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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Lusting for a gym crush even thought I have a boyfriend Anonymous 103186

I feel like a horrible being, I have a boyfriend for 4 years now and recently started lusting for my gym crush. Please read my backstory before judging me.

I was always on the taller side growing up (5'8) and most boys were afraid of me, I also had no big ass or breasts and was also very shy, no guys were into me during my school years. This developed in a huge complex over the years and it got me into working out. I think I got very lucky with my genes because I had an insane glow up. My butt is really big and cute and my I really like my long legs and shiny skin now. Shortly after I started to work out a guy kept hitting on me, I first thought he was trying to pull a prank or just pump and dump me because he was very tall and handsome. Well we are now together for 4 years and I never had interest in other guys, it's more the contrary, I started to develop a disgust for other men because now that I'm attractive they all hit on me or try dumb stare downs.

So I switched gym last year together with my boyfriend and I noticed a really short guy (maybe 5'6?) who was very obese working out at our gym. He is extremely shy and talks with nobody, I see him every time when I work out. He lost all his weight over the last year and his transformation is admirable. He looks like an Italian/Spanish mini Henry Cavill. Now this is where the problem starts, I started to "like" him. I noticed that he sometimes looks at me but I kept ignoring him during all the time and now he stopped to look at me. Back then I didn't care but once he glown up I started to enjoy his attention. I know I sound like a basic gym bitch. I also kept catching myself thinking about him, asking myself why he doesn't have a girlfriend or why he is so shy. My boyfriend noticed me looking at me at him sometimes and at first he got passive aggressive during our home rides. I asked him and after some tries he opened up asking me what I want with that short guy (he insulted him very mean ways). I told him it's nothing and that he is imagining things. The disputes with my boyfriend are getting worse and it's starting to tax me. I really love him but I'm so confused. The more often we quarrel the more the intrusive toughs get into my head. Did my current boyfriend just abuse the fact that I was a shy girl back then and he made use of my weakness? I really had a bad self esteem before I had my glow up. He also has no attacking point because my gym crush doesn't even hold eye contact with me or does anything like that. My boyfriend even got angry because he was in the same room as me (we both trained legs that day and there is a room for leg machines). I tried to think about it rationally, maybe I see myself in that guy? I mean he also seemed like a loner and really changed his way. He also is really into fitness. I'm not into short men, he is shorter than me so I could never date him. I think right now it's just my admiration for his achievements and my boyfriend reacting badly to it and that is confusing me. I still love my boyfriend.

Any thoughts?

Anonymous 103187

Definitely dump your loyal long term bf for a random person you've never even talked to, much less know, who in all probability is an asshole.

Anonymous 103188

There are seperate issues at hand
>you noticing manlet
>your feelings towards you noticing manlet
>your bf noticing you noticing manlet
>your bf's reaction to it
>your bf's reaction to you discarding the issue
>you relating manlet to your past and how your relationship with bf happened
>you questioning your bf's intentions when he started your relationship
You've brought youself in quite mess. What do you want to handle first that your bf is jelly or that you believe that he tricked you into your relationship (does this really matter after you say you love him and was he slayer back then) or your obsession for the manlet

Anonymous 103189


Well it's really more important what you want, it's understandable that you feel a sense of comradery with someone who also worked hard to have a glow up like you did and may suffer from low self esteem but only you can know if that feeling is tied to romantic attraction or not
Tbh your boyfriend doesn't sound like a very good person from the information you've given, he likely saw a shy girl with presumably little experience with guys who only just had her glow up and saw it as an opportunity but naturally you know this person a lot better than I do
Regardless, it sounds from the post like you don't even have a friendship with this shorter man yet just him looking in your direction is making your bf act out and be disparaging towards him is very concerning, I can only imagine how he'd act if you had an actual male friend
I think the issue here isn't a love triangle but what exactly your bfs current intentions are and what exactly that will spell for you in the future

Anonymous 103190

My bf is jealous and I think it's because for the first time our relationship he noticed me giving another men a glance. I'm normally really cold towards other men. He is showing plenty of insecurities recently. First he is obsessed with the guys short height and he keeps asking me suddenly if I think that he is too thin. The shorter guy is getting really strong and it seems to take a toll on my boyfriend. I don't even care about that. He also started to push our workout schedules to really weird times, I believe it's because we ran very often into the other guy. I can understand that he becomes a little bit jealous but he is overreacting, my older sister (she is from another generation and already 33) also gave me hints that the only thing going for my boyfriend is his height and he is not a real men. I got into fights with my older sis plenty of times because of this. My parents like him though.

What worries me is that I don't even give that gym guy that much attention. I actually ignore him but when he sometimes passes my vision my eyes naturally wander to him. Or when he suddenly enters the room I notice me locking my eyes into him before I push them away forcefully. This sounds autistic I know but I feel troubled. I find him cute and good looking but not in a partnership way. Those 2-3 seconds glances make my boyfriend really angry when he notices it but most of the time I ignore him.

Anonymous 103191

>help! i’ve put my relationship in jeopardy lusting after some short fat ugly bastard stereotype at my gym who lost a little weight!
this is either a moid larp or you’re actively seeking out drama.

Anonymous 103192

So your main problem is that your bf is jealous. Do you understand that your behavior is fueling his feel? From his POV and from what you've been telling about yourself you've never given other males attention and now you do and are secretive about it by merely discarding your bf suspicions. Have you ever told him why you give that other guy your attention such that the situation is resolved rather than kept on? No judgement, nona, I'm just giving perspective why your bf reaction is so wild.

Right now I'm asking myself if you want to dump your bf and use his insecure reaction for rationalizing it for yourself for dumping a guy you have been with for 4 years. It's all up to you anyways. I'd rather start talking with your bf about your issues though

Anonymous 103193

I feel if I tell him that I respect the weight loss of the gym guy he will lose it completely and I don't want to lose him.

Anonymous 103194

Ok, now I get you, nona. Why do you have this feel about him? Is he violent?

Anonymous 103195

He never touched me and never screamed at me. We used to be very talkative on the way home from the gym and cuddle after it but now we don't do it anymore, we just sit in the car in pure silence, he is always mad when he sees the other guy. Even when I didn't have a single glance at him , I tried reaching for his hand but he just moves it away. It's really untypical from him. It's not his personality, he is a funny caring guy not the angry asshole type. The first 2-3 times I asked him what's wrong and he said nothing but started talking bad about that guy from the gym. Later on he told me that he feels like we check each other out and I told him that it's not true and that he isn't my type and shorter than me.

Anonymous 103196

You go from stating "I'm lusting after my crush" in the title to "wait no no I'm really just casually glancing at him for 2 seconds when he happens to pass by! I just respect his weightloss!" So which one is it? Because if you're openly lusting after him, your bf is rightfully pissed, I'd be too in the reverse situation. It feels to me you're kinda downplaying what's actually going on in the comments so you can get anons on your side.

Anonymous 103198

I'm an ESL and I had no better word for it, maybe checking out? Or noticing another guy? It's not like I have sexual feeling for him, he is just a cute guy, nothing more.

Anonymous 103200

You are checking him out. You admitted as much yourself and are now lying to your bf about it. He's mad at you because he can tell that you're being dishonest about it and you're petty much gaslighting him. And now you have a bad feeling about your bf because he's upset with you? Lmao. I'm gonna laugh when you come back a week with now saying your bf broke up with you and complaining about how you're not enough for him or something.

Anonymous 103201

He is behaving different and very distant to you and that makes you believe that he is capable to dump your relationship over this? Don't you think he is afraid that this relationship is over and he is waiting for you to drop the bomb on him? I guess he feel hurt and moids don't know how to deal with feelings at this is why he slipped into the distant and cold manmode. Talk to him about it and make amends by suggesting to go to another gym but also talk about how you feel about his reaction. It's not easy, nona, but relationship needs work and there are cracks now that need fixing because as you tell things have become differnt and it just doesn't feel the same anymore

Anonymous 103202

>so you can get anons on your side.
That type of thinking is pathetic. What's to gain here on an imageboard?


He stopped being a creep

They recognize each other

Anonymous 103203

>What's to gain here on an imageboard?
It helps convincing yourself you're not the one in the wrong. People leave out parts or tweak the truth to make themselves and their side of the story look better in online anonymous posts all the time, don't pretend like that isn't the case.

Anonymous 103205

It's still pathetic

Anonymous 103209

Sure anon, by all means do think that's pathetic when she's going back on her words right in front of you as she's responding to various posts.

Anonymous 103210

i think there is a very simple answer to your question which is, how would you feel if your boyfriend did the same?

Anonymous 103211

Don't feel too bad, you don't stop being attracted to other people in a relationship. You just need to stop thinking with your clit and distance yourself from this crush before you do something you'll regret. It sounds bad enough that your bf even noticed.
This is good advice

Anonymous 103213

>you don't stop being attracted to other people in a relationship
i do as many other people too, but if her boyfriend has a polygamous orientation too then she shouldn't feel bad i agree. even if he doesn't, it's not like she can change this about herself. however, knowing how it can hurt your partner, she should be more subtle about it tbh

Anonymous 103214

Most of them were mine and I'm ESL too. OP just blurted all what's on her mind in her opening post and finding the correct words for that often isn't that easy not even in our own language. However, we've cut to the chase by now.

Anonymous 103235

he's not dating you anon, i recognize your previous posts. he doesn't dislike the gym guy at all as opposed to how you are pitting him against another person whether you are conscious of it or not. he wants you to be a better person and recognizes why you act a certain way and wants to resolve conflict and be on optimal terms, realizes that a relationship is not going to work out, but that he still wants you to be a better person due to recognizing why you act in a certain way and your response in communicating with him dishonestly is likely frustrating for him.

Anonymous 103237

or not a "better" person as he likely doesn't have the authority to decide that, but just wants someone who can actually communicate their problems directly.

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