/x/ - /x/

>>11178
>26
>Pisces
Is there a way forward for me? Will I ever find a way to be financially independent and a functional person at all?

Sorry for missing these ones, but if you guys are still around, I'm just curious..

>>10573
did you get in?

>>10576
Were you able to make friends and a relationship?

>>10597
How is this going for you? If youre still around, would you still like me to read this?

>>10701
did you get a job?

>>10710
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Will I ever get a better job?
25
Pisces

>>6248
Should i stay neet or get job?
27 Pisces

Will my life improve or will it keep sliding down a negative trajectory? Does putting in effort even mean I can avoid my worst outcome at all?

26F Taurus

I’ve had a few bad dreams. I used to have a lot of dreams about school shootings when I was in school, they started maybe when I was 13 or so. As I got older I’d usually just die in them, or respawn like it was some video game. I had a bad dream about waiting in line for food at a restaurant once, and a strange man was in front of me. I said something to him and he became angry, and he turned around and lifted me up by the throat and started to choke me out. I saw his face morph from a stranger to my dad’s face and I woke up soon after that. I’ve also had a dream or two about my dad assaulting me which also made me feel disgusting as soon as I woke up. My dad would never do that to me, those dreams were happening when he was being emotionally and verbally abusive, I was very angry at him and bottled it up so that’s where those dreams came from.

I’m going to just spoiler the rest since it has to do with trauma.
By far the worst dreams I’ve ever had are about CSA. My little sister suffered abuse from family members but I didn’t find out until about two or three years ago and it fucked me up. A little before that I found out my dad also suffered from CSA when he was a child. With my sister it was COCSA from cousins. They were about 4 years old at the time but they still did things to her. When one of them was maybe 9 or 10 years old he tried to touch me too. I was a couple of years older than him (I was probably around 12) but he was on top of me. We haven’t seen them in years and frankly I don’t know what I’d do to them if I ever saw them again. Finding out about that really fucked with me. I still feel kind of guilty even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I didn’t know it was happening. I was a child too.

I think that’s when those dreams started. I really don’t want to go into detail but one of them was so bad that I think I became lucid in it. When they happen it’s like the dream is being projected in my brain and I’m forced to watch. I vividly remember begging it to stop, begging myself to wake up and to make the dream stop because I didn’t want to watch. I knew it was a dream, but my brain was forcing me to watch. I ended up waking up, feeling absolutely disgusting. I briefly thought about killing myself. I felt absolutely disgusting. It was incredibly disturbing, and it felt more disturbing since my mind had just made it up. I remember that it was an infPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Most of them end up being so horrible that I have to consciously force myself to forget about them and as a result, a lot of the details have been lost but some off the top of my head:
>Raped by family member
>Random dog mauled and dismembered violently in front of me
>Younger sister about to get kidnapped by 2 creepy guys
I can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream and I hate it

>>10880
I’ve dreamed about slow and painful ways to die so much. Wonder if it’s past lives or something (tho I don’t rlly know how much I believe in stuff like that)? I also dream about discovering people in my family are incestuous, people/children or animals being sexually abused and that’s gross but they usually leave my head pretty quick but it disturbs me knowing shit like that it actually real and happening out there plus some are so vivid I still remember them

My middle school friend's then boyfriend was tied to a chair while I chopped off his arms and legs, all while he was crying and screaming for his mother. That fucked me up because I didn't even have anything against him. He just kind of annoyed me a bit in real life, not anything remotely that would have made make me think "I want to kill this kid" so I don't know where this came from. These kinds of nightmares always make me scared of my own subconsciousness and whether or not I'm actually some kind of disturbed, violent person underneath. I generally see myself as a pretty peaceful person that wouldn't hurt a fly but it makes me wonder - how many of us truly don't realize what we're capable of?

I had a dream that I was trying to express to my dad how I'd been feeling, like nothing was worth it anymore and I felt like I had no way out. It was so vivid. We were standing in the kitchen of my childhood home while the sun was setting outside the window. I couldn't really see him since he was just past where the light from the sun would hit the floor. But I saw the shirt he always wears and I heard his voice. I was struggling to get the words out, but I had stopped crying and there was an uncomfortable silence. He made me hold out my arms and he handed me a gun. He essentially gave me a disgruntled and off-putting talk about how it won't get better, and if I really feel that way I should just walk down to the creek by our house and kill myself before I waste any more of anyone's time.

Either that or the dreams of being taken advantage of by a family member. No one in my family would do that to me, I just woke up feeling disgusting and hating myself.

>>11009
The queen

>>11009
Sarah Boone

>>11009
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katherine_Knight
Pretty brutal

>>11041
School shooting is just a completely different crime than killing an abusive husband or revenge killing in general. There is almost no reason to do any kind of mass killing in revenge, people who were wronged and want revenge usually just target the specific people who wronged them rather than committing grandiose acts of terror on random people. People who do mass killings have a warped sense of self importance and usually crave some kind of recognition or to rectify their sense of powerlessness. They might claim it’s “revenge” but it’s a totally different mindset than typical revenge killing.

>>11172
I've chewed this over for a couple of days and I'm not sure I can swallow it. Because, on the subject of women who kill:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2174580/
>Resnick's review of the world psychiatric literature on maternal filicide (11) found filicidal mothers to have frequent depression, psychosis, prior mental health treatment, and suicidal thoughts. Maternal filicide perpetrators have five major motives: a) in an altruistic filicide, a mother kills her child out of love; she believes death to be in the child's best interest (for example, a suicidal mother may not wish to leave her motherless child to face an intolerable world; or a psychotic mother may believe that she is saving her child from a fate worse than death); b) in an acutely psychotic filicide, a psychotic or delirious mother kills her child without any comprehensible motive (for example, a mother may follow command hallucinations to kill); c) when fatal maltreatment filicide occurs, death is usually not the anticipated outcome; it results from cumulative child abuse, neglect, or Munchausen syndrome by proxy; d) in an unwanted child filicide, a mother thinks of her child as a hindrance; e) the most rare, spouse revenge filicide occurs when a mother kills her child specifically to emotionally harm that child's father.
So, motives for killing an innocent child by the child's mother are:
1. crazy, 2. crazy, 3. incompetent and crazy, 4. very late abortion, and 5. Revenge against someone who is not the child.

Revenge is the rarest of these motives because it occurs in individuals with ordered, organized thoughts and the possibility of well ordered and self organized lives. But it's the single big reason out of all of the intense negative emotions that motherhood, adulthood, or heterosexual relationships bring. Nowhere on this list does "jealousy" appear as a motive for mother-daughter murder even though it is an unfortunately common form of maternal resentment and is also an unfortunately common motive for woman-on-woman homicides (like Homolka getting her bf to murder her sister).

I don't believe revenge is necessarily surgically precise, not even when mothers do it.

Telepathy is very old.

Not a expert or anything, here are some of my thoughts:
1. Humans have allways talked to the "spirits". know as "Mediumship"(wikipedia), Entheogen.

2. In ancient India, there was a therey called "Holographic principle" or "Holographic universe".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holographic_principle
https://www.hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/essays/advaita-holographic-principle.asp

This so called Telepathy, that these people are talking about is based on a ancient indan therey(like 5000 year old religios stuff):
"Holographic principle"/"Holographic universe".
CIA, and sientist do test this stuff. There exist many documents from CIA that they have tested, done sientific experiment to test if this stuff exist. Look for example at "The Men Who Stare at Goats" Note: Goats, is a code word for satanism.

3.
These people belive, according to the "Holographic principle", that the brain is a antena to communicate to other beings. a.k.a Telepathy
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7717
heyy the imgur boards down, no way you see this but what if. also if anyones here rare jermas appreciated

>>11159
i found this girl’s spotify by stalking her easier to find irls. some of them have really unique names so they’re easy to search. after that it was just deduction from the followers/following list (the username referenced a hobby and her playlists had meme pictures i had seen her use before). I guess this only worked because her circles seem to share Spotify accounts.
i still don’t know how to find accounts directly from email and i wish i did… all i have is username searching sites. let me know if you find one haha

i gave into stalking and it feels so good

I haven't stalked anyone but I get super obsessed when I have a crush to the point that I think things like I wish I was a doorstop in his home so I could see him and just watch him every day. This was about a coworker and I was too scared to take pics of him but I did memorize his face and draw portraits of him, not very good ones but I'll always remember his face now. I still feel a pit in my chest when I think about him, it's been almost 4 years since I last saw him. I couldn't find any of his socials and only talked with him once :(

recently i took a picture of a guy who goes to my school without his knowledge and sent the photos to a friend of mine, and i thought that was creepy. this board has given me a completely new perspective

>>5965
beautiful

I think I’m biased towards cynicism but I think it’s all over

I'm not sure how nonas find peace in eternal nothingness. I think only having a very shor amount of time to have a chance to experience love, pain, etc any emotion is in itself cruel and unfair. The fact that each person is unique and beautiful (except for 90% of moids) but will inevitably fade away never to be seen again and b e forgotten some day is terrible.

But at the same time i find it hard to believe we just become "nothing". We still don't fully know how sentience works and for all we know this life we have right now is not our sentience's first. Maybe we die and as universe re-births itself so does our sentience. We have a different physical body but the sentience remains. or maybe this is all incorrect…

That's why it's so terrifying, the fact that we don't know. We don't know why the unvierse exists, why the space works like it does. We don't know what it all came from, the planets, the galaxies, and where it will disappear and if it might remake itself. We are just that insignificant

>>10878
Long reply but I have many thoughts. I see both sides because every option scares me. Endless reincarnation fucks me up cuz just imagine all that could/would happen (being born in 3rd world countries in the middle of war, tortured with alien technology on a distant planet, maybe even eventually living the same life again, 1914729938029272 bad lifetimes in a row) or just generally having to live through everything ever imagined. Hell scares me cuz endless torture. Heaven scares me cuz you could be there for an astronomical amount of time and it won’t be any closer to ending and could become psychological torture (look up SCP-7179 if you wanna see more about that). You’re right that never existing again is horrifying as well and I don’t know if I believe something like enlightenment exists like in Eastern religion. I just feel constantly pessimistic, cynical, and nihilistic so maybe that’s why I’m not able to stick to any belief. If our existence is finite then nothing we do matters and will be forgotten if it’s infinite then it doesn’t matter if you were Hitler, an average person, or Junko Furuta because all your actions are finite and don’t even remotely mean anything to an existence that goes on forever though I guess that depends on if you believe in a dualistic or non dualistic religion. I agree it’s all very disorienting and religion doesn’t exactly give the deepest answer for why it is this way. I mean hey if reincarnation is real what will this lifetime matter after the universe dies and rebirths itself trillions of times over? I really don’t know how to get out of this mindset beyond just hoping more people understand it and trying to push it to the back of my head, existential dread is not fun

I’m very scared by the thought of eternity so I feel like it may be eternally torturous no matter what. Imagining going through anything for trillions to googolplexes to Graham’s Numbers of years and beyond and it just never getting a second closer to ending is deeply horrifying. The speech that starts at 1:18 in this video really speaks to me. In terms of what I think may actually happen though, I think death is likely the end because all evidence points us to consciousness being a neurological process but I wish we had evidence that it may not be. Near Death Experiences are interesting but honestly I don’t know if they’re real and they’re pretty inconsistent so even if they are real I don’t think they give any information about what comes after.

I looked through the sites and read the FAQ and stuff but I'm still kinda confused. What exactly are these things? Made up creatures with in depth literature to match?
Someone wanna elaborate?

>>52
It's basically a wiki with creatures and people like to read through them to get creeped out. Some have been the inspirations for creepypasta/ /x/ stories and that's what has made it really popular and prominent. It's basically just a fictional wiki people like to read through.

My favorite is probably 106, which is also the first one I read. The pic still creeps me the hell out, wish I could figure out where it originated from.

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-106

I think a lot of the newer ones are kind of silly, like really bad fan fiction. I've read some of the doctor's personnel tales and those are pretty funny though.

>>49
My personal favourite will always be SCP-835. It's a lenghty read and the "uncensored" version always gets me.
I'll leave the link over here: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-835 .

>>52
Think creepypasta but the common topic is that there's an organization that hunts down objects/people that have anomalous effects, then they contain them; Stories can either be sad, scary or funny.

SCPS tend to be lenghty but are really worth the read, Anon! They have a generous amount of world-building and you can find stories in a variety of languages too.

SCP-7179 really encapsulates my existential dread very well. After reading it you wonder why more people aren’t horrified of our own existence https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7179

>>3476
I'll take my chances on earth. Judging by their track record I'm not gonna believe that Yahweh's heaven is anything less than a narcissistic dictatorship.

Me and my boyfriend would save one another.

But what happens to pets?

I would choose my sister, she's my ride or die.

I've been getting back into my faith recently so I like to think that I would be saved. But I know my sister would choose me, too.

I'd save my dead great grandmother and then apply for a position as a demon torturer at the Eternal Suffering In Hellfire Inc.

I have an extensive curriculum in emotionally torturing men so i'd hope to be accepted for the job hehe

I’d save my sister who’s Wiccan because her boyfriend and everyone else in my family (including my other sister) is Christian in one form or another. I’d hope any of my Christian friends would save me but I’d understand if they chose their family and to let me go where Shayna is

>>10463
Misa Misa right?

i need to stop being schizo i need to stop being schizo i need to stop being schizo i know literally everything about her it fucking scares me i wish she would leave my head i hope i’m just being delusional i HOPE

I’ve read so much about the paranormal and conspiracies about the afterlife that I’ve seen some horrifying theories for what happens when we die (like that it’s possible to be trapped as a ghost for eternity and never reach heaven/reincarnation). I think a lot about the concept of eternity and how huge numbers can get or all the things that could happen throughout infinite time. I don’t know if any of it’s true but after thinking so much about it you begin to wonder how no one else has lost their minds thinking of the possibilities

>>11167
Absolutely same, it's got me genuinely too afriad to kms despite being insanely depressed lol

>>11168
Anon you replied to and yeah it’s horrifying. The book “Embraced By The Light” by Betty Eadie has put me on a meltdown because she says Mormonism is the closest to the true religion and that scares the fuck out of me. A bunch of celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Kim Kardashian have boosted her as well, I hope it was made up