/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>How is your life right now
Boring. I'm chronically exhausted and my doctors are useless.
>Do you go outside?
Haven't been outside in 3 months. Longest was like a full year and a half though. Delivery is nice.
>Any friends or company?
Online only. That's basically it.
>What do you do to cope with it
Sleep.
>Share a highlight from your life
I don't really remember any. Visiting friends when I was younger maybe?

I'm just existing at this point.

>How is your life right now
Pretty ok so far, the neet life is comfy.

>>101072
>Half my friends abandoned me on my bday to drink between each other, the other half are pretty nice to me, dont really feel super connected to them though.
I'm so sorry for this, is it recent? If it is happy belated birthday to you nona.

>How is your life right now
Pretty swell.
>Do you go outside?
For groceries or to jog.
>Any friends or company?
None.
>What do you do to cope with it
Drink.
>Share a highlight from your life
I just recently realized and accepted that I am fucking dumb.

>>101083
Cheesed to meet hou tou.

>>101085
Online friends.

>>101087
Met an online "friend" only two times: the first and last time.

>>101089
Deja Vu.

>>101071

>How is your life right now
could be way better, had a huge fight with a "friend" and he's an asshole about it.

>Do you go outside?
no, only when I'm being dragged outside, but I'll start working soon so not for too long I guess :P

>Any friends or company?
well, one very good online friend and an IRL friend, I'm having a very hard time maintaining contact with my IRL friend though :(

>What do you do to cope with it
I romanticize my situation and well, that's it I can't cope anymore and it's hard to romanticize at this point. I Only have my online friend I can complain to about everything which I am VERY grateful for.

>Share a highlight from your life
my moid friend insulted me after I tried my best to comfort him for a few months now and tried to help him with his failing relationship, he also fell asleep on call when I vented my feelings yayyy ^_^

Social anxiety is playing life on hard mode.

People usually write me off after the first meeting because I'm so painfully shy. Several times I have befriended people at my college over discord (during pandemic) and they pretty much ghosted immediately after meeting me in person for the first time. I can't help acting incredibly awkward and not fun. I can always see in their eyes how they lose all interest in me with every sentence I speak.

But you need friendships for everything, so I'm fucked. Everything is 10x harder without relationships, even the anxiety itself. Going to a restaurant alone is scarier than in a 5 people group, chatting someone up and making friends is easier as a group, everything is easier when you have other people to support you.

I have a job but I feel like they just didn't realize that I'm always as nervous when talking to people as in the interview (in fact, it's probably worse than that bc I was prepared for the interview).

Recently, there was an event I had been looking forward to for months, and when I went there the mass of people on god triggered my flight response and I basically ran out of the building with tears in my eyes because of how I ruin everything joyful for myself. I cried outside and didn't dare to go back in. I had been looking forward to it for months.

I hate this terrible existence I've condemned myself to. And yes, I have tried therapy but I just don't have the motivation/guts to improve anything in my life.

>How is your life right now
It's been a constant mess my whole life. Right now I am high so I feel great in this moment, I was sad like 3 hours ago.

>Do you go outside?
Yes. I have to work to pay bills and buy groceries and go to the laundry mat. On a rare occasion, I'll go to the movies or a book store or dinner with my best(only)-friend or my husband. If I could just stay in and isolate myself, I probably would do it a lot. I rarely leave the house on my days off and once I am home from work. Sometimes my husband drags me to the gym. Sometimes the gym is too overstimulating and too many people.

>Any friends or company?
I have my best friend and husband. I sometimes wish I had more friends. My husband sometimes isn't the greatest company.

>What do you do to cope with it
Talking to people is a chore and I find that I am often low energy. I want friends but for a more selfish reason, that is to have more external self assurance. Just to have the reassurance that I am not a bad person, that I am likable and funny. The only time I seem to have any confidence is when I am around my best friend. My husband isn't a bad person but he often makes me feel small. Other then that I don't think I have the emotional energy to maintain any more friendships. I'm too busy with personal projects.
plus I generally hate people. I don't really like the thought of learning about people.
Every 5-6 months or so I post on here. I often lurk on tumblr/twitter but I never try to interact with people on social media. I often use the internet just to scream into the void.

>Share a highlight from your life
LOVING YOURSELF IS SO IMPORTANT! It's something that I've always struggled with and so I know it is hard. It's important especially if you depend on yourself for your own company. It takes a lot of work and effort to master and stop those negative thoughts and self talk. It took me so-so long to say "no" to the thoughts of killing myself. I think a lot of people underestimate how controlling those thoughts are. How it would slips in every time, I would make a mistake or when I was doing nothing. How it was just constant background noise. Like someone was constantly whispering it my ear.
Also relapses are part of the healing process, you just got to not let that completely discourage you from trying again. With enough determination those relapses get farther away from each other.

>How is your life right now

Lonely. I thought I didn't care but with the rising difficulty of making friends as an adult I'm realizing just how many regrets I have for taking my time in grade school for granted. Those are the only years people usually make friends for life. The fact that out of literally every last person I went to school pre-uni with…my friend from 6th grade is the only one that still wants to talk to me proves it.

I became laser-focused to be academically and profesionally successful over the past few years - I have job experience, my job is very comfy, I made Honor Roll several semesters in a row, etc. However socially I'm as underdeveloped as ever.

>>101109

So much this. You wrote it better than I could. I relate so much. I have become more uninteresting and unmemorable than ever. Teachers won't even remember my name properly. There's some people that have approached me but that I know I'll never form an actual friendship with so it's like "Why do we even talk with eachother".

>Recently, there was an event I had been looking forward to for months, and when I went there the mass of people on god triggered my flight response and I basically ran out of the building with tears in my eyes because of how I ruin everything joyful for myself. I cried outside and didn't dare to go back in. I had been looking forward to it for months.

I've done this as well. There were Asian cultural festivals that were held in my town, which I tried going to but both cases where I eventually ran home because of not being able to handle the discomfort of attending them alone. The first was a Korean cultural festival my school was holding and I thought I saw two girls laughing at me, and all the Korean students working there looking at me judgingly. The other was a very large Japanese festival that I knew other students from my school's Japanese club were going to as well, but none of them wanted to meet up. I spent the whole time just panicking while walking around waiting and looking at my phone, hoping someone would.

>Do you go outside?

Yes. Some days its more difficult than others, but I have managed to be pretty functional for day-to-day living. At least alot better than when I was a hikineet. However, most the places I visit are only school or work. Pretty much never any social outings. Not even any parks, which I wish I could more but that I get scared of being judged going to alone at, even there..

>Any friends or company?

To be fair, I know I am also at fault for losing alot of former friendships because I cannot maintain any for the life of me anymore. All the people I talk to I only talk to because they still talk to me. If they didn't, I'd just let that friendship die too. I used to constantly be in one-sided friendships, where I'm the only one that ever reached out, but now I've become the opposite. I used to put in all the work but now I've burnt out and don't want to bother with any of this anymore. The good thing is, at least, that I don't act as ugly desperate to anyone that shows me kindness, as I used to. I've been discarded over very trivial shit and just realized the person was an asshole all along, that's all.


>What do you do to cope with it

Keeping busy. I've been trying to make myself braver about going more places alone too. As >>101109 mentioned, it's still not as fun as with friends, but I haven't exactly had all terrible experiences either. I need to learn to enjoy my own company, especially if I'm driving myself to a future where there will only be some random homeless man I've never seen before, at my funeral.

>Share a highlight from your life

Back in 5th and 6th grade, I was a mute and used to get made fun of for never getting up from my desk. I would walk in, sit down, and not get up until the end of the school day. Not even for the big break / free period (There's no exact U.S. equivalent, because over there that tends to be only for elementary school students, but basically in addition to lunch, you get a longer break between second and third period for breakfast and to walk around school.) I was so quiet throughout childhood teachers and other students thought I was retarded. Some would even go "Wow, she can talk!" If I had a penny for the amount of times I would get asked "Why are you so quiet?" I would be pretty rich. Being made fun of about it became an everyday occurence. In a world that favors extroverts, I am really worried how my professional career is going to develop to be honest. I intentionally chose something not as stigmatizing of quiet people, but I know that won't change the likelihood of being bugged about it and treated as lesser for it.

>>101114
Did you go into computer programming?

>>101111
Not good but I haven't been in years. I wish I were dead but I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I will never be happy, my mental health is damaged beyond repair.

Someome I met online has actually asked to meet me again, and I really want to, because she's a cool, funny girl-boss type but I just know it won't work out. I can't communicate in person. Soon I'll lose her.

>>101118

Yes. I thought it would be more social anxiety-friendly, but I realized no job really is. Anywhere there is group work, your lack of social skills will be exposed.

>Makes a friend online
>"Miner i hate texting can we just call every single day"

When will the suffering end

>>101124
Idk, I feel like organized social interaction like group work is one of the few things I can handle (also in CS)

>How is your life right now
Nothing going on. I plan to do this and that and before I know it it's already 9 PM and I haven't done anything at all.

>Do you go outside?
Every other week for groceries

>Any friends or company?
I have one friend. She messaged me 4 days ago and I should reply ASAP. I like her and everything but it's exhausting, I hate it, the stress that comes with socializing may be worse than the loneliness and sadness I'll feel if I don't.
I also have a boyfriend but I can't get him to talk to me at all. He leaves me on read and when we're together he never strays from his weeb group calls and shitty Nintendo video essays. He literally only takes his headset off to sleep and even then he's like "shut up, don't touch me, I'm trying to browse Twitter"

>What do you do to cope with it
I drink and when I have thoughts I'd like to share I just type them in notepad and save them like virtual diary entries

>Share a highlight from your life
I am adventuring with my vidya husbandos on AI Dungeon nowadays. That actually makes me so happy. To think I would live in an era where you can erp with well-spoken robots and if you leave behind any cringe blackmail material then it's because mormons leaked it and not because you're too horny and stupid to live

Also I played Genshin Impact for the first time in a year and this 15 y/o twitter zoomer I assume barged into my world and started flirting with me. I managed to have a relatively normal chat with her, there was no anxiety despite of how strange and embarrassing the whole encounter was. That made me happy too. I'm not entirely lost, I may still be able to have casual online friends

>>101128
Sigh same thing here nona.

I also have a tendency to write massive walls of text and then I get met with “lol cool” type responses or “hey can we just do instant messaging not this long lengthy correspondence?”

No one can deal with my unhinged loneliness.

>>101136

Even in group work for programming jobs, you will likely still have to contribute to meetings - Which there will probably be constantly of, if your company is using something like Agile. That is often difficult for a person with social anxiety, because the body language or insufficient speech means it is easy for an employee to have their ideas ignored, or deemed inferior, even if very good.

Also even if you might not deal with extroverts in IT judging you, you can still get people in management and other departments needing more extroverted people ,like Sales, that don't understand your job making your SA a problem.

>>101132
i could be your 2hu friend, …

>>101088
>>101089
T4T

>>101187
I don't fucking get how they weren't banned for avatarfagging and being obvious trannies.

>How is your life right now
Its pretty good, been pretty uneventful but I have a nice full time job for the summer that I like.
>Do you go outside?
With friends yea, but not alone because I tend to feel weird or self conscious if I’m alone
>Any friends or company?
Yes, good friends too but my mood flip flops a lot between liking them a lot and questioning why i even talk to them and feeling stressed by having to talk to them. I also get incredibly stressed by hanging out with a friend 1 on 1, I talk a lot less and I get anxious about not talking which makes it harder to talk. Because of this I feel like I tend to interact with my friend groups as a unit as opposed to knowing them as individuals.
>What do you do to cope with it
When I start feeling stressed I stop talking and play comfort games
>Share a highlight from your life
The other morning I felt a bliss I had never felt in my life, I felt an amazing happiness and energized, an appreciation for everything in my life and life itself. This was stopped an hour later by sinus pain that made me feel like my face was being crushed and I felt incredibly tired.
>>101076
>I'm chronically exhausted and my doctors are useless.
I felt this because I struggle with being constantly tired on and off for weeks or months at a time, and going to doctors made me realize how 90% doctors are no more useful than google searches. There are a few specialists who are truly great at what they do but getting diagnosed is a true nightmare

>>101201

>going to doctors made me realize how 90% doctors are no more useful than google searches

Last year I had gone to a doctor, for the first time in awhile, for an annual physical exam and to also report concerns about my dizziness. Literally all he did about the dizziness is print out a piece of paper with links to several Youtube ASMR videos and shit, and hand it to me.

Went to another doctor today, because I've been dealing with a cold, and he prescribed me six different medications. Four of which I don't even think I need and for which he didn't even check my lungs or anything else to determine if I need. This is what we pay them for. Ridiculous.

>>101274
It's all just a way to get money out of our pockets, they just prescribe you anything and claim you have anything, no care whatsoever.

>>101286

Yeah. God forbid you get a serious healthcare and doctors STILL won't take you seriously until it is too late. I've grown to hate and distrust them alot at this point.

>How is your life right now
its okay but i have a lot of mood swings due to my bpd recently but as of writing this i feel ok!
i havent had any major mental breakdowns though

>Do you go outside?
sometimes yeah but only to go buy necessities like food or hygiene stuff

>Any friends or company?
i guess i technically have friends but theyre not really good ones . i also havent talked to them in a bit but probably will soon

>What do you do to cope with it
i love journaling and writing down my thoughts but my biggest fear is my mom reading them again

>Share a highlight from your life
i miss being younger and carefree

>>101201
>Yes, good friends too but my mood flip flops a lot between liking them a lot and questioning why i even talk to them and feeling stressed by having to talk to them
I feel this too, i keep being overwhelmed by being around others, i thought i was the only one.

>How is your life right now
I just kind of grit my teeth and bear through anything that makes me anxious
>Do you go outside
Yeah, I like walking my dogs and picking up groceries
>Any friends
My bf lives with me and I talk to a couple of close friends sometimes
>What do you do to cope
Exposure really is the best thing, but I also try to remember there are people who aren't going to like me and I can live with that
>Share a highlight
At my old job, I was talking to my coworker about how gross and disgusting older men are and ig the new manager (who's old, fat, and gross looking) heard me and he became very cold towards me and glared at me at time kek hoes mad

>>101142
I also write massive walls of text that make me look obsessed, especially if they send me dry responses back.

>>101071
>How is your life right now
Dogshit
>Do you go outside?
No
>Any friends or company?
No
>What do you do to cope with it
Suicidal ideation
>Share a highlight from your life
In highschool my sister dragged me to a house party. I mostly sat by myself but I really enjoyed being surrounded by the voices and laughter. I was invited to smoke weed in the backyard with everyone else but I was too scared/autistic to do it. Ive tried it since and now I'm wondering if maybe I had said yes I would have opened up and been more social and my life would have taken a different trajectory. I fantasize alot about wandering into a party today but I never go outside. Once I tried to go to a bar and I sat in the lot for two hours trying to work up the courage to go inside. After the second tallyhall album I gave up and went home

>>102399
I can relate to that feeling of wanting to do something and then running away. It feels so shameful. I hope you manage to do it someday.

I can't really relate to liking parties. Whenever I'm at parties, I just want to die. Not even because of the social anxiety, I just don't get how the loud noise and standing around inebriated is enjoyable for anyone

>How is your life right now
Not great. I just finished college and got a job which I hate.
Loneliness is also starting to take serious toll on my mental health.
>Do you go outside?
Only to work.
>Any friends or company?
1 person I can talk to semi-regularily
>What do you do to cope with it
vidya, anime, books/manga, and sometimes alcohol when it gets really bad.
>Share a highlight from your life
Can't think of anything worth sharing really

>How is your life right now?
Some days feel like a nightmare and some days are surreal and some are like whatever. I’ve had a few really nice days but they feel so far away now. I was recovering extremely well over the past few years up until this year, when I suffered a loss. Now I can feel myself regressing each week. I was able to eat anything, and now I am often finding a reason to restrict food groups from by diet all the time because of contamination. I was more open to trying new things and not scared of what might happen, now I feel dread at even doing routine things that I’ve done my whole life. I know things will get better… but I don’t know when. This is the first time I’ve been able to even post on an imageboard in a while because even if it’s anonymous, I get anxious that other anons will judge me! Isn’t that weird.
>Do you go outside?
I go to work, home, and the gym. But now I’m trying to make a gym in my home so I won’t even have to go. Now I get my groceries delivered. My circle is getting smaller and I am finding excuses to avoid going places I used to go with my husband.
>Any friends or company?
I live with my husband and we have kids(not my biological, but I am basically their only real mother figure and we are extremely close). But if the kids need to go somewhere, I make my husband take them. Of course in true emergencies I go but that’s only because I work in an ER. I don’t have any friends.
>What do you do to cope with it?
I am currently in therapy but struggle to keep it consistent due to being anxious about asking my boss for time to go. I’m exercising a lot, but now I’m so into fitness that it doesn’t really do much extra. It’s just the standard now. However I want to try getting into something different like figure skating. My husband has been encouraging me a lot.
>Share a highlight from your life
Getting my cat this year. He has really helped me a lot when I am unable to calm myself down.

>>102476
What do you do for your job? I’m in same boat, just finished my education and started my first “real” job. It’s soul sucking. How do normies do it for 50 years straight beats me

>>102498
>How do normies do it for 50 years straight beats me
I think it's mostly because they have something to keep them going. Providing for family and stuff. When you just work for yourself its harder to cope with doing a job you hate.

My job isn't terrible in itself. The issue is that I am assigned to the worst possible project. I don't know what to do, sometimes my supervisors don't know what to do, and sometimes there's even nothing to do, so I just sit in front of my desk doing nothing. That feeling of "why am I in here even?" is really tiring. Additionally I'm in a room with lots of people all around me, which doesn't feel all that great when large crowds make you feel ill. They're also all normies so whenever they talk about relationships, going to parties or about sex It makes me feel like I'm standing in the middle of a minefield just hoping that no one will touch upon such subjetcs when talking to me.

On the positive note, today wasn't that bad. I tihnk I'm getting used to it. The pay is pathetic, and there's no possibility for personal growth. But it could always be much worse.
Then again, I don't really like the argument of "others have it worse" because its just playing suffering olympics. Sure, I don't have it as bad as Amazon warehouse workers, but they don't have it as bad as congelease child cobalt miners who spend their entire day inhaling toxic fumes in slave-like conditions.

>>102498
> How do normies do it for 50 years straight beats me

I've been technically in the same job for 30 years BUT:

The first few years sucked, but after a couple of promotions and movements within my company I got to a place that was pretty average.

I then realised I could coast through the day on automatic while being competent enough to get promoted again and thinks are now just sweet enough I can coast and do my own stuff on the side.

Sometimes just having a good understanding boss and people you are friends with at work can make the difference… ie: you are all shovelling shit together but they are cool so the day goes faster. Also I'd have to take a massive pay cut and re-training if I ever left, lol

>How is your life right now
Alright. Not happy but not really depressed either
>Do you go outside?
Once in a while to get some food.
>Any friends or company?
1 real life friend I try to get closer with other wise only online
>What do you do to cope with it
Watch anime. A lot
>Share a highlight from your life
Said real life friend hugged me a few weeks ago

>How is your life right now
Not good. Incredibly broke and haven’t progressed financially due to everything that’s happened this year with my living situation, but am excited to start new job next week. I can’t wait to get out of my shithole of a studio, it’s unbearable in this heat, and begin living somewhere livable.
>Do you go outside?
I avoid it as much as possible. From being catcalled all the time and all the scary junkie moids.
>Any friends or company?
No friends as usual, i don’t talk to anyone for the entirety of my day. My roommate is the only interaction I get, but even then I avoid him. No contact with family. I am incredibly lonely.
>What do you do to cope with it
I draw a lot. I take sleeping pills when I don’t feel like being awake for the day and I’ve finished any errands, as I would have no reason to be awake. I self harm sometimes if I feel really bad but I try to avoid that.
>Share a highlight from your life
I took the first art class of my life and got my first works accepted into my colleges art show this year.

>>102787
>I take sleeping pills when I don’t feel like being awake for the day
For some reason it sounds very dystopian.

>>102789
sleeping is fun

>>102789
I guess it is. But it’s a lot easier than being awake. It’s very peaceful feeling myself drift off especially when I’m stressed.

>How is your life right now
Very boring. I got a remote job because I need more money than selling crafts can make, so I'm watched and monitored for 8 hours a day and can't just live and get the work done; they force me to miserable while I do it.
>Do you go outside?
No, but I'm forcing myself to walk around the property and eventually start going out on the street at night.
>Any friends or company?
I live with my sister and have only had friends online, but now I have an actual boyfriend in real life who lures me out into the living room to socialise with one extra person at a time.
>What do you do to cope with it
Distract myself. If I'm focused on a problem that needs solving or hyper-focused on details, the anxiety to hide and barricade myself away becomes bearable.
>Share a highlight from your life
I had a big emotional discussion with my moid about wanting to fix myself and moving in together if I do.

Having this disorder is like a curse, i would trade this for anything worse mentally if it meant i could still socialize with others like a normal human being. I don't know about y'all here but i've already given up on trying to get better a long time ago, i just get really drunk and try not to die.

>>102860
>i would trade this for anything worse mentally if it meant i could still socialize with others like a normal human being.
This, having social anxiety really is playing life on hard mode. No matter how smart skilled or beautiful you are, people who are better at talking to other people are always going to be way ahead of you.

Today at work I had to wrap grilled sandwich with layers of paper tissues and hold it like that because I didn't know where plates in the kitchen were and was too scared to ask.
I wish I could be normal.

>>102878

Moving up and through the world requires good social skills (Hence why usually CEOS = sociopaths, because sociopaths are great at socializing). It's unfortunate but that's how people are built.

The loneliness is killing me.

>>101071
>How is your life right now
Pretty sad,i miss when i have a online bf. Now i am so lonely.
>Do you go outside?
Just for food
>Any friends or company?
No
>What do you do to cope with it
I cut myself,recently i have a problem with binge eating but i fix it with anorexia and sometimes i sleep a lot because of sadness
>Share a highlight from your life
Idk,i like art. I draw and i make music.

>>106500
Got any family you can spend some time with nona ?

>>106508
I do spend time with my family and talk to them sometimes but i wish i could make some friends my age online, it is hard without scaring them with my social ineptitude.

>>106518
>online
I would advise against it; online "friendships" are a massive waste of time. Instead, you should create: write fanfiction, draw, compose music, etc. Not only will you take pride in your creations, but it will also allow you to join a community and actually share something meaningful in common with people online, rather than seeking friends just for the sake of seeking friends.

The reason I'm saying this is that I met the loveliest group of women online by writing silly fanfiction for a niche fandom. They're not really my "friends," but they're people I enjoy talking to because we share the same interests.

>>106521
are you allowed to do that to seals?

>>106521
Having responsible & mature friends on-or-offline will help ground you emotionally & keep you from becoming enchanted with the process of creation. Some of the worst people I've met have been up and coming artists with individual cults of idolizers. Never be friends wih stunted or infantalized people. Guard your mind tirelessly.

>>106521
Mutuals online are nice i agree with you, but i crave actual friendships. Honestly the reason i've been trying to make online friends is because it's impossible for me to befriend or find others who like the same things i do in real life.

>>106564
If that's okay, do you mind telling me how old you are? Additionally, what have you tried so far to make friends online/IRL?

>>106522
people like to pretend countries are somehow racist if they have laws against rampant psychopathic animal abuse if that abuse is perpetrated by Indigenous populations

>How is your life right now
Comfortable, been living with family my whole life, but things have been pretty uneventful other than some occassions. Almost everyday feels the same. Go to work, go home, be on my phone, do hobbies/responsibilities/chores, be on my phone, sleep, repeat. Sometimes I get this dreadful thought of going nowhere and not making any changes for the better until my parents grow too old to take care of themselves and that I have to rely on my siblings to support each other to live. It freaks me the fuck out and I don't what I'm doing with my life. I just want to be happy and comfortable.

>Do you go outside?
Yes, mostly for work (4-5 hours a day as a waitress) but on my day offs I'm usually at home in my room all day. I'd like to go out on walks or at parks with family members but I don't have a driver's license. I'm 25 and I've been struggling get one for so long and I hate driving. It's scary and I feel ashamed since most people I know and younger one already got their's. I just wish to be more confident and successful.

>Any friends or company?
My family is the only company I have. I had nice friends back in middle and high school though I haven't talk to any of them since we went our separate ways from graduation or moving to different schools. One friend did reached out me recently but we hardly chat on text. She would bring up similar interests we had back in high school and that I made small talk with her. Overall I'm glad that she reached out since I feel like a bothersome if I've spoken to old friends that I haven't talked to in many years even if I'm not a part of their life anymore.

>What do you do to cope with it
Going on the internet, going on anonymous image boards, anime, manga, vidya, drawing/art, music, 2D/fictional men

>Share a highlight from your life
Sorry for blog posting though I've been having social anxiety ever since I was a kid and throughout my entire school life. It started in elementary school where I've failed 3rd grade and have to retake it even though I was being bullied and struggled focusing on school work. My social anxiety continued in 6th grade middle school where I have to stay at an after school program with another bully who made me feel miserable and wished to go home. My social anxiety has gotten worse in 7th and 8th grade where a few of my friends wanted to cut me off from being friends because I was weird, obsessed with yaoi and came out as bi while having a crush on one of them. It's painfully cringe thinking about it since I didn't know any better even as a poor attempt to open myself up by being quirky. In the end we made up and stayed as friends.

At that time, I had a bizarre experience that I couldn't shake off was when I got hacked by a moid on AIM AOL Messenger and my DeviantArt account. He pretended to be me and send weird creepy messages to two of my friends and defiled my DeviantArt account with ecchi shit and later deactivated it. I thought it was one of my friends doing a harmful prank on me but it wasn't them and they wouldn't do anything like that. They witnessed it but we couldn't do much to stop him until we stop replying to his baits and later quits. It all started when some random girl tried to befriend me on DeviantArt. I was too gullible so we talked about anime and Hetalia until I brought up yaoi which made her uncomfortable and that her brother would beat her up for mentioning it. I called him a demon for doing that which triggered him to hack, ruined my two accounts and traumatized me. After all that happened I became paranoid of receiving private messages from random strangers on the internet and never made any online friends thinking if there's a depraved moid or hacker behind it.

After graduation, a few of my friends decided to go to an art focused high school which I was interested and followed them. I was expecting to get bullied again but turns out, it was full of nice people. I remained shy and quiet throughout but I made some wonderful friends who came up to me with similar interests. We draw, joined anime club, played vidya, be cringe and have fun. Freshman to late junior year were the best times of my school life until some of us moved to different schools or graduated so it's sad to see them go. I really missed them and sometimes wondered how they're doing right now. I even had reoccurring dreams of certain friends just hanging out and bonding with me which then makes me so depressed after waking up. Onto college, it sucks since I still struggle to make friends but could only make small talk. I've met two familiar faces there but everyone else are complete strangers. I just feel lost and the work load burnt me out so I ditched.

New years eve makes me suicidal, the regret is too much to handle

>How is your life right now
i’m fortunate to be in my current living situation. my mental stats though could be better although i’ve been much worse. i guess i don’t really feel much
>Do you go outside?
only for medicine refills and doctors appointments. when i get groceries i order them through “curbside” so i just drive up & they load them in my car. i also have to go to the post office once or twice a week to mail out packages from online shop sales. i dread it though.
>Any friends or company?
i don’t have any irl friends. i have a few online “friends” but we don’t talk regularly. actually we haven’t spoke 1 on 1 in probably years, besides 1 lol. i have a boyfriend though, so that’s nice.
>What do you do to cope with it
this question is funny because i feel like, staying inside is a cope. that’s my only cope. i have a xanax prescription but i’m scared to take that regularly since it causes lapses in my memory and is linked to dementia later down the line..
>Share a highlight from your life
i don’t know. i think of one nice time and then remember how tainted the realities of it were :{ idk!

>>109564
I dont get people in here who say they have boyfriends.. if you don't talk to people and dont go outside how did you find one?? Genuinely curious

>>101071
hello
>How is your life right now
better than it has been for ages because i have goals now. i'm also lonely though
>Do you go outside?
yes, i go to school.
>Any friends or company?
my ex, lol.
>What do you do to cope with it
disengage
>Share a highlight from your life
uhhh
my future

>>109566
well actually i have a couple of other friends and a sort of internet boyfriend. im afraid of them so it's different i guess

>>109565
i feel embarrassed to say but, tinder.
i know most men’s intention on dating apps is not to start a serious relationship but i guess i just got lucky. also at the time of meeting him i had a roommate and a job where i had to talk to people.. so i was better with communicating w others/was kinda forced to do so. but yeah.

our first “date” was just chillin at his place watching a movie so it wasn’t overwhelming.
he actually wanted to wait until we were official to sleep together. there’s still hope

>How is your life right now
not too good
>Do you go outside?
if i have to
>Any friends or company?
imageboards
>What do you do to cope with it
idk
>Share a highlight from your life
not sure

>>101071
>How is your life right now
These last few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I feel mentally ill. I'm used to having little to nothing new or exciting in my life and now that I have tons I don't know how to react.
>Do you go outside?
I found a job recently. Other than that, I only go outside to buy stuff or for a doctor's visit.
>Any friends or company?
Only the slightest company of my coworkers. Thankfully they're super nice and supportive.
>Share a highlight from your life
not a positive one but I got tired of being an anxious mess and took a psychoactive pill I know nothing about, just for the heck of it. I got super tired and nearly crashed my car, lol.

>How is your life right now
Rough but improving. I've got some interviews for a job. However, I'm struggling making friends at college because everyone's so closed off.
>Do you go outside?
I go to uni. I take a 2 hour walk once a day and go to the gym three times a week.
>Any friends or company?
Kind of? I have one guy from college that I talk to, but I suspect I've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and now I think he's trying to ghost me. There's a simp I talk to from counter-strike, but I simply suspect he's trying to get as much info as possible out of me so he can dox me. He keep's pushing for face pics and won't respect my boundaries. I keep him around because he sometimes says vaguely entertaining things.
>What do you do to cope with it
Imageboards are my opiate. Also like a little vidya and ASMR.
>Share a highlight from your life
got into top-tier uni but rejected it due to inadequate financial aid

>>110135
congrats on your job interviews.
question,, do you fear others looking at you while on your walks or at the gym? how do you manage your social anxiety going to packed places like uni and the gym? i feel like there's so much going on all around at both

Sometimes I think I'm getting better or it's just cute behaviours, then I can see girls having troubles socialising and start wondering if I also look that pathetic it's disgusting

>>110179
Thank you. When I'm on my walks, there's nobody ever around, usually. It really can get overwhelming at the gym, but most of the times, it's like I'm living half-reality, half-fantasy world in my head. I always have a fantasy going on in my mind, and it usually keeps me distracted from what's going on around me. But sometimes, I laugh randomly as a result of what occurs in my fantasy world, and I sometimes wonder if I look crazy to others.

>>110199
ohh okay that’s actually really beautiful! i wish i was more of a creative person, i fear my anxiety and dreadful thoughts have dimmed my light lol. keep being u nona :,3

>>101071
I go into work everyday and suffer from social anxiety and agoraphobia. Physically being there in the presence of others wears me down daily. How to overcome the fear of doing the small talk routine and saying hi to people? Why can’t I just sit alone in my cubicle and stare at a screen all day, I’d rather communicate via email instead of face to face…