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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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I'm jealous of my friends friendship, is that wrong? Anonymous 101240

hi, i'm a college student who finds very difficult to make friends and keeping friendships for a long time.
in college, i have a group of friends that consists of both girls and boys. before the group was formed, i used to talk a lot with 2 girls of the group. but nowadays everything is so different. so basically they start being good friends with the other girls in the group. like it's normal i did too, but they basically they have now their own gc separate from the main group and do their own discord calls and shit. have now their own little secrets, jokes, girls talk and i feel so excluded. my other gc with the 2 other girls is barely active nowadays (because i got tired of being always left on read lol) and i feel lowkey they only care about me when the other girls are not around. i feel like even the guys get awkward when they start with their own jokes.
i thought in having an conversation with them about this but i feel like they should not be pressured in being more close to me if they don't want to. but i feel sad because i feel like i'm not creating real connections in college and felling like the 2nd option of all time.
sorry for such a long text but i don't know how to express if not like this. i would like some sincere advice or know if anybody has been in the same situation has i'am.

Anonymous 101243



Life is way too short to spend all your energy on trying to be friends with people who don't want to. I used to and it just wasn't worth it. I had a roommate who I thought was the most similar to me person I met and that we could be really close. She even changed her major to one that is the same as mine. But she never reciprocated and always treated me very apathetically. You cannot make people like that interested unless you really fake parts of yourself, but that just means they're too shallow to be friends with anyway.

Anonymous 101262

feeling jealous is never wrong, unless in some specific and complex cases, but even then it isn't necessarily a problem because it's just a feeling (acting on it is another story, and justifiable only in a handful of cases).
don't feel bad about being jealous.

however, with time, it's good to get past it because as the nona before said it simply isn't worth it.
don't waste your time and energy with people that don't deserve it. let them have their life, and build yours with more compatible and valuable friends. it might take a while but it will be much more worth it.
for a start, i'd ditch the group in a subtle and drama free way so i wouldnt have to waste more time on them and suffer from feeling left out.
then i'd start looking for other people that have something in common with me, interact with them and seeing how it goes.

it's important to remember that there isn't anything wrong with you. a lot of our anger and sadness whem rejected comes from insecurity and the ego blow it gives us. but, it's just a question of compatibility (or sometimed of the other person's issue) and not our own worth. detach your worth from being accepted in groups and decide you're worthy no matter what. it will make things much easier.

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