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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Anonymous 100510

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. I met this chick online on a rp site and we seemed to hit it off well enough at first. I initially felt pity for her because she came off really weird and kind of autistic, oversharing things and treating me like her bff5evr when we really didn't know each other. Next thing I know, she's blowing a fuse over rp plots, constantly misunderstanding me and stressing me out. She'd convince me that it was my fault in those moments and she'd say manipulative shit all the time like, "I can't believe this is happening again! You knew I was worried about this! I thought we were friends. Are you my friend?" And my stupid traumatized ass would apologize for upsetting her. I stuck around thinking that we'd be able to get over her weird emotional outbursts with enough patience. Months later, I became an anxious mess and by the last argument I became embarrassingly hysterical from all the pent up resentment and fear that I said things I regret and ghosted her. She responded by emailing me with a written and audio recorded rant where she chastised me for ghosting her and gaslit me on what happened, then a day later sent me a random meme via email. I thought this was an olive branch, so I let her know that I didn't have her Discord info anymore since I unfriended her but that she was free to email me whenever or add me back if she wanted. She gave me her contact and said it was up to me. Well, my friends and family all told me she was abusive and to forget her so I never responded. Two months later I still feel bad. Has anyone else been through something like this? I can't make sense of this situation at all because on one had she made me gifts for my birthday and seemed really nice but the second something upsets her she goes off and treats me like she's only tolerating me for a while before it's business as usual. Right now she's back on the forum trying to get someone to play my exact character. I'm super confused on how to feel.

Anonymous 100511

What exactly did you say to her to feel bad about? I can understand feeling empathy for her but it sounds her problem not yours and that she needs to learn to take accountability and fix her shit, and will with time if she cares enough. That being said, did you at least properly tell her what was wrong with her behavior? A lot of times people like that aren't self-aware and need to be told by others to learn.

Anonymous 100512

I tried in vain to explain how she was affecting me, tried to explain how her misunderstanding me all the time was making me feel insane and how I was scared of her, but she just looked for ways to avoid accountability. I really regret not muting her and giving myself time to calm down because I ended up calling her dramatic and vanishing like a coward. It reached a point where just seeing her screen name was stressing me out and I was tired of trying to cut ties with her and having her convince me to stay via guilt. There's maybe no reason to but I feel bad! I can't tell if she was genuinely a friend or if she was legit using me for rp, and I can't tell if I am in the wrong for not making things work? Because even though she acted passive aggressive and manipulative and acted like a victim, she did try to implement strategies to help us communicate better (even if they didn't do much) and she blamed all her "intensity" on her ADHD. It doesn't help that the chick was OBSESSED with this roleplay, said it was one of the few things in her life that made her happy, spent rl money on AI generators to make scenes from it and spent months making sets in the Sims. So that's another reason why I feel bad for her.

Anonymous 100526

I guess I want to know if I should apologize to her or if the relationship isn't worth it. She was the only online friend I talked to since my peeps are all offline and I honestly miss having chats with her about normal stuff outside the rp. But if she was just using my writing as her figurative dildo then it would be best to move on, right?

Anonymous 100528

just apologize. even if it doesnt mean anything to her, it'll mean something to you.

Anonymous 100534

You've never heard of BPDemons and narcissists did you ? Look up cluster B personality disorders if you want to understand, I recommend Sam Vaknin's videos. Anyway, you can't try to analyse her as if she were a normal person. She's clinically insane and nothing you say will get through to her, she is too removed from reality.
>she came off really weird and kind of autistic, oversharing things and treating me like her bff5evr when we really didn't know each other.
That was lovebombing, it's a manipulation technique and if someone does that, you should run.

Anonymous 100572

Thank you for your recommendation!! She has some issues beyond ADHD for sure.

Anonymous 100598

, you filled a role for her, something she groomed you into.

You're not an emotional support animal, don't feel bad about this.

Anonymous 100599

Thank you. Roleplaying is usually a fun, easygoing hobby for me but this experience certainly soured it. And yeah, the plot and everything was her idea, and it pretty much went down like that. The second I posted my intro, she praised me while simultaneously shitting on her current and past rp partners and complaining about how this plot never took off how she wanted, yet she wouldn't outright tell me what she wanted at first. Then she'd pressure you into brainstorming the plot way, way into the future of the canon (meaning we only posted twice but she was plotting months of the story in advance) and shoehorning all kinds of unhinged plot points that didn't really make much sense. I rolled with it thinking it was spitballing but then she made Sim plots based on the ideas and I realized she was serious. Then when I brought up how some of the ideas didn't really make sense to me, she'd throw a fit and act like I was playing mind games with her or planned to drop the rp and all kinds of accusations. She blamed her reactions on "roleplay trauma" but it became a thing where I knew I'd have to commit to everything on the spot because she would either bulldoze you with essays on why something made sense to her or she'd act like you're an asshole for trying to find compromises. An example of a plot point she was obsessed with was my oc (a highschool boy) plotting a ferryboat explosion with all his classmates on it including himself and his bff, yet somehow escaping unscathed with said bff, swimming in ocean water in WINTER to some island,finding a convenient rowboat then going to main land where he'd keep his bff hostage in a underground bunker. There's suspension of disbelief and then there's that…

Anonymous 100604

It doesn't seem as if she was intentionally trying to hurt you and she probably did want a friend but the fault does sounds like it falls mostly on her. From what you said it sounds like she has to sort out some inner conflict and someone like that can't maintain a healthy friendship anyway so I think you cutting her off was most likely the best for the both of you and hopefully she comes to a realization after.

Anonymous 100610

i don't know. but this story reminds me of a moid i met that used roleplay to mentally fuck with me and constantly push my mental boundaries even when i pleaded with him to stop or ask why he was doing it. tell them to fuck off and die op

Anonymous 100621

I completely agree.
When I checked her search thread last time I saw that she included many more prompts that all included the same theme of being held captive. Which is interesting because the original prompt we were working on said nothing about Stockholm syndrome/kidnapping but it was a component she clearly wanted. Knowing what I know about her, I think it's clear that she was using me to fulfill her sexual fantasies and that the friendship was some insane attempt to keep me around long enough for her to get her rocks off, which is incredibly disgusting. Thank you everyone for helping me understand and make peace.

Anonymous 100804

>I initially felt pity for her because she came off really weird and kind of autistic,

OP you sound like you're projecting.
> I became embarrassingly hysterical from all the pent up resentment and fear that I said things I regret and ghosted her.

These behaviours make you sound like the emotionally dysregulated autist. How embarrassing

Anonymous 100817


Anonymous 100827

Yeah, I regret doing that but it took me nearly 8 months to lose my shit. This chick was flipping out every other week to normal statements like, "I don't mind reworking the plot if we have to."

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