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Vent thread Anonymous 100201
For vents that don't deserve their own thread
Old thread reached bump limit:
>>97484Anonymous 100202
Another day another struggle
Anonymous 100211
I feel so utterly alone. Absolutely no-one to talk to. It hurts so badly how much my bf doesn't give a shit how I'm feeling.
I know ´it kills the love´, as you put it, my being so sad so often. But I can't help it. I know how tired you are of my depression, how if I don't get better soon, you'll leave me. But I can't help it. God, I'm trying.
Anonymous 100251
My long-time best friend ghosted me a while ago. I probably deserved it because I'm an autistic retard with poor boundaries. I tried to be a good friend, but I could only talk about my obsessions and never "deeper" subjects. Since she ghosted me I've come to the conclusion that my friends were probably nice to me out of pity. I saw her at the store and when I tried to wave she hid. Took the message and finally deleted her number. I miss her so much. I miss having friends. I'll always mourn how our friendship. When I told my sister about seeing my friend at the store she called her a bitch. She isn't a bitch I'm just a difficult person to deal with for a decade. My sister decided to bring my friend up in a conversation with my mom and grandma, and even though I tried to change the topic nobody listened. My sister is always doing this and I know if I try to do the same thing to her shell get violent like the crackwhore she is. My mom acted like I was the bad guy for being upset. She always takes her side. Sometimes I hate them so much. I hope my mom and sister know that once I get enough money to move out I won't call either of them unless they call me first. My mom would probably be the only one to care though. I feel so pathetic. I wish I could just die and get reincarnated as a shrub or something.
Anonymous 100252
>>100251Currently in the same boat regarding my "best friend" ghosting me. Your sister's right, that person is a bitch. Your sister probably brought it up with your mum because she cares about you, but she has a poor way of demonstrating her love.
Your friends were probably nice to you at first because they
did like you, but much like many friend groups, some little mantis weaved their way in and drove a wedge between you and the group. I can understand why they'd remove me - I'm smart enough to notice their bullshit, but not smart enough to convince my friends they're being manipulated. It sucks. I want friends, but what good is it if they're easily persuaded into ditching me by some outsider. I hate her so much, she wriggled into my group and pitted them completely against me. Any little hint of originality I had, she would attack; when I didn't care, it made her strike harder. It was a choice of conforming to her world view, or being booted by the mindless sheep I thought were my friends. The best revenge is to get over them and find success elsewhere in life; I am currently forming better relationships with my colleagues and working more on my writing. That bitch is going to drive them further into her materialistic fantasy, and if they ever get sick of it and come back to me they'll be told to fuck off. Write those people off; they're worthless.
I doubt you're pathetic, nona. I'd be your friend, but judging by the way you spell 'mum' I know we're leagues apart. Try love your sister. I don't have one, but it sounds like she loves you and would be a shoulder to cry on if you ever needed it.
Anonymous 100253
>>100252Nta but thank you for this anon. I have experienced this all my life.
Anonymous 100254
>>100253Thanks for your 'thanks' nona. It's good to know I'm not alone in my loneliness. Pouring one
(tears) out
(of my eyeballs) for us both.
Anonymous 100255
I'm very aware that the way I treat my mother now is the same way she'd treated me when I was younger. I try to tone that shit down because all it spells is that I'm destined to be an anal, overbearing mother to my kids if I ever have kids, and a terrible, unemphatic caretaker to her in her older age. The way she treats her mother is the same, given that grandma has dementia and my mom can't fathom in her head that the shit grandma spouts now shouldn't be taken seriously (venomous though it may be). And she still without fail gets frustrated when Grandma is unresponsible, incorrigible, generally not lucid. The woman is 82, depressed and half her brain is gone. Where do you get off expecting her to converse on the level she did when she was at full prowess. I have learned to tune her out. Sometimes she'd ask the same question in the span of 3 minutes, 40 fucking times. My mom has this groundhog's day scenario where she gets into the same arguments with grandma, on fucking loop. "I told you not to spit on the floor."[insert old woman woe is me routine here–escalate insults–add my mom getting agitated for no reason]. Makes me wonder if MY mom has dementia. Good God.
Aging is fucking cruel.
Anonymous 100257
Ei_-t_7VgAID5K1.jp…
>go to sleep happy about my new relationship, perhaps even in love
>spending the future together fills me with such comfort and joy
>have a dream about finally making out with someone I once had strong feelings for but haven't spoken with in almost a year
What a pain.
There's no one I can imagine who is more compatible with me than my current partner, so I also feel guilty.
Anonymous 100272
>>100262
I don't think it's hatred. I think the negative obsession stems from a manufactured need for hierarchy. Maybe I just have this view because I'm currently reading Bookchin, but it seems to make sense.
The domination of human by human is a social phenomenon; their desire to control a friend group stems from fear of scarcity. When I push back against the manipulation, there is a fear response activated because I'm threatening their power. There is probably some sense of insecurity in it too, but for the most part it arises because we live in a world that perpetually reinforces the notion of human labor as a means to an end. People are resources in the economic and political world, so it's not hard to see how this idea unfortunately extends into friend groups, and eventually families. We forget that other humans have their own inspirations and desires, we impose our criteria on someone else, and when they don't fit it, we freak out. The alternative I try and practice is to be more open to novel experiences - so long as the person's actions isn't having an objective adverse effect on me or others, I tend to accept it as that person's idiosyncrasies.
It's easy to blame the internet for performing the seemingly contradictory task of isolating everyone whilst also making them all the same, but this existed before the internet with TV, and it existed before TV with radio, and before radio with the printing press. Somewhere throughout the course of human history, patriarchs and elites attributed shame with creativity. All people are creative, but most have it whipped out of them by the time they're adults. The few creatives who exist today were lucky enough to have strength enough to overcome the unnatural shame/guilt that is felt with expressing yourself truly. Just look at the nona I originally responded to - she feels shame and guilt for only talking about her obsessions. A more open societal structure would listen to what she has to say, and in turn she would likely be more open to hear other people talk about their obsessions.
I kinda went off on a tangent, but the tl;dr is that we impose bogus hierarchical structures that are threatened by individuality.
Anonymous 100276
>shoo away my bf of 1 year because we argue all the time because he says/does dumb/hurtful shit
>receive the usual “I’m so sorry I’m a terrible person you mean the world to me” routine
>actually end it and probably never going to see him again
Now I miss him so much and feel like I’ve overreacted at every argument. I feel like FDS/pinkpill has made me into this argumentative bitch who has to get offended by everything when I should’ve just been the bigger person and learn to accept imperfection and not be so dramatic. He definitely did not help because he would make me cry, apologise, and then reignite the argument as soon as I’ve recovered even when I said I want to move past it. I guess we’re both immature, but I guess I miss feeling loved and having someone to talk to. If he texts me back asking to get back together I 100% would even though I know this will be a never ending cycle.
Anonymous 100341
>>100276I'm sorry you had to end something you invested time and energy into cultivating. However, consider the following: the fastest way to get over someone is finding someone else to fill their role. If you start missing him so much that it feels like a void in your heart is trying to envelop you, start talking to other men (even online if you like texting). Not only will it distract you for the time being, but it will also help you move on quicker - since you'll see just how interchangeable men are. Not even man-hating, that's just how they are.
> If he texts me back asking to get back together I 100% would even though I know this will be a never ending cycle.If he crawls back, don't give into him, nona. He has to show you that he has changed and fully understands why you cut things off. I gave one guy a second chance and I eventually had to leave him, except the second time it was much, much worse (like full on mental breakdown in the bathroom), so be more mindful of your own peace.
Anonymous 100342
cutter.jpg
It's not that serious I assume but it's serious to me
I saw a video about someone uncovering a discord server full of sad little edgy kids who promote stuff like self harm, ED, drugs etc (the drugs part is funny because apparently a member said that they smoke tea to get high which I doubt but ight
and it's just really upsetting to me that there is little kids on discord following the path I went through because I was around disgusting enablers and terrible people all around online who supported me with all of those terrible habits.
and it's even more upsetting that they will probably end up like me, they will mature and they will realize later on how much they fucked up and regret anything.
I feel so bad that I can't help them, seeing people going through the process of my trauma hurts so much but it's a lost cause, I will never be able to help them because they convinced themselves that it's right and they receive the attention they are so desperate for from other people that suffer as much as they do, I've been there and that's what hurts the most, maybe I'm thinking too deep into it but it hurts to know that there is some disgusting adult up there getting a kick out of little kids hurting themselves for a bit of praise and attention, it's always like that.
I wish the world wasn't so cruel, those kids didn't deserve that fate of cutting names on their wrists and starving themselves for a bit of attention from other mentally ill kids who do the same and from nasty adults nobody does. It just really upset me to see that this stuff still happens and kids are still falling victim to the pipeline.
Anonymous 100344
Just attended my sister’s high school graduation this weekend. I never attended college. Seeing all of those fresh faces graduating made me feel like shit. I’ve been out of school for 3 years now in what was supposed to be a 1 year gap year. All of my friends from high school who went off to college are graduating next year. We can’t even relate anymore. I’ve never felt more like a bum.
Anonymous 100373
92af56aea02e5b8975…
I am constantly being asked, "You're so pretty, why are you so insecure?"
However, I have never received any evidence as to why I should not feel unattractive and insecure. The only evidence that I have ever received is compliments on my appearance.
I am 23 years old. I have never been asked out on a date. I have never received a gift from a love interest or significant other. I have never been pursued romantically. I have never been with someone who wanted to celebrate anniversaries. I have never had anyone confess their love to me. I have always had to be the one to initiate, to plan, to seek out. If I didn't make plans for a day out or celebration, they weren't happening. I have never had anyone demonstrate that they are proud of me, showing me off to their friends and parading me around like a prize. I have never had anyone want to go public about their relationship with me because my autistic traits and mental health (severe social anxiety) rendered me an embarrassment and a social liability to them. Therefore, I have always been "the secret"–something to be kept hidden away from the public eye.
Nobody has ever shown me that they even care that I am around or that they are afraid of losing me. I have never had anyone beg for a second chance from me or beg me to stay. I have only ever had people show me evidence of the fact that I am this burden that they need to shoulder, but cannot "get rid" of by situating themselves with a better arrangement. They become frustrated when they feel that they cannot get rid of me. Whenever I receive advice from others to make people afraid of losing me, I know that it will inevitably backfire, because people welcome the loss of me. Whenever I say, "I am leaving," people don't say, "Please don't go." Instead, they say, "There's the door."
I don't know how I could ever possibly value myself if all of the evidence that I have received from others throughout the entirety of my life points to the fact that I am a low-value individual. I often wonder why I am not worthy of all of these things that other girls seem to be able to obtain effortlessly. All of the evidence points to the fact that I am not worthy of the effort: I am not neurotypical enough, not functional enough, not mature enough, not capable enough, not interesting enough, not sexy enough, not stable enough, not stimulating enough, not loveable enough.
Goddamn it, I just want to feel worthy.
Anonymous 100393
I feel like my ex is stalking me but I have no proof. I sense movement near my windows at night. The last time we interacted, I think he tried to follow me to my car. I live on a first floor apartment. I’m scared of him breaking into my home and hurting me, if it is him. The apartment complex doesn’t have cameras near my windows so I can’t check those.
Anonymous 100420
misato.jpg
I thought I had become pretty cleanly but I'm letting myself go again. I keep cleaning my apartment only to let it get trashed again. I miss alot of pick-up days for the trash just because I don't want to have to get up at 7 or 8 am just to throw my garbage out. Fortunately, I will never reach Misato's level of legbeard nest of dirty but it still bothers me. Wish I was from a SEA country just so I could afford a house maid or something because I suck at cleaning and don't like doing it.
Anonymous 100425
>>100393Install a camera outside if you can afford it.
Talk to your landlord about it
Go see a counselor in case
Anonymous 100447
>Former classmate friend completed her time served (18 months)
>Spent her time while there really turning her situation around
>went in there quite hammish, came out shredded
>came out a completely different person than she went in, in general, except she's still super sweet.
>rolled a fucking 20 in terms of where she got setup with a place to live. She gets her own 2 bedroom on a property out near the sticks with a "community trail" and her deposit was covered for her.
>schedule is cucked by probation and she has to work a crappy job, but that's what you should expect after getting out of prison.
>I give her rides to work because it's entirely on the way to mine anyways.
She talked about how she's "so ready to leave that version of her behind" but her family, her "friends" and her boyfriend's family have all been trying to get her to do things that could get her in trouble again and guilt tripping her when she tells them "no". I've been telling her she owes those people nothing but her reception has been mixed. She doesn't contest that these people are worthless one moment but then she'll talk about how she feels awful. She's not allowed to have direct contact with her boyfriend, so he will bark orders at her using all of those previously mentioned people as a proxy.
Last night she asked me to give her a ride to the Gummo-land neighborhood she's originally from, and I told her "fuck no". She "just needs to go back there to set the record straight" which I assumed meant, get talked into trouble by those mongoloids.
But the most infuriating part about this is her fucking boyfriend. A trashy, obese, braindead wigger who's the whole reason she went to prison to begin with. He's doing 60 months for the same charges plus other shit she had nothing to do with. This loser never appreciated her before and still expects her to do what she's told even though she's supposed to have no contact. And of course
>"I still have feelings for him"
I just want to shake her head and scream "BITCH YOU ARE THE HOTTEST 24 YEAR OLD ON THE PLANET, JUST GO UP TO ANY GUY YOU WANT AND SAY 'WE FUCKIN' AND HE'LL COMPLY, FORGET THIS RETARDED FAGGOT EVEN EXISTS ALREADY." (Tbf, the terms of her probation do make it harder to meet men, but still)
I'm trying to keep her in my friend circles and I'm more than ready to kick her out of my life if she screws things up for herself but it's still just so hard to watch somebody potentially throw it away when she's so close to a decent life.
Anonymous 100460
IMG_1250.jpeg
Post cute selfie on Snapchat, little bit of cleavage but I’m wearing a tank top and have big boobs it just is what it is. (I dress to look cute I don’t view my body as like inherently sexual or anything)
Crush swipes up and responds
>bruhhh
Gonna kill myself from embarrassment now, I thought I looked cute
Anonymous 100476
>>100460>Crush uses zoomer ebonicsWhy are you even lusting after this loser
Anonymous 100486
>be me
>30th day of the cycle
>mild cramps and small roils. My menses senses are tingling
>pad up in preparation
>1 day late
>2 days late
>borderline suicidal by the 4th late day
>still no period in sight
Im inches away from hanging myself and i keep flipflopping between extremely neurotic sensitive behavior and cold detachement
Anonymous 100498
>>100476All men are losers, that’s why you go after the hottest ones.
Anonymous 100499
Screenshot 2023-06…
no matter how hard i try i cant get friends, everyone i talk to ends up leaving me. i think that things are just fine, but the moment i stop reaching out first we never speak again. im just gonna give up, real world people dont care about me, i dont belong anywhere…
Anonymous 100500
>>100201I may be in love with a phychopath.
Sadly I have so many trust issues that I'm at this point not able to trust myself, letalone anyone else. Letalone him. So I don't.
I think I never let myself rely on anyone in my life, which is why I don't need trust in my relationships.
That's why I might be drawn to people like this, because everyone is so fake so I guess I'll just pick the best fake on the market?
Anonymous 100509
sawako lonely.jpeg
I've been spending way too much time obsessively lurking slow imageboards waiting for responses to my posts like a desperate loser. going crazy living with my insane abusive mother and the only person I have to talk to is my bf - while I still enjoy his company, I wish I had female friends to talk to hence me ending up here and on lc. sometimes I get lonely enough to the point where I want to message the 4chan scrotes I used to game with then decide it's not worth it. being a nerdy female autist who grew up on the old web is depressing and isolating, I need to get used to things being different and being alone.
Anonymous 100514
I keep not replying to messages for weeks. I love being alone but I always feel guilty for leaving my friends hanging. One of my friends is very sweet and lovely but she is sending me too many messages and I'm overwhelmed. I never had friends growing up I don't understand why everyone wants me all of a sudden but I'm not emotionally equipped for this. All I ever wanted was friends and now I don't know what to do with them. I've become callous and anti social. If I can't be a good friend or daughter could I ever be a decent mother or at least better than mine? When I was growing up I could go weeks without touch or talking and I always thought if I was lucky enough to make friends I would never let them go. Is this what self distruction looks like? I need to master the art of small talk and not opening up or saying how I really feel and I think I would feel safer. I'm embarrassed I keep acting like this like wtf girl get it together. I need to change my ways before my friends and family give up on me and the pressure is immense. Honestly why does anyone bother with me?
Anonymous 100516
smile133.gif
It's over, folks. I've lost all will to move forward. What is even the point in continuing if I'm always forced to look at society from behind a glass wall?
I feel like I have so much motivation and energy and creativity, such a fierce need to be a part of something bigger, but it's proven to be impossible. There's no way out of this. We're all in the same boat, yet we're scattered where we can't reach. Fuck this doomed world.
Anonymous 100517
>>100499lol I am the same way people seldom contact me first you just have to swallow the bitter pill that you aren't very valuable and then you can still have friends
Anonymous 100523
>>100509No offense but you need go outside and socialise more.
Anonymous 100524
>>100523LOL???!?!??!?!?!??
yeah let me just
go outsideLMAO??!??!??!??!!!!!?!?!?
Anonymous 100531
>>100523thank you I never thought of that nona, you're a lifesaver!! bless u! ^_^
Anonymous 100546
I don't have anything to live for, no friends, no dreams, I barely even know what I'm interested since growing up with depression + people pleaser brain has just made me try and cling to other people while simutaniously being shitty to them. I'm stuck living with a hoarder, I wan't to move out but then I have to explain to my parent why (even though I'm an adult). I hate living around a family that has no interested in how I feel, I would just like to be normal and have a normal family. Even now I'm just ugly crying because I don't know what to do, I wish I had someone to rely on.
Anonymous 100574
>>100551
Clothing, mugs and interior decoration stuff they never use or just gets lost in the pile
Anonymous 100579
>>100562
Kinda misogynistic take. A women’s body and clothing isn’t inherently sexual
Anonymous 100588
>>100201almost killed someone when my wheel flew off my car while i was driving, just got my car worked on and it was 100% their fault, worst part is i was in their shop a week after the initial work complaining about a rattle and shitty alignment that drifts both ways and he just gaslit me and shoved me out of his shop without fixing anything.
i hate hate hate men so fucking much i cant believe i let myself be fucking gaslit again. every time i go to an auto shop and calmly explain all of my problems to the mechanic i just get gaslit like i dont know what im fucking talking about like im not the only one driving my fucking car. i cant even buy headlights without getting shit like "oh youre probably getting the wrong ones"
i feel retarded because i knew what the problem was the entire time i just couldnt be 100% sure until i saw it flying off of my car
Anonymous 100589
>>100562I agree with you
>>100579It's not mysognistic, people need to realize that internal perception isn't the same as outside perception
Just because you don't view it as sexual or even if you're not intending it, it still comes out as sexual and there's still a responsibility to watch out
It might not be fair but nothing in life is fair
Anonymous 100590
>>100588That's really annoying, sometimes they won't listen to you unless another man is talking
This might feel demeaning but sometimes it's just easier in the long run to bring a male family member or friend to talk to the person instead
Anonymous 100591
>>100590yeah i figured this out when i unintentionally did it with my male friend and the cashier started completely ignoring me and talking to my friend 3 feet behind me when i was clearly the one buying stuff for my own car and the entire time hes just saying "uhh idk just ask her"
Anonymous 100600
Why was >>100562 deleted?
Anonymous 100606
im so angry i want to fucking punch the earth why does everything piss me off so much why am i so fucking angry
Anonymous 100608
why's everything so fucking gay
Anonymous 100613
this is more of a confession thing I was going to post on the other board but I cannot. so. I just had to vent that I have the most disgusting disturbing coomer evil DISGUSTING absolutely DERANGED, I swear to god you have no idea how deranged, disgusting, moid tier nsForLIFE flashdrive that I do not know the whereabouts of
Anonymous 100615
>Just trying to relaxing and decompress before I have to work tomorrow
>watching a movie
>bf “hey isn’t crazy how miserable and sucky everything is ha ha” (not his like exact words but he basically just starts ranting about how awful everything is)
>me just begging him to stop and how I just wanna have one day where we don’t have talk about how shitty everything is.
>ofcourse he doesn’t respect this and just keeps going for like over an hour(it’s also like the third time he’s done this today)
>finally lose my temper and patience and tell him to just stop and I don’t wanna hear it
Anonymous 100624
tumblr_ad4076076f7…
He actually wanted to see me after all…and I was very close to call him in meltdown mode because I'm a self loathing self sabotaging crybaby.
I should stop saying that I don't hate myself because I definitely still do
Anonymous 100626
>>100600I would also like to know this
Anonymous 100628
Everyday feels like a drawing of a circular spiral getting narrower and narrower as you approach the middle. I wouldn't actually snap and have a full meltdown that affects my life since I realistically keep myself in check of the consequences. Yet I want to burst at every moment, cry harder, scream louder, self-sabotage deeper. It all feels so difficult and so helpless.
Anonymous 100630
>>100499I don't belong anywhere as well, my entire life i was used or left behind and no one gives a shit about me, after a while you just gotta accept this harsh reality and try your best to care less, normies are dickheads anyways and they just use people, it's not worth it going after them.
Anonymous 100650
1481AB6C-8460-489A…
>shopaholic female family members consistently dump unwanted clothes on me
>accept them out of politeness
>unable to drive so unable to donate them regularly
>couple boxes full of unwanted clothes
>have a tub of books next to my bed stacked with clothes
>throw clothes on my bed to get to the books
>tub is full of clothes. suddenly remember i moved the books a while ago to make room for the clothes
>hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of clothes that don’t even fit me piled on my bed
i cant even sell this shit on depop because none of the family members in question are fashionable enough for prissy zoomers
Anonymous 100651
I am tired of the power others have over my mind. Why is it that others' perception of me keeps me up? Why does the mere thought of running into particular people cause my body to go into a panic? I get actual panic attacks when I attend some big event with important/wealthy people. I'm in therapy and I'm trying to work through it.
Anonymous 100654
FxvGTtAXwAAheEF.pn…
i dont want to date anyone else besides my ex and we sort of made an agreement that after getting our life together we could potentially try again (we are long distance and both fucked in the head and directionless in life).
but his cold, bordering on cruel behavior makes it hard to push through and i think i might just block him and never talk to him again and find someone else.
it's a shame that it has to be this way because i truly did love him and i know he loved me too, we were super compatible but sometimes it's not enough.
>why go after an asshole
he isn't always like that at all, he just doesnt want me to get close/emotional when we arent dating.
Anonymous 100674
>>100615Next time he does that, tell him to go outside and make a positive difference in the world. Complaining about how shitty the world is, without actually doing anything to try fix it, is something bad people do to try appear good (without putting in any of the effort of actually being good). No offense to your bf, I'm sure he might be good and he might go out and volunteer at places.
>>100650It's not impolite to decline something you don't want. They probably dump so much because they think you want it. Text them that you don't want anymore clothes and you need help taking all the old clothes to charity because you have no space. I'm sorry your books are hidden away.
Anonymous 100675
Tumblr_l_133915952…
My boyfriend is always mad at me for my piss poor memory. I don't know why I cannot remember anything he tells me. I cannot remember why he is upset and that makes him more upset. He tells me his life story and it doesn't stick and I don't know why, I try to listen. The stuff I do remember is me "remembering it wrong," or "I didn't say that," and I get so confused because I thought I had paid attention. Even him written to me in text has the same affect. Over time I'd just forget.
It's not with just home but everyone.
Anonymous 100684
>>100675either he is gaslighting you or you have memory problems, such as ADHD
try talking to a doctor?
Anonymous 100687
>>100650anon I feel this. my grandma was a major shopaholic too and she gives me so many clothes. At least hers are really cool vintage pieces so I actually do wear a lot of them but oh my god the amount is overwhelming sometimes. I always joke that if my grandma was born within the past 40 years she would be one of those "beauty influencers" that has way too much shit and posts hauls.
Anonymous 100691
I started seeing this guy, just twice so far but we talk everyday, we may meet up tomorrow but I'm so worried he'll cancel plans and it sucks cause I keep telling myself it's just casual but I'm itching for replies and just to talk/see him..how do I let go? If we don't meet up should I just block him on everything tomorrow? That's what my guts telling me to do.
Why am I so worried he'll ghost me??
Anonymous 100692
mikepence.jpg
>>100675Well if I had a boyfriend like that he would loathe me because I have absolute goldfish memory. Writing things down has helped somewhat.
Anonymous 100694
>>100691No offense but my generation absolutely boggles my mind. Hierarchy has existed for millennia, I get that, but now there's a whole new element of "competition" added to human relationships that I abhor. It's like: "I don't want to be ghosted, I need to ghost first! That way I don't lose the competition!". What the fuck is this absolute batshit insane game of chicken going on? It's not just casual relationships that act like this, it's so much stuff where people are just increasingly scared of talking to people for more than a week because "ermmm they might stop talking to me, so therefore I have to stop talking to them first!". There aren't winners and losers in relationships, big fucking whoop if someone stops talking to you.
Sorry again I don't mean to offend; your mindset just gets me heated.
Anonymous 100697
>>100694not op but totally agree nona. I used to act like this before I let go and messaged whenever I wanted to. After all, if they actually wanted me they wouldnt mind replies twice a day, or once every couple minutes.
Anonymous 100698
>>100252"leagues apart" my ass, who tf says that about potential friends aside from american highschoolers?
Anonymous 100701
>>100654not related but love when udonge post shes literally me
Anonymous 100717
Free advice for anyone who cares.
No matter how shit life throws your way, no matter how financially untenable your situation gets (downsized, evicted, whatever), do NOT move back in with an overbearing helicopter parent. They’ll smother you with love and care. You’ll regress to an infant state. Whatever strides you may have once achieved in managing adulting will be shat down the drain. You’ll be treated like you’re 4 and eventually you will FEEL fucking 4
Anonymous 100730
>>100717I know like this is a bad thing but at the same time I wish I had that.
Anonymous 100731
>>100692>>100683I'm such a bad note taker and then it turns into a vent and self deprecating.
>>100692yeah-I'm unmedicated
Anonymous 100747
angels.jpg
honestly sometimes i wish i had a stalker
i know im romanticizing it but i wish i was pretty enough and desirable enough for one.
Anonymous 100748
>>10074796% of the time people with a stalker dont know they have a stalker. You dont have to be pretty or social, I've met a lot of girls who had stalkers. A lot of those times it wasn't someone they knew. You just need bad luck to cross paths with an mentally ill man(sometimes woman.)
A stalker falls in love with the idea of the person and not actually the person.
Anonymous 100750
>>100748>96% of the time people with a stalker dont know they have a stalkerhow?
idk, i feel like all the women ive known with stalkers were pretty. or at least average looking. it just eats at me, i really want to be desirable. i know im being delusional but i cant seem to break the urge.
Anonymous 100751
>>100750Stalkers dont usually like to make themselves know, its so they can keep watching. Usually when they start getting noticed is when they've started escalating their behaviors, maybe acting out on desires.
Anonymous 100755
>>100201i don't know how to handle a guy i met online. i'm pretty sure he wants to leave because he refuses to offer me basic boundaries in a relationship. whenever i ask him what we are or talk about an argument we have, he just completely ignores me. we met on a shared server that some of his friends frequent, although i was an active member of the community long beforehand
if i'm being honest i think what's happening is knowing it will be awkward in the community we shared if he just tells me he wants to leave. i'm really attached to the community and have obsessive tendencies with checking up on it daily ever since about a year ago when i went through some romantic shit. i don't know what the fuck to do and i just wanna solve these feelings because it's starting to drain me.
anyone have any advice?
Anonymous 100757
>>100755i also think maybe
he really doesn't want to lose me as a friend. but he also doesn't realize how much pain he's putting me through by just refusing to tell me what's happening and his feelings towards me.
Anonymous 100759
>>100757i really do care about him and love him even if i'm not really sure how to express it or what it means. but i can't handle being ignored when it comes to the things that matter to me and it hurts that he doesn't deeply reflect on how he feels towards me or wants from me. i will always understand how he feels anyways, even if the facts and the events themselves are not perfect or a happy ending.
Anonymous 100761
Sucks to be stuck in retail hell. I wish I had followed my dreams and tried harder to be a artist. I'd probably be just as broke but I wouldn't be as depressed and low energy all the time.
Plus it be nice to say I am a illustrator, when ever someone ask my career.
Anonymous 100820
>>100698As in distance: "kilometres apart" didn't have the same ring. The thought that "leagues apart" could mean "I'm much better than you because I write
mum and not
mom" didn't even cross my mind lol.
>>100755>>100757>>100759One of my biggest mistakes was getting deeply involved in online communities. It doesn't provide the same satisfaction as talking to people irl, even if those real people seem 'less interesting'. The distance complicates things, you get hurt and learn not to get too invested in words on a screen. Plus, with the way AI is going, there'll soon be no way of telling who is real. I guess my advice is to not treat the online world so seriously. It's great for sharing ideas, but the best relationships are formed with people you can see, hear, and touch.
>>100761>I wish I had followed my dreams>hadNona, unless you're on your deathbed, there's no reason to talk like this - Van Gogh didn't start painting until he was 27. Just do it, not for the money, but for the joy it will bring.
Anonymous 100826
1644220302965.gif
I wanna go back to high school.
Life is just a hole of nothing after that ended.
Anonymous 100883
I may have to move and I seriously don't want to.
Anonymous 100884
>>100820Maybe its irresponsible to say but online relationships (friendships or romantic) I've had have been more meaningful than any I've ever had irl. People emphasize experiencing through your senses but it just never meant that much to me. It'd be great to have that kind of deep connection with irl physical people too but it hasn't happened for me yet.
Anonymous 100885
i feel so lonely in the summer i walk around i see people with friend groups having a good time while i am alone always .. i was a super neet in highschool and covid and every friend i have are men (online) i barely know any women and it sucks i just want a friend irl that we can do girly shit and just hang out without men .. i do live in a big city but i dont work and everyone at community college is anti social i just want to do fun shit w people :( also often times i meet girls but they always so far away its easier to find people w similar interests idk just loneliness gotten to me lately
Anonymous 100890
I really hate the essential oil grift and can't believe people STILL fall for it. Its one thing if you use it to make your house smell nice, but that's about as useful they are going to be for you. The dumbass claims that it's jesus in a bottle and going to cure all your ailments is so stupid. And dont even get me started on the people who say to use it for skincare. Plus the people who push these snake oils are so goddamn annoying. They defend it vehemently, mostly because they are typically tied to pyramid schemes of course. It's glorified fragrance in a bottle, and even that may be giving it too much credit.
Anonymous 100902
>>100747I think a lot of people want this (it explains the popularity of that stupid show 'You'). I imagine if it actually happened you'd be scared though. It's sort of how everyone and their mom has a rape fantasy but nobody would actually try to get raped
>>100750>>100748Once I gave free cat food away on a site like facebook marketplace and the guy who took it (who I actually thought was cute) quietly left. Then he messaged me 1.5 years later saying he's been watching me for a while and thought I was the most stunning person he's ever seen (extremely flattering and got me interested) but then ended the message getting insanely sexual about how aroused he was in his pants.
Obviously that scared the shit out of me but I still think back on it and feel lowkey flattered.
The reason I mention this that if you want to get stalked you should try interacting with the sorts of men mentally ill enough to do so (think the sort of guy who looks for free cat food on a bartering website).
Anonymous 100903
>>100755You have to really internalize the idea that if a man isn't outright pursuing you/indicating interest that's a rejection. Men typically don't outright dump women or be forthcoming with their lack of interest, because they like the attention and like having a backup. If he's capable of putting you through the silent treatment without feeling anxiety himself, he's just not that into you (and I know many hideously ugly and unaccomplished men who have done this to much more attractive, smarter, more educated, richer women, so don't take it personally).
Anonymous 100904
>>100201yesterday i spoke to a guy i was interested in for a couple of months, for the record, we met online. through text, i felt really passionate about him and all types of feelings arose just from interacting with him
but we spoke in real time - like, with our voices - for the first time yesterday. and for whatever reason, i feel pretty awkward around him now. in addition, i think i maybe looked a bit silly because i had too much to drink to numb any nerves i had. i'm pretty sure he feels awkward too. it's like i don't feel comfortable expressing myself around him anymore.
has this ever happened to any of you guys? why do i feel this way? i can't help but feel like he's disappointed by how i am a little, even if he didn't say it.
Anonymous 100905
>>100904I used to be like this until I met a moid IRL (under the influence of alcohol - I could never talk to moids otherwise) who I dated for 6 years, mostly IRL. I had to basically drink to oblivion every time we hung out for the first couple of years but then after that I got comfortable talking to him and other moids IRL sober. By that point though he admitted he was a secret alcoholic and dumped me, but in any case at least I got over the awkwardness of talking to moids irl
Anonymous 100911
>>100201why do i have a hard time letting someone leave. i think a guy i've been talking to really wants to leave - he keeps indicating it through the types of things he says to me and i have no reason to believe he's feigning truth. but i just can't let him just spit it out already. it feels like a hole is growing in me every day the longer this goes on. why can't he just explain his feelings and what he wants… he knows i have a hard time leaving others…
Anonymous 100912
>>100911why does he keep sending me mixed signals… its so confusing. i don't understand ambiguity
Anonymous 100913
>>100201why is he acting different towards me. he must've hated me then…
Anonymous 100914
FB_IMG_16881957586…
i know i'm not an anachan bc i dont even have the body to qualify for one but i am so sick of my body. i lost 60 lbs in the past year because i use to be an obese fucking hambeast, and i'm very much noticeably thinner now but still clinically overweight. not by a lot but it still frustrates me. i'm 5'5 but everytime i stand by a 5'1 or 5'2 friend whos very thin and petite i feel incredibly insecure and gigantic. i hate feeling like this. on top of the fact that i plateaued and it took me 6 months to lose 10 lbs. i'm just tired of my body.
this was like 40 lbs ago but i remember when i got admitted to the psych ward and the on-site physician was just checking me for any physical illnesses and she tells me "your weight is quite high" which fucking stung bc i had already lost 20 lbs at that point. i just feel so defeated bc even if i lost a lot, it doesn't feel like enough.
Anonymous 100915
>>100912it's a simple yes or no question? did he still want me after we talked
why can't he just answer? am i seriously expecting too much out of a person
Anonymous 100917
>>100914Weight loss is a process nona, I know it sucks to not be where you want yet but you’ve already done great so far and are surely much healthier now. In the grand scheme of things how long it takes you to get to your goal weight isn’t that important. Be good to yourself
Anonymous 100920
>>100915distance yourself from him first, feign polite indifference. sprinkle some exciting convo here and there (very rarely).
make
him go crazy wondering about your next move and how you truly feel. next time he mentions wanting to leave don't act clingy, don't question him further. show mild encouragement like "yeah we all need time off sometimes" and start ranting about your own problems stealing his spotlight, showing off your full life with problems at work/some argument with a friend, whatever the fuck. but not too much, scrotes hate not being the center of attention and when their imaginary crybaby issues are not taken seriously.
just don't give his potential issues with
you any care or attention, but show some level of comforting energy if he opens up about other stressful things in his life. but do not baby him every time it happens, don't show too much emotional availability. keep it short, demonstrate the minimum interest, then propose some exciting convo, activity or whatever. but not in a way that makes him feel you're doing it for him, let him associate your presence with joy by proxy.
take back control, be a dick sometimes, be nice others, but be mostly an exciting sphynx. act in an unpredictable way, drive him insane, some emotional abuse is fine. but dont let him win, dont show you're affected, ever.
Anonymous 100922
An online friend of mine has the habit of disappearing for weeks or even months, but I always had good and memorable conversations with them which have been unfortunately wiped away several times due to their very frequent account deletions. Turns out that in the past few months I have been cut out of their lives and active accounts just like they did with almost everyone else, and I feel like absolute shit. I don't know what I did wrong and I feel worse for demanding an explanation, because I know they don't owe me that. It feels like our friendship meant absolutely nothing while I've been worried about them on a daily basis. I understand that care and love are to be given without expecting a reward, but I have thrown all my consideration down a bottomless well. Coming from a past of being constantly rejected by everyone, I just want to know what makes me so abandonable. I didn't expect that at all, and I just feel confused and hurt. I should just forget about it and move on.
Anonymous 100924
>>100914Sometimes I think I understand how incels who become trannies feel. I get that feeling next to super short/skinny women too and it makes me almost want to rebrand myself as a masculine lesbian
Anonymous 100925
>>100922> I feel worse for demanding an explanation, because I know they don't owe me that. when did people start internalizing this nonsense? when we enter into relationships (platonic or romantic) with other people we absolutely do owe them explanations if we go AWOL - I swear to god this is a fatherless value system. no wonder so many people get divorces
Anonymous 100927
>>100923I don't think so, no. Fortunately our communication wasn't based on venting, it was mostly chill and comforting, at least for me. I'm sorry you had to experience the same thing.
>>100925You're correct, although given the kind of person they are it's best not to force their boundaries. Perhaps I overestimated the impact I had on their lives, who knows. I'm too much of a coward to ask them directly, I'll probably get the opposite result and get permablocked everywhere. If they want to talk to me again they know they can
Anonymous 100951
interview.jpg
I'm worried I am graduating into a bad job market and yet that I will also be too unemployable to find a job in my field regardless. I took a semester to go abroad but it has nothing to do with my major, nor have I done a single personal project to keep my skills up. I did do an internship but turned down the return offer just so that I could go abroad, thus meaning I have to job search now all over again. But what if I can't find anything before I graduate, this time? I took the risk knowing it full well, but the thought of having to go back to a fast food job or something, or moving back in with my horribly toxic family, just for survival fills me with unending dread. For A CS grad, is there any actual non-shitty jobs one can live off of until they actually get their foot in the door?
I should mention I did do a little bit of job searching before I left for abroad, and some places seemed to like me, but they all told me they are looking for an immediate hire and that I have applied too early (As I am graduating in December). Hopefully they will still consider me.
Anonymous 100953
tumblr_a9f129584fa…
I feel so empty, sisters. The older I get, the more I'm remembering from my childhood/teenage years and it's fucking me up to finally see things that have puzzled me for so long suddenly make sense. I've never been able to enjoy things like reading, playing video games, or talking to people, and the fucked up part is that I wasn't abused as a kid. I was just awkward, autistic, and too boyish to fit in, which caused everyone in elementary and middle school to tease me and not want to be my friend.
I had a private teacher in high school who constantly made fun of my interests (like laughing when I told him what I want the topic of my next lesson to be or making fun of everything I ever brought up) and that killed any desire I had in trying to pursue being creative. I've really been into a gacha mobile game for about two years now and as much as I love it, I just can't get myself to write or draw anything for it. I obviously don't have the ability or talent for either, but there's a ship I really REALLY like and I loathe that I can't get the creativity or the energy to do anything for them. I even picked up nip again just so I could consume more fan content, but reading fanfics is boring and takes too much of my energy.
I have no desire to do anything when I'm not busy, whether that's socialising (I literally have no IRL friends at this point), playing vidya/reading a book/watching something (it becomes a task instead of something enjoyable like 15 minutes in), or trying to better my skills/doing sport.
I got over my ED, stopped cutting myself, am eating healthy and at a good but still low weight, I leave my room often and spend time in the sunlight, stopped smoking, I'm doing excellently in terms of academics, etc. It just doesn't stop. Once you kill every part of you that wants something and can feel things, it doesn't get better. It sure hurts less, but I wonder if I can even call whatever I'm doing living when it's just
>waking up->checking all my usual online places->going on twitter to save fan art->going on a walk->playing whatever video game can hold me in the same place for long enough->going to bed
with the occasional rendezvous with my hand sprinkled in…
Anonymous 100962
>>100959
>fulfilling hobby
>sunk some money in
That's been happening to me for way too long, … I played instruments before but I don't have the hearing for music and I don't even like the type of music you can play on most traditional instruments. I got sports supplies to try and pick up something and do sports, but the same thing happened. Anything that involves people immediately makes me lose interest, I don't like how many variables appear when you need other people to do something.
Anonymous 100974
I'm so sensitive. Sometimes genuinely small, insignificant things can result in me feeling hurt or down in the dumps for no meaningful reason. Things that most people have already forgotten that for whatever reason I keep dwelling on.
This only really happens when I think I've been dumb or have done something that's met with crickets in my friend group. Again, things that are virtually forgotten by everyone ten minutes after it happened. How can I stop sweating the little things and grow a thicker skin? This stuff probably stems from my low self esteem and the fact that I have no life so my perspective is messed up.
Anonymous 100977
Everything I make is turning out to be shit. It's all garbage.
Anonymous 101021
b1ea95ab-90da-4f54…
God, I hate myself and how my social anxiety keeps me from bettering myself. I keep being in this loop of feeling lonely, trying to step out of my comfort zone and socialize, failing to socialize because of my horrible social skills, being embarassed and going back to my hole, wallow in my self pity and loneliness, repeat. I hate how, I, a grown ass woman, can't even hold up a conversation, I just feel pathetic. I wanna enjoy life and not feel like a creep, because I silently sit around at a party. It feels so ridiculous that this is still a problem for me.
Anonymous 101022
>>100953holy fuck you sound EXACTLY like me - I'm 27 now turning 28 in a couple of months and it feels weird. I never had an ED or cut myself or smoked though.
I found psychedelic mushrooms actually made me waay more prosocial an made it a lot easier to find joy in small things. Nothing else really worked.
Anonymous 101025
>>100201how do i break things off with a guy without either party being upset?
the guy in question is someone i've spoken to a while. we met online and i think there were actually earlier posts in this thread i made about him.
anyways, i think maybe i was more forgiving of his behavior when it was just online, i guess it didn't really feel real to me so i didn't think it mattered too much in the long term. however, over time, i've begun to realize the way he treats me is pretty abnormal and not actually someone i'd want in my life as a partner. we can be pretty verbally abusive towards each other but he is pretty unrelenting, he even admitted that he's mean to me and doesn't know why i am still talking to him. i'm not sure either to be honest.
i wonder if his behavior will ever change. if it doesn't, i'm scared he'll react badly, or i'll react badly, if we end things. i never really wanted it to get this overbearing. wat do
Anonymous 101026
>>101025Just cut him off directly and don't sugar coat it, don't worry over someone's feelings when they don't care about yours
Anonymous 101027
>>101026i told him i just wanted to be friends and he seemed okay with it.
i just couldn't stand not feeling like he was on my side and like he always had something against me. that's not how you treat someone you care about, i feel like he was not being honest about his feelings.
Anonymous 101028
I just want to be loved unconditionally or close to it by someone. I now know that is impossible. Not only because it is unrealistic but also because I am the source to all my problems.
Anonymous 101029
>>101027Don't, it never works. If he is unable to be in a healthy relationship, then much less a healthy break up
Anonymous 101030
>>101028i think its more important that people share common goals. like working towards emotional/mental stability, etc.
Anonymous 101031
>>101029i still want him in my life. it's just hard because he doesn't ever really say how he feels, but if he wanted that, i would.
Anonymous 101032
>>101030Even with common goals it sometimes isnt enough.
Anonymous 101034
>>101032what it means to unconditionally love someone is conflicting on its own. for example, it feels like the guy i was interested in was constantly searching for conflict instead of trying to find points of shared interest. even when we both wanted unconditional love.
Anonymous 101035
>>101033what should i do then? should i just move on
Anonymous 101036
>>101034And I am telling you that sometimes with common goals still isnt enough. You both can have the exact same life plan and that still wont be enough.
Anonymous 101055
I was helped by a hot guy at the grocery store self check out (cuz I was buying alcohol as part of my items)… ugh he even acted cute. Now I'm gonna think about him all week or at least a couple days. Tall, glasses, a good jaw, friendly and smiling
Anonymous 101068
>>100951From what I've heard of friends, at least where I live, is that CS grads will always have job options in their field. The downside is that a lot of the companies have very few senior staff, which means you're kinda thrown into the deep end and expected to work hours outside of what you've been contracted, which can make the work stressful. With that said, once you have one or two years under your belt and a better understanding of the industry, you'll be able to negotiate better standards/pay or otherwise just jump ship into a better company. Best of luck nona, I'm sure things will work out for you!
>>100959>>100962Hobbies are enjoyable distractions, but they're not going to get you out of bed each day. I feel more fulfilled when what I do makes a positive impact on people's lives.
Anonymous 101077
>>100342yeah nona… cycle continues. i used to be around in those places when i was younger always around drunks, preds, fetishists online under their guise of "mental health" servers or whatever. unfortunately you can't change their home/school situations, and its hard to get through cuz as you said they feel some belonging they dont have anywhere else. authorities suck at handling these kids situations and catch predators way too late if at all.
i wish more people in the real world were just genuinely compassionate and empathetic and helpful towards kids when they have the chance. it helps knowing someone has your back and wouldn't it be awesome if that adult wasn't a degenerate! there's only so much some ssri, threat of telling everyone about their shit, and a mindfulness video actually helps kids and teens in shit situations they cant choose to be in. if more normalfags had their heads out of their noise blocking asses i feel like less kids would be inclined to go into these places run by junkie pedo trannies or incels.
maybe im wrong i dont know this got more personal than expected i think im just mad at how dismissive everyone was throughout my life. you go to people who are there to help maybe not by your choice even but its not their problem not their problem not their problem theyre just there for the paycheck maybe the ego boost or badge to boast to their friends/online about how stupid kids of yesterday or today was. i dont trust people in places of authority when they display "concern". now im older it doesnt matter who cares ill fix it myself right but these kids deserve better than being ignored or putting themselves in danger for acknowledgement of their pain and some goddamn community.
Anonymous 101080
I've recently come to terms in life that most of the men I've let in have sexually abused me somehow. They've always been much older than I, daddy issues and low self-esteem on my part, I don't even want to know what it is on their part, etc. I have extreme sexual trauma from childhood that I haven't begun to learn to cope with. I haven't been to therapy about it, I guess I'm afraid of what will come up if I do and paying someone to unearth my memories feels like a game I can't win. I try not to hate my family on a regular basis, I don't hate them, really, I just want to be away from them and at best keep minimal contact with them if possible. I don't blame my younger siblings for anything but I'm sure they have unspoken words on dealing with my their older sister's mental problems. I wish I could've done better for them, because I feel they feel as directionless as I do but they seem to cope better because their trauma from our mother wasn't as visceral, although I can't deny that they definitely experience much unsaid trauma due to her gambling addiction and our family being the black sheep/scapegoat. I can't forgive my older brother, though I see he tries to make amends, I can't let go of the feeling that he let me be abused by his friend. Same with my mother, never leaving my father and letting his drug addled ways get the better of him. She forgives too easily and I just can't and don't want to. Either way, I want to do better by my younger brother and sister, especially my sister, I feel she has the most innocence of soul left in her and she is raising her own baby, and I don't see the father being involved much in the future. I'll most likely live a longer life with them then my mother, who I worry will die of a heart attack or stroke if she doesn't slow down her workaholic ways. She is attempting to quit gambling, much like I need to quit drinking to cope, but for me, bad as it is, being drunk is the only way I can honestly express myself. I don't want it to be that way but it's the only way all that bottled anger and sadness comes to surface and I can understand what I have to do to improve my life. I want to cut off all contact with ex-boyfriends, a current boyfriend, etc. I feel like talking with them makes me insane. I hate that I let it get this bad, but I feel like I've always been coerced to care when I really don't at all. I don't care for these men, they suck the life out of me and make me feel bad for not wanting to show affection, talk to them, etc. It's not my fault they are lonely life failures. More often then not they had ample opportunity to fix their lives with not nearly the same level of traumatic experiences I have to work through to live. I have tried to kill myself several times, maybe not failproof methods but I do feel like the one time I did, a miraculous intervention happened. I'm meant to work through my traumas and survive. I know I'd ruin the lives of my sister/brother and my mother, and the only person I could truly rely on, my grandma, who has since died, would be really sad if I gave up so easily. To me, suicide takes a lot of gull and courage at least in the heart to know it's the right decision. I do believe we're only granted one life on this plane and it's better to try to survive then to not, as hard as it is, but I won't do it because I know that I would traumatize my family, and they don't need anymore of that.
Anonymous 101100
>>100201i fucking hate <<queer safe spaces>>
never said anything bad about trans ppl, just said that i realised i'm terf, said that because i just love to tell everything everyone and ppl here was friendly to me
immedeately triggered the admin just because i mentioned terf
no arguments from me, no discussion, no nothing
now feel passive hate towards me, no matter how much i used to support ppl here, giving advices, being friendly, etc. i use preferred pronouns, treat ftm kindly cause i think they're just traumatized girls (although i don't mention that there), we don't have moids here so no mtf shit so everything is fine, don't voice my opinion on that topic
shit's weird
Anonymous 101101
>>101100(admin is not ftm if anything, just so you know)
Anonymous 101103
>>100927people who respond to requests for reciprocal duties by blocking deserve to die alone. relationships are give and take
Anonymous 101147
Debating if I should go get something small to eat or wait 6 hours and cook dinner.
Anonymous 101153
You call it BPD, i call it being clinically depressed with the minimum pattern recognition skills to gauge through the sly insidiousness of human behavior.
Im so fucking disgusted with myself. I bared my soul to this moid. I exposed my insecurities in a fit of thoughtless vulnerability. I said things about myself that i should have never verbalized. Not rven to my own ears. Mostly about my own insecurities. My lowly estimation of my accomplishments compared to others’. I know of course how rigid and uncompromising this view is. Just fodder to fuel my own misery. But i confessed to this moid. And probably others too. I do these things and then i promptly forget. I can’t remember. I must have brain damage.
My gut. I was always repulsed when i spoke to him. In my rare moments of candor with myself, i concluded that thr best thing i liked about him was that he liked me. And that was it. But then we’d speak. He’ll keep bragging about how much he earns, the girls that chase him. I laugh trying to mask the outpour of disgust. And then k think again, what tact, by what principle would someone brag and brag and self prune in front of someone else? Unless they were utterly convinced of their own superiority. Of their own unassailable veneer. And consequently, of the lowliness of my own character. I have no one to blame but myself. I have abased myself by venting. I was told, i was taught, never to do that thing. Never to unearth insecurities. It’s the finest print on any social interaction. People will know regardless. They’ll size you up. And it’s an evolutionary imperative to rank themselves higher. It’s what they owe themselves. Self reflection is not a virtue. This moid, there are a million reasons why he, if he approached his selfhood similarly to how i approach mine, has a million reasons for why he should be crippled with insecurity. Based of course on what he’d confided on me. But again he’s no sucker.
Fucking shit, stupid cunt. The world is already geared to tearing women down. Why tear yourself down IDIOT. WHY? For WHAT FUCKING PURPOSE. NO ONE WILL TOOT YOUR HORN IF YOU DONT TOOT IT YOURSELF,
Anonymous 101160
I wish I had a "fake it til i make it " view on life. Or just blind confidence. I can't help but feel so dumb sometimes, and for literally no reason at all.
Anonymous 101176
why can’t I make friends with girls? my hobbies are very female dominated (dance), I see the same girls regularly, try making conversation with them and very rarely does it go anywhere other than pleasantries, but they all seem to be friends with each other. I thought people outgrew cliquey crap in university but apparently not. I look normie enough… what is it about me. I know people find me annoying but I don’t know exactly why, I don’t try to be.
Anonymous 101178
>>101176>I look normie enoughBut
are you a normie? Are the girls you want to make friends with normies?
Anonymous 101179
>>101178I mean, not so normie that I don’t use image boards kek, but I like the same things as a lot of these girls, dance (obviously), going to bars, concerts, etc. They’re more normie than I am but I feel if they gave me a chance we could be friends, I know it sounds like pathetic incel shit to say that but it’s just how I feel. Feels like it’s impossible to just find a few girls to go for drinks with in your 20s. All these girls do hang out together outside of dance and I never get invited, which I know is pathetic to feel shit about but I work entirely from home so it’s not like I can make work friends either
Anonymous 101184
>>101153I've been there - I know how embarrassing it is to tear yourself down hoping some moid will pity you and build you back up. It's a cheap way of forging intimacy/a connection, but moids don't respond positively to mutual support and trust. Best thing you can do is just put it behind you like a bad "I used to wear anime t-shirts" phase.
Anonymous 101195
>>101181
I’ve invited them to things individually, but each time they’ve said they’re busy and not suggested another date
Anonymous 101196
>>101176I had a somewhat similar experience with groups but not with single people. For example, in all my life I had really strong, almost sister-like, friendships with few girls, they would become my best friends (until I moved because I moved a lot in my life) but I never had more than one friend at a time.
My advice would be to talk with one of them you feel more comfortable talking to, if they are drawn to you it will happen naturally.
Anonymous 101197
>>100499>>100517>>100630The problem is that there's not enough time to interact with everyone
Some people get left behind by everyone because they're put on lower tiers and no one wants to put them on a higher tier
Anonymous 101205
21B73340-A423-412F…
>be me
>try to better understand men (50% of human pop) to become less of a femcel
>browse male-dominated image boards
>have all beliefs affirmed
men are not good people
Anonymous 101208
>>101205moids are pretty much universally shit to different degrees but the ones on imageboards are going to be the lowest of the low, although you could argue it just shows you their purest unfiltered form. i have to believe there are men who are self aware and empathetic enough to create some sort of balance for my own sanity but yeah it's pretty bleak and the blackpilling doesn't go away
Anonymous 101238
>>101205It's Reddit for me. Its extremely misogynistic but popular enough to where normies use it. Regular dudes use reddit and openly share/upvote their horrifying opinions on women. Not to mention the porn.
Anonymous 101239
>>101238The fact that the subreddit "r/dykeconversion" is a fucking thing and it still has yet to be taken down by mods. And the fact I got perma IP-banned from there for telling a pedophile who was openly sexualizing children to go choke on his own vomit.
I want to see that site obliterated more than anything and I personally wish I could slit the throats of all the groomer trans mods on there
Anonymous 101255
I'm sick of my mom sending people after me to check on me just because I don't call her for two days straight. I'm 25 years old. She's already gotten two different former roommates involved (I don't even know how she got their numbers. I guess she must have called the front office of my building and gotten it from the people there.) and now just involved my current dorm manager and several other people he works with. She's threatened to call the cops on me several times before, for not picking up the phone on her for two days. When I choose not to talk to her, it only brings stress in my life and more people that won't leave me alone.
Anonymous 101258
>>101205Why would you go to incel websites to get a read on the average male?
Anonymous 101259
>>101207
Not that anon but I once overheard three men in their work uniforms who looked to be between 22-35 and were taking the same bus as me sharing their opinions on women. I still remember bits and pieces of it because it was the kind of man talk I've only ever seen on the internet. The internet that you believe to be filled with "non normal people" only. Too bad I didn't record any of it but they were sitting too far away from me anyway. This is what I still remember:
>one of these days I'm going to burn my ex alive
>women have it way easier than men
>women are allowed things that men aren't
>if a man says one wrong word (to his partner), he'll need a really good lawyer to defend him
>my ex was a cunt but at least she wasn't like that
Anonymous 101261
>>101241
they can hate on trannies all they want theyre still rapists mysogynists tantrum thrower retards with their small brains eaten by porn and uncontrollable drinking/drugs/etc vices, violent ugly apes with no hair and theyre not like me or other women at all, not physically and much less mentally or emotionally. theyre unempathetic destroyers and so fucking annoying and entitled. i prefer ftm troons to a scrote, and i know that scrotes hate troons because of stupid misogynistic and porny reasons and not because they care about us. i hate male troons for other and legitimate reasons. look up prison statistics if you really think we are anything alike.
Anonymous 101278
>>101255Move without letting anyone who might tell her know and change your number. Maybe even change your name
Anonymous 101284
>go nonverbal bc of depression
>know gf is going to panic and think its all her fault
not having a good time
Anonymous 101297
>>100516Sorry if I sound kind of patronizing, this is almost exactly the same type of thing I was telling myself only a couple months ago and it makes me kind of nervous to confront it in a post like this.
Before you let your mind badmouth itself any longer, you have to accept that you just can't meaningfully participate in a society that, by nature, stifles and limits your creativity. Giving up on everything you want to do is only going to worsen the problem, as hard as it is to stop yourself. Just think about how many talented and hardworking people there are that had their dreams crushed a thousand times before they realized that trying to please everyone is the worst way to go about their passions and interests. They had to let go of other people's judgments and do what they needed to do for themselves. When you are able to solidify this kind of thinking into your mind, you will be able to make that book/album/painting/game/ANYTHING you've dreamt about making since you were a kid. You have to take the initiative and find healthy ways to put yourself in that sort of environment and have people to fall back on when it all feels becomes too much.
Anonymous 101299
about to describe some completely mentally ill and unhinged behavior, i am aware that i am crazy and shouldn't have behaved this way but i did and it happened and i am going to vent about it:
i've had a rough start of the year in general, there's been death and other stuff going on but i had a complete breakdown at work as a result of my coworkers and boss and some of the customers we work for bullying me on top of everything else. my boss and coworkers would constantly insult other workers too in my precense, and they would gossip about me and badmouth me when i was in the next room and they were aware of it, like i walk past them through the door and my boss and coworkers would start talking about me. i don't know if they thought i couldn't hear them or if they just didn't give a damn. my boss would talk to me like i was a complete idiot, it's like she has some sort of imaginary version of me in her head she talks to instead of me, because she would never listen to what i was actually about to say and start ranting at me about things i never did or said or never were about to say and i made myself insane wondering what the fuck is she talking about. she would give me instructions how to do my work, i would follow them, then she would complain i did things wrong and i would do my job differently, she complains again i never understand what exacty she actually wants. she seems to be really distrusful of me for some reason, even though my other bosses and customers always liked me and told me i was a good worker. i used to work at different destinations before this place, but in one previous place one customer thanked my current boss for hiring such a good employer, she was so pleased with my work. so i don't get where this all comes from, why she seems to act as if i am lazy or something.
the customers too would talk about me while i was present, as if i wasn't there. it's been going on months but i one day i lost it and slit my wrist/arm during a shift.
i'm not going to go into detail but it was bad, i was really close from getting real actual permanent injury and had to get 23 surgical staples.
i had to go to hospital, my boss calls me and basically tells me i am just insane and no one has bullied me or insulted me and i just have been imagining things. i would understand if she was actually worried about my mental health and acted differently during the call, but she was basically threatening me not to take any action about it especially when it comes to the customers. i actually started to think i have had some psychotic breakdown and all the insults i heard was just me hearing voices, but it doesn't really make sense because the boss and my coworkers would insult and gossip about basically everyone, so i donät understand how exactly i would be the only exception to that, and one previous worker did basically rage quit the job.
i am just angry that i did this to myself, i am anxious because now i just seem more insane and weird at work, i am angry at them, i don't understand how evil and cruel people can be. like i don't expect anyone at work to pity me for being unhinged and self harming at work, it's my own damn fault i did it, but my boss did know about stuff happening in my personal life like that someone died and other stuff and yet she for whatever reason kep t insulting me like give me a fucking break, will you? did they think i am just fun little puppet they can mock as a past time? what the fuck
Anonymous 101300
54fe1631786d578172…
I am having a horrible day. I hope shit gets better. I just want to live in peace.
Anonymous 101302
So what am I meant to do with all my pathetic impotent rage? Let it run around and tire itself out with no catharsis? I'm sick of pretending to be measured and reasonable! Let me be bitchy and immature, while I'm young!
Anonymous 101306
I graduated in May and have a useless degree. I was too mentally ill to look forward and set myself up for success and now I feel like it's too late for me. I don't have practical skills, it's too late to get internships at companies that won't take advantage of me, and I'm only good at studying and spitting out information someone told me. I'm scared, alone, and so upset with myself for being so fucking depressed I couldn't see I was making bad decisions. Coffee shops don't even want me. I feel like I'm good at stuff but the job market doesn't value a "I can learn!" mentality. What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel like I'll just be working two minimum wage jobs, struggling to make rent every month until the jobs kill me or I kill myself. I wish someone would just tell me what to do so I can fix this. All my friends graduated and are employed full time and my boyfriend is a genius and he's got people already trying to hire him before he's out of college. I'm the only one who has nothing. I'm miserable.
Anonymous 101307
>>101306>Coffee shops don't even want me.They will. Just don't mention the degree and try not to seem too intelligent during your interview.
Anonymous 101310
a person I considered a friend ghosted me, talked shit behind my back. I realised they'll always manipulate people despite getting "help". They also know a person that broke my heart. People really are shit.
Anonymous 101316
When I entered puberty I was pretty sure that I was lesbian. I was secretly in love with one of my friends from school for years, but never told her and eventually lost contact upon graduating.
Eventually those feelings began to fade and I became more attracted to men, although more romantically than sexually (which lead me to think I was asexual for a while). In the past few months my attraction to other women returned while my attraction to men faded. I used to exclusively imagine my future with a man, but as of right now I dream of having a girlfriend instead…
Is this indicative of bisexuality? Is it typical for bisexuals to experience such shifts in what sex they are attracted to?
(Of course I am also a femcel and never had a relationship with anyone, so this is all purely theoretical.)
Anonymous 101318
>>101306What degree did you get that's so absolutely fuck all useless? Sociology or something along those lines?
Anonymous 101319
>>101306Mooch off your genius bf and NEET at home
Anonymous 101330
>>101318may as well have, majored in anthropology
Anonymous 101332
>>101316Yeah I think so. I thought I was a lesbian as a teenager but in my 20s I got a bf. I still think I'm more attracted to women but sometimes one attraction feels more in focus than the other
Anonymous 101340
i’m almost certain that i’m on the lower end of the bell curve and it hurts so bad
i having to exert myself to arrive at the most basic of conclusions. i hate it. i just want to be smart. why is nature so cruel
Anonymous 101344
>>101340Learn to understand people and situations
Anonymous 101347
>>101330Try to learn frontend web development, it's convenient to study from home using online tutorials (there's a million of them) and not as hard to pick up as one may think.
You may get a comfy remote job if you're lucky
Anonymous 101351
forgetfulness is going to ruin my life. i forgot to take time off for a friends birthday and none of my coworkers like to cover shifts. i feel so bad and stupid.
Anonymous 101355
ducks.jpg
>>101306Nona I am in a similar position. I have a degree that people say is "useful" but even I feel like I lack real world skills at times! I think a lot of people feel this way after they graduate. Try to have some faith in yourself, you are smarter and more capable then you realize. Also try not to compare yourself to others, they are only starting their careers and just because they got job offers right away doesn't mean you wont be successful! Good luck, I hope you find a good job and congratulations on getting your degree!
Anonymous 101428
i hate myself really and truly so deeply. i make everyone’s life worse just by being around them.
Anonymous 101438
I can't stop binging.
Today I wanted to eat a portion of food (normal portion) and after I finished I went to the fridge and got another one without thinking. Why. I think the only solution is not buy food at all. Out of sight, out of mind. I'm gonna try fasting. Wish me luck nonas
Anonymous 101445
My best friend got a boyfriend and is living in that honeymoon phase where friends cease to exist and i feel so awfully bad about it. To be completely honest, i always end up drifting apart from my friends who get boyfriends, and i'm already tired of this, but now that it's my best friend it's kind of devastating.
Anonymous 101446
>>101445She's not a good friend?
Focus on your life and if she comes back, tell her why you are not as open to her.
Anonymous 101448
>>101446I don't think she's doing anything wrong. I will never get a boyfriend for homosexual reasons but i get wanting to spend most of the time with the person you love. I guess i am just kind of jealous and feeling cast asides, but i can't resent her for it. It just hurts a lot to not have her companionship as much as before, honestly, since we were so attached to each other before. I'm not sure of what this means for the future of our relationship either and that's scary, but like i said, i can't blame her for that…
Anonymous 101449
>>101299Hey nona,
To clarify, I'm not about to justify your
self-harm, but…
Your coworkers are arseholes. You have grounds to take action for workplace bullying; my suggestion is to record them and get a good amount of evidence, and then get a lawyer. I'm not sure where you live, it may be illegal to secretly record people, but my law states it's okay "if the secret recording is ‘reasonably necessary’ to protect your ‘lawful interests’". The fact she called you to threaten you not to take action is disgusting; hopefully if you do go through with this, police will be able to dig up the phone conversation as evidence (most phone companies store calls for a few years; this is one of the few instances where I think it's a good thing). Also I hope you're able to find a new job with less shitty people. Sorry you're going through this rough patch.
Anonymous 101452
>>101316pretty sure that your constant fuck ups in relationships with men have made you consider again trying with women, that's what happened to me at least, so what's stopping you now?
Anonymous 101462
I’m too deep down the rabbit hole of isolation that I feel like I’m sorely lacking perspective. Couple that with my only exposure to the real world being online. More fodder for neurosis.
It bothers me that ive become so bitter. That i can’t be happy for people around me. That i envy them their hard earned success. When did i turn into such a bad apple?
I was speaking to my ex situation. Semi regularly. Just to shoot the shit. Although my affection died, i could still dish out and receive banter. I was also reluctant to cut all contact because, frankly, he’s my only tether to the outside world, and i just couldn’t afford to be even more disconnected than i am now.
It’s just that, with the love goggles off, he’s revealing himself to be an objectively flawed individual. He’s got a great job and wonderful prospects. Plenty of savings, and a pretty clear idea on where to go from there. In contrast im eye deep down shit shaft of my own making. So i can’t play the victim either. When i complain to him, usually i complain about being severely anhedonic. I try not to reveal the true scope of my current self loathing, but i think anyone with a couple of neurons can sniff my raging insecurity, lack of stability, and generally perturbed mental health.
I started genuinely dreading talking to him when he’d hog the vent sesh, “complaining” about the egregiously high salary that his boss offered him. His plans to hop on the luxury watch hype train (i joked that he should only splurge on that vanity purchase if he could afford it, savings wise, thrice over. He replied laughing that he had much much morethan that saved up), and an upcoming trip he’s planning to NYC. When we were “together”, i always raved like a little dumb schoolgirl about New York, about wanting to live there for a while, just as a life experience. He was aloof and pretty judgmental about that, since i had revealed that some of my life long ambitions didn’t align with his. Was a major reason for why we nipped it in the bud. Now he was planning to go there as a grad gift to himself.
I’m not 12. I’m trained in social tact. Also, i have something of a delayed emotional reactions to things that irk me. So in conversations, i congratulate him on his achievements, and feign interest in his plans. It bothers me of course that i am such a bothered, smarmy, bitter fool. It makes me feel pathetic. But i also have to wonder. What kind of friendly retort to a long winded exasperated rant about not being able to look forward to anything anymore, is it to brag about fucking new york, and the absurd amount of money you earn? Is it, like, not tone deaf? Is this like a middle school tier manœuvre of “look at what you’re missing out on”?
I just feel tired of those conversations. I can’t sit there for hours entertaining a scrote’s ego tripping sessions about how much game he’s getting. About how he isn’t interested in dating, and how his new found dream is to trick an educated, intelligent woman with whom he can converse eloquently (or the fantasy version of me that he used to uphold) to be his trophy wife. On more than one occasion, i bite my tongue from blurting that the only reason i liked him in the first place was because he showed kindness to me and others.
It boggles my mind that i could have been such a horrible judge of character. It boggles my mind how pathetically insecure im becoming. It boggles my mind that i can’t find a balanced estimation of people. That i can’t consolidate vice with being human. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Anonymous 101464
i genuinely am thinking of losing my virginity to some random to spite an internet asshole i became disenchanted with. i want to lose my virginity anyways, got my license recently, and am thinking of just hooking up with some random off of twitter or discord.
Anonymous 101466
4 day late essay I have to submit today. Procrastination is a bitch.
Anonymous 101467
So much fucking smoke in the oven. My eyes hurt.
Anonymous 101477
>>101464Please don't repeat my mistake.
Eh you probably will.
Anonymous 101478
>>101464please don't lower yourself to sleep with a random moid who is low value just to spite another low value moid. you are worth more than that. the best way to spite a moid is show you are indifferent and he has no effect on you at all. showing that you acted on something because you were bothered by something he did only gives him attention to fuel him even if it's negative.
Anonymous 101482
>>101478but i want to. i like spiting people and i feel i would be a normalfag if not.
Anonymous 101491
>>101482There are much better ways to spite people. For example, imagine if instead of going for a worthless scrote, you formed a fulfilling relationship with a woman. Not only would his precious ego be shattered as being such a disgusting man that you turned to women, but he would also be broken that you're happy and fulfilled in life while he has nothing. Or if you're not bi, you can show him that you'd rather be alone than be with him.
Going down your current path will only ruin you, which will make him a conceited jerk. Not to mention the fact that you will hate every second of it if you sleep with a random moid.
Anonymous 101496
>>101495
scrote, (future) coming for the hairline
Anonymous 101501
>>101466I’m writing this essay and it’s honestly not that hard. I wish I wrote it earlier but the circumstances just had to be right. I won’t procrastinate on writing the second one.
Anonymous 101507
>>101448hey nona, I completely get where you're coming from. A year or so ago I was in this exact situation, though I was the one with the bf. My friend came to me and expressed that she felt cast aside and that I hadn't been making time for her, and it totally blindsided me! I felt terrible! Confrontation sucks, but I think it would be really helpful if you sat down with her and had a conversation about what you're feeling and what you both want from your relationship going forward. You can also do it over the phone, though I'd avoid texting, for heavy topics like this. It helped save my friendship, and honesty is the best policy!! I'm sure she still wants you in her life, good luck :)
Anonymous 101508
>>101501I finished the essay :)
>>101502>What's the essay on?A short story we read in class and a book read outside of class.
Anonymous 101509
I’m inching closer and closer to being clinically depressed. I must save myself while im still aware of how dysfunctional i am.
I am severely anhedonic too. There was a brief remission when i was in love (i could see color, and breathe and dream and plan for the future and my working memory turned top notch from being horrendous overnight). It is sad that my only reprieve of this depression has been through a moid.
Anonymous 101510
>>101491i wanna lose my virginity in a lighthearted way with someone i know who cares about my comfort. you're right but i'll just be more careful vetting that person.
Anonymous 101546
IMG_8974.jpeg
I‘m unhappy because there are other women, who are prettier than me
Anonymous 101549
あ.gif
Why does Ibuprofen always make me so fidgety and restless ahhhhhhh I just wanna focus on my shit and forget about my period
Anonymous 101552
>>101516
yeah no. i'm fucking over him.
> That's fine as long as it's something you want.
i'll make sure that happens kek. i realized i want an actual relationship anyways, i'm done fixating on that cheating asshole.
Anonymous 101583
Long distance absolutely sucks I feel like I'm going to explode. When we meet I will be unable to get my hands off of her.
Anonymous 101586
>>101583long distance sucks but think about how much you should like someone to overlook it.
i've found that long distance relationships are often much more intense and genuine than people who live close (same can be said about the couples who move in together after long distance) because of how much you have to like someone to prioritize their person over the practical aspects of a relationship. that, for me, is very worth it.
hope you'll meet soon!
Anonymous 101594
It doesn’t register in my mind that i’m an adult. Going through trauma as a kid stunts you in so many ways. It sucks.
Anonymous 101601
i have a rough relationship with my mom. recently, she was on the phone with her mom talking about all the shit she had to endure when she was younger, and it made me feel like shit seeing her breakdown like that. i want to comfort her, but i'm then reminded about all of the shit that she has/had done to me. she believes that she has broken the abuse cycle, but she acts fairly similar to her mother. i wish i could have that close mother-daughter bond, but it seems impossible.
Anonymous 101626
IMG_6232.jpeg
I wish I had female friends I could hang out with and do cute things together with
Anonymous 101628
>>101586This is very encouraging nona, thank you! She really is a special person and I'm so pleased she somehow reciprocates, so I keep that love for her in my head whenever I feel down about it. Realistically we will meet soon and closing the distance is very doable compared to some situations, but it does just suck some days.
Anonymous 101635
>>100826Yeah I wish I could warn myself back then that life just kinda loses even more meaning after school is over. Just kinda becomes a never ending grind of working towards nothing in particular really.
Anonymous 101637
i don't know why i cannot immerse myself when interacting irl with a person
Anonymous 101638
>>101637Same but im a retired bpd tho so it makes sense for me
Anonymous 101655
>>100201is fixating on other people cheating
Anonymous 101660
>>101655>>101656Well, my ex bf used to be insanely fixated on a previous relationship he had, to the point where that relationship essentially caused him to undergo a complete personality change within a span of 5 or 6 months over this girl. I dont wanna go into in detail tbh but essentially he wouldn't cease talking about her with a strong longing rather than resentment, so it made me doubt if he was with me solely to fill a void. Not to mention that one time during an intimate moment where he called me by her name. So yeah although he didn't physically cheat on me it definitely felt as if he did. The guy was just crazy about that girl, and she didn't even care about him, not even a tiny bit, like I did. Ofc when I broke up with him they started talking again, although I'm unsure of how close they are now so yeah it's whatever now.
Anonymous 101661
>>101660No offense nona but its so weird to imagine shrugging this kind of thing off in a relationship. Doesn't seem like there's any maybes here
Anonymous 101663
>>101635>>100826I think I understand where you're at because that's where I was for almost a decade after high-school. I continued studying but it felt more and more empty. One negative thought, which I must've had in my teens, snowballed into an identity around being nihilistic and miserable. I felt empty, hopeless, and ruined before I had even truly started to live. Eventually I made myself so wretched that I withdrew entirely from the world, and from this perspective I saw myself as a little figurine in a world of figurines. I saw my suffering and I saw everyone else's suffering and I saw it as all the same. It was a moment of deep misery, but also clarity. I truly realised that the world is your headcanon (not your oyster; oysters are outdated).
You get to make whatever you want a reality. Of course the "objective" specifics of things aren't always within your control, but you can decide whether they matter. It's funny because this idea, of complete freedom, initially sparked my pessimistic nihilism, and over time it became "optimistic nihilism", which transformed and helped me find meaning. I realised that my brain was worrying that there was too much to do and too little time to do it. But I don't need to 'do' anything. Whether I complete a task or not, if all I care about is the outcome, I'm going to feel empty. At the root, every action was founded on the belief that "If I do X, I'll get Y, and then I can stop being miserable". But outcomes are in the future, and when they come (if they come at all), they disappear almost instantly.
You can't create a recipe for contentment that says you need to bake the cake for several months and it has to be consumed within a 3 second window before you start the next cake. That plan will give you about 2 minutes of life every 80 years. Instead it's better to extract as much enjoyment from each moment. Right now, where are you? Is it dark/bright, is it hot/cold, what sort of colours surround you, isn't it incredible we can see colour; that we can see at all? That the first organisms to detect and use light couldn't see, but somehow the very presence of light made them slightly more resilient. The very act of going towards light made cells change and grow in such a way that eventually very tiny eyeballs were made, and then creatures could use these eyes to "see", and that over time this became so useful that a great deal of creatures can see not just light, but an array of colours. A byproduct of nuclear fusion and electric discharge became one of the core senses which I couldn't imagine humans (collectively) not having.
Every moment can be as incredible as you want it to be - it's your headcanon. Why does it have to mean something? We were born curious as babies, and that curiosity and innocence eventually went away; some of us had it driven out, some of us just never bothered to replace it. Why can't you find a task you enjoy and nurture it like a seedling. Let's say you like music. Nurture that appreciation and grow the tree to find that it branches into literature, poetry, maths, science, and engineering. If you like cooking, you can delve into the great wealth of recipes and flavours and techniques and cultures that will always have you finding something new to be interested in and amazed by. Even "boring" tasks can be made more fun by adding novelty to it; if you can bring yourself into the moment then you can make yourself enjoy it. You can break "I need to do X to get Y" and instead just think "Isn't it crazy that X is here right now?"
Anonymous 101673
Asriel.png
Does any else around here have depression?
Not like the clout seeking: "I have a mental illness, look at me and my list of 50 mental diseases!" But, like legitimate depression and a deep sense of unsatisfaction with life.
How do you cope, if at all?
(Blog post warning) I guess I can begin and share: I'm an alcoholic with severe depression. I just got out of rehab a while ago for it. I know that alcohol doesn't help with that, but I am hooked pretty bad on the stuff. I feel like the worse my everything gets, the more I rely on it as a crutch; to numb emotion when needed, and to let out emotion after a long day of faking a smile and going through the motions and keeping myself on auto-pilot. Either way, I end up with the same result.
I can't always explain why it happens, but sometimes I get this rush of overwhelming sadness that washes over me and drags me into its depths. Perhaps it's my wasted potential. Perhaps it's all of the shit I've been forced to deal with. Or perhaps it's the vicarious suffering that I've seen within my life. It feels like swimming within an endless, black ocean of misery, madness, and pain and the tide is pulling me under its vast surface. No matter how hard I try, I can't pull myself out of the rut.
Anonymous 101674
>>101673Do you only have one image saved
Anonymous 101714
>>101673Same, honestly could have written this post. But much of my depression has to do with dissatisfaction with my body image and alcohol has so many fucking kcals
Anonymous 101716
>>101673I was pretty depressed for much of last year and the beginning of this year. Obviously just because I’m feeling better now doesn’t mean I won’t ever slip into it again, but this is what helped me get out of that slump at least this time around.
What helped me cope was focusing on small things throughout the day or week that I enjoyed. For me, it was stuff like watching a movie on the weekend or going for a hike or reading or checking out a cafe. It helps to set benchmarks of things to look forward to in order to keep moving. And as you do small things like that to take care of yourself, your brain does start to shift into getting more comfortable with taking care of you rather than constantly punishing you and saying negative things.
The other thing is to hopefully figure out how you can change things. Coping only does so much, but if you’re really depressed and have been for a long time then I think that points to the idea that your circumstances are hurting you. I don’t know what you’re going through exactly, but I know when you’re really depressed it often feels like you’re completely stuck and don’t know what to do. But I think just having the idea that things could change and that you’re working toward it helps with not feeling like a completely empty void. Don’t focus on the outcome, because then I think it’s easy to get wrapped up in fixating on failure vs success. Just focus on the idea that you are working toward changing things and even if things don’t pan out exactly how you imagine, at least you have something to focus on. For a while, I focused on small steps to change my job and move to a different city. It seemed really impractical and now that I’m feeling better, I don’t feel the need to do either of those things, but at the time it helped me feel motivated because I felt I was taking steps to at least change something. And small steps is key. Even the idea of trying to no longer be depressed was intimidating to me lol. I’d often think ‘what’s the point of using all this energy to work on myself when I’ll just be depressed again when things go wrong.’ So rather than focusing on no longer being depressed, I just tried to take it day by day- ‘What can I do so that I won’t feel so shitty tomorrow?’ as opposed to ‘how can I completely get rid of my depression?’
What worked for me might not work for you, but at the very least I just want to express that being depressed really sucks so I’m here for you. I hope things eventually start to feel easier for you, whether my suggestions are helpful or not.
Anonymous 101717
me on bumble: 100s+ likes in 12 hours
me irl: no bf
why?
Anonymous 101719
>>101718I’m not a troll. I was just venting. I don’t know why on bumble I received 100+ likes in less than 12 hours. No catfish pictures. Just me. In real life, I am never romantically approached. I heard that I look like a I’m a major bitch so that probably does not help. Just depressed.
Anonymous 101720
>>101719i've never been romantically approached irl either
Anonymous 101721
a2908777955_65.jpe…
>>101719>>101714It wreaks havoc on your body, that's for sure. It feels fucking good; at least for me, but it is a total nightmare when it comes to everything else physically.
>>101716I think the fact that you're depressed or have gone through it is more important rather than the state you are currently in, and that a lot of people who say they have something wrong with them in order to seek clout often attempt to invalidate and turn struggle into a competition. When you're actually depressed, or a drug addict trying to recover; what I've found is that people like us who talk to others focus a little less on the events, and more on the issues and similarities they can relate with.
I appreciate the words. You seem like a very kind soul, and you're right. It can be hard to even want to be less depressed sometimes because sadness can turn into its own addiction. I think it's easy to forget the little things in life. I'm going to try to keep them in mind Anon. One thing I am thankful for are posts like your own. That and the ability to blow off steam with shit posting and venting
Thanks anon.
>>101719Moids literally just swipe on anything. The idea is casting a huge net out there and seeing what you catch.
Anonymous 101726
>>100201I have a hard time keeping up with messaging people. I have two femanon friends from 4chan. We can pretty much talk about anything together and I learn new things just from talking with them but I get worn out so easily because they send me so many messages at once and my social battery is low so I feel bad responding to their messages late also because I'm already tired by going outside everyday.
Anonymous 101731
>>101726Yes, this is why I have lost contact with people left and right. Including most family members. The only friend I managed to talk to on a daily basis, since the last several years, ended up being an extreme narcissist. All the people that aren't ones I never really care about reaching out to. Goes to show I don't know what's good for me.
Anonymous 101740
>>101731I mean I genuinely enjoy their company and I think we share interest in the friendship but it's just we move at different paces, they will send me over a hundred messages at once but I'm slow and get overwhelmed so it takes me longer to think and respond to it all.
>The only friend I managed to talk to on a daily basis, since the last several years, ended up being an extreme narcissist.How do you know, what were the signs?
>All the people that aren't ones I never really care about reaching out to.You mean people you actually care for don't reach out to you, have you tried reaching out first? Maybe your family is also waiting for you to call first if they are worried about disturbing you unless the relationship between you two is rocky.
Anonymous 101741
>>101738Elaborate. Misery loves company.
Anonymous 101745
>>101673>>101714I too have problems with depression and alco. It's still a part of me, but after years of suffering I think I've finally managed to find an explanation and a (partial) solution that works. Don't know how appropriate it is to post a small list of web links here, so to avoid getting banned, I'd rather leave my email:
leaffroglet AT proton DOT meI'm not going to burden you with questions or bother you with discussion, I'll just share the materials that helped me and my brief summary of them. Please email me if you have a desire to break this vicious cycle.
Anonymous 101746
I'm dealing with health issues and despite visiting multiple professionals still don't have an answer. I'm really worried. I come home and just cry for hours.
Anonymous 101757
I’m a hiki. I turned into a hiki. And a predictable one at that. I do nothing. I wallow. I “mourn” my dead potential. I am bitter.
I am literally a caricature. I’m a fucking cardboard cutout out of a Solondz film.
Anonymous 101869
PSG.jpg
>>101745I appreciate reaching out, but I really talk to people on the internet. If you can give me the jist of it, I'll hear out whatever it is you have to say, but I'm good on emailing people.
>>101757>Bitterhttps://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=so+bitter+slowedI was NEET boarder-lining Hiki for a number of years in my life. It was pretty bad. I still struggle with feelings of self loathing, anxiety, and general depression. Unfortunately within America it's pretty hard to sustain that sort of lifestyle, and I was forced to get a job. One things I've learned about life is that no matter how hard it gets; it can always and very easily get worse. Sometimes I'd enjoy it in some twisted and fucked up form of coping. It was like the worse things would get, the more I would embrace my depression and fall deeper into cycles of saying "Fuck it." Get black out drunk by the time to sun went down. Sometimes sooner.
>>101741Physical requirements, long hours including overtime, stressful positions of power above me that I have to deal with and kiss ass around. I don't want to get into the details of it all, but along with being pressured to expertise and perfection in my field, I have to compete and wear a mask all fucking day with these people. I can't show weakness or I'll get eaten alive. People are such fucking piece of shit assholes.
Anonymous 101881
My brain made me develop a crush on an older famous (but not that well known) autistic moid a few years ago because his autism reminded me of mine and he's a gigachad(…) and I kept finding out about the kind of women he likes and it turned out to be strippers and bimbos with fake boobs specifically, he even said that he liked his ex wife because she cooks and fucks like a pornstar. He left his baby mom for the 10+ years younger stripper and then left the stripper for 20+years younger girl… I found all the things he said about women and me having a delusional crush on him caused it all to emotionally traumatize me for the millionth time. All crushes I ever had traumatized me starting at the age of 13, it was so severe that since that age I have been suffering from severe dissociation and me having a crush on that moid from the age 13 for years started my almost 10 year long depression, anorexia and other mental issues. Besides the autistic moid all my other crushes weren't even that physically attractive…
Anonymous 101887
i feel uncomfortable around people who never ask me questions in social interactions.
i have a million flaws socially, but one thing i always make sure of is making the other person feel like im interested in what they have to say, and yet i very rarely receive the same in return, and as a result the conversation ends up feeling extremely one sided. its like i'm a wall listening to their feelings, opinions and life while they rant at me and never stop to be like hey, what do you think about this. idk why its so hard for some to remember they are dealing with another person with their own consciousness.
Anonymous 101907
Nobody believes that the girl I knew online is a pedophile and when I try to talk about it somewhere else people get mad at me for saying that a lesbian can be a pedophile and when I exposed her on one social media platform someone went and send her anonymous messages talking about hot her pedophilia is. Now… This girl literally retweets and likes pictures of little girls some in underwear or diapers and says she's a "pizza emoji" lover and a "cunny" lover. She's so horrible she's just like a moid. I saw that one of my mutuals who speaks the same language as her still engages with her and it made me so sad what if she's a pedo too because someone sends her anon messages in that language flirting with her while acknowledging she's a pedo. And the pedo #1 is so fucking evil that she laughs at me for being bothered by her pedophilia and mocks me for being sensitive… Why nobody believes me and I'm made into the bad person.
Anonymous 101908
I started honestly working out and to make any actual progress I have to be realistic about what I actually look like, versus what I want to look like. It feels nearly impossible because I've spent more than a decade hating my body. I know it comes from the fact that I was the girl kept around to make my friends look prettier or more elegant. I was an autistic, clumsy, late bloomer. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even bothering trying to get fit now because part of me is stuck back there, insisting that I'll never be pretty or considered beautiful, and an old, worn-out oversized hoodie is better than being humiliated trying to find clothes that suit me.
Anonymous 101911
I had to go through and clean some stuff and I found a letter from an ex-friend. I just feel angry from seeing it. Her letter was so sweet but in reality, she was going behind my back telling everyone how horrible I am.
Anonymous 101916
IMG_7763.jpeg
i remember when i was 17 and i was posted on a forum where older muslim women were calling me a slut that wanted to be touched by men all because i wore makeup. they had older men cheering them on. i want to kill myself. i hate being a fucking woman. i’m not even muslim yet i was posted there for wearing makeup and being insecure. i was fully covered yet called a whore for things like makeup and brushing my hair. i have never even done anything romantic or sexual yet feel disgusted by myself because anything i do can be seen as that
Anonymous 101917
>>101916ever since then everything i do feels impure and disgusting. i don’t wear makeup anymore because of my own beliefs but even just walking the wrong way makes me feel like a disgusting whore. i’m atheist and watch religious misogynistic podcasts daily to “put myself in place” since then. i haven’t posted myself online in years. i want to become an aiden at this point it would all be so much fucking easier. now that i’m also deeper into radfem spaces the misogyny towards me in person is much louder. i get why aidens exist. wish i could be a tif
Anonymous 101920
>>101917That judgement must have stuck with you a long time, no one should have a place to be put into.
You should read saedian women by Angela Carter, it got me out of a self hating rut for being a woman. It talks of the absolute power any person can have over others and once you view peoples actions from that perspective, their judgement comes across for what it is, pathetically cloying for attention pretending to be "good" with absolutely no reward.
Anonymous 101922
>>101920thank you so much, i’ll start it tonight
Anonymous 101925
>>101022I'm 22 myself, kek. Very much against taking anything that could alter my brain, though; I have a hard time controlling myself and I'm afraid of any potential (and unwanted) effects, like losing the remaining grip I have on my behaviour. I've considered trying LSD or something similar but I have nowhere to get it from and I'm really scared of it making my paranoia even worse or turning me into a completely different person. Thank you for the recommendation, I might still go through with it in the end.
Anonymous 101926
>banned from omegle again
If you see an uptick in whiny, melodramatic complaining, I'm sorry. There is simply nowhere else for me to be a broken pest.
Anonymous 101938
>>101726Damn nona, I feel you so much. I really want to have friends and to be a good friend to them but I just get so so tired of being social
Anonymous 101954
>>101907are you sure it's a woman though? y'know, having "she/her" in bio doesn't make someone a woman.
(not saying women can't be pedophiles but "she" honestly sounds more like a troon)
>>101920>Carter argues that Marquis de Sade was a “moral pornographer”, one that analyzed the relation between the sexes within his work. >She argues that Marquis “would not be the enemy of women”, as she views his works as contradicting patriarchal notions of sex and feminity.damn nona… sounds controversial and interesting. definitely on my list now
Anonymous 101956
>>101954Unfortunately it's 100% a woman… 0.00000000001% chance of it being a male
Anonymous 101959
This girl just got back with her 20 years older bf who cheated… I hate heterosexuality and pickmes so much.
Anonymous 101960
>>101959Why would she do something like that? Maybe she has something very very good financially to gain from that old scrote? Is it possible to reach that level of pickmeism otherwise?
Anonymous 101961
>>101938I think it's easier if you find others on the same wavelength and are just as introverted. I know some people irl and we don't message a lot but we still update each other sometimes on life and meet up to hang out once in a while. I also think a lot of it is a time issue, like with online friends I spend much more time having to think and respond to them than I would with an irl. Maybe finding a penpal friend would be more up to your speed if you are having issues with keeping up with others?
Anonymous 101965
Life feels so unfamiliar
anon 101968
i miss my ex idk what to do. We have been broken up with for a whole year because we were toxic to each other but i and his friends mostly blame me for what happened. I want to contact him but if i do i feel like he would ignore me even though i know he still thinks about me because one of his friends told me so. The feelings i have for him are abnormal as i think of him 25/8 and he’s constantly clouding up my thoughts even when i’m on vacation or doing anything else. Idk what 2 do!
Anonymous 101981
>>101966
THEN GET HOBBIES, PICK A THING AND DO IT!!! THINK IT DREAM IT DO IT!!!!
Anonymous 101992
>>101966
Hide the m510 and /g/ will kneel
Anonymous 102000
I don't even know how to broach this. I'm bad with my words but I'll try my best. Sorry if it comes out weird.
I've been missing my friend a lot lately. Painfully so. Like if I think about it my body aches and I get upset. Everything is so confusing and heavy and everything at home and at work just feels claustrophobic and messy. I'm completely demotivated and lost and it feels like everything I touch turns to dust. I've lost my spark in everything and I can feel a creeping, lingering dread about my days, like the walls closing in. Every day I lose more focus, every day feels more hopeless, I'm so alone and I'm scared of everything. I feel frozen and too scared to take any steps forward. I don't have anyone to tell me I'll be ok or catch me when I stumble. The littlest things knock what little wind I can muster out of my sails. I've even given up exercise and I'm not feeding myself well. My living space is a mess. My mind is a mess. My body is a mess. I don't think I've slept well in months. I always wake up crying and can't get back to sleep. I get panic attacks and need to sit in front of my night light and breathe deeply into a paper bag until they pass. I cry in the bathroom at work almost daily. I cry at home a lot. Why does life have to be so muddy and murky. Why can't I control my thoughts?
If William was here I'd be ok. I miss him so much it hurts. I know it wasn't his fault and he had to go home but these days it's all I can do not to pack my shit up and follow him. I feel so pathetic without him. He taught me so much and it feels like I've failed him. When I think about the days we spent together it makes me cry. Why does it make me cry? They're happy memories! I should smile when I think about them! Playing the violin, making pizza, running, playing old SNES games, dancing in my livingroom to 90s pop music, watching hilarious propaganda movies, knocking on his door and begging for breakfast only to see that he'd already set me a place at his table. They're good memories! They're my best memories! Even the sad ones are good memories. He took care of me when I was sick too. I got a really bad dose of COVID in 2020 that floored me for 3 weeks and he still came over and took care of me even though it was guaranteed that he'd get it. He still came over and helped me WHILST he was suffering too. I never felt safer with him around. Everything just made sense with him around. Every day with him was so fun and comfortable and easy. I realized I was in love with him way too late. Why the hell am I like this? Did I even ever love him? Or did I just love the way he made me feel? Did I ever show him how much he meant to me? Why didn't I? Why did I let a great thing slip away? Why am I such an idiot.
Anonymous 102001
s i need help. Ive been attached to this moid that doesn’t do anything to show that he cares about me, ie: not remembering things about me, forgetting dates, ignoring me, just not being interested in me as much as i am him, not having empathy for my problems… (ok after writing this out i do get it now ->) I think people would say to have self respect in these situations but I just dont get it. I mean, I don’t really care I just want physical affection. I guess i am mentally ill though, i think i usually wouldn't care but he has really hurt my feelings treating me like this in my state, sometimes I feel better and think I can not care and go back to him. How can i be such a retard at my age… Why has this happened to me.
Anonymous 102002
>>102001I want to hold his stupid moid body so bad… i dont really know it’s like one of the only things i know how to do now and what i think is my goal? Or what im supposed to do? im kinda fucked which is why i want someone so bad and something to chase after (fwb) Also he is a really innocent guy that means well and wants to be good… he is just adhd and has a lot of other friends… and interests that get his attention more than me…
Anonymous 102003
>>102002[spoiler] I am going to ask if i can buy a used shirt from him [\spoiler] also i forgot to mention, ive blocked him and have been meaning to dettach myself… im obsessed because of that hot/cold treatment that he hasn't done on purpose
Anonymous 102005
>>102004Also unrelated i care about what other people think of me now and it makes me so upset that i didnt before because now people have their wrong ideas of me idk it gives me headaches
Anonymous 102006
>>102000Im not good with words with words either but
i hope you get your answers/peace
Anonymous 102009
>>102000sounds like bro had a crush on you big time
Anonymous 102015
>>101881This sounds like your brain uses limerance as an emotional regulation tool. Lots of videos and information online to confront that. You basically become obsessed and infatuated with people as a means to cope with life. Sounds severe. Never too late to work it out.
Anonymous 102017
kill_me.jpg
trying to act as if i'm not romantically attracted to my best friend because she's straight + in a relationship
Anonymous 102020
Theres a girl in my friend group who keeps calling me names like whore and bitch as a joke. You think i was gonna bitch about it? That shit gets me sexually frustrated and i keep mistaking these feelings as a crush. She’s also a decade older than me which isn’t helping. I need to chill
Anonymous 102021
I've started wearing men's sports underpants because they are more comfy and don't disintegrate after two washes. Feels a super weird though.
Anonymous 102022
Used to love programming but since entering the industry I've started to hate it. So many awkward creepy men or misogynistic South Asians. Even worse is all the cooperate BS. I'm English but work for an American company. Everything they put out feels so fake. I really want to quit, retrain and become a baker but I'm 28 now and I think it's too late for that.
Anonymous 102023
>>102022So glad I never fell for the women in stem meme
Anonymous 102024
>>102022Omigod! Nonita! How many languages can you code in? Maybe there are other companies that could make good use of your skills? Please don't leave STEM, there's already so few women and they're fucking drowning in degenerate males, despite the fact that these fields are some of the most important in shaping the future.
>>102023We need more women in STEM, not less jfc
Anonymous 102025
>>102024Sorry it's a meme. To me being paid marginally more doesn't compensate for the stress and frustration of having majority male coworkers. I'll take my stereotypical "women's job" any day
Anonymous 102026
>>102024Like it isn't really about languages, once you know a few you can teach yourself the rest unless it's something crazy like Prolog or Brainfuck. I do full stack web dev in Kotlin, Java, ReactJS and occasionally React Native. I'm looking to switch to some small English companies but if they don't stack up I'm done. I don't like the culture but it's also the work. I like programming but having to program for work just isn't fun. The whole saying "do what you love for work and it won't feel like work" is BS.
Anonymous 102027
>>102025$10,000 isnt a marginal increase, especially since Finance companies usually have robust ESG programs to offset all the classist shit they do.
I think it would be ogre if you were a woman in construction or manual labour jobs but women in STEM do pretty well for themselves. Can't live the cat lady life if you're earning minimum wage your entire life
Anonymous 102028
>>102027I live on my own and I'm more of a dog lady, but anyway what's it worth being one if you have to deal with moids all day? I prefer my peace round the clock, not just when I get home.
Anonymous 102029
>>102024>more women in STEMOnly the T part pays well. Nurses get fucked. Teachers get fucked. Researchers generally get fucked.
Anonymous 102031
>>102029True, any STEM job which is female dominated is also doomed to be low wage. It's by design. That's why it's not really about "women in STEM," more like making women feel like women's jobs (often backbone of society/community type jobs like nursing, senior care and childcare) are inadequate while things like coding are for the smarter (male) people and therefore worthy of better pay inherently.
Anonymous 102032
>>102031That's exactly it. They won't outright say it but people look down on doing important local stuff but making some shite app for some faceless international company is success.
Anonymous 102033
>>102032I mean you say that but doing important local jobs doesnt pay the bills anymore
Anonymous 102036
>>10202228 ain't too late nona. I redid college at 26 and i'm doing ok.
Anonymous 102040
L-R-Planning-Engin…
>>102029E pays well too though? but it's also heavily moid-dominated
Anonymous 102054
A month ago I was injured by a car while I was crossing an intersection on my bicycle. The insurance company just called me today and told me to make a recorded statement involving the accident. Then I found out that it was in my best interest to never make a recorded statement, and that my words could only be used against me.
I'm scared I won't receive any compensation for getting hit by a car.
Anonymous 102057
>>102006Thank you
>>102009He isn't gay but he never made a move, ever. Not even when he saw my butt (an embarrassing movie night faux pas which he made one flattering comment about and then never mentioned again). Though his last girlfriend really did a number on him, It really messed him up. Listening to him talk about it was heartbreaking. I don't think he was interested in a relationship after that and I like to think that he just wasn't the type who would jump a girls bones and then pretend the relationship wasn't completely and irrevocably changed afterwards and that he valued our friendship too much to cross that line.
I did want him though. If he'd ever asked there's no question I'd have said yes. I just didn't want to push him before he was ready, or maybe I'm just a coward.
Anonymous 102066
>>101954>>101920hey nonas I actually instead please recommend an entirely different book- The Case Against The Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry. The marquis de sade was SUPER fucked up and was a pseudo feminist like Hugh Hefner bc championing female sexual liberation opened the pool for more people to sleep with. At your own risk look that dude up, it's traumatizing. That guy's perception of women is NOT something you wanna identify with. Let's heal from internalized misogyny together nonas, and we can't do that by using a modern interpretation of a man's view of women.
Anonymous 102067
>>102066Female sexual liberation is nothing more than a clever ploy for women to devalue themselves. They convince us that we're being told to cover up, denounce promiscuity and adhere to morals because men told us to and that we should take nude snaps and put them on the internet, wear revealing outfits, engage in casual sexwork and act according to sexual whims because it's empowering when really it's because when we do all of that men don't even have to try.
We've allowed ourselves to be devalued to such an extent that most women feel worthless and act accordingly. Feminism was very quickly weaponized against women. Most refuse to see it. The fact of the matter is that only women can give birth and only we have a say in which genetics live on and which perish with each generation. To cheapen that to such an extent that a woman like you or I will allow herself to be used by a genetic dead end is a testament to medias ability to control, obfuscate and blind us into serving their agenda.
Anonymous 102068
IMG_3194.jpeg
im alone and i want to die or do more drugs. dont care if everyone dies alone because ive seen whats behind the curtains and guess what being nothing there is different to being nothing here. i just want to be held and i want to spill all my pain. im tired. maybe im just crazy and on some emo bs. but i like to think deep down my thoughts and experiences and feelings matter. i feel so abandoned nonas. if i didnt have obligations id be gone all the time. i wish i wasnt alone.
Anonymous 102069
20220531_111354.jp…
>>102068No matter how dark life gets, dawn always comes. I'm so sorry you feel so much pain right now and it's hard to see things could be different but it will. Life isn't all pain. We can't exist here without love. Someone, somewhere will always have love for you.
Anonymous 102086
No matter how much my bf reassures me, every second I’m not talking to him, I am scared he will leave me.
Anonymous 102090
I'm missing her. My stomach feels sick every fucking time i remember the way she treated me, i cannot talk to friends, they don't understand how falling in love with a woman is, they would not understand how getting hurt and hurting back is.
I want to talk to her, D., You will never see this, but i'm sorry.
I have no idea of how bad this relation was for us, being honest as i can, i do hope that you're feeling bad and missing me too, i feel lonely without you and i hope one day we will talk again. i miss you. i miss you.
Anonymous 102093
>>102086that potentially sounds like codependency, it may be worth looking into. good luck!
Anonymous 102100
he's non-monogamous so i know i have to cut him out of my life eventually.
Anonymous 102103
>>102102
what kind of online space do you share?
Anonymous 102104
>>102103imageboards, the only social media i use really. i tried discord servers but i dislike it all the same.
Anonymous 102105
>>102104nona how is using an imageboard going to make it impossible to avoid this moid? its anonymous
Anonymous 102106
>>102105except it's really not when you can recognize people's writing styles. i genuinely just don't know what the fuck to do. he keeps making random threads about things i talk about or threads where he larps as me as some weird way of conversing, it's like he legitimately doesn't get that i just don't want to interact with him at all on an anonymous site.
Anonymous 102107
>>102106maybe i should just spam threads if he does it again.
Anonymous 102108
I hear my neighbor singing all day and at night and it is so annoying at this point. Now I have to hear her vocal training too.
Anonymous 102110
>>102109I mean you could be nonmonogamous too if you wanted to
Anonymous 102111
>>102110i'm not. i don't want a relationship at all. the issue is that he won't stop fucking bothering or harassing me over it. i wish that faggot would just fucking leave me alone already.
Anonymous 102112
>>102111Oh, I wasn't talking to you anon. If you're the anon I replied to then I apologize, didn't know it was you and in that case forget what I said
Anonymous 102113
>>102108tell her she must really be into singing as you hear her all day. hopefully she will take the hint
Anonymous 102114
>>102111> i wish that faggot would just fucking leave me alone already.scratch that, i don't want to interact with him at all. fucking annoying ass faggot obsessed with pushing buttons. i wish he would kill himself already.
Anonymous 102115
>>102110It's not the same as if I was a moid being non monogamous. Its just completely different
Anonymous 102124
1665037355841701.j…
Why is love a thing?
Why does it have to be a thing?
Anonymous 102125
>>102104>>102106What imageboards does he do this on? I’d assume that you would easily be able to escape from him on 4chan because it has much more traffic.
Anonymous 102128
>>102127if you're hetero then you'd want a romantic relationship with a moid and that's at least one thing that is wrong w/ love
Anonymous 102130
>>102124It doesn't have to be I'm fine without it. So much better off.
Anonymous 102131
>>102127It's suicide and it's rape really with moids the way they are
Anonymous 102134
So I'm a shitty neet that still lives with my mom and my little sister. I've been applying for jobs after graduating but basically the job market is shit and I am also shit so I can't find a job. Anyways, I know this is like super pathetic but I always have to ask my mom for money for food or if she can buy me food since I obviously don't have a source of income. Today I was feeling especially lazy and also like a fat ass so iw antes to buy fast food for me and my sister so I bought a meal for both of us, but with raising prices the meal for both of us was like over twenty dollars. I could have bought cheaper but I didn't today. I only eat one meal a day except for 1/4 a cup of peanuts when I first wake up and I swear it's not for anachan reasons, I'm just such a poorfag I literally try to 'make my meals count's by eating high calories shit so I can eat less often. I'm not fat but I'm also not healthy because I'm not getting nutrients but that isn't the point.
The point is I keep having to ask my mom for money and I feel like a failure and a peace of shit. I never ask for stuff but I ask for food and I eat all of it even if it's bad because I don't want to be wasteful. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed to be where I am in life right now. My mother is honestly really kind with me for letting me live here but she's not well off (unlike my post father who makes a lot of money and blows it gambling but that's another issue). Anyways it makes me sick to my stomach and I just don't know what to do. I feel too depressed to cook most days so I don't eat meals. I can't even keep shit in the fridge because people who live here might poach it, so I can only hide dry food in my room. I used to cook everyday. I'm embarrassed and I hope no one I know knows what I have become. I hate asking my mom for stuff. I hate being a leech to her. I wish I never had to eat. I feel guilty. I swear I sound insane but it's hard to describe my living situation succinctly.
Anonymous 102138
>>102134Nah I've been there. Well, I never graduated. I was just a NEET for 5 years straight. The guilt was immeasurable. The only way I could absolve some of the guilt was assuming all of the chores. I did all of the laundry, all of the cooking, the cleaning, the maintenance, the repairs, the house admin, everything, and I have 90% of it done before they got back. A slightly challenging day would be something like:
- Get up, take a shower, make a cup of tea
- Browse the net for an hour or two
- Launch into chores around 11ish
- Open the windows and allow fresh air to circulate
- Collect and start the laundry
- Empty the dishwasher
- Dust the rooms
- Do all of the hoovering/dry mopping
- Empty the trash in all rooms
- Clean the bathroom and wipe the tiles
- Put the laundry in the dryer
- wipe down the prep surfaces in the kitchen, the coffee table in the livingroom, the sideboards etc
- Empty the laundry and split the pile into which rooms they belong to, then go and put the clothes away.
- Wet mop the hallway and dining room
- If requested by mom via text, start dinner (usually just the annoying tasks that took time like peel, slice and de-starch the potatoes or put the meat in the oven an hour before she got back from work, take something out of the freezer to defrost, that kind of stuff)
Not all things needed doing all days. I just did what needed doing. May parents never asked but they always appreciated it and when all was said and done the amount of time I spent on it was less than a part time job per week. When I eventually got a job my mom joked that me finally landing a job was bittersweet and while she was happy to see me getting on in life she missed the house help.
That said doing that stuff allowed me to retain my pride and not feel like an asshole for mooching. I do recommend it. Anything you can do to ease their burdens will make you feel better and help you feel like you're contributing.
Anonymous 102145
>>102138Thank you op, this is good advice. I'll try to keep it in mind. I want to be of some use to my mother. I was really down in the dumps today.
Anonymous 102147
nope. i still fucking hate him. if there is a hell he will burn in it.
Anonymous 102152
At the very core do people ever change or do we just adapt. Life is just a dream, for others it's a normal dream but for many it's a nightmare. A dream is just a delusional, maybe reality is like an installation in a gallery, it is god's installation. Existing to only experience a creator, god,'s work. A limited gallery, temporary viewing that makes it so precious. Each person encased in his own dream, the dream must not be disturbed. Dreams cannot collide, and nightmares cannot become too intense for the vessel, or person. The dream is necessary because people need to chase. The goal isn't what really matters, and it doesn't matter if the dream is real. The goal is just an excuse people need to reach for existence because if they don't they feel like they will die. Like chasing after a mirage, a person or thing that doesn't truly exist as one knows it, the person knows he is chasing after a delusion but he still continues to do it anyway because if he doesn't do it he won't feel alive. This is why he must rise and die over and over again, because the ending will never satisfy. The hero's journey must never end or the hero will die. A parasite that needs to feed off of something else, devoid of himself. He collapses if he cannot have that much. The hero's greed is endless then, to exist in a dream one is either driven by greed or total peace. The total peace of one in a dream, existing in unison with the dream as one. Passively becoming only a vessel to house dreams, existing to experience oneself in another perspective. The dreamer watches himself existing in the vessel, or dream, or simulation, to reaffirm his existence or consciousness. The one who speak spells is the simulation, the dreamer is the silent one. Dreams in which one roams freely existing beyond nightmares, watching blooming fractures that shrivel and die. A vessel's only purpose is to house that individual dream, then the distinction between reality and fantasy doesn't matter.
Anonymous 102183
>>102157
actual schizophrenia
Anonymous 102218
i miss having a social life
Anonymous 102228
I still think of you. A lot. Often. Everyday. I’ll be honest, I even dream of you sometimes. I know that’s pathetic. We never even had a conversation. Ever. All that happened was fleeting eye contact and you talking about my art during critique, which was nothing special as you did that for everyone anyway. I’m not special and I know that. I was just another classmate. You don’t think of me as often as I think of you, I’m sure of it. I’m just some girl you kind of know who happens to follow you on your social media. And since you kind of know me, you followed me back. That’s not some mystical sign that you’re into me, I know that. It’s just coincidence. You just followed me back because you recognized me as a classmate, that’s it. I shouldn’t read too much into it and delude myself, I know.
When I did have the chance, I wish I could’ve worked up the courage to talk to you, even once. It’s unfair to you for me to expect you to just approach me. For all I know you’re probably shy too, so I understand not wanting to just come up and approach someone out of the blue like that. I understand that it’s intimidating, believe me. The fault is mine, not yours.
And now it’s likely that I won’t ever see you again. In your last post, you mentioned getting your degree, so I’m assuming that you’re done and you’ll probably go someplace else. And I’ll never see you again. Because I was a coward. And I could never work up the courage to talk to you, or even send you a message. Because I feared that I would creep you out. Which is totally understandable. Again, you hardly know me. I’d hate to make you feel uncomfortable.
The new semester will start soon. Summer’s come to an end. If by some miracle I see you again, I still doubt that I could talk to you. The most I could bring myself to do is maybe wave or smile, and even then there’s the possibility that I’ll fuck it up and panic because it’s you. And I guess I’ve built up an idealized version of you in my head. Since I don’t know you very well at all. For all I know you could be a terrible person. I don’t even know if you’re single. I don’t even know if you like girls. I just don’t know, because I could never bring myself to just talk to you. And I’m sorry. August will come, and I’ll go back to class. And I’ll walk around campus, by myself, like always. And all I’ll do is ask myself, what if? What if I took the chance? The leap of faith? What if something did come of it after all? What if we did end up becoming friends? I’ll never know. Because I never tried. All I’ll do is wonder what if.
Anonymous 102229
>>102228stop larping as me. i already said this.
Anonymous 102256
Dammit I miss my mom, why did she have to die
Anonymous 102283
For the last year or so I was genuinely convinced I was nonbinary. Since 2018 I've been "experimenting with gender" or whatever the fuck it's called in those circles. I had binders, male clothes, all of it. I settled on the label of enby last year and was thrilled I finally found something that suited me. I looked androgynous and queer, had the dyed hair and piercings, all of it. I wasn't happy though, no matter how I tried to present I knew I was female and always would be, and hated it. I hated I was born a girl and wanted anything to change it. I didn't want the kind of femininity that was offered in the small conservative town I grew up in.
I was chronically ill anyway, and saw the whole thing as escapism. A different way of living that wasn't the overall genetic hand I was dealt that kept me bedridden most days and miserable. I've recovered from most of my illnesses and can function like a person again, and now, I feel like a girl. I love wearing feminine things and my natural hair, I like actually being a girl. I can't believe I even tried to be genderfluid or nonbinary. I'm mortified by trying all of that out, and now I have to make the rounds to all the people I came out to and tell them I changed my mind, and it really was just a phase. When I did, some of my friends said the word "girl" incredulously and like it's the worst insult they could imagine. One even made a disgusted face when I said I used the pronouns "she/her" now.
I'm ashamed of all the years I wasted being the blue-haired liberal stereotype. I want to bury my head in the sand and forget it even happened. I feel like I need an entirely different life path now, like, going back to school and getting a respectable degree so people can take me seriously. I just want peace, but I'm haunted now by this past. I just wish it never happened.
Anonymous 102285
Shaved my legs today, I'm a terrible feminist. One step backwards for female liberation.
But I'd been going out in the heat wave with hairy legs for the past 3 weeks after shaving for 14 years straight (even in the winter), so I did try my best. Unfortunately I go through bouts of being paranoid and very sensitive to social rejection.
At least I keep up the no makeup and wearing comfortable clothes, though both of those are easy since I hate them regardless. I will allow myself some leeway since my starting point with bodyhair was worse than average as I also shaved my arms for 14 years.
It may be moot anyway since being a weeb and having a male friend already makes me a shit feminist. Maybe I should just be a somewhat apolitical gay chick and keep it at that. I'm weak.
Anonymous 102314
1599694601983.jpg
This is so dumb but I was talking to some guy online who seemed neat (probably only 'cause I'm lonely) and he asked if I drew, showed him my drawings thinking he's actually interested in art. I ask him to show me his and ofcourse it's just very shitty doodles of female body, no faces, just badly drawn porn made with a fucking sharpie. Like do men really think that if you're flirting with a girl this shit is something she'd want to see?
Anonymous 102316
>>102314So a shitty moid can see your drawings but we can't? That's not very fair.
Anonymous 102321
>>102320I didn't, I thought about ghosting him
Anonymous 102322
>>102314lmfao similar things happened to me. i've had moids send me softcore coomer material out of nowhere. it feels like a cat bringing you a dead rat (except cats are cute and loyal) like wtf am i supposed to do with this?
its always porny shit of women too. i dont understand the reasoning behind it but i chalk it off as the result of massive retardation mixed with pornsickness and lack of empathy as in the ability to conceptualize the world outside of themselves
Anonymous 102323
>>102314let me guess: it was g cups with an ana waist and massive hips
Anonymous 102336
i met a guy on 4chan a couple of months ago. he seems very insistent on a relationship and i feel awkward when he hints at us being romantic.
i strongly suspect he has npd, or at the very least is capable of npd abusive behavior. i don't want to say this to him because i don't think he's a bad person deep down, but has just been through trauma in the past. i also think his behavior would be deeply misunderstood and that may contribute to worsening that trauma. i feel hurt when i think about the things he's done and said to me. but i know i've also hurt him by saying mean things in the past.
i still care about him. how do i tell him i just want to be his friend? i wish he realized how much i know he could be a better person and that i want him be a better person too.
Anonymous 102337
>>102336Fawning over a man you met a mere couple of months ago, and I assume interact with only online, could be a sign of
your unresolved mental health issues. No offense, of course. If you feel like his behavior impacts you so significantly, then you should limit contact with him or cut ties, because you should be your first and primary most important person in the world, and your feelings should come before his. Remember that he thinks the same of himself, especially since he's male and you suspect he has NPD which I definitely believe as it's very common with the way men are socialized.
Anonymous 102338
>>102337it's hard because we still share the same online space. i still can read his thoughts about me and it's hard to just abandon him. i don't want to write him off as npd - like i said, i think his behavior just ends up looking similar to npd abuse and i even think he doesn't really realize that it can feel hurtful to be subject to that. i still care about him and he can always talk to me if he ever wants to, he knows where to reach me. i just want him to realize there are other fish in the sea and to not fixate on me so much romantically. i just want the best outcome for both of us.
Anonymous 102339
1580324337519.png
I hate myself for developing alcoholism.
Now when something slightly alters me I just want to drink
Fuck me, why?
Anonymous 102340
>>102338I hope whatever you choose to do ultimately benefits you and your guy, but I would still advise you to consciously maintain distance. I believe this would also answer the question of
>how do i tell him i just want to be his friend?Because the lack of active engagement will probably motivate him to slide off elsewhere. Remember that there are other fish in the sea for you too and you are not responsible for someone else! <3
Anonymous 102341
>>102340i don't want it to seem like it was something easy to do. i only came to these thoughts because i kept feeling hurt when he would do certain things like think about other girls or when he would go silent if i asked about his feelings towards me. i'm not even sure if he knew how much pain i felt and so maybe he would feel hurt if i became distant. i still care about him and i hope he knows that.
Anonymous 102343
>>102287
this, stop trying so hard lol
Anonymous 102364
I hate how bitter and paranoid I am. I feel like I can never put my full trust in anyone anymore. Everyone around me disappoints me and it's making my heart feel so cold and closed off.
Also boy howdy I sure do love when my NEET friend completely ignores me when I talk to him on my day off but when I'm at work he suddenly hits me up with shit I can't do because I'm AT WORK.
Anonymous 102365
>>101549Have you tried acetaminophen? Ibuprofen can make you bleed more.
Anonymous 102368
I have a bit of a weird situation. I live with my brothers and my husband in my mothers old home. She lives somewhere else. I enjoy living together, but I can't help feeling so overworked 24/7. I do most of the chores, in the early morning my husband is asleep and as soon as he wakes up he expects sex. I tell him no, I'm exhausted and then I almost get guilt tripped into giving in. If I ask one of my brothers to do simple chores like 'doing dishes' he complains and gets angry… he's unemployed and sits on his ass all day. But he dares to call me a bad parent because my child is a picky eater and cries when he taunts him… I'm 100% sure he's narcissistic. He never respects me, complains to me while I cook, clean, buy the groceries etc. List goes on and the other two men in the house never try to defend me or see the problem. They're probably afraid of his anger issues too.
I don't think I'm a good person, but I deserve a little better than this. One time I had a melt down in the shower because it was too much to handle. My brain exploded.
Anyway, I hope something changes soon or else I give up and maybe move out of here. It's a shame because it's a beautiful home.
Anonymous 102370
>>100613You've found an ownerless porn thumbdrive?? How did you even get it?
Anonymous 102372
>>102368this is disgusting please get out.
whether or not you are a good person.. being "good" is a habit you learn over time and you can't learn it when you are mentally and physically exhausted 24/7.
Anonymous 102373
I've been NC with my family for 5 years, LC since I was old enough to do so, but still will randomly remember something and wonder how my mother could be so horrible.
One memory that resurfaced recently was me telling my mother I wanted to be a singer. The thing is, I never sang anything, had little to no interest in music, no abilities. Was quiet and introverted. I can see now I only wanted attention. Not in a negative way but because my mother was either dismissive or breathing down my neck to nitpick anything I did. I had no positive attention in my life and so being famous seemed like a source of that.
Anyway, my mother told me to sing a song for her later on to judge my ability. My mother also having zero music knowledge. So I sang a random pop song I had lyrics for from a magazine with no backing music. First thing my mother told me was that she had only meant for me to sing part of it. Why tell me to sing a song then? Why not stop me?
Then in a very condescending voice she told me I didn't have any talent. I can't remember her exact words but something like that.
The thing is, now that I'm older, I can see that it's pretty rare for someone to be able to sing without any sort of training. At the bare minimum, singers grow up in households where singing is encouraged, or they are part of a church choir, or they often sing by themselves. There is music theory and breathing techniques to be learned.
My mother must have known that I wouldn't have been able to sing well from this or from having heard me sing for school things. I don't understand why should would set me up to fail like that and then crush my dream so cruelly. Why not sign me up for singing lessons? Or ask why I wanted to do that? Or even just say it sounds like a fun career and wait to see I will change my mind.
Similarly, I remember telling her when I was 10 that I wanted to be an astronaut. The first thing she told me was that I couldn't be one as I wasn't American. Like why do that? I looked it up and my country had astronauts then so it wasn't even true. But she didn't consider I could become American? Or that I wouldn't be applying for at least 20 years and things could change? Or that having a cool dream that could lead to related more attainable careers (e.g. space research) wasn't a bad thing?
I just don't understand why she would expect a young kid to always be 100% realistic in their life ambitions and to be needing a verbal smackdown for daring to dream. The worst part is my parents never did anything, never went anywhere, never had any friends, so I didn't even have much knowledge until I was an adult about the wide range of more normal careers out there or how difficult being a singer or astronaut would be. They set me up to fail and then acted like I was being ridiculous for behaving like any average kid would.
Anonymous 102379
>>100698It's imageboard autism, nona. Don't read too much into it. She dumped her for the mere way of spelling mom (I hope she sees what I did there). For this nitpicking alone she's found a place in my heart.
>>100731Have you tried taking audio or video notes?
>>100675Your bf should acknowledge you for who you are and he should know you by now and if you're a goldfish memoried adhd riddled girl then be it so. It's not like you're doing it on purpose. Doesn't he understand?
>>100974Do some dumb or cringe shit on purpose once in a while where you expect your friends to go WTF. It will change your perception of their expectations from you
>>101021Please Greentext your last experience?
>>101068>I feel more fulfilled when what I do makes a positive impact on people's lives.That's inspiring
>>101306>>101330Have you thought about tourism related jobs or for example HR roles that fulfill diversity related tasks? Don't feel bad though and especially don't feel bad about your bf being successful. It's good that he is tbh is allows you to get a grip on your situation and not feel any urgency to take jobs that will drain your energy
>>101355I wish you good luck as well and that pic is really cute
>>101462I'd ask myself why he is spending so much time on you? If he really is successful his time is valuable and he wouldn't have much of it to spare. So either he just wants you to make you feel bad for whatever reasons because it's usually really time consuming or he still is attached to you in some way
>>101510Stretch out teasing as much as possible (which is really easier said then done tbh) before you have a go at it as it really adds to the experience
>>101663That was very insightful. Thank you for sharing that. I'd like to add that one thing I feel is missing after highschool is the people around you and the 'we are in this together' experience because all of us have to sweep through the same shit. If you don't find anything to belong to and caught yourself in a web of isolation after finishing school it is really easy to lose yourself in a nihilistic mindset because all the external goals school sets for you are gone and the shared experience of living through it is also absent and there is only void
>>101716I really like this mindset of incrementally pulling yourself out of the swamp
>>101887Some people really lack social skills. Take it as practice for you to weigh in on them how you feel about what you've been told
>>101908Fitness is not only about your looks but also how you feel. It can help you feel good or you fuck yourself up
>>102021Jockstraps??
Anonymous 102382
>>101660did she dump him or vice versa? I don't really understand how or why moids remain fixed on their exes. I feel like when you're not around someone for a long time you just naturally lose interest in them. Do you think he's actually interested in his ex or do you think he's purposely triangulating you with her so he gets emotional power over you? Sometimes I assume it has to be the latter since there's no way someone actually cares that much about someone they haven't spoken to in ages. Truly, moids are pathetic.
Anonymous 102383
>>101673are your parents divorced nona?
Anonymous 102384
>>100675do you think you're just not interested enough in him to actually listen to him? I'm like this with people I don't actually care about - it's hard to listen to them self indulgently drone on about themselves so I tend to miss details. I think you can tell if you actually have a piss poor memory/are maybe retarded if it seems to be the case in a wide range of scenarios - are you bad at remembering things at school? How are your grades? What about conversations with friends?
Anonymous 102388
was always torn between how ulgy/pretty i was since my selfies are soooo different from my front camera pics
so I put my photos of this site which lets its users rate each other and even my best pics good 4.5, whereas the ugly one got 3.5
I thought the system was rigged, I thought the users were losers who rated girls low out of spite
so I posted 2 of these conventionally pretty girls, one of them even being overweight
and both got almost maximum, over 9.5
so yeah, now I feel like dying
seems like I must be hideous, idk how I manage to fool myself
Anonymous 102389
>>102388You're beautiful, nona. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Anonymous 102390
>>102388Nona, just know for simply being born with xx you have more value than 80% of moids ever will have. Simply for being a woman you are valuable.
Anonymous 102391
>>102370Seems like a case of curiosity killed the cat.
Anonymous 102403
i lost my favorite person and now life feels boring without one
Anonymous 102408
nonas, how do i find a new person to obsess over
Anonymous 102410
how come people with NPD are obsessed with riling you up?
for example, if you tell them you don't like when they do something, they'll continue doing it. why is this? it makes it hard to be on good terms with them.
Anonymous 102411
>>102410as someone with npd, it's because they feel ego bruised by it, and depending on the person they might want to:
1 get on your nerves (common for both sexes)
2 neg you by making you feel unimportant (more likely if it's a scrote)
3 want you to start liking it by getting you used to the idea it's not that bad and that actually it makes them more charming to have that trait (more common for women)
there are other reasons but these are the ones ive seen most. all of these have in common the fact they want to feel in control and flawless again, and that's the ultimate goal. also, they can all coexist.
Anonymous 102413
>>102411how should i respond if they do something along those lines?
Anonymous 102414
>>102413can you give me a bit more context nona?
it depends a lot on what you want to get out of it, and your relationship with this person.
Anonymous 102415
>>102414it's kind of hard to describe. we were good friends who shared the same online space, said and shared sexual things to each other at times, but he never indicated anything official. we got into some really bad arguments and it became apparent how different our values were.
i want to be on good terms. aka share the same space but not get emotionally triggered by him when he does things like the above. i just don't really get why he does stuff like that so i'm guessing he has a problem with me he has a hard time expressing. what should i do?
Anonymous 102420
>>102415why do you want to be on good terms with a npd moid?
males are bad as a baseline, but when they have personality or mood disorders they're even worse. i strongly advise you to let him be, but if you want to be on good terms know you're dealing with a mentally ill person and don't expect this relationship to ever be anything more than casual and transactional and often on his terms.
appealing to his empathy won't work. if you say "stop doing this, it's hurting me" he won't stop. in fact he will probably do it even more. don't show that you care, or vulnerability of any kind.
ignore it, and he will stop eventually, i promise.
if you want to speed up the process and make your relationship with him even better, on top of ignoring you can also demonstrate some sense of unaffected superiority to what goes on between you two, while being careful in not hurting his npd feelings (very easy thing to do) in your daily interactions.
examples:
when he says "this cant work between us" you just go "i agree" without giving much explanation and changing the subject lightheartedly. inquiring as to why he thinks that, or trying to change his mind, or showing any kind of apprehension will bite you in the ass. same will saying things like "i don't want you anyways" or insulting him. just be neutral and collected.
if he asks you to elaborate, say something like idk just a feeling i get and do not expand. never expand that will let you get into his head a lot.
if you play it well this
could get him obsessed with you btw, even if you dont want that it's a potential side effect.
Anonymous 102444
I had a lovely time and was on a good track to finish what I've planned to do, but naturally, several people in a row started to get on my nerves
mark my words, later they'll blame me for being "fussy"
I just don't want to finish what I've started, too
Anonymous 102445
i cant stand the fact that im always feeling pressured by others to not enjoy certain things.
Anonymous 102446
>>100201they're not giving me food anymore, they're nto making food anymore. i asked to get some money to buy food, they give me R$ 7 ($1,50) not enough to eat.
they talk shit about me being to fucking depressed, how can i get better when this is my fucking living condition?
i don't know if i want to kill myself or if i want to become a fucking criminal.
i want a job to get out of here but i need them to get money to buy for things to get this fucking job or education.
i will kill myself if things don't get better this week. i will do it and i will let them know who fault was.
Anonymous 102448
I'm a fucking failure of a woman and I feel like I don't deserve my BF. Just a matter of time till he leaves me. I'll just try to enjoy while it lasts I guess.
Anonymous 102451
>>102420i don't want to end up like that though. i miss when he didn't seem to be slighted by things i would say and make fun of me in turn. i am pretty sensitive but only to people i know. i feel like he doesn't really get that or he has a problem with me he has a hard time expressing. don't people that express npd behavior usually try to trigger others for that reason?
Anonymous 102453
I thought I'd be done dealing with these people but apparently not. I hope the feds fuck 'em over for tampering with records.
Anonymous 102454
>>102451not necessarily. people with npd don't care about others nearly as much to have a serious problem with them.
people with npd have a problem with themselves, sometimes triggered by others. but i don't get the sense he's doing this with vindictiveness if that's what you're asking.
the only way you can have things go back to some kind of normalcy is to act how i said. if something else works he probably doesnt have npd and that's a win for you. gl
Anonymous 102460
Missed my final mandatory college class because they put it in the last fucking day of the editing period, FML
Anonymous 102501
I’m 23 and i’ve reached the time where people my age are getting married, popping out kids, etc. i just got the news that my cousin who’s 24 is engaged, it’s absolutely mind boggling to me how fast time flies. We were 17 and 18 like a few minutes ago… either way, i also suffered from ptsd and depression and i’ve only been getting better since the around this same time last year. It’s making me really depressed. I’m happy for her, i don’t even want to get married or have any aspirations to be in a relationship but the passage of time shocked me to my core
Anonymous 102509
Why's it so difficult for normalfags to understand that I don't want to have sex before marriage? It's one thing if they respectfully disagree with me, but their reaction is always like they're suddenly talking to a space alien, like I'm doing something so absolutely incomprehensible that their mind stops working.
Anonymous 102530
>>102509>Why's it so difficult for normalfags to understand that I don't want to have sex before marriage?Anon… move to the US South, it's very common here and definitely a "normalfag" thing not to have sex before marriage. You'd fit right in with all the crazy tradthots and Christian women here.
Anonymous 102532
im favorable to chemical castration for scrotes as soon as they hit puberty so that their mental illness (also conveniently known as """male sex drive""") is cured before it can destroy the world we live in more than it already has. it doesnt have to be total but just the right amount so that it is lowered to a normal and healthy level (a woman's).
idk why this hasnt been done already since males have proved again and again that they cant deal gracefully with their so called "sex drive ::((("
why is their right to have rapeape impulses more important than the right of the entire human population to live in peace happiness and prosperity?
this is how you know our shithole world is run by moids you can sniff it by the retarded priorities
Anonymous 102533
>>102530My complaint isn't not fitting in, it's that I'm not even understood. I mean, I think terrorists are wrong, but I understand why they do it and why they think that they're right. With these retarded normalfags, they can't comprehend that anyone would want to do anything that isn't what everyone else does. Such a thing is inconceivable to them. How stupid can they be?
Anonymous 102534
Not a sad vent more like me being annoying and annoyed. I promise this isn't racebait and idk if it is considered as such, just want to rant but it really bothers me how people view race so strongly as a monolith. Grouping different ethnicities into one racial monolith is such a sweeping generalization because it discounts for distinctions between cultural and societal norms. This is why I find racial solidarity to be so stupid because to me it is shallow and doesn't care for nuance. Notably, when it comes to dating, sweeping behavior and culture of distinct ethnicities all under one racial label is ridiculous unless the racial label only exists as physical preferences.
And as a sidenote, I hate the way moids police and act with racial preferences. Why are they always so damn weird whether it be fetishizing aspects and traits of another culture they cannot comprehend without their dicks involved or when it comes to weird policing of mixed couples that don't even involve them as if it is a personal attack, and I say this as someone who would only date my own ethnicity, like why do you think you have the right to care and lord over other people's dating lives? Because women from what I see don't have this weird tendency to force their own preferences onto other people or police other couples and their autonomy.
Anonymous 102541
Is it normal to do well in university, get good grades throughout (3.5+ GPA), graduate, then realize you're 28 years old, jobless and still living with your parents? Why did my life stop after graduation? Why do I just browse the internet every day in my room for literal years and have no drive or motivation to leave the house?
Anonymous 102550
why do people get fixated on you for no reason? it's irritating. i imagine you must have no life if you care so much about pestering others.
Anonymous 102551
>>102550i mean it's really quite irritating. i don't know why it bothers me so much. people who hold grudges in general even when not being engaged with are just obnoxious.
Anonymous 102553
>>102551>>102550Maybe it bothers you because someone else's fixation on you makes you wonder if you've done something wrong to attract that kind of attention. Have you, anon?
Anonymous 102554
IMG_0840.png
My BF is always gushing about Middle Eastern culture and how much he wishes to learn Arabic. He wants to be a diplomat in the Middle East or something like that. Now he’s planning on going to Oman or Jordan to take an Arabic language course when he finishes his degree next year.
I want to support him but I have a sneaking suspicion that the god awful moid dominated culture of the Middle East will rub off on him and he won’t be the same. I mean he likes their culture as it is so I would not be surprised if there was something im not privy to. I’m afraid and I mean that’s not even considering if our relationship will survive long distance.
Why Middle Eastern culture?
Anonymous 102556
>>102554Whatever you do, NEVER go with him to those countries because you might never be seen again. There is a high chance he's developed interest in Islam and all it's misogyny. Protect your birth certificate, ID, important documents. Might want to think about even putting them in a safety deposit box in case he ever gets the idea of pressuring you to go with him.
Anonymous 102559
>>102556I mean first off I’m not invited, I don’t even know how he will afford to send himself to the Middle East, let alone me
I do feel the need to defend him a bit because I’m not getting “I am learning about this so I can kidnap you and put you in a burqa” vibes from him.
He’s strangely obsessed with Yemen. He tells me about the architecture of Sanaa and what he sees as the injustice of the Saudi lead coalition. The usual dorky stuff you come to love in a person. He hasn’t to my recollection mentioned being interested because women are subservient in Islam. I BELIEVE that his intentions are to gain language and cultural knowledge for his career. I just think that once he gets a taste for having lots of power over women he may enjoy it and it may stick with him.
Anonymous 102561
>>102559Does he has any roots there?
>I’m not getting “I am learning about this so I can kidnap you and put you in a burqa” vibes from him. Usually victims are deceived and will only learn about this when it is to late for them.
>I just think that once he gets a taste for having lots of power over women he may enjoy it and it may stick with him.Let's say he has no bad intentions at all. What will you be doing there all day every day?
Anonymous 102562
>>102553if i did something wrong i'd want someone to explain it to me. it's more like an emotional maturity thing i guess.
Anonymous 102564
>>102561>Does he has any roots there?No… it’s so strange too. But I guess it isn’t surprising because I’ve always known him to hyper fixate on strange things. He says he wants to live to see peace in the country
>Usually victims are deceived and will only learn about this when it is too late for them.Well I’m not going to treat him like a pariah just for his interest. But I will also be conscious and pay attention so that I stay safe.
>Let's say he has no bad intentions at all. What will you be doing there all day every day?I won’t be going, he’s a student.
Anonymous 102566
>>102564>I won’t be going, he’s a student.Ik, you mentioned that he hardly gets himself there moneywise. You also mentioned him aiming for becoming a diplomat when you consider this somewhat relevant for you you believe that you will be with him then too. If not, why does it matter at all what he likes either if it's star wars or yemen
Anonymous 102567
>>102566Well if he gets a proper posting in the future I hope I will be able to do online work in IT M, seeing as that’s possible nowadays. But beyond that I’d be willing to make sacrifices because at that point it’s not just for a man but also for the country (I believe in him and that he will do good service for the nation)
It’s also worth mentioning that diplomats don’t sit in one posting for very long. It’s highly likely that we’d get to see the world. So even just for that opportunity I’d make sacrifices
Anonymous 102569
>>102554The absolute best you can hope for in this situation is that he is merely indifferent to the plight of women in these countries and enjoys the culture for some alternate unknown reason, which would be bad enough on its own. It's far more likely that he is a misogynist who is interested in Middle Eastern culture because of its imposition of male dominance. Get out while you can.
Anonymous 102594
Having a crush on your work colleague is hell
>Smart, confident, funny, similar taste in books
>Always helping me with my work even though he has 4x the amount to do
>Brings me coffee in the morning as I sit next to him
>Everyone respects and likes him
>People from other offices come and say hi to him when they drop in and thank him for helping them.
>Our customers adore him and think he's the best.
>He's universally nice to everyone, extremely good natured but firm when he needs to be
>Pretty boy, takes care of himself well
>Always smells nice
>Always energetic
>Nobody can tell me anything about him
>"Oh moid? Isn't he great?"
>"I don't think he likes talking about himself."
>"Like trying to get blood out of a stone that one."
>"Just ask him!"
>Every. time.
>Doesn't have any social media at all, I've spent days looking
>The only thing I can find is his personal address, he started living there the same month he joined the company
>No previous addresses
>No personal email or personal number on his work bio
>His profile picture is some kind of zoo animal
>Asked him why he picked up
>"Oh that? No reason, just made me smile"
>I only figured out he likes books because he saw me reading and commented on it.
>We had a teambuilding exercise a few months back
>This absolute moid caught coronavirus the day before and sent in a positive test.
>The only things I see him browsing on his work PC are either work related or the news
>His phone background is just a generic wallpaper
>He doesn't wear any jewellery at all
>When he goes on vacation he comes back tanned and when you ask him where he's been he just says "Same place as always!" and quickly changes the subject
>Our boss (a fellow girl) doesn't know much about him either
>Asked her privately in a performance review if she knew much about him
>"Nothing I can say without risking my neck and betraying his trust. sorry."
>"Just ask him! I bet he'd tell you."
>NO HE WONT HE'LL JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT LIKE ALWAYS
>Have had nightmares he's just an AI in a skin suit
>Have considered following him home
>Have considered "accidentally" tossing my phone into his work bag before leaving so I can collect GPS data
WHO ARE YOU IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS AHHHHHH.
Anonymous 102596
>>102594What about airtags? Anyways, this guy seems to be on his guard at all time. You'd need to pursue his company to have him open up to you such that you get more out of him than his defense mechanisms. Perhaps you need to have some coworkers in this as well to not give any sus vibes
Anonymous 102602
IMG_0848.jpeg
>>102569I asked him about it and he didn’t defend it or try to make excuses for it at least, but his attitude seemed to be “well what do you want me, one person, to do about it?” . He seems to think that he will live to see the redundancy of oil, and insists that he wants to visit this region while it is still rich, while he still has the chance.
>>102596Unpopular opinion but once you’ve obsessed over him to the extent that you found his physical address it will be pretty hard not to give off bad vibes.
Anonymous 102605
i am bored out of my goddamn mind. what do people do when they have free time.
Anonymous 102607
>>102594actual robot, doesn't seem worth it
Anonymous 102611
>>102594Is she has his trust then they probably were/are in a relationship, the fact that he won’t give you his trust means that he’s not interested at all.
Anonymous 102653
>>102594>similar taste in books>he saw me reading and commented on it.You read at work? What book was it? How do you know he actually likes the same books as you and wasn't feigning interest?
Anyway, he is probably so 'mysterious' because there isn't much for him to say about what he does with his time. I'm almost certain that if you track him with gps, you might see him going to the gym, possibly buying groceries afterwards, then spending most of the evening at home. Interesting people are largely "boring" (which is what makes them interesting - because they spend time thinking rather than flooding their brains with trivial 'experiences').
Anonymous 102700
Daily reminder moids don’t want you unless you’re a submissive virgin. Want a moid off your back? Tell him you’re a single mom or you have some rare disease that requires intensive treatment (along with a 10+ body count). They’ll treat you like liability and ignore you.
Anonymous 102705
>>102700most virgin women who aren't tradthot pickmes avoid interacting with men in any meaningful capacity to begin with. Just don't get near the hornet's nest and you won't get stung.
Anonymous 102706
I hate how a woman's worth in this world is how pretty and young you are to a man. Why even get married if every man supposedly believes this? If this is true, then your husband would end up lusting after women half his age, watch porn of said women and probably cheat on you with these women. Even if you do everything right according to men's standards, you're not useful to them for very long. If this is true, then there's no point in love or marriage. You will never be good enough for these types of men. Once this happens, you're supposed to reluctantly accept it and embrace the rest of your loveless marriage
Anonymous 102707
>>102706because it's not true. it's a lie that men tell to guilt young women into ill-advised relationships. look at happy old women at the end of their lives – their husband died and they received all the property and familial affection. who cares what he likes as long as he provides for you
Anonymous 102708
>>102706The solution is to not play the game and gain autonomy, by lowering yourself for these types of men you're essentially objectifying yourself and women so if you really want to find someone you need to find someone who will prides emotional intimacy and relationships much more. Those men aren't worth your time and energy anyway as someone who only cares for nothing beyond the superficial is soulless anyhow. Yes men naturally will be attracted to hot young girls because of biology but if they have a soul they can learn to gain appreciation for things abstract concepts and things beyond vanity. These types of men tell on themselves anyway so it's not hard to avoid them you just need to be able to pick up on the red flags. That's why women who settle and degrade themselves in such a way by essentially being a doormat usually never end up happy because it gives these soulless and abusive men easier access to them rather than actually attracting genuinely good men. Shitty men don't go after women with self-esteem.
Anonymous 102709
>>102706what everyone else said plus thru plastic surgery and whatnot you can keep young way longer these days, also men after a certain age cant even get hsrd anymore they dont fewl attracted to anyome and will stick with you out of love if you choose wisely. old moids who stare at young women are perverts in denial of the natural loss of their libido. sorry to talk like a moid but milf is like the most popular porn category or one of too. dont mind stupid scrotes
Anonymous 102710
1486960363408.png
>be cis bi (female)
>go on reddit/twitter/tumblr/forums and look up for explicit SA posts made by ftm/lesbian survivors to fap to them
I feel deeply disgusted every time, but SA/rape posts are literally my greatest faps just because I know they are real, and something about FtMs being emotionally broken in general and lesbians obviously not being attracted to men just makes them better. How do I stop? I feel like a psychopath. And no I obviously don't want to get raped irl.
Anonymous 102712
I made him bitter too. He had good things going for him and my selfishness and jealousy drove off what good things he had. I couldn't be suffering from imposter syndrome any harder. I am not enough. He is so much better without me. I am a mistake. And now I am an unlovable piece of shit, too. I don't think I am ever going to be truly happy again.
I feel like I need to go away. I have ruined and wasted my life by my own hands.
Anonymous 102718
>>102541This is almost me except college kicked my ass and I did still come out with a small job, even though I haven't passed the exam I need in order to have the career I want to have.
I wasted so much time caring about crappy internet gossip when the internet is just deeming with constant drama anymore. I watched movies and shows and played video games to try to make myself happy because of how socially isolated I am and the trust issues I have.
I don't know what you majored in but honestly, I just went for a job that I figured I could do. It wasn't easy, hence I say college kicked my ass, but the work I do is needed most of the time. I think my parents are disappointed that I never dated anyone or met anyone I really wanted to date and marry. I constantly feel bad about that and blame myself.
Anonymous 102719
>>102532The issue is that it would have to be enforced globally and we can't hit the reset button to fix all the scrotes who are post-puberty fucked. We also can't undo the damage they've already done. The idea is sound, but making all males cooperate would be impossible and the untreated would continue to cause problems.
Anonymous 102734
My cousin is this incelly guy that comes everyday to my mom's house to eat and I can't stand him anymore. He never tries to have a conversation with me even when we're eating together which is fucking awkward because I don't like eating in silence when I have him right in front of me. Never says anything besides 'hello' and 'bye'. Never makes eye contact, which I get is hard but he doesn't even look at me in the face. Has the worst table manners I've ever seen, and also the worst posture ever and doesn't try to correct it. I've tried getting to know him many times, asked him lots of questions and he just replies and doesn't follow up. All he knows is anime, videogames and Marvel. He can't do anything on his own, my mom goes to the bank for him and recently went to his new apartment to put the curtains. She helped him get the apartment, move out, set up everything. Everyday he just comes home, says 'hello' and sits on the chair, waiting for his meal. Doesn't even try to make small talk with my mom, the one who makes all his meals. Then he says 'bye' and leaves without bothering to do the dishes, he just leaves everything there. Literally the most uncharismatic person I've ever known, I don't think I've seen him smile, not even a smile without teeth. I love my mom and I enjoy living in this house but I'm thinking of moving out because I'm jaded of seeing him everyday. This has been going on for 4 months and I can't deal with it anymore. Am I overreacting? Is there anything I can do to make my situation better besides moving out? I don't even know how my mom lets him get away with this or if she's just incapable of seeing how useless and non-functional he is.
Anonymous 102735
>>102734sounds like a parasite, your mom is probably providing for him as a favor
Anonymous 102737
>>102734the only objective problem i can see if him not doing anything about dishes/chores, otherwise its on your end
Anonymous 102738
>>102734Have you ever talked to your mom what his problem is? Is he actually autistic?
Anonymous 102740
I can't believe for a while I went through a handmaiden phase of wanting to date and marry a moid. I resent my past self for displaying such disgusting behavior, degrading myself and betraying my own integrity and values and I cringe so hard when I remember it. I also resent my life-long internalized misogyny. I genuinely believe I am incapable of being emotionally intimate, vulnerable, or feminine around any xy because it is dehumanizing and degrading in my mind. But I learned with women I am able to be feminine, be cute, be emotionally vulnerable and express myself without self-loathing over it. Ever since I started to accept my more feminine traits around my friends instead of repressing them I started to feel much happier even if I get really embarrassed and shy about it often. I can be soft and sensitive with women because I know the power dynamics are different and women won't think any lesser of me. With a man if I do that I am essentially dehumanizing myself because it signals as weakness to a moid.
I think this is also why I am hypermasculine and competitive against men, being around men makes me act much colder or aggressive and my voice pitch lowers significantly. To be seen as a womanly by a man is degrading, it is soul-crushing and by being soft, vulnerable, or feminine in any way in the presence of a man will make him view you as an inferior being because to a man such things are weaknesses and you will just be seen as a trophy, accessory, decoration. When a moid sees you as a feminine being he sees you as a pet or child, he will not respect your humanity on the same level like he does for his friends. Men when interacting with a woman will always judge everything about her in context to her womanhood while a woman will not do the same because women are able to see someone's character for something much deeper beyond sex. Men are not capable of love on a deeper level like a woman is, why give a man your heart when it will just make him disrespect you and stomp all over your honesty? I'm a retarded womanchild who can't verbalize her own emotions probably because I always tried too hard to act masculine and repress my emotions for most of my life and I think about how cringe it was and how it makes me want to die in a hole. But knowing this about men also means I don't need to think about the male sex. I wish I wasn't a het so I could love a woman because I do want to have a romantic relationship but I can't so I will love 2D men instead. I like children, but I don't think I could raise a child well as a single parent so I think I could make children storybooks as an alternative.
Anonymous 102741
>>102740But I can't even despise men much, as what I feel towards xy is more of a combination of distaste, distrust, and fear. I like to fantasize about being a prince charming, romanticized masculine ideals of honor, glory, chivalry, brotherhood and other ridiculous fantasies but I know if I was a real xy I could never be like that because of moid biology, hardwiring, and male socialization. I pity men for being born as an xy. Even learning self-control and discipline for a man is seen as enlightenment meanwhile a woman is already socialized to discipline herself.
Anonymous 102742
>>102738I've tried but she always gets mad because "he's family and you're supposed to help family". Which makes no sense because she's doing the opposite by not letting him develop independency. He's not autistic, just socially sheltered. Videogames got him too young and this is the result. He never leaves his apartment except for coming home to eat and that's recently, before that he never left his apartment for 3 whole years. My mom did all his groceries, everyday she walked to his apartment in the middle of the rain or when the weather was too hot to bring him his meals, yes: for three years… Everyday that goes by I'm just grossed out by his lack of self awareness and empathy for my mom and I know I can't change him or my mom so I'm running out of options.
Anonymous 102743
>>102737Yeah, I feel this way too but the way he acts is just so fucked up I feel like the problem is way bigger than just him not doing the dishes, specially his indifference towards my mom. Imagine not interacting with the woman that's done so much for you. Everything he does makes me despise him even though at first I felt bad for him.
Anonymous 102760
a century of psycho-analytic work. of neurosurgeons sifting through brain flaps. and the closest thing to real forgetfulness is a partial lobotomy. Or ECT. Which I don't qualify for because in the grand scale of trauma, my trauma is miniscule and should be (theoretically) swept aside. But my life is empty of real responsibilities so the trauma takes up space.
Anonymous 102836
>>102532if you ever come across pornsick internet places ctrl-f the term "post-nut clarity" if there's any real traffic there at all you're guaranteed to find some moid expressing regret regarding their impulses. at least this is the case in the only-slightly degenerate places
Anonymous 102837
>>102719yeah they'll be seething horrendously because they wouldn't be able to BREEEEEEEED and will destroy the world with nukes just because "stupid wahmins don't let me rape". that's exactly how a moid works
Anonymous 102868
>>100201a classmate passed away a few months ago. i found out yesterday. i had a class online with her freshman year, in 2020, and after talking to her a little i always wanted to meet her in person. i've been waiting all these years to finally see her. i knew she had cancer but was too afraid to reach out to her. maybe i was too afraid that she had already passed. after a while we never really talked again but during the short period we did speak at all she was so, so lovely and i appreciated her from afar when she'd post in the college server, she'd share these drawings and animations so lovely you'd never think anyone had the same kind of humor and talent as her in the whole world and honestly, i don't think anyone will again. every so often ever since she got diagnosed i've been googling her name to see if she'd come to campus yet, to see how she was doing. yesterday i saw the obituary. i can't stop feeling regret for not reaching out to her more. she was such a lovely person i can't emphasize this enough. it wasn't until i read the obituary that i knew that she was such a talented singer that she's performed at all these renowned concert halls, and that was after already knowing she was so so smart and a fantastic swimmer and again, could draw a few frame animation so smooth you wouldn't believe it, draw a reference so funny yet insightful you'd never have dreamt of it in a million years. and worst of all, reading her obituary, it said she always wanted to go to campus, and … she died before she ever got to go. and i've been waiting all these years like an idiot like she'd be okay, like she'd get better, like she'd show up one day and we'd get to talk like we once did. she was so so lovely. why her? why her of all people? we'd have these long conversations about what animations she'd watched, what kind of music she liked, i … i don't know. she was funny and interesting and so cool and somewhere deep down i thought she'd live forever. even when it was getting worse. even when she stopped talking. even when i hadn't seen a thing from her in months. why her? why am i the coward that couldn't even reach out to her when i had the chance? it doesn't even feel real. i … i don't know. people at my college, even if they had never talked to her, remember her by her art. it was just that eye catching. someone made a collage of her art. its all so beautiful. i miss her so much.
Anonymous 102877
why are narcissists so pathetic that they have to manufacture drama by pitting people against each other? it is hilarious. i genuinely feel bad that they have to stoop so low as to create artificial drama centered around them because no one actually gives that much of a shit about them irl. they were never given a chance by society to actually self reflect and it's pitiable.
Anonymous 102881
>>102877and i mean i really feel quite bad for them. they must sense that there's a reason people don't open up to them and are quick to assume awful things about them. everyone sees through it and i can only pity that they walk around being so openly vulnerable while pretending otherwise.
Anonymous 102923
d2c.jpg
Either show affection and make time for me or cut me loose, fuck! I feel like I'm being gaslit just enough to keep me involved.
Anonymous 102925
why are some people so traumatizing
Anonymous 102936
It feels like most conversations I have with friends turn into us talking about their lives and their problems. Of course I'm genuinely interested in their lives and ask questions, but I've noticed this frequent pattern of one-sided conversations. It seems like there's almost never an equivalent exchange. There's no further inquiry into my responses when they do ask a question. It feels like they just wait for their turn to talk about themselves. Does no one know how to make genuine human connections anymore? Am I doing something wrong? Dunno if I've just been hyper-fixating on it and blowing it out of proportion, but it's been pissing me off and is starting to discourage me from putting effort into building stronger friendships.
Anonymous 102937
>>102936That's kinda just people in general nona
I have a few quotes thatll kinda get that point across
The most popular word in the English language is "I"
People post their faces all over social media. And they only like your photos so they can have social acceptance to post their own photos and have other people like them
Nobody gives a shit about your face, but the exchange is I like your face so my friends will like mine
All that being said, I'm very self conscious in conversations with strangers because I do often talk about myself way more than I allow them to, mostly cause opening a can of worms by asking me a question usually begets a long answer
I do mean to eventually talk about you, but I have to get through what I'm saying first
And suddenly the conversation is over and I've given a long expose about my job and you've said "I'm a musician" and I haven't even gotten to ask you what instrument you play or what your band is called
Anonymous 102939
Youtube randomly recommended me an old women's channel. It makes me so sad to watch because I think she's homeless. In one video she talks about how her life has fallen apart after a divorce and it just breaks my heart. Also in a recent video she asked if anyone knew if doordash has caused someone to commit suicide… Tbh if I could I would reach out to her and give her money but I'm broke.
Also I'm going back to school after being a neet for a year and I'm so scared of being put into deepfake porn. I'm religious and modest and I feel like some horrible moid would therefore enjoy making fake nudes of me. I'm not muslim but I had my mom order me a niqab for my birthday. I'm sort of on the fence about wearing it because I don't want people to be racist towards me or think I'm weird. But the idea of a moid doing that to me is terrifying.
I hate how this world treats women :(
Anonymous 102942
sometimes i still fantasize about seeing him again.
Anonymous 102944
>>102939Have you known any irl woman getting turned into fakedeeps? Where does this fear stem from? Being a neet most likely distorted your perception of how specific these cases you're reading online are, but I get it because men are degenerates but trust me most of them are too lazy to make fake nudes of women around them, they just jack off their acquaintances/friends old Instagram photos and leave it at that
Anonymous 102953
why do neets always think they have sound perceptions of reality
Anonymous 102964
>>102953Everyone thinks their reality is the right reality.
Anonymous 102965
>>102944I have heard a few stories of normal women being deeopfaked and I've just always been very paranoid since I was a kid. I know it's irrational and unlikely but it's hard for me not to fear it.
Anonymous 102967
>>101916>slut for wearing makeupthats retarded. im not even muslim and ik muslim women wear makeup. they were jealous hags married to shitty ugly scrotes. probs pissed off at the potential you have while they threw their lives away for some pos
Anonymous 102977
23693D85-92FA-4DF8…
I can’t handle one more semester of college. I haven’t had a summer break these past two years. I just take classes (16-18 credits) and jobs & more classes during the summer. This semester I plan to work 20 hour and take classes. It’s all entirely too overwhelming and too much but I have to work because I am just a constant disappointment to everyone around me. But i am trying.
Life is hard and no longer as fun and easy as it felt before. I genuinely don’t look forward to anything. I am not excited about graduating or getting my degree anymore but I’m too invested now to risk it all.
Anonymous 102980
>>102977I believe that you can do it! Even if it feels overwhelming, keep in mind that for now you might have no clue of how good everything can be. Just keep going. Take care of yourself.
Anonymous 102982
>>102965What do you mean "since you were a kid"? Deepfakes are pretty recent, or am I just getting old? There is no way
Anonymous 102986
>>102977Hope we get through this. I'm taking 15 credits credits and working 19 hours so I'm in the same boat. On top of that I don't have a job lined up either yet and seem to keep getting rejections, so I may spend god knows how long unemployed or underemployed after I graduate. I have to leave my lease this semester too so if I do that will make me have to move back in with horribly toxic family, sleeping on their couch. I can't really be happy about my graduating when I'm terrified of everything that may follow.
Anonymous 102988
>>102982Sorry, I meant I've always had paranoid/very irrational fears since I was a kid.
Although I did first read about deepfakes when I was a teenager. I think the article mentioned that they were already being used for porn and it freaked me out. I managed to forgot about it until the recent uptake :/
Anonymous 103084
Seeing so many stories of men shamelessly cheating on their women and reading all the pink pill stuff really makes it hard to be in a relationship with my BF. There's always going to be a part of me that's bracing itself for a betrayal. It's disturbing how deceiving and dishonest men can be. You really can't allow yourself to get too attached to them. Just have them around for entertainment and to have someone cute and nice to spend time with, just like you'd with a pet. But never think of a man anything more than that. So then you can't get upset if turns out they betrayed you.
Men really don't deserve women. It's apparent that women give so much more value to a man's life than the opposite usually. That's why you often see single women thriving while single men go completely insane, either suicide or worse. And yet men have the audacity to not return the favor with love and loyalty. Men don't fucking deserve women. It's depressing how deep down I think my BF is just another moid that would betray me on a whim. Men don't love the same way as women. A woman will love a man for who they are. Men can't grasp or feel love the same way. Their love is conditional, and that condition is very simple. Look very attractive. That's all they care about. I'm sure my BF wouldn't do the things he does to me if he didn't find me good looking. A woman needs to be beautiful to evoke any kind of love and devotion in a man and even then they'll still just betray you. Nothing is good enough for a moid and they wont love you for the person that you are, but for what they gain out of you. They really aren't people. Can't ever forget that fact. Don't treat a moid as a person, they are just a source of entertainment. Nothing else.
Anonymous 103086
>>103084To continue my vent, despite knowing these things about men, I still know that I love my BF. I adore him. My love for him is deep, because I'm a woman. There's not many things in this world that's more beautiful than a woman's love for their man. A moid will never love a woman as purely as woman loves their man. It's very depressing to know, but at the same time liberating in a way. Knowing that he doesn't love me as much as I love him or wont do the same things I'd do to him is not because I'm not good enough or valuable, it's just because he is a moid. You just can't expect them that. They're limited, you can't have the same expectations, same way you don't have same expectations for a children. You don't get mad or upset at a child not understanding, it's the same here.
Anonymous 103101
I think it's stupid how now people are trying to blame and gaslight women for not starting families and declining birthrates and calling them selfish for not popping kids out, as if they aren't thousands of orphans out there not receiving any love. I would rather adopt than have a biological child.
Anonymous 103104
picmix.com_2477123…
pavlov, if you see this: fuck you, indecisive piece of a scrote.
and a massive fuck you for lurking crystal cafe, i know you're there
Anonymous 103131
it is so difficult trying to get a job without my autism fucking things over. i hate having autism.
Anonymous 103139
anko_blush.png
I’m coming to terms with being autistic. I’m 31 years old and it took me years to get an actual diagnosis and it explains so many of the problems I had growing up.
Anonymous 103140
>>103139you're not autistic, just retarded
Anonymous 103143
>>103140You know better than the doctor who diagnosed her, eh?
Anonymous 103156
>>103143Scrotes like to get off on calling women retarded as a sort of cope.
Anonymous 103158
I'm an aspie and I really hate how hard it is to make friends. So many people ghost me and I can never tell if it's me or them. I think I mask well because I have a job and I'm married, and I feel like that takes a lot of social skill to pull off, especially for someone on the spectrum? But who knows. Maybe I put people off even when I'm trying my best.
Anonymous 103173
I've become obsessed with this girl who was my bff in 1st grade but didn't continue being friends with after that. I've been lurking on her instagram page for a long time, trying to figure out what she's up to these days and who she spends time with. I don't really want to contact her because I'm socially inept and it would be awkward and weird and she probably never thinks about me in the same way as I think about her.
Anonymous 103178
I feel like I've been having a hard time connecting with people lately. A lot of my friends are away/on vacation at the moment too and I've just generally been feeling alone. My best friend also just entered a new relationship and although I am happy for her, I suppose I feel a bit insecure. I know a relationship isn't something I need, not in general but especially not right now, but I suppose it still has left a little bit of longing in me. I think I'm also just worried about her moving into the honeymoon stage and opting to spend more time with him though I suppose she hasn't really done anything that has made me believe that will actually happen. I think I just hate feeling like a third wheel.
Anonymous 103182
The only thing that transcends self, the only thing you could justify pursuing with fervence is academic excellence. And even this is subject to my moid """friend"""'s bemused incredulity. "To what end?" I don't dream of labor you stupid moid fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck you for tarnishing the last vestige of idealism that I had. And fuck me for not having enough strength of character to disregard your subpar, dimwitted fucking takes for the drivel that they were. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck. You.
Anonymous 103185
>>103182So your idealism is to see science only as a stepping stone for class mobility?
Anonymous 103218
>guy who owns next door rents it out
>last tenants moved out and left it a wreck
>cue months of loud as fuck drilling and banging every day where the guy is replacing basically everything
>new family moves in a month ago
>they have two or three kids and one of those tiny yappy dogs
>paper thin British walls means I can hear every loud screaming and banging match they have
I'm going to fucking lose it
Anonymous 103220
Nonas I've hikied for so long that I'm already even more detached from the real (normal) world than I normally am. And every time I speak to a normal person I'm the most reprehensible pseudish cunt, I literally impulsively started talking about anti-natalism and used the word "chauvinist" un-fucking-ironically. WHat the fuck is wrong with me. Did I lose the ability to talk about the weather?
Anonymous 103221
>>103220Do you rant or do you catch yourself dropping your mask just in the moment you drop redpills
Anonymous 103229
3LrrD_SwW-HiBaH7tA…
I have such a crippling fear of loneliness/abandomenet that it entirely dictates my life. I can't enjoy anything unless I do it with someone else, I just keep stressing out over being alone. If someone cancels on some of our plans my entire day (and prolly the few next days) are ruined. Whenever I talk to people I just ask them questions that make me feel like I am not lonely. I do not even have any real interests anymore, I just do stuff that I could bond with others over and then I wait for the next day to come. I only get a job to be around people. I picked my career path cause the job means I will always be around people. I'm even considering hooking up with strangers just so I feel less alone.
Worst part is that at this point is I do not think any amount of social interaction will rectify this fear, I will always just want more. My parents keep feeding this fear too but I cannot move out, and even if I did, I will be even more alone.
Anonymous 103231
>>103220the crystal cafe fate. i have the same problem
Anonymous 103233
I have been isolated/shunned ever since I can remember. Being in a social environment where everyone else is getting along feels painful, anxiety-inducing and humiliating. when I'm alone at home I have a hard time putting aside the urge to endlessly distract myself on social media so that I don't have to be reminded of how bleak the future is for me and how fundamentally broken and incomplete I am as a person. The world feels too big and confusing for me and I'm so schizo that even silence scares me.
Anonymous 103234
>>103220Something flipped in me a while ago and now I can't socialize like at all
I'm surprised I haven't been arrested yet because the shit that comes out of my mouth is insane
Anonymous 103311
I am 23 years old and europoor. In my country it is completely normal to live with your parents even after you reach 30 because housing prices are too high. I am going insane by the fact that my mother thinks having my own privacy when it comes to the stuff I do on my PC is ''hiding''. Even when I started puberty and until now she doesn't knock on my door, she justs comes in. It's been 10 fucking years and she cannot respect that. She used to come in and dismiss me anytime I would beg her for some manners. We just had a fight because she thinks that lately I have been very private about my PC, she thinks I am hiding something, that I am browsing something super illegal. I am not. I don't even watch porn, I hate it. The only times I've ever hidden a tab was when I am on LC or here because I don't want her to know about these places, but those haven't been the times when I've actually shouted ''don't come in''. I tried to explain to her that sometimes when I've just had a shower and I am waiting for the moisturizer to be absorbed I sit and use my PC while waiting, so maybe if she tried to come in and I say ''don't come in'' she thinks it's because of the PC but it is in fact because I am naked. She just doesn't believe me and when I ask her what does she think I am doing she just responds that she doesn't know. So I tell her again and still she doesn't believe me. I try to explain to her that the fact that she doesn't believe me has a negative impact on my self-steem and she doesn't believe that either. My older sister takes her side. I can't with this. My mother has spent over a decade emotionally manipulating me to not have any privacy of my own, making me feel guilty whenever I attempted to. When I was a teenager she would blackmail me and I would tell her everything, and then I would feel so ashamed because I felt I was still a child, I had no backbone, I couldn't stand for myself, I was not maturing and becoming an individual of my own. With my sister this doesn't work and since my mother can't extract information from her she just uses me. My sister also benefits from her inquiries because she wants to know about me without revealing about herself, she knows information is power and the more she knows about me and what I like or don't like, what I appreciate or what hurts me, the more she has control over me, she can verbally abuse me more effectively. She used to read my diary when I was younger and my mother wouldn't really give two craps about it. I just feel so low right now. I had a meltdown in front of them and I hate feeling so vulnerable and so neglected at the same time.
Anonymous 103312
>>103311Italy? Is it really a problem if your mother sees you naked or sees you browsing imageboards? Or are you afraid she disowns you? I know you want your privacy but I'd say oversharing shit with them is the best strategy because they don't show to have any decency. Spam them with kpop, trans, tiktok and every bottom of the barrel gutter the internet has to offer
Anonymous 103317
I can't stop being a hateful person. I don't actually hate anyone truth be told, I don't really enjoy it. I dislike it because sometimes I just really want to be alone and be a passive and peaceful NPC traveler in life but I feel like I have to be hateful and spiteful and I need everyone to hate me and despise me as a form of retribution. I want people to imagine the worst of me and spite me for it, because then I can finally pay for my wrongdoings or maybe I want to live up to the expectation people have had of me of being an awful or horrible person. Deep down I really don't want to but a part of me says I have to be a detestable person. I also kind of hate that my friends like me because I don't think they should because I think I should be hated and I want them to leave me alone because of that but I can't be awful to them so I'm not. The most I can do is be insufferable and psychotic towards moids on the internet, but I also don't want to play that part anymore I have trouble doing it but deep down I still think I need to be hated somehow to pay for my bad karma.
Anonymous 103321
dbc3b3f678767df141…
idk what to do i live with my parents and they're divorcing because my dad lied about going on a business trip so my mum found out he was cheating for idk how many times. however my mum has emotionally abused both me and dad. not happy with either of them for how they treat each other, then put it on me, either getting mad i tell my sisters, or trying to illicit words they wanna hear when they've just done stupid shit to me over the years and think they're in the right for it all. i wish i had other family who were near or someone wiser than me to hug or just be with. i'm scared to leave the house but i need to get out, i don't know what to do.
Anonymous 103327
>>103311Not to make light of your misery Nona, But, I always find it so quaint when European commit the same problematic behaviors as parents of proven shitholes. Makes me believe in the universality of the human condition.
Anonymous 103328
I’m keeping up with an old childhood friend on social media and they are struggling a lot with depression and suicidal ideation. I shared so many amazing memories with them throughout my childhood and I really want to help desperately. I feel like a horrible person for just ignoring their cries for help, I really really just want to hug them and tell them it’ll be ok, but I know it’s not that simple. They were extremely mentally ill, even when we were very young children. They have gotten a lot worse mentally and are struggling financially very badly.
I am just overrun by guilt .. I don’t want someone I really care about to be struggling so bad but at the same time, I don’t want them to hurt me, mentally or physically if I get too close to them. Am I supposed to just ignore this? I don’t even know if they feel the same way about me. They probably think I abandoned them even though our contact info got lost between us somehow. I should probably stop checking her social media but I also want to know if they are still alive.
Anonymous 103329
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>>103311fuck i cant wait til you get out of that toxic situation. this is fuel for you getting an amazing job with or without a degree, idk whatever youre doing, just get out of there. i know you can do it nona.
is there any reason she has to be like this? did she find pron or were you cyberbullied or have an ed or something shes worried youre watching content for?? worth a try reasoning w your sister while you have to live there also.
im also in europoor country same situation shit family life. we'll get out of this.
Anonymous 103330
>>103311Felt . I'm 25 and had to move back to my parents temporarily and my dad has 0 respect for any privacy. Sometimes he'd enter my room at 10:30pm while I'm exercising and it's always so embarrassing. He likes to look through the window in my room because the view is nice and he loves to be the local balkan neighborhood watch but it's so annoying I have to get into silly fights with him kek. After I scold him he stops for a while but then does it again, rinse and repeat.
Anonymous 103339
>>103312Spain. She wouldn't understand imageboard culture if I tried to explain it to her, she'd probably think it's a waste of time and that women-only places like this are full of the kind of girls and women she doesn't like in real life: gender non-conforming women, radfems, weebs, alt women, schitzos… She wouldn't disown me but she would just think even poorly about the seriousness of my interests. I can't start oversharing with kpop, trans shit, tiktok and instagram cringe because I am very openly against troons and gendie shit, my music taste is the farthest from kpop and I don't have social media. But maybe I could think about your suggestion a little bit more and see what I can come up with. Sadly I have no energy left for dealing with this anymore and I just want to be in my room and not talk to them at all. I've never liked seeing other people naked and I don't want anyone to see me naked either, I think it's the most basic privacy I could ask for.
>>103327Yeah, I get what you mean. I know women in most parts of the world have to deal with much tougher problems than I do but at least we can relate to each other in some aspects. I try to be respectful and I always remind myself that I have much more rights than my grandmothers.
>>103329> this is fuel for you getting an amazing job with or without a degree, idk whatever youre doing, just get out of there. i know you can do it nona.Thanks! I need to get a masters degree and I am lucky enough that it starts in a few months and I will be home a lot less than I am now in August, my mother and my sister will start work again which will also help. But that's the spirit, as soon as I finish my education I am moving out!
>is there any reason she has to be like this? did she find pron or were you cyberbullied or have an ed or something shes worried youre watching content for??She became a widow very young in terrible circumstances and in order to overcome the traume she sticked to her children a little bit too much. My sister has always been extroverted and my brother is a sexist prick so she ended up developing a slightly emotionally incestuous relationship with me.
>im also in europoor country same situation shit family life. we'll get out of this.I swear we will, anon #<3
>>103330I feel so sorry. Maybe you can put a lock on your door? I can't do that because we are renting but some parents allow this.
>After I scold him he stops for a while but then does it again, rinse and repeat.Exactly, it's terribly frustrating…
Anonymous 103342
>>103341
>I asked him if we would still love me if I were a worm and can you believe it he said yes!!!!! He's basically Buddha.
Anonymous 103343
Tfw you get your period at the public pool in a white swimsuit
Anonymous 103347
>>103339Spainnona, you're so serious. You remind me on myself when I was your age. Why would you want your mother to understand imageboard culture when she doesn't even understand that you want privacy? Tell her it's a gossip site. Or do you believe that she will start browsing inane imageboards too? For her all those labels you mentioned won't be important either. It's not her world. I was merely suggesting that you create and leak a fakesona that is into normie or maybe nerdy stuff while you continue hiding your persona as you value your privacy. However, you give the impression that you are culivated and also want to be perceived as such what makes my suggestion rather meh. Anyways, what's your music taste?
Anonymous 103349
>>103343Nona, I like white onepieces I don't like white bikinis, though. So I totally can relate
Anonymous 103351
Talked to a moid today.
Day = ruined
Anonymous 103359
I've been trying to google how to cope with being suicidal in hopes that it does get better but all the things that come up always have something like "ask support from friends or family"… I don't have friends and my family doesn't give a flying fuck. Just makess me feel worse I hate thinking I have nothing here.
Anonymous 103371
h.jpg
I'm browsing my former friends social media and can't get over how they seem to be moving on in their lives and I'm still the same. I have no future. Also, the only person I'm "close" to now is my e-bf whom I know it's never going to work out with. We've agreed that if he finds someone irl we would split but I can't stand the thought of it now. I'm stupid for agreeing to this but I was desperate and mentally unstable and now it's eating me up inside. I can't move on from the past and the only thing I want in life now is to relive my life from scratch and fix my mistakes, but that's impossible.
Anonymous 103372
>>103371you can't go back but you can fix your mistakes. I say this as someone who's sort of on the same position (looking at former friends getting ahead while I'm stuck) Nothing's lost, you can craft a future for yourself too>>103371
Anonymous 103391
Damn, I need to stop being stupid. Every once in a while, I tell myself that I am ready for love and put myself out there only to be severely disappointed because I just can’t talk to men. I still can’t put my finger on why, but conversation always fizzles out. I know I’m part of the problem because I’m probably not being very engaging and sharing a lot with them, but I don’t have the urge to do so either which I think points to lack of interest. Part of me is telling myself I should keep trying because hopefully if I talk to enough guys there has to be one I get along with. But every time I get disappointed, I just feel worse about myself like I must be doing something wrong even when I’m not that attracted to whoever I’m talking to in the first place.
Anonymous 103396
When I met my moid he knew I was financially useless, and needed to be supported.
He still wanted me to be an influencer or smt and now he guilt trips me all the time because I don't make money.
I feel awful.
Anonymous 103406
>>103347Sorry for the late reply! It's not that I want to reveal to her what imageboards are, it's just something another anon asked and I was answering why I don't think that's a good idea. The fakesona is an interesting option, I would be lying if I said that it hasn't crossed my mind a few times in my life but the effort seems enormous. Have you ever attempted such a thing successfully?
>However, you give the impression that you are culivated and also want to be perceived as such what makes my suggestion rather meh.You got me there, although I'd like to think I am not too focused on being percieved as such, it's just the role of the introverted rather intellectual sister I've been playing since adolescense, but I'm sure most of my family think I am weird and cringe lol. I like goth rock, big beat, industrial, techno, post punk an other alternative genres, what about you?
>>103391Don't be harsh on yourself, most men don't know how to have a real conversation, they only know how to talk about themselves or how much they think they know about X topic. Are you feeling pressured to get a partner?
>>103396Have you explored financial aid options? If you can't work for whatever reason maybe you can apply to some type of aid your government offers. It may seem hard to find out but there are usually a handful of physical offices in each city where social security workers help you with any doubts you may have and they can evaluate if you are a valid candidate.
Anonymous 103413
I was more or less trapped in a relationship with someone for a year after I tried ending it with him. I think it contributed to my developing an autoimmune disorder months after it finally ended, when I was still processing all of it and was still in a heightened state of stress over everything that happened. I burned out and lost interest in many things, especially social things. I'm doing better, but I'm afraid I'm at least slightly broken for life by that experience. All because some entitled nerd thought he had the right to 'veto' my breaking up with him and then went over my head to manipulate the circumstances to make it difficult for our relationship to end.
Anonymous 103419
>>103406No external pressure to find a partner, but sometimes I tell myself that maybe there’s a guy out there I could love and put myself out there just to see. Thanks for the reassurance though. One guy I was talking to just told me he can’t tell how interested I am in him based on my lack of responses and I wondered if I’m just terrible at being a conversation partner and other guys just ghost me after a while. But I guess I wasn’t super interested in the first place so maybe they could pick up on that.
Anonymous 103443
>>102653I was reading Lucy By The Sea. Came out last year. He knew too much about it to be feigning interest. I know he's probably boring. I know that if I tracked him it'd be mundane stuff like the gym, groceries, home etc. but I just need to know. The more I can't find about this moid the more it irritates and interests me.
>>102618Most definitely not.
>>102611Definitely not. She's married and older than him. I took her to mean that she knows medical stuff, home stuff etc.
>>102607What do you mean?
>>102603An extremist of what? Going to the beach and getting a tan?
>>102596Air Tags wouldn't work because they're not "accidental" enough. It's pretty sus. If I dropped my phone into his bag that's not a mistake anyone would want to make and so it comes off as innocent.
>>102602Running someones name through a people search engine isn't exactly a lot of effort.
Last week I learned/noticed
>He hums classical music>He favours purples/blues/reds in his shirts>He shaves once every couple of days>He likes hazelbut cookies>He can read music>He doesn't use sugar or sweetener. He uses honey.>He stares at girl butts if you wear leggings (so probably not gay)I also asked him "what are you getting up to this weekend" and he says "overtime". I log in and can see that he's completed a bunch of assignments and helped others with theirs.
He even went through a few of my tough ones and put notes on stuff I'm not progressing on. His notes make perfect sense. I like that he doesn't overuse emojis.
ARRGHHH WHHHYYY
Anonymous 103448
I dated a guy for over 7.5 years. The last two years of the relationship was purely a trauma bond because his drug habits and porn addiction fried his brain to the point where he became mentally deranged. Finally got the balls to press charges after two years of abuse. the amount of women who came out to me about his disgusting behaviors and actions towards them during the duration of our relationship almost made me vomit. He sexually assaulted two, broke into one’s house at 3am, and has 4 different no contact orders including mine now and 3 for cyberstalking and harassment. Dude had at least 15 different facebooks he used to stalk women on. Any time I tried to question him on any of the crumbs of his bullshit he would fail to hide he would gaslight me. In the end he had quit his job and stole money from my bank account for drugs and cost me over 2k in hospitalization bills and 4k for other bullshit (not including me having to pay ALL of our bills for over two years). Of course now he’s all over Facebook trying to gain a pity party and say that it was me who was the problem despite him pleading guilty to avoid jail time.
Anonymous 103455
No vent really. This morning I went to take a shit (and was pretty happy because I get to doomscroll on the shitter AND because I didn't go the whole weekend). I get a good momentum going when a first cramp hits. My period's close and I haven't had severe cramps in years and years, unless I'm coming down from a strenuous workout after which my uterus feels it necessary to punish me for being active. I don't pay it much mind, but that shit doubles in frequency and the pain goes from a 4 to a 12 in seconds. Then I'm doubled over crying. I drag myself to the sofa. I'm sweating like a pig and feel nauseous, and I WASN'T EVEN DONE CLEARING MY COLON. The next half hour is nothing short of what I assume childbirth feels like. Down to contractions THAT I COULD FEEL. Of course, I don't handle it with grace. So naturally, I'm crying and writhing around and begging for painkillers (I ran through my last stash so I was at the mercy of my mother). All the while my mom does the necessary, gets me a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I would thank her for the care but for the constant stream of blaming and berating that she just launched on. About how I never listen to her advice, how I lowered my pain threshold with painkillers, and that I'm probably affecting my fertility and shit. With the pain, her tirade (which is routine at this point) is like nails on a chalkboard and just compounded the suffering. Anyways, the heat of the cup does what it does best and eventually the pain ebbs away. My conclusion is that I have 5 years to work really hard (i dunno how) at becoming a millionaire so I could afford one of those surrogate thingies. No way I'm putting myself through that shit. Nuh uh. And I'm not principled enough to go the childfree way.
/blog
Anonymous 103466
I hate that my mom is ignoring me. I've been acting passive aggressive lately hoping that it will make her start a discussion with me (I'm too cowardly to say "I want to talk") and she kinda just acts like everything is fine. I can't tell if she's being nice and forgiving or if she simply cares so little. I want to die
Anonymous 103481
I got stood up twice this week and I swear it was the same guy using different accounts, why are men like that? Now I don't want to use tinder again in case the same thing happens
Anonymous 103483
In a self pitying mood so here goes..
Am I literally unloveable and unapproachable? Why is it that everything I touch withers and fucking dies. Why is it that I have not realized any of my goals thus far. Not a single one. Ive wanted to go to Japan since I was 12, and did I? I wanted to be a pilot.
Anonymous 103488
I think I just broke up with my new bf, someone who is super attractive and funny and seemed to love me back. I don’t know if it is just PMS but I just can’t see myself happy in any relationship and I was expecting him to do the same thing to me. I hate how inferior I feel to him. He’s quite a masculine guy and I dress very masculine because of autism sensory issues and because I don’t like sexualizing myself or keeping up with fashions. I think he caught up in what I really am outside of le imageboard girl and became a bit rude and distant last time I was with him, though he still claims he loves me. It infuriated me because I know how these things end and I don’t think it’s enough to sacrifice my freedom over while he’s fine to do whatever he wants. I hate seeing men be men and not understand the female experience. No man ever will, even the feminine ones are still assholes and expect me to do everything for them. I want a relationship but every single one will leave me bending over for someone and changing myself while they stay the exact same.
I’ve accepted that any man who wants me will never see me as an equal. I guess that’s a given. At least when I’m single I can delude myself to think that I have the same level of freedom as men do.
I wish the female relationship experience wasn’t like this. Especially when you’re a friendless loser and the only time you get social interactions is when you are dating. I can never be my true self in relationships because my true self is not sexy and no man ever listens to my interests anyway. They’d go on about their interests for hours and I’d sit and ask questions about it because I like to care for people but they never care about mine, unless they are trying to police what I like and what I can’t do because of possessiveness. They just want to “fix” me (guys have literally said this) and make me into the perfect girl for them but they will never let me have any influence on their life, not that I should have to in the first place. It’s just so unfair and irritates me so much but I guess that’s life
Anonymous 103489
I feel like I lost my high school experience. I’m in college now but I never got to experience high school like the rest of my friends did because I spent it all mostly inside. Then, I lost a lot of it to CVOID.
Anonymous 103506
I was going to pepper this with a dramatic narrative but I don't want to risk being too annoying.
I traded sandwiches with moid at work yesterday as an experiment to see if he likes my favourite flavour profile as I'd made my favourite sandwich. He loved it and I could tell he was thoroughly enjoying it and not just saying it.
I on the other hand was in some kind of flavour and texture fever dream. It was a sunday dinner leftover sandwich with thick lashings of english mustard where the butter should be. who puts cut up soggy roast potatoes on a sandwich? Why so much mustard? Why was the beef so dry? Why was the sage and onion stuffing so stiff and crispy?
On one hand it's great that he doesn't waste food, on the other I now have to wonder if what I ate was leftovers from the cooking or leftovers from his plate… and i'm too afraid to know the answer. I bought this on myself sure, but surely he would have refused trading if it was made of half-eaten dinner right? …right???
Anonymous 103515
Everything is so boring.
Anonymous 103517
>>103488What makes you feel inferior to your bf (or ex-bf)? I hate what you're describing though. It's like they're all socially retarded. I have many female friends who have completely different interests than me, but we accommodate each other and find things in common to talk about (or otherwise indulge in each other's interests). Men either expect you to talk about what they like or nothing at all. I sometimes wonder if I'm just socially inept because I can never have close relationships with men, but then I realize that I get along with women just fine so it's just that they don't know how to have a conversation that isn't one-sided or completely surface level. Well, there are some men who I've been able to have decent conversations with but they're few and far in between. I understand your frustration and you honestly sound like a cool person, so I'm sure the way your bf is treating you doesn't have much to do with you as a person as his own misogyny or whatever.
Anonymous 103520
IMG_0072.jpeg
Not me spending 150 bucks on some boots my bf is going to kill me
Anonymous 103523
japanese.jpg
I'm so scared to get a job. I'm 24 and never had one before. Most of it is from having to talk to people for 8 hours, another part of it is being too scared to drive (despite having a license).
Anonymous 103524
>>103523having a license is a big feat imo
Anonymous 103526
>>103523Usually your first job is totally exhausting. Don't get let down by this
Anonymous 103533
>>103523You'll be surprised how quickly it turns mundane.
Anonymous 103554
>>103523Japanese bird cooking spaghetti, how I've missed you, I hadn't even realized it's been about 10 years since I last saw you
Anonymous 103557
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Forever seething about things that are long past now and about things that haven't happened yet. I hate how pessimistic I am, it has obliterated any other personality trait I had. My head is full of negative thoughts almost all the time. I can't picture a future in which I am satisfied with my life, everything is boring, dull and pointless. The past is full of bittersweet memories first, and after that there's just a neverending sense of dispair. The more I hate myself, the more I hate everyone else, and vice versa. I would love to dive into a pool of clear cold water right now.
Anonymous 103559
i feel disgusted with how i look and how clothes look on me. i save pinterest images and images of pretty girls with amazing outfits but they never look good on me. my arms look hideous and my hair is just a fucking mess plus im ugly af and my teeth are all messed up jfc i want to dissapear
Anonymous 103560
>>100201Im so annoyed by how people online with a inferiority complex for not living the stacy life call everyone that doesn't conform to social rules a sperg.
Anonymous 103563
>>103524It's a curse because everyone thinks you can be punctual and safely drive anywhere.
Anonymous 103580
>>100201i am extremely emotionally dysfunctional and become dependent on whatever ephemeral relationship i mire myself in
i am self-obsessed, immature, sad, vindictive, lonely
i dont even know where to begin trying to fix myself
my instinct is to look for someone who will distract me and maybe even help me but im wary of that
feels hopeless
Anonymous 103586
I feel like I never know what my emotions are I can't trust my feelings.
Anonymous 103592
Im such an unlikeable person its insane
Anonymous 103750
am i being petty when i cant forget that my boyfriend told me "i dont care" when i was talking about a subject i was passionate about? i never put him down and this really hurt me when he said it. he didnt even really seem sorry.
Anonymous 103753
>>103750I don't think it's petty to still feel upset over something in the past. We all look back on our own past experiences and sometimes can still feel hurt by them. It would be petty if you actually did something immature and childish to him without honest communication but feeling upset over it is not petty at all. I think it's bad if your partner dismisses you so often and refuses to be a listener.
Anonymous 103766
IMG_1037.jpeg
Just a financial vent. Compared to a lot of people I have things pretty good; I’ve got an apartment of my own that I can afford, a cat who I love, and a job that I actually enjoy.
My job is good because I get to work with animals and it’s so fun, but it doesn’t pay well at all. I’m not living paycheck to paycheck but it’s close, barely enough to save anything and that’s IF I don’t buy myself anything that month. I’ve been making new friends as of late and all of them are working in offices and make a lot of money. I got pulled into a little vacation trip with them to the west coast, but halfway through I realized that I had just spent like a 3rd of my savings and it made me miserable the rest of the trip. I hope one day I can not have to worry about this stuff so much, but I doubt it because I genuinely want to keep working with animals and i don’t make enough to go to college for a more lucrative job. Life is what it is I suppose I just wish I had been dealt a little bit of a better hand
