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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Do good men even exist? Anonymous 100929

Every men i dated so far seemed ok at first, but turned up to be a rapist/manipulator/pedo/weird abusive asshole etc. It seems like all they want is to "conquer" a woman and move on to the next one, no matter what they say or do at first

It would be so easy if it was me who was to blame in my bad expiriences in relationships with man, yet almost every person i asked (besides my exes) and everyone who knows me says i'm not at fault.

Ironically, after my last break up, i started reading La Forêt des Mânes by Jean-Christophe Grangé and main character of that book has the same problem, she notices that all men do just this. The book was written by a man and the fact that i'm not the only one, and the fact that some men understand this problem rly crashes my hope for a good relationship in future

I would date a girl, but it would be challenging, bc im biromantic, but heterosexual

Pls, nonas, if you have a stable long-term relationship, tell me about it, give me hope, i don't know what to do

Anonymous 100933

I'm seconding this anon. You could substitute real life romance with fiction works or your own fantasies, both of which are very powerful tools that give you what you seek. Speaking of that, understand that men are generally very selfish and not at all the romanticists that one would want them to be, so having a boyfriend - even by standard a "loving" one - would hardly give you what you want. You are very likely to fall into the sexual intimacy exchange for emotional intimacy trap that many women are victims to. Please think about what exactly a man would give you that you cannot get on your own, because you're probably more into the fantasy of boyfriend than an actual boyfriend.

Let me assure you that the only aspect that won't be satisfied by fantasy is the need for physical affection, but that can also be substituted for to a degree if you know what I mean. Be sure to choose this option over subpar, mediocre men in your life. As someone once put it, men's attention means nothing because they would fuck anything. You could throw a plate across the room and a man would fuck it before it lands.

Focus on yourself and don't try to complete yourself through romantic relationships, because it's a waste of time and there's a high chance that it will be emotionally draining. Do it for yourself, as self-care, because it is <3

For a start, start looking into some fine literature, whatever you are into. If you are into erotica, I would recommend trying to read some Anaïs Nin or perhaps Rachilde. If you aren't sensitive to misogynistic authors and enjoy role-reversals, Masoch's Venus in Furs was also very interesting to me. Masochism was a term coined after the man, so you know what to expect. >:3

Anonymous 100937

I find reading erotica like this difficult because it paints men in a far better light than their reality - I find they make you more prone to idealizing them.

Anonymous 100939

What's the point of being indifferent and and attracting men? If you're indifferent then attracting them just seems annoying. Why can't they just indulge in mutual, reciprocal, intense love?

Anonymous 100947


That argument is silly, because even expecting something as basic as "I want my partner to be sexually exclusive with me" is already idealizing men. Fantasize about what makes you happy, and consciously understand that you won't get that fantasy fulfilled by a man. Go read a fanfic, nona. Do it. CC knows you want to. Go to AO3 and look up "original work". Find that gem that your heart aches for. Come on. Stop reading and go!

If you are still unconvinced, instead you should pinkpill yourself about the fickle and conditional nature of men's "love" and you will soon realize that you never wanted men as they are. You always craved the fantasy to begin with.

I know you made the thread to get encouragement that good men truly do exist, and maybe they can exist, but as someone whose last attempt at a relationship ended in me endlessly agonizing over the negligence of one of those so-called "good men", I recommend that you leave those creatures alone.

Literature was my suggestion for a substitute, a 100% replacement, not a stepping stone in wrapping yourself in false beliefs about men.

Anonymous 100963

I've thought about that a lot and I genuinely think I'd love an extremely clingy, jealous type. I've just never come across that. Even if they're unstable, as long as they aren't violent (think more like the type of clingy person on CC who's prone to limerence - hell think of me: I have a job, I'm not violent, but I'm also capable of real and enduring love) I'd be interested in them. For some reason every guy I've dated has been relatively "chill" about everything - they give space happily but expect it too, they don't really get jealous etc.
>But yeah the pool is kind of poisoned. Why care at all anyway? You can't change it so seek thrills or pleasure instead of giving power to what is a TOXIC GAME to a hell of a lot of men

I have to keep reminding myself of this, but I also think it doesn't really make sense to be open to love under these conditions either.

I loved AO3 fanfic as a preteen and had an erotica phase as a teenager, but I also think at that age I was the most vulnerable to being manipulated by scrotes. That's what I'm worried about. I had to take birth control a year ago for medical reasons and it actually warped my sex drive so hard that I never felt anything for moids - that was an awesome time.
Also, I wasn't OP (sorry, should've clarified).

Anonymous 100969

tysm everyone <3
Especially >>100931 >>100933
In all honesty, fuck men

I'm rly dependent and anxious when it comes to relationships and you're right. I hope I'll stop to chase men when they give me a little bit of attention, I always had been rushing things and was completely open from the start, I think it's something that is induced by childhood trauma & abuse/neglect from my father, hopefully this summer I will go to the therapy

Not a long ago got myself a kitty, rly love her, she's like daughter to me, already feeling better & stopped even thinking 'bout men

I love all of you, you're the best <3
Let's all love ourselves together
Fuck all men

Anonymous 100978

Unironically the highest IQ/EQ post yet.

Unfulfilling relationships happen when we are out of alignment with our highest selves, when we give into our base impulses out of desperation, selecting partners by superficialities and not by the color of their soul. Look beyond appearance, for what's within is what will find you

Anonymous 100979


Anonymous 100984

This is true but you need to start working on yourself and the things around you for this to really manifest, fill yourself with hope and love (dont be toxicily positive though of course) and good people will naturally follow

Anonymous 100995

Ironicaly, that's what i do most of the times, i'm pretty straightforward when it comes to relationships, if i like someone - i tell them, same with everything like fears, past, etc.

Anonymous 100997

IDK if i'm autistic, I have ADHD diagnosed tho (which is quite a rare sight in my country), but none of it matters, bc I'm rly naive, you're spitting facts right there

Anonymous 100999

Why not? I read everything, can enjoy a book even if it's bad. Nonetheless, the fact that it is in the book = this is something author aknowleges

Anonymous 101000

Nope, not even close xd

Anonymous 101002

Well, almost, that's closer, at least in the eyes of ppl from other countries xdd
I'm russian

Anonymous 101004


>muh energy

Anonymous 101011


>types like a moid from wizchan or another similar site: proper grammar, oiling you up by saying he doesn't think you're unintelligent from the very beginning so you are more likely to read what he has to say, moralizes you anyway because moid
>has it drilled in his head that women are less direct so he starts with "I don't want to sound like an asshole"
>impersonal descriptions ("I met a guy" instead of "I met my now husband") for something that he's pretending he's swooning over, it's contradictory and reads like fiction
>focus on how this imaginary husband felt more so than the poster, even though you would assume that the poster would know herself better
>finale has the most banal Ever Happily After ending: the moid who typed this was even careful to include "no major fights, no infidelity, no breaks" because those are often the concerns women have, meaning someone with a lot of conscious intent typed this. The wording is very contained and directed. Directed at, specifically, proving that "NoT aLl mEn". Imagine yourself typing this, would you word it like that? "That was 10 years, our first house and a baby ago" of course a moid thinks the endgoal is reproduction, even when the topic is romance, also note how rushed this sentence is and the lack of detail despite the passionate amount given when defending the imaginary moid

I type like this when I lie, too. You don't even need AO3 for the fanfics kek

Anonymous 101015

what did it say, looks like it got deleted?

Anonymous 101016

LMFAO I picked up on the moid fingers that typed that post too. You can even tell by the narrative arc - "woman dates bad boys who dump her - they should date weird loser who never approaches instead!!". Also you know it's just empirically implausible because the sort of men who don't approach you but agree to date you after you strongly push are either
1) settling
2) have AvPD and will go insane and dump you eventually

Anonymous 101017

was a meme with a generic pretty boy:
>Can't find Mr. Right? Maybe it's because you're Miss Wrong
which is triggering as it is true

Anonymous 101018

Just as true for seething moids though

Anonymous 101023

Mr Right.PNG

Here u go fam

Anonymous 101065

it's true in general, but if it was true for me life would be so much easier godness
like, yeah, just need to work on myself and boom no more weird men in my life
instead there's more, they're just trying to seem like a healthy nice ppl

need to work on my naivety anyway tho asap

Anonymous 101127

There is no hope. I am sorry. Best advice I can give you is to read and create erotica.

Men's nature is one of quick thrills and self obsession. Testosterone fries their minds. Do not seek to obtain joy or romance from a man. At best he will give you a taste when he tries to conquer you.

Anonymous 101140

I got very lucky because my nigel isn't a pedo and doesn't even know what 4chan is. I met him in hs and we're still together. I asked him out, not having any expectations of what a relationship would be like and later on, he told me he didn't have any expectations either. Other people in long-term relationships have had similar experiences. You'll find them when you least expect it and you won't have any expectations. As the other nona mentioned, the more you chase the more you'll be disappointed. If you happen to meet someone and find out you have a lot in common, then pursue it. But don't be trying to actively find him, because you won't

Anonymous 101141

Best advice in this thread. Don’t try to chase men let them come to you. Still put yourself out there because you’ll never meet anyone inside your own house unless you speak to losers online and we know being terminally online is a mental illness so I’d avoid that if I were you.
You find love where you least expect it.

Anonymous 101143

>I asked him out
>let them come to you
Without talking about chasing this seems a bit contradictory

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