Worried about cheating friend Anonymous 335042
I'm a close friend of two people who later became a couple. They've been together for a year and 2 months now, and I'm worried that my female friend is in the process of cheating on him, or has already cheated on him.
She's been taking a class for the past four months, and that's where she met a guy. I've seen the way she looks at him, almost with longing in her eyes.
Over those months, they went from simply getting to know each other to:
>texting about class stuff
>making excuses to meet up and spend time together
>leaving together after class
>taking public transportation together after class
>texting about their lives and interests
>texting each other at around 11 p.m. or midnight
And so on.
Apparently, HE asked HER out weeks ago. She said she had a boyfriend, he said no problem, and I was happy. I thought it was over and that we'd dodged an incoming storm…
EXCEPT that my friend texted HIM a couple of hours later.
Ever since then, they've gotten even closer, added each other on all their socials, started sharing stuff, etc.
Who the fuck does that?
If something like this happens, we try to establish boundaries, but she's doing the complete opposite. Ever since he asked her out, she's been trying to be more receptive and warmer toward him.
It feels like it's just a matter of time before they get together or something happens, if it hasn't already.
I don't see a future where I get to keep both of my friends if this continues. In fact, I might lose both of them, and I don't know what to do. If I tell her to stop, she's going to get mad and defensive. If I tell her boyfriend, this might break them up, and she's going to get mad at me as well.
Am I crazy and overreading this, or is this just not normal?
What the fuck am I even supposed to do?
I'm going crazy here, please help!
Anonymous 335043
If you were to give him an "anonymous" tip of some sort, do you think it could come back to you later? Or some sort of subtle push so he'd figure it out himself.
How important it is for you to keep them both as friends, anyway?
Anonymous 335044
>>335043I've known them for almost a decade now, they're some of my best friends and we've been through a lot of stuff together, it's quite important to me.
>an "anonymous" tipThe problem is that no one else in that college knows the boyfriend, so there's no way anyone else could know, some are already saying my friend and this new guy look like a couple.
And I'm not crazy right?
This shit isn't normal.
Anonymous 335045
>>335044> This shit isn't normal.It's very normal.
Not saying it's good, but cheating is commonplace in modern society. People live for the moment and it happens naturally more often than not unless there's a reason for them not to.
Why are you afraid of losing both of them? You just won't get to hang out with both of them at the same time in the future and that's better than getting involved.
Anonymous 335046
>>335044>This shit isn't normal.No it's not.
I guess you just have to consider your options. If you keep quiet and the guy finds out, you're probably not going to be friends. And how many other moments of dubious judgement are you going to have to tolerate from her for this friendship? Is she also going to bail out on you with someone else because it feels good?
I think it's still possible to navigate this if one of the sides can be convinced to act diplomatically and not make too many waves, but that's very situation-dependent.
Anonymous 335047
>>335045I know the girl very well, way more than the guy, they met through me, but I cannot reconcile the person with the way she's acting, this is already beyond emotional cheating and they're already doing hugs and cheek kisses when they see each other.
She KNOWS what she's doing, she KNOWS he likes her, like I said we know better than doing this and yet she went ahead and did it anyway.
I'm afraid because I KNOW her boyfriend is not gonna want to see me, it's gonna bring way too many memories and I'm also worried of what it might to do him emotionally.
>>335046This is my worry, it seems that no matter what I do I'm fucked either way, if I tell him he's gonna cut contact with both, if I tell her to stop she's gonna cut contact with me, but like I said above she's being manipulative and mean.
Is there a chance she won't act on it and just wants the validation or whatever?
Anonymous 335048
>>335047So be honest with both of them about. Tell her you don't like what she's doing and you won't stop it, but you will tell him because he's also your friend and that regardless of what she does you still want to be friends with her and your other friend, even if you don't all hangout together.
At that point if she declines she's just being petty.
Anonymous 335049
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>>335048That might be the move, but either way I think I'm losing both no matter what, and maybe I don't WANT to keep talking to her after this to be honest…
I've never seen or heard about a woman in a relationship rejecting someone because she had a boyfriend and and then trying to claw the guy back in while escalating things, it's like she instantly regretted it.
I just feel sickened by how she's treating her boyfriend, I would've never expected this from her, and this is just from what I've seen and what she has told me so I have to imagine the real thing is even worse.
