/b/ - Random

I don't want to get married but my muslim asian parents will definitely make me get married someday, after I finish university. I could never love a moid and I know someday he'll cheat anyway, it's inevitable. If I had to get married, I'd let him have a 2nd wife. I won't marry him unless he takes a second wife. I don't want to have sex or kids. I just want stability and for my parents to leave me alone. And I think it'd be nice to have another girl around so I don't get lonely.
I know it all sounds retarded.

I've been in a relationship for 4 years and am hoping to get married when we both get into a secure place financially.

>>255619
In an ideal world, marriage wouldn't even exist.

I'm too neurotic for it personally probably

Marriage is harder than a lot of people think. It means being 100 when they're at 0, being at 50 and 50 trying to make it through, trying to weigh options, swallowing some small things until the right time, keeping patience and forgiveness in your heart but not getting walked on, etc. Pulling punches and letting go. There's devotion, faith, trust, and tests of those things.
The best life partner is someone wo has a similar value system to your own.
Viewing the marriage itself as a thing besides the two of you, as in you, him, and your marriage to each other.

Marriage itself isn't good or bad, just wish more people would really think it through before starting one.

My marriage is pretty comfy. Husband makes me so spoiled lmao, I barely have to do anything.

>>255647
but does he expect you to serve him in the bedroom daily?

>>255649
No, we're both uninterested in sexual stuff. Maybe it's just old age but I guess that's how most normal couples who grow old together are from what I've noticed.

>>255649
Also we don't want kids. Our autistic companionship with affection, sharing daily life and interests is just an ideal relationship to us.

When I first met my partner, my views on it were pretty set. I didn't feel it was necessary, that it was a vestigial institution that would eventually die off and carried with it a lot of baggage and expectations that are harmful. However, being pregnant and unmarried, suddenly I suffer moments of panic and can't help but feel like he's not really committed or could just run off unless we're married. His family constantly pressure him to marry me, assume he plans on leaving me when he says we won't, and are absolutely shocked to find out it's my choice. At the same time I feel like if we do get married he'll suddenly undergo this personality shift to an entitled slob. I love living with him because he's a fantastic cook, cleans up with me and likes acting like a team, and the idea he'd suddenly expect me to be his domestic slave makes me feel sick.

>>255619
Eh not necessary if you earn enough money to sustain yourself (even if you're married, you should still earn money because financial abuse is a very real thing). If you want kids though, yeah.. getting married is going to save you from a lot of scrutiny.

Real relationships get deeper naturally.

I feel real true marriage is getting fat together and creating a brood in insolation together.

I wish could consider it a good thing. I love the idea of committing to something thoroughly. I love the symbolism and the aesthetics of the rings and such. I do love the idea of having a day where you celebrate with all the people you love the connection you share with your partner. But realistically, marriage is an outdated institution. The commitment aspect of it doesn't benefit women in most cases, it makes them more vulnerable, to financial abuse*, to domestic violence, to sexual violence ("rape within a marriage doesn't exist" / "wife's duties" etc). It makes it harder for women to escape situations in which they are unsafe.

*Most women will be out-earned by their male partner, whether they choose to have kids or not (Moreso if they have kids, bc women suffer loss of income and career prospects when having kids where fathers are promoted and preferred). In countries like Germany, tax benefits entrench and reinforce that the parent that earns less (woman) goes part time, stays home with children etc. This gives that parent, aka the woman, less ability to return to the job market to support herself, giving her less agency to leave for any reason. Google 'Ehegattensplitting' for the German tax issue. I bring up Germany bc most young het couples I know here that do get married do it bc 'that's just what you do', bc it supposedly gives the woman """security""" and bc of fucking taxes

Idk, I'd like to have a partner who would take care of me and vice-versa, be my company. But usually that's not many marriages work… and most men aren't seeking that, they want a token and a servant, and just the thought of it makes me feel sick. Also, when I see my family I feel discouraged.

>>255986
What's wrong with your family, nona?

Being married is a very specific type of dynamic. I think a lot of people default to it out of insecurity.

>>257014
Yeah. I'd like it to be a rarer things that exists as an option for people who know they want to stay together and share everything long term. I don't like it as a societal structure/expectation where it's something you're just "supposed" to do. It makes everyone miserable and the only ones who truly benefit are men who want somewhere to stick it on the regular.

>>255620
It doesn't sound retarded at all, it sounds like women all throughout history. Through whatever means, we got forced into marriage with people we didn't love and who did not love us, nor were we even attracted to. The only difference nowadays is that women can actually say that out loud and act according to what they want in life (sometimes). It doesn't stop men from negging women for having their own goals and preferences, or situations like yours, so it's a very slow boat. I hope you can use your university degree to get something that pays well enough where you don't have to get married unless you really want to.

In an ideal world I would and I would mooch off of my husband and never work but because moids are evil trash I know to NEVER entrust a man with your safety and finances. They will use it to abuse and control you.
Unfortuntely I am extremely incompetant and stupid so I will be wageslaving at min wage jobs for the rest of my life.
Its already over for me

>>257044
>>257044
you just sound nihilistic and self-pitying, not at all incopetent. dont sing defeat before you must.

>>255619
The thought of going back home every single day for the rest of my life to a man in my house makes my stomach churn

>>255620
Yeah, I'm in the exact same position as you. I can practically do everything a trad woman can do as I was raised this way. Huge family, lots of sibs, etc. However, I'm not interested in marriage. As a result, my Dad now thinks I might be gay. Only way for me to leave is to get married, so I got no choice.

it certainly gives someone a lot of power over you.

I'm not interested in not being able to leave easily if need be, I've seen what being marriage and kids-trapped has done to my mother, her mother and grandmother. I won't call their choices mistakes because they had basically no socially acceptable alternatives in their youths, but I do, so I won't be repeating their choices.

I love my boyfriend. We are going to get married and live happily ever after. We will have lots of babies and be a family together.

>>255619
It's not meant to be forced upon anyone. Aside from society literally forcing it upon women I feel like moids force themselves to do it a lot of the times, too because they feel the need to not only because sex but the loneliness and wanting to take care of others(the ones who should get married/be taken care of (the manbabies who need to stay home with mommy).

Modern times have freed us from this but now the traditional values and reasons for going into marriage don't align with modern reasons. You really only need to get legally married if you're consolidating wealth to own land or join insurance, everything else can be done via a personal contract through a family/marriage lawyer if you need to worry about legal stuff. My fiance and I have been together for years but only recently have had reason to consider marriage. We are happy as we are without it. I call him my "husband" even though we're not married and it pisses off his mother to no end. I don't need a legal paper to call him my husband, that is how I view him. Is that not more important?

>>260235
>I call him my "husband" even though we're not married and it pisses off his mother to no end. I don't need a legal paper to call him my husband, that is how I view him. Is that not more important?
Good for you

>>260235
>Society forces marriage upon women
>I'm not married but we kinda pretend lol it rly doesn't matter
Pick one, retard

>>260239
You can't be that stupid lol

>>260239
We, according to state law, are not legally married. We choose not to get legally married at this time because we don't need the state giving us a piece of paper to function as a couple. What the fuck point are you even trying to make?

sounds like ass tbh, having to constantly worry about others feelings and not say what i really think sometimes just to not hurt the other person, white lies are stupid and will feed off to delusion but if i just say what i think they will get hurt, i am starting to hate people in general, just throw pennies at homeless people like bread crumbs and give them the shittiest mockingful stare in the world is enuf to make my day