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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Anonymous 100131

Girls. My boyfriend sometimes hits the wall with his fists and once broke his phone when I told him I was going to leave him. Is it normal for men to be this stupid or can this guy be dangerous? He has never hit me, insulted me or touched me without my consent.

Anonymous 100132

These are big red flags sticking out of his ass, OP. It's not normal for adults to react like that and at the very least it shows immaturity and poor emotional control. In a few years he can graduate from hitting the wall to hitting you, or maybe not, but why would you risk that?

Anonymous 100133

Because other than that he treats me well. And he didn't seem trashy when I met him. It seems like there really are no good men.

Anonymous 100134

well yeah
first impressions are important, even though they dont fully represent a person, we all wear masks

people change as well

so it might be that you never really knew him that well

Anonymous 100137

Male aggression is a spectrum - moids throwing tools in frustration while working on a project or throwing a controller/glove/helmet/whatever at the ground when they lose a game is (unfortunately) what passes for "normal" for their underdeveloped little walnut brains.

But punching holes in walls and breaking expensive shit in response to relationship troubles or aggressive behavior being directed AT you? That's a MASSIVE red flag.

Anonymous 100138

Dump his ass.

Anonymous 100140

I'm a little afraid of it, but I'm going to prepare very well.

Anonymous 100144

Have you talked about his behavior with him and how it makes you feel? How did he react? If not, I would say it’s worth a try to talk about it. Maybe he acknowledges his problem and is willing to improve. Maybe even therapy is a good idea

Anonymous 100176

I haven't seriously talked to him about this. Although he has depression and is a very insecure guy. Plus I'm prettier and more successful. Now I think maybe this is his way of getting me to stay with him. Through fear. I also thought it was normal for men this behavior. I would be lying if I said I haven't seen it in my father and brother on occasion.

Anonymous 100178

Girls. Now I'm too afraid to finish it. He has done so many things for me. And we haven't even had sex. It's obvious he's going to be very upset.

Anonymous 100179

I don't think it's that bad ? personally my red flags are :
- he's breaking YOUR shit,
- he's not apologizing,
- He touches you or threatens you.

I'd say he's maladjusted but i don't think this is really a relationship red flag, more like his own trouble. But you do you.

Anonymous 100180

wait… You guys just started dating ? that's way more severe lol. I was assuming you'd been together for a few months. I missed you said you told him you were leaving him once. why are you staying lol. just leave.

Anonymous 100185

This kind of behavior is way more prominent in males. But I would say that most don’t behave like this and that it shouldn’t be tolerated. It’s damaging behavior

Anonymous 100186

See how condescendingly she talks about him. Her mind was already made up from the start, I would say.

Anonymous 100190

I didn't even say that you're wrong about men, though?
I'm saying, what's the point in pretending to ask for advice, if you already have your opinion set and won't change it? I just think that's disingenuous behaviour.

Anonymous 100194

they are wanting t…

Anonymous 100216

why do all the men who stumble on this website have reading comprehension issues? she never asked for advice reddit-tier moron
>i just think thats disingenuous

Anonymous 100235

We have damaged each other a lot. I don't know how this will end. Because he doesn't see much point in his life outside of having me (according to him). But I can't take it anymore. Hopefully I can convince him and he will eventually forget me. When I end it should I cut off contact right away or gradually? I'm sick of this. I love him, but he will never change and he has shown me that he is an aggressive fool too.

Anonymous 100242

I don't know why you would reply to me if you were convinced I was a man. You could just report me or ignore me.
But I am technically ESL so maybe you are right huh? But explain to me, others are giving her advice, telling her to leave or try talk to him and such. So I'm not the only one interpreting it that way. So they must be morons too, I guess.

Anyway my take is that people with problems like that need help. I don't think it's normal even for men, he probably needs therapy and maybe medication. She says he's depressed and insecure, he clearly has stress issues and this is what he knows how to cope with it. I think men aren't taught how to cope with anxiety healthily, and they're afraid to ask for help, so they develop worse responses. But there's a chance it can be helped before things get too bad. It isn't his girlfriend's responsibility and she clearly doesn't want to deal with it. It's not your responsibility either. But blaming it on "men are stupid and bad" or something like that is just making light of some real psychiatric problems people face, things that could likely be helped.

Anecdotally, my sister would also shout and throw things, and I would self harm. I used to look down on her but I understand now we had the same problem, we never were taught how to cope with stress and anger. We were both unhealthy and violent, just one was inward and one was outward. When I hear about people like that, I think they must be in some distress, and maybe they have nobody to help them through it. I think a lot of people never have. I used to be a neurotic piece of shit too, maybe I still am a little. But I learned to realize it and improve, because of people giving me a chance and teaching me even after I hurt them and didn't deserve kindness. And I'm incredibly grateful now, it makes me believe not everyone is bad even if I often really want to think so. And I think there are many other people, men included, that can be helped too. But not someone who is just looking for an excuse to hate, they don't want help or to help others. And that's why I don't like posts with that attitude. And maybe complaining about them makes me a hypocrite, I will take that.

If you had enough bad experiences that you don't want to risk it anymore, I'm really sorry. You can feel that way, but if you want to act like other women must be the same or they're stupid men, I think you're being ridiculous. Now you can still disagree with me, but I hope you don't just insult me again, that would be really lame. And prove myself to you, what do you even mean, everything we say is completely unsubstantiated and you would likely hate me no matter what I said. You will probably hate this too but I still want to say it because I believe in it. But I'm not going along with this "kiss my ass or else you're a stupid moid and I hate you grrrr >:(" lmao

I guess I may get banned anyway though. So I might as well also say that I somewhat suspect this is another fake falseflag thread to begin with. But I don't know that.

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