/b/ - Random

>>269449
i have bad abandonment issues. Basically with anyone. I couldn't really be real or talk deeply/honestly with anyone for a long time. Usually opening up with people like my parents would just cause me to cry and breakdown/ freakout and break things.

Fear is difficult because getting over it just amounts to exposing yourself. If you want to not fear women leaving you you have to open yourself up to women and face your fear (and your psychology will see that women dont always lead to pain). The most you can do other then this is pacing yourself (babysteps), and setting up safety nets around you so when someone abandons you you'll have support to pick yourself up and keep going (usually family). But sometimes that's not always possible.

I mean, this is also just me applying whats worked for me to your situation. For me getting rejected also helped; it conquered the fear in the other direction I guess, where when the fear DID happen i could deal with it better and better. tbh this second part helped me the most, as i would often get abandoned, and now it doesnt hurt as much and dont fear it happening.

ya…

>>269449
Yeah I can't trust women anymore, I've had a cunt fuck/steal my bf twice now so I pretty much don't trust any of them and am hyper paranoid. Helps to realize these are just mental adaptations in life. People can tell you it's wrong, but it's just how your brain adapts so you don't get hurt again. You stick your finger in the fire and it gets burnt, eventually you learn to stop doing it.

>>269470
>Family support system.

I wish nona… I learned what an abortion was when my mom would regularly tell me as a small child she wished she aborted me. There is no support there. My only hope is with friendships.

>>269483
>need friends to help make friends
honestly, i feel like abandonment issues/extreme loneliness/child abuse to lesser or greater degree is so common these days that its just universal at this point. Everyone is alone man, and nobody knows how to make actual relationships, and everyone is scarred from being hurt by others. Unless something to gain is involved (sex for men, excitement and social games or something for women) nobody knows how to talk to others for their own sake.

Im sorry your mom said that to you :(

>>269495
>Social games
can you explain that one? Like do you mean like that thing girls would do in high school to have a large quantity of friends but they wouldn't actually bond?
>Excitement
Maybe I'm weird but I don't see anything wrong with doing something fun with a friend. I'm kind of a homebody so I wouldn't expect my, for lack of a better term, "ideal female friend", to want to go on like crazy adventures or something. In a perfect world I'd just like to go on long walks/bike rides in the woods and just talk about life and maybe like debate philosophy or something.

I don't want to use someone for friendship? I don't think? I don't know… I wouldn't mind someone using me for friendship I don't think, but maybe that's kind of toxic to even consider the word 'used' non expoitative.

It's all so confusing. I just wanna walk in the woods and talk about anthropology, feminism and Sonic the Hedgehog…………………….. I think I'm a lost cause……….

>>269503
Generally what i meant is that if it stops becoming fun for some reason they leave you. I did that to a friend in highschool who went through something similair probably to you, im not sure if its right to call myself a real friend.

I mean, you know, are their clubs or something around you? At least around here with those interests you'd find friends easily, not even close to a lost cause.

>>269518
>clubs around you?
Maybe, but I do live in the middle of nowhere.

>>269518
Also, do you ever feel bad about leaving your friend in high school? Would you ever reconnect with her or are you scared that even with an apology you feel like the damage has already been done? I find that men are more forgiving in that regard. But that could just be because Im female and men tend to have ulterior motives.

>>269495
>Everyone is alone man, and nobody knows how to make actual relationships, and everyone is scarred from being hurt by others.

I felt that so much.

I have that whole 'fear of women, despite being one' mindset myself. Except I never really had female friends, apart from a few online friendships all of whom have ghosted me by now (I still miss them tbh), but never irl ones. I have pretty bad social anxiety, in part from being bullied relentlessly growing up, by guys and girls both. But my main issue I think, is that I was never properly socialized as a female and I missed that whole window growing up where you learn to be a normal girl. My mom died when I was very young so I was raised by a single father who regretted having me and he just spent a lot of time either avoiding me or yelling at me. I didn't have close relatives either so I never had a strong female role model at any point. So I just became this loser whose only real social interactions were online and I got all my mannerisms and interests from there, which are not exactly typical ones for women.

Anytime I tried to get into a social situation, I felt a bit more relaxed around guys since they usually seemed more accepting, but many women put off this bitchy seeming attitude. Not all of them, I've also ran into the ones that seemed ok but it's like, yeah they'll be nice to your face but it's only for this one casual social situation in particular then they clearly would never want anything to do with me again. Anyway I realized that I got to the point I was too anxious even posting anything online anymore. I don't even keep social media accounts due to the lack of friends and anxiety over that whole situation. So I started trying to expose myself more by posting on all kinds of unfamiliar forums and chats so I don't get too far gone. One of these recently led to an irl meetup, no particular focus just local people trying to get to know eachother. It was super awkward but I tried to focus on talking only to the other women and yeah I would freeze up alot and when I actually said something they clearly thought it was weird and sometimes didn't understand me. I mean they didn't say that outright but I just know. And some of those girls seemed snobbish like at least one point I felt like one was making fun of me indirectly but not all of them were like that. Anyways when I'm in these situations I feel almost like I'm roleplaying as a woman but people can tell it's a badly done disguise. If that makes any sense. Anyway I rambled long enough, if you made it this far feel free to tell me if you have any thoughts on this.

>>269449
I'm sorry nona. I'm in a similar boat, though I never attributed it to "fear," though reading what you typed out makes me think maybe that is what I'm dealing with.

I was sexually abused by multiple girls growing up, and it made it to where I was repulsed by them. Sleepovers were scary because that was always when I was assaulted. There were 3 different girls through those years who befriended me and assaulted me over the years. I think I thought that was just how female friendship were supposed to be.

It happened to me all the way up into about my first year of high school, which is when I got a boyfriend and finally realized what I had been going through all those years prior.

All of my male friends had been really important to me, and ironically THEY were the ones who never tried anything inappropriate with me. They were always my closest loved ones.

Now that I am older and radical feminist leaning, it's a total mindfuck. From a distance, I love women and want better for all of us, but I think I'm incapable of actually ever being close with one. I have a terrible weird relationship with my mother and sister as well.

It's impossible to make any feminist friends and be able to talk about my experience of being molested by other girls, all of whom turned out to be lesbians. I don't hate lesbians but I do have trauma around them that makes me a bad candidate for radfem circles. Plus the fact that while I agree most men are pigs, the few close friends I have had in my life were all moids who didn't do anything to hurt me.

I'm just a very lonely feminist.

I've just given up on ever having friends again. I've made peace with it. I like my husband, and I have a few guys I chat with on a friendly basis about nerdy stuff. I am just completely repulsed by getting close at all with another woman on a friendly basis.

My advice to you is to immerse yourself in your hobbies. Nature and animals have been a godsend to me. In particular I recommend bonding with some female animals, as if you're anything like me the bias against women even extends to animals. But female animals can't disappoint you like people can. That might sound insane but it has helped me some. Wish you the best.

>>269534
I definitely feel bad, there was a moment a while ago where i really regretted it and wished I could somehow be talking to them again. Im really not sure how it would go talking to them….

>>269612
im really not sure how it would go though* repeated words….

yeah i'm scared of both men and other women

>>269612
You could always reconnect with them and just say you think about them and you feel bad about ghosting them. Idk. I had a lot of people ghost me and I just wanted to figure out why. Sometimes I'd even ask but never get a response.

>>269555
Hmmm… When I was younger I definitely messed around with girls despite the fact that I'm straight. It never bothered me because I was a pretty sexual person, but I could see how it might bother someone else. I had a lot of lesbian friends and admittedly I did notice a lot of them would be sexually aggressive and would lament to me about how they couldn't get with other women.

At this point in my life I'm not very touchy feely. I wouldn't be able to even hug someone unless they initiated it.

I have a romantic partner but for me it's not quite the same as a female friend. I'm not sure if he's a feminist but he doesn't like gender war stuff and is very respectful to women.

I have a ton of hobbies and live in nature. Ironically enough I have 2 female pets, one is annoyed by me and prefers my partner and the other is creepy and constantly tries to copulate with me. My favorite pet was a male….

>>269475
Same bf or different bfs?

If it’s the same bf why the fuck didn’t you leave him the first time around? He’s unironically the bigger piece of trash for betraying you twice in a row and IMO you shouldn’t blame or mistrust women in general for this. If anything you should be hammering on moids for being undisciplined sluts.

If it’s 2 different bfs then… nona I think that girl has some weird lesbian obsession with you. Wanting the same dicks in her thats already been in you screams “I want to rub my pussy on yours and suck in all your juices”.

>>269470
This. Just exposure therapy.

>>269555
Wow I've never met of or heard of another woman who went through this. My situation isn't exactly like yours, I was molested by my best friend (female) towards the end of high school. It was very traumatizing for me and anywhere I tried to look for resources or something to help online was about discovering your lesbian sexuality so that was completely useless.

It did affect my relationships with women for a long time, I couldn't hug women for a while, even my sister. I didn't like being physically close to them at all. I went through my first ever bad bout of depression because of this and spiraled pretty bad for a while before I was able to get my life back on track. Eventually things did pretty much go back to normal.

I have no clue if this is at all related to that, but I definitely have a weird thing with female friendships in general too (but it doesn't feel related tbh). I think women are hard to become friends with because we all have our guard up much more than men do, so we tend to be little more "standoffish" and open up to each other way less. Why we're like that, whether it's natural or learned or a bit of both, I'm not sure. But in my experience its easier to get on friendlier terms with men quicker because they are so open and chill immediately but women definitely seem to have walls up, even when we're trying to be friendly. It's just the way it is.

>>273899
Only if you approach other women with your gaurd up. People reflect your energy and body language back to you and usually its on a subconcious level.

>>269555
>>269630
>>273899
This sounds like a bunch of male psyopping. Never in my life have i ever met a woman that came anything close men with sexually abusive behavior. I'm sick to death of the self-imposed misoginy on this board and tired of reading about it. Thats ALL men do on this board is come here posing as women to trash them. Sorry if i have a hard time believing any of this.

>>273904

It's cause women are indoctrinated into keeping quiet about sexual assault, and that includes by other women. What are you going to say if you get SA'd by another woman? People will just laugh at you or say it didn't happen, so women don't even talk to other women about it.

This is an interesting post. I basically only have social interactions with men, three to be exact. They are the only three men who hang out with me and somehow try to deal with the fact that I don't want to be perceived as a woman by them at all. Of course, they still perceive me as a woman and when it's time, they let me feel it every time. I hate that. I would just like to be perceived as a person, not be reduced to being a potential "birthing vessel" or just a wank rag for them. But it works even less with other women. Women, at least heterosexual women, are always in strange competition with each other. There doesn't seem to be any real friendship between women. When I've tried to make friends with women on a deeper level, they've usually fallen in love with me. Sometimes I went into it as if I were a man myself, which is a bit bizarre, but I didn't feel that way myself when it happened. But maybe I did and maybe I just deliberately ignored it. It doesn't matter either. The fact is that a deep friendship between two women is seemingly impossible. I've had virtually no contact with other women for several years now. Neither virtually, nor in real life. I have very little contact with people in general. I have a lot of controversial views about the world and have therefore been excluded from most of the interwebs since "cancel culture" became a thing. I've been lurking on image boards made by men for men for quite a few years now, pretending to be a man as best I can in order to have any say at all anywhere. It's kind of annoying. It's kind of nerve-wracking. If there's even the slightest hint that I'm not a real man, I'm immediately excluded from any discussion, even if my natural gender is relevant to the post. Everything from "tits or gtfo" to "you'll never be a real woman" was always there when I posted recognizably as a woman.

There is this image board for women here. I knew about it before, but I didn't lurk here much because I probably always subconsciously assumed that I would end up being even less welcome here than on the masculine boards. I decided a few days ago to give it a go. Being able to casually lurk with other women would be a blessing. Maybe it is possible.

>>273955
>Being able to casually lurk with other women would be a blessing. Maybe it is possible.

Well, or not. My picture related post was probably deleted because I get excluded here just like everywhere else if I don't pretend to be whatever. I came back today to respond to the replies in that post, only to see that it had been deleted. I was really hoping to be able to discuss something like this on this site for women, because on a regular channel I would have just been banned for it too.

Don't feel very welcome here. Too bad. Probably this is not a site for women but another fag forum for trannies pretending to be women or something. :(

>>273955
You are excluded by other women if you have any opinions that differ from what is accepted from the "group". I've seen this play out on both irl and the internet and it just feels like high school again. I think people in general like to ostracize those that they deem different due to feeling uncomfortable. The whole thing with calling women pickmes is a good example of what I'm talking about. What was used to describe a certain type of woman who clearly has internalized misogyny is now used on any woman who doesn't agree with you. Groupthink is so apparent and it just leaves me feeling disappointed in other women and people in general. Overall, I still prefer being friends with other women and going on female spaces on the internet since men are much more malicious.

>>273956
not going to comment on this post but your thread was probably deleted bc of the dedicated "pigfucker" shitposter, not you, or bc it belonged to the pinkpill threads. thats my guess. i dug in my site archiver and found this reply
>channel
russian? no wonder you hate other women

>>273980
At no point did I imply that I hate other women. I merely made the comment that something like a friendship on a deeper level is not possible between two women. At least I've never experienced anything like it. When I have experienced other women who were supposedly friends with each other, their connection was usually a simple mutual community of benefit and nothing more. I've been with several women in my past and even in those intimate relationships I never felt like they were really my friends. But maybe my ideas of friendship are just placed too high in my feelings and my assessment of values. INFJ types have a tendency to value such things as honor, loyalty, justice, love and friendship more than many other people. So maybe it's also down to me. Why not, I'm a woman myself, lol. Even though I've had a strong conflict with being female all my life, because from an early age I've always seen it as a punishment to be born in a female body. Again, this is probably not exclusively due to socio-cultural reasons, but also to an innate hormonal imbalance in my own body. From the point of view of most "normal" people, I am probably quite a freak show. I've been treated like such one all my life. However, I've long since accepted this for myself and now only look for places where I can at least freely be the freak that I am.

I'm looking for a new image board because my main board is dying and is hardly usable anymore. It was never very good either. I kind of have a sub-board for myself there where I create my threads where I post and lurk merely on my own, but even that's not like it used to be because things have changed there in the meantime and so I got stranded here on CC and decided to give it a try this time.

I created my first thread here about the current situation of the modern human female in today's world, especially in regards to the virtual age. Of course, I've never been able to create a thread like this on another board where only toxic men lurk and post. At best they would have laughed at me and flooded the thread with porn pictures or something. It almost felt a bit liberating to create a thread like this and I was excited to see what kind of discussion it would lead to and was of course pretty disappointed when the thread was deleted only two days later.

And no, I am not russian. But English is actually not my main language, that's right.

btw, why is an entire thread deleted when only a few individual comments are offensive? That seems very unusual to me. Is that usual on CC? Sorry for the stupid questions, I'm just a newbee.

>>269449
When im honest with myself I only like a really small slice of women. I have had horrible experiences with their shenanegans equally as much as men. I cannot stand how incapable they are of having real conversations and not making everything a mindnumbing performance down the the pettiest detail. I've pretty much accepted the fact that most women live for that and don't enjoy anything genuinely, save for a tiny subsection of the population.

What i dont get are other women who have inferiority complexes when they dont mesh with the typical woman. There is nothing redeemable about meshing with that performative bs and living like a shell of a human being to placate qually insufferable turdmoids. I joyfully cut myself off from all of it and im freer for it. If you do the same you are a sacred gift on this earth imo.

I cannot wrap my head around actually seeking approval or friendship from most people and expecting to get anything out of it. It sounds like you just haven't lived on this earth or had a whole lot of experience with other women if you think that is something that will genuinely benefit you. It is so rare to find friendship with women because they are usually braindead turd sandwiches, just like men are.

>>273904
You don't believe women can be sexually assaulted by women? Really?

>>273902
Yeah there is probably a bit of this going on too

>>274005
It is completely negligable compared to men. And terrorizing people on the internet to be afraid of other womens sexuality doesn't fucking help them at all. They already get enough of that.

There is so much misogyny on this board already give it a rest.

>>274006
Now that i think about it this is only true half the time. When it comes to women you can be totally nice to them and only get frenemies in return for some unspoken reason. You can never satisfy women sometimes. Even when i was young I ran into this a ton. It would be really nice if that was true. I'm not trying to be a total downer but women need to stop it with the petty vindictive garbage.

When i try to avoid being petty vindictive and ngaf, I actually feel like i got the opposite in return as if women were trying to school me "about life". They're really just their own enemies and can be just as toxic as men.

>>274013
nta someone in this thread said they got sexually assaulted by another woman. that's a full person who has to live with that. sure it's rare but not "negligible". maybe don't be disrespectful to them and turn this into a pearl clutch game. it should be fine to have one place to vent about general negative experiences with women imo (unless this has to be moved to lolcow again).
>>274015
female socialization is brutal.

>>274013
>Misogyny
They're insulting men as well.
Prove the insult wrong.
You can't.
Because no one on this board has friends.

>>274017
>>274018
It isn't disrespectful, and I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I just know how hypocritical and one-sided women can be towards other women. What i experience with women who will tolerate any amount of horseshit from a man. Take men's sides until they're blue in the face. And then come down like its ww3 on women who express sexuality etc. I just know what women are like, they wait with in glee for something they can pick apart in other women over sex. They're are so freaking sexist against themselves and can be completely one-sided. They will turn around and talk shit about other women and their sexuality until they're in their grave and praise men for the same behavior.

Either way you look at it, it looks like another day in a deep southern town to me no matter how you try to spin it. You can't actually pretend you don't see that.

>>274018
What does anything in that post have to do with having friends

>>274023
Nta but you can still criticize women without having some internalized misogny shit going on. It's actually pretty misogynistic ironically enough to make it seem like women don't have any agency and can do no wrong. It actually hurts far more to get wronged by woman in your life because you thought that they as another woman would have your back and care about you unlike men. This isn't to say that men aren't bad but it's tone deaf asf to to say this in response to someone saying that they got sexually abused by a woman

>>274036
A ton of women i meet have never even HAD orgasms. They wouldn't consider sex before marriage much less molesting someone. This is like the moid that comes out and rants about how bad harrassment from women can be at work, or how bad it is for men who get molested on trains lmao. Trying to put them in the same category is just laughable.

>>274013
>It is completely negligable compared to men
Not negligible considering I suffered PTSD, depression and anxiety after this happened to me. I've literally been violently assaulted by men as well and I still would not call it "negligible". You have no idea what you're talking about.

Obviously men hold a physical advantage that makes the experience more scary overall but that doesn't mean getting assaulted by a woman isn't also psychologically damaging.

>terrorizing people on the internet to be afraid of other womens sexuality
I was just surprised that another woman had been through this because I have never met another woman irl or online that has been sexually assaulted by a woman so I talked about my own experience. How the fuck is that "terrorizing people" lmao.

>>274023
You say this yet completely bash a woman and call her misogynistic for being vulnerable about a traumatic non-consensual sexual experience she had with another woman? Who's being one-sided toward other women now?

>>274082
I'm not a fucking moid lmao

I don't have a fear of women, (My fear lies with moids, not that I truly resent them or anything I just get anxious and really nervous around them) but truthfully I'm the same way . I can't be around women in groups, I've been hurt too much in the past as well. It's lovely to get together with a girlfriend and chat about what's going on in each others lives and such from time to time, but once it's a girls' night out or something I nope the heck out. In most of the experiences I've had, the conversations become gossipy and mean-spirited after a little while and then everything turns into a re-enactment of mean girls.

>>274569
Adding to this, I think it was my female relatives too. Not saying the males were always morally better, but at least most of the time they were more 'chill' and to themselves. A lot of the women in my family screamed all the time and were just emotionally and verbally abusive.