dont have any interest in doing anything else with them, when i stop having a crush on a person i stop wanting to hurt them. thats why i label those experiences as 'love', there just isn't any other catch-all term that describes the type of attachment that i feel

I think I’m biased towards cynicism but I think it’s all over

I'm not sure how nonas find peace in eternal nothingness. I think only having a very shor amount of time to have a chance to experience love, pain, etc any emotion is in itself cruel and unfair. The fact that each person is unique and beautiful (except for 90% of moids) but will inevitably fade away never to be seen again and b e forgotten some day is terrible.

But at the same time i find it hard to believe we just become "nothing". We still don't fully know how sentience works and for all we know this life we have right now is not our sentience's first. Maybe we die and as universe re-births itself so does our sentience. We have a different physical body but the sentience remains. or maybe this is all incorrect…

That's why it's so terrifying, the fact that we don't know. We don't know why the unvierse exists, why the space works like it does. We don't know what it all came from, the planets, the galaxies, and where it will disappear and if it might remake itself. We are just that insignificant

>>10878
Long reply but I have many thoughts. I see both sides because every option scares me. Endless reincarnation fucks me up cuz just imagine all that could/would happen (being born in 3rd world countries in the middle of war, tortured with alien technology on a distant planet, maybe even eventually living the same life again, 1914729938029272 bad lifetimes in a row) or just generally having to live through everything ever imagined. Hell scares me cuz endless torture. Heaven scares me cuz you could be there for an astronomical amount of time and it won’t be any closer to ending and could become psychological torture (look up SCP-7179 if you wanna see more about that). You’re right that never existing again is horrifying as well and I don’t know if I believe something like enlightenment exists like in Eastern religion. I just feel constantly pessimistic, cynical, and nihilistic so maybe that’s why I’m not able to stick to any belief. If our existence is finite then nothing we do matters and will be forgotten if it’s infinite then it doesn’t matter if you were Hitler, an average person, or Junko Furuta because all your actions are finite and don’t even remotely mean anything to an existence that goes on forever though I guess that depends on if you believe in a dualistic or non dualistic religion. I agree it’s all very disorienting and religion doesn’t exactly give the deepest answer for why it is this way. I mean hey if reincarnation is real what will this lifetime matter after the universe dies and rebirths itself trillions of times over? I really don’t know how to get out of this mindset beyond just hoping more people understand it and trying to push it to the back of my head, existential dread is not fun

I’m very scared by the thought of eternity so I feel like it may be eternally torturous no matter what. Imagining going through anything for trillions to googolplexes to Graham’s Numbers of years and beyond and it just never getting a second closer to ending is deeply horrifying. The speech that starts at 1:18 in this video really speaks to me. In terms of what I think may actually happen though, I think death is likely the end because all evidence points us to consciousness being a neurological process but I wish we had evidence that it may not be. Near Death Experiences are interesting but honestly I don’t know if they’re real and they’re pretty inconsistent so even if they are real I don’t think they give any information about what comes after.

Current evidence points to the idea that everything ends but I'd like to believe otherwise, I'm scared by the idea of eternity though

I had a couple. I had a bad infection from a cat scratch on my neck as a kid that had me in the hospital for a while, and I got into a roll-over accident going 105mph. The air time I got felt like an eternity and it still plays in my head when I'm doing really bad

I tried to kill myself a little over a year ago by cutting my wrists. Definitely the closest I've come to dying. Very surreal experience.

>>3185
Not an NDE, but once at PE lesson just when I was about to be hit by the ball, time has literally slowed down for me and I deflected the ball. It was maybe 2 secs at most but for me it was like 5 seconds. Now I know it was an adrenaline burst or something like that.

I had a girl try to drown me when I was 8. She was up on a floaty and I was in the water. She would pull me up by my hair, laugh at me, and then push me back into the water and hold me there. I would thrash around and try very hard to get back to the surface and my brain was just on survival mode. I had no emotions or fear, as I was solely focused on breathing as much as possible when I was let up and attempting to break away. The intervals between her pulling me up and holding me down started getting longer and longer, and it felt like it was going on forever and I couldn't escape. Finally my mom came and ripped her off of me and chewed her the fuck out. It was so strange because minutes before the girl started drowning me, we were just playing games like tag and pretending to be mermaids. I don't know if she was retarded or a psychopath, but my mom always says that the girl had dead, empty eyes and was just staring at her unblinking as she was going off on her.

I had an ectopic pregnancy two years ago. I got pregnant two months after I had my son and I was freaking out. I found out while at the hospital for gallstones and pancreatitis. I immediately knew something was abnormal, because I had been spotting continuously, and I never did that with my son (I had ignored the spotting because I thought it was a weird period, since I had had a baby so recently). After I had gotten the gallstone removed from my bile duct, they sent an OBGYN to my room to talk to me. I mentioned the bleeding, and he said it was "implantation spotting". I asked him if he was sure, since it had been going on for a couple of weeks and was more like streaking than spotting, and he said it was fine (which is bullshit, and implantation spotting takes place way earlier than 8 weeks, which was where I was). Fast forward a few days later, I'm in the shower and have a dull, achy pain in my right pelvic region. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable, but I knew that all the spotting plus one sided pain could mean an ectopic pregnancy. I rush to a different OBGYN, who does an ultrasound and sees no baby in my uterus, but instead in my fallopian tube. I am immediately rushed into surgery, and when I wake up the doctor is in my room, telling me I almost died as I had an insane amount of blood filling my pelvis. I at first was just relieved to be alive, but as time went on, I became very scared of being pregnant again. I was later told by the OBGYN that the pancreatitis had caused foPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Never had one but they may be real. I'm unsure but I'm open to consciousness being able to go beyond the brain or the idea of something like reincarnation. I fear the idea of eternity and I don't know if anything beyond materialism will ever be proven tbh

>>2686
>Strangely though this is considered no concern at all.
Why would it be a concern?
>So how do we figure out any of these big questions?
>We may decide it is simply out of our hands and consider the goal a futile endeavour but there very well could be another system of thought yet to be discovered that will give us the answers.
The system of thought you are looking for is faith and intuition based.
<but that's not reasonable or falsifiable!
You're the one making the assertion that reason can't explore these topics, by definition, this must mean the actual way to answer these questions must be unreasonable. If they weren't, they would be reasonable, and thus based in reason.
>Secular society has rebranded religion and fails to see it: this is certain.
Secular society has not rebranded religion, it never fully escaped the religious connotations that contained it. Take a look at the average atheists understanding of morality and you'll find it's either repackaged Christianity or maybe Buddhism if you're in the East. The only people who believe science replaced religion are the same brainlets who don't understand how epistemological philosophy works. People don't worship science these days the same way they worship the church.

>>2689
It does seem to be a waste of time to even bother trying to find out unless it brings a distraction and is a way to cope since that is the only reason we do anything at all.
Some things may truly be unknowable whethere we like it or not…

>>2690
>Why would it be a concern?
It is a concern because we are told by conventional authorities we can discover the truth by using science when this is not the case for all things as I mentioned.
I understand that even suggesting science may not provide answers results in a kneejerk reaction and has pejorative connotations that someone is stuck in the past controlled by mystic thinking.
The global consciousness for the most part is like a zoomer rebelling against the boomers.
>The system of thought you are looking for is faith and intuition based.
I did not mention theology yet this has the same problems as I mentioned already regaridng philosophy since it really is one in the same in many ways.

Why must the only way to explain that which cannot be explained using reason alone be theistic theories?
There could be an alternative system of thought as I mentioned yet to claim it is provable is unknown.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>2691
>It is a concern because we are told by conventional authorities we can discover the truth by using science when this is not the case for all things as I mentioned.
1. Why do you care what conventional authorities think?
2. Even if you did care about what conventional authorities think, those same conventional authorities will, for the most part, never claim that science can give you those answers. See vid related at the 14:53 minute mark. Feynman being an incredibly noteworthy individual in Quantum Mechanics, breaks down why reasoning doesn't present new presmises, it can only test existing ones against each other. Welcome to fundamental epistemology.

Fuck, it requires a leap of faith to even believe other minds exist. Go read a critique of pure reason by the Kant goblin. Reasoning can not take anything A-priori which is what you are looking for.
>Why must the only way to explain that which cannot be explained using reason alone be theistic theories?
Because you are unable to see the forest for the trees. Theological theory is the end result of a different thought system, not the thought system in and of itself. Your argument is tantamount to saying the Theory of Relativity encapsulates all of reasoning as opposed to being a result from it.
>There could be an alternative system of thought as I mentioned yet to claim it is provable is unknown.
It's contradictory on a epistemological to derive a rational system to a non-rational system as they have a-priori standards for evidence and abstraction. If you just want to argue that something exists outside of reason (outside of observation or experience), then that already exists. I believe Kant would call it "Judgement", others would call it "Faith". It can not prove anything because it does not prove things in the way reasoning does, because by it's nature it is irrational. To want a system that can prove things, but is itself not rational, thus you are requesting something contradictory. Something that is not rational, but follows rational rules.

Now, if you are instead trying to explore the possibility of something that exists simultaneously outside rational reasoning and judgement/faith based methods of thought. Sure I guess, maybe it exists, but by the base principles you yourself have asserPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>2692
Yes you make some good points and essentially it leaves everything uncertain.
I am familiar with Kant.
bah I know a lot of people are aware of these limitations but have found in personal experience they are not.
Thanks for author recommendation may be good to read something other than pessimistic stuff for a change.
le brainfog hope my reply does not seem rude for being rather limited bahh

Thinking of how large the universe is and how it may be infinite and thinking of the nature of time scares the shit out of me

I’ve never had any experiences with psychics but my friend would religiously go to one. She would always call her during exam weeks to ask what she would get on exams and according to her, the psychic was always spot on. Anyway last semester her psychic told her she would get a grade on an exam that would give her an A (93 for our class) but she got a C on the exam which tugged her final grade down to a B and she almost had a breakdown. I don’t know if she’ll continue contacting the psychic, she’s a very consistent person so I can see her going back in the future.

>>1317
I went to a palm reader, but I suppose it isn't the same thing. Regardless, it was a waste of money. The woman was picking up on things I said and telling them back to me in a slightly different way, as if she had figured it out herself. She would pick up clues to my life and run with them. I honestly believe she wasn't so much a palm reader as she was a people reader.

It's interesting. She thought that I was intelligent and on my way to success due to the fact that I was dressed very nicely and that I was in college, but at the time I'd been failing every course and often wore the same clothes every single day beyond that particular day.

>>1317
This sounds made-up

Most of them are scammers so no

Most are scammers but some may be real. I wouldn't doubt if there is some spiritual world that you could tap into it with enough focus

telepathy is real, vibes are real, you can literally feel it. lets stop pretending

Do you think this was faked or is it real? I'm somewhat conflicted, have any of you tried it for yourself?

This is more adjacent to the thread topic but any thoughts on this neuroscientist who's talking about communicating with the afterlife?

Apparently Diane Hennacy Powell who helped with it is an anti vaxxer. I think euphoric atheists on skeptic.org are still cringe as fuck though

Apparently Diane Hennacy Powell is rumored to be an anti vaxxer. I think euphoric atheists on skeptic.org are still cringe as fuck though

I don't believe in it but if it is true and there truly is no way out that's horrifying. Reincarnation isn't a bad concept but here it's probably the scariest possibility, at least in Hell you would know you're absolutely hopeless, Gnostic Reincarnation teases you with hope before devastating you endlessly and it genuinely gets me panicking. I agree with >>11571 chances are that God's probably just not perfect and religious people really badly try to convince themselves that it is so they don't have to think too hard

It could be real but it feels more likely that there are just some negative entities out there rather than them all being evil. I highly doubt that only angels or only demons exist. Don't know about risking not going to the light when you die, I've read some stuff about how you could get trapped as a ghost and never escape if you do that which makes me nervous to try it

Neoplatonism >>>>>> gnosticism


Matter is actually good because the gods created it and are right here with us. Humans choose to be good or bad. Enjoy your stay.

I arrived to a similar conclusion and worldtheory by myself without having ever heard of gnosticism beforehand, so when I learned about its existence I was quite glad. I

>>11881
Something I've noticed is that most Gnostics these days (at least in the prison planet circles) have a habit of blaming their own poor living situations on God rather than looking around them. My boss is gonna fire me? Must be the demiurge, can't be that my boss chose to do that. I won't say this is the only or best place to be reincarnated into but I will say acting like there's only evil at work is a poor mentality to have. It doesn't help that many are depraved and have a habit of getting off to stuff like rape porn or are some flavor of bigot, you'd think they'd want to avoid contributing to the system that's apparently keeping all this going

>>10910
I think aliens are probably real somewhere out there, whether or not they’ve been to Earth is a completely different story. There may be aliens in the water but I saw the Blaire White video about aliens where it was mentioned it could just be that humans aren’t the only evolved species on Earth and I think there’s a good chance of that being the truth. I think NHI/Non Human Intelligence is a better term than aliens

Great thread, interesting topic. The UFO community is basically a fandom anyway.

>>10910
Are you talking about this thread? Underwater alien base?
https://archive.4plebs.org/x/thread/34629564/
I think it was great and believable.

Yes. Universe is HUGEEEEEEE why would we be alone here?

I've read lots of conspiracies on them, from Starseeds, to Prison Planet stuff, to psychedelic encounters and DMT beings to abduction reports. The Roswell Alien Interview where Matilda o'donnell macelroy claimed to telepathically communicate with an alien named Ailr that was published by Lawrence R Spencer in 1947 is an interesting read. It was popular in Gnostic/Prison Planet circles for mentioning Samsara and Earth being where souls who got extremely bad Karma in past lives are reincarnated, there is some stuff about being infinitely recycled too. Apparently Matilda died shortly after she sent the author this. It may have been faked as the author is rumored to be part of Scientology but it's a chicken or the egg thing where he may have joined Scientology as it seemed to be the closest to truth or he possibly wrote this to help Scientology get its start. It's also suspected to be Scientology propaganda by using terms like "immortal spiritual beings/eternal spiritual beings" to describe humans as beings named IS-BE. This does cause suspicion from some that Scientology does seem to be "the elite" in one way or another. People on Reddit mentioned having similar encounters with gray aliens or mentioning that they were told the name of the book telepathically. There are some other interesting books of a similar nature by people like Karla Turner and there's others like Phil Schneider who was possibly killed for knowing too much. Don't know if I believe it but it does seem possible

Interesting Reddit posts
https://www.reddit.com/r/aliens/comments/14s2zlr/matilda_odonnell_macelroy_1947_roswell_interview/
https://www.reddit.com/r/UFOs/comments/xk4svt/alien_interview_lawrence_r_spencer_anyone_read/
https://www.reddit.com/r/InterdimensionalNHI/comments/1dv7onc/multiple_nonhuman_entities_have_told_humans_that/
https://www.reddit.com/r/aliens/comments/1fi2rd8/serious_roswelPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

This channel called Area 52 made some interesting videos about it

>>11806
Do not use Ouja boards at all to contact. My mentor is a medium and a lot of demons feed off your attention and have you guessing if you're searching for a family member. I know you want to contact spirits you DON'T know but advise please do not use Ouija!

I've had issues for years dealing with terrible paranormal activity both physically to my body & objects because I was stupid and had a sigil necklace as decoration above my bed. Removed it and although I do not have it often, I've been to a cemetary recently with some friends to kinda troll around and the same spirit that was latched onto me was the same one who was hurting me, I did get a lot of questions answered through those pendents (the ones you dangle from your hand), it was a cool experience though because the spirit attached to me is powerful it managed to fling my vape off my hand which was flat. Made me feel like I had telekinesis lmaooooo. Best advice is to use those pendent things because they are more safe. And probably go to a place that has a lot of spirit activity like abandoned buildings or cemeteries :)

>>11811
To add onto this, if you do go to abandoned buildings make sure you are safe incase of people coming in that have bad intentions. As well also you might find out that you have a passed on family member with you, if you start feeling that theres another energy in the room that isnt just you or others, then it's a family member. If at some point you feel really negative it's a spirit you don't know and potentially a bad one

It could help if you go to a place that was meaningful to them while they were alive

I hope this is relevant I don't know where else to ask… Will ghosts just float through space after the sun engulfs the earth? I mean, if there's life after death in that sense I assume it's eternal right? And ghosts are commonly believed to haunt certain places, so what happens when those places are gone? I mean the sun will engulf the earth eventually so will we all float through space as ghosts or what? Go to another planet? Won't it be far away? I would love answers from people who believe in them

>>11886
Most people who believe in ghosts believe there's a spiritual world they can go to when they want so I guess ghosts just hang there once the planet is fried. Some ghost believers also believe in reincarnation and believe you can go be reborn on other planets if you'd like. Maybe time works differently than we think and the planet isn't ever truly "destroyed" at least in the way we think. Thinking about it gives me anxiety though since it makes me wonder if anything we do on Earth matters since the cycle may just repeat again the exact same way