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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Taking a crappy job Anonymous 103761

I used to get perfect grades without too much effort in high school, then near the end this got messed up for various reasons. Still managed to get into college but things still bad. Took some years out and now doing some distance courses and getting perfect grades again.

Meanwhile, I've been struggling to get a job for a long time and have been applying literally everywhere. I live in the big city now thanks to my bf. I know a few other people from high school and college are also here because they have good careers.

How do I cope if I'm stuck working in McDonald's and someone I know comes in? Either they are going to think "Haha I knew she was dumb, no wonder she ended up here" or "What a pity. All those good grades got you here?". It feels self absorbed to care about these things but I can't seem to shake the thought. I'm not going to turn down a job but I feel like I will be paranoid and feel deeply shameful if someone I know comes in.

It's not that I look down on people in these jobs (I actually have a lot of respect for them as I know they aren't easy) but I have a lot of mental baggage. A lot of my self worth comes from being smart as it's the only thing I'm good at. I got bullied in high school and it involved rumors being spread about me. I don't want people gossiping about me again, even if I'm not in contact with them. I'm not on social media so I can't post things that add context.

I'm over thinking things and shouldn't care but I suppose it feels like I will have worked hard to turn things around (getting good grades, having a job, getting to the big city) but the person that used to know me will take one look and think I'm a dumb loser and I'll feel like I'm at rock bottom again.

Anonymous 103762

Do a night shift janitor job instead so you don't have to see anybody and get paid more for night shift

Anonymous 103765

Stop caring about what others think.
Working at McDonald’s unironically made me more assertive and fearless of saying what I think specially to my so called bosses, I was so violent during that period I’m glad I quit.
I used to be like you, perfect grades in hs but mentally damaged so now I’m 22 working as a cashier without a single diploma to my name. I stopped caring, I’m the only one who truly knows my potential and even if I’m mentally ill I’m still more brilliant than the average npc in this shithole country.
You will make it. The people who disrespect you today will envy/admire you tomorrow. You know what you’re capable of. Keep going. Don’t throw your money to the trash, save. Hit the gym to strength your mind and body.

Anonymous 103771

Ironically most of your thoughts will vanish once you start working and realize everyone sans the elite I guess are in the same hamster wheel.

Anonymous 103794

not op but isn't it dangerous to be alone at night?

Anonymous 103795

Is it not common where you live for people to work low level jobs while in college? In my experience even people from well-off families would take some random job either as an interim thing if they weren't doing anything else, to stuff a resume with some sort of experience, to earn money for their college expenses, or just for extra spending money that they don't actually need. I think most people assume that if you're high school or university age, you're just working at these places temporarily and not because you have some dead end life. It's super weird to just assume that job is all that person is capable of.

Anonymous 103798


>I used to get perfect grades without too much effort in high school

If you're in the U.S., U.S. high schools are notoriously easy so not that impressive. By senior year even I was, despite not being that smart and getting very lazy.

>Meanwhile, I've been struggling to get a job for a long time and have been applying literally everywhere.

Since high school, it should have been obvious that in the U.S. people always care more about what you do outside school than at school. Just like many colleges now care more about what you do outside of school (extracurriculars, volunteering, competitions, etc.) than grades, jobs care about what you do outside of school than grades. By the time you're mid-career no one will even care about what school you've gone to.

You should focus on either spinning your current job into something relating back to your career (It's McDonald's so it'll probably be an emphasis on soft skills) or finding a volunteering opportunity and/or doing projects you can relate back to your career.

Anonymous 103802

I'm in my 30s. This is my second try at college.

I'm not American. I don't have a job yet. McDonalds was just an example.

Anonymous 103804

No offense, but when people go to Macdonald's, all they care about is their big mac. You could be Taylor Swift, and they wouldn't notice.

Also, no offense again, but no one gives a fuck if you're smart. It's like worrying about being a good cook without actually cooking. What matters is what you do with it. Work on converting your skills into something tangible. That's where you'll find self-worth.

Anonymous 103806

Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks at least you're working

Anonymous 103807

Since you're in your 30s, and have no social media, it's possible they won't recognize/remember you. If they remember you, they know you used to have good grades. So they probably won't think that you're stupid, just mentally ill (which isn't good either, but better than stupid).

Anonymous 103808

People in high school will think I got good grades but people from college will think I got bad ones.

Anonymous 103865

Thanks for suggesting this anon. I set-up a bunch of alerts for nightshift and now have an interview for a place super close. I reckon the chances of anyone recognising me at practically zero.

Anonymous 103929

I'm a great artist, but I still have to work wageslave jobs to get by for now since I haven't sorted the time to put my name out there. I never wanted to be an industry artist anyways. I'm still holding onto the dream of being able to make a living off my art alone / be my own boss, I don't care if it comes in 5 years or 20. I fucked up in my 20s, but whatever. In the meanwhile, just set up savings account, work, pay bills on time, don't buy unnecessary shit you don't need/be frugal, get credit and buy small things on it to build it up, pay it back. Who cares, people recognize me from hs all the time and I just act like I don't. I don't have time to remember people I barely knew anyways. They seem more offended by that then wherever the hell of I'm working. I know plenty of hs mates who are stuck on the grind. The only kids I know who aren't were already wealthy to begin with. You're working class, so what?

Anonymous 103933

What kind of art?

Anonymous 103975

>in the U.S. people always care more about what you do outside school than at school.
This is why the U.S. is a failing empire. They will choose nepotism and charisma (entertainment factor) over someone's actual ability. It is like this where I live too.

tl;dr: The only person whose opinion your should care about is your own.

I was a straight A student and I got a perfect GPA throughout my undergrad. I was directionless and had no idea what I wanted to do. At age 20/21 I was working in hospitality while trying to find work more aligned to my degree. At a party, someone with whom I attended high school found out about my employment situation; she laughed in my face. She laughed again for good measure. She had somehow landed a lucrative job at an insurance firm, despite her degree being science. I contemplated suicide on the drive home (no hands + eyes closed = funny prank that I only did for a brief moment I promise).

After crying many tears and excreting enough mucus to extinguish a small fire, I started to deeply think about what I wanted from life. I thought about that girl and how she wasn't living her dreams. She was earning more than me, probably more than I ever will earn, but at the end of the day, she sells insurance. I could not get out of bed every day excited to sell insurance. I can, and do, wake up excited for my current job. I almost look forward to Monday morning (of course I enjoy my weekends because I have more freedom, but my weekend 'hobby' and employment are closely related). I could be earning far more than I currently am, but the cost would be too great.

I think it's dumb to measure success by everyone else's yardstick. I would hate to work in the big city; no one in the city is a real person, and if I lived there long enough, I'd cease to be real as well. I don't need more money than is necessary to survive. I don't need to work a job I hate for 90% of my waking hours so that the remaining 10% of my life can be crammed with frivolous luxuries and basic-bitch holidays. Currently I have the opposite; about 10% of my life is unpleasant, and the remaining 90% makes me feel purposeful. Maybe I'm just lucky; I hope this feels less like bragging and more helpful to your situation.

Anonymous 103997

OP here. I agree with your post. I'm happy working a basic job if I have enough to live on and I love the idea of it not bleeding into my spare time. Ideally low stress and allows me work alone.

Saying that, I spend all my spare time studying various things and I'm pretty smart so I guess part of it feels a bit like a waste too. I see people being lazy or doing their job badly and it's frustrating that no one will consider me for their positions when I know I could do better. But then I don't even want most of these jobs.

I suppose my problem is not actually a fear of someone seeing me, but me imaging what they are thinking based on what I feel about myself deep down. I need to remind myself to put myself first and not focus on what other people think or the greater good or whatever.

>She had somehow landed a lucrative job at an insurance firm, despite her degree being science

This is actually pretty common. They want people who can think critically. She isn't special. Most people get their jobs through connections too, in which case the subject matters even less.

Anonymous 104000

>Saying that, I spend all my spare time studying various things and I'm pretty smart so I guess part of it feels a bit like a waste too.

Sometimes I feel like it can be a "waste", but at the same time I couldn't imagine myself being restricted to a single field of study. There's freedom that comes with not having to stick to a single path, and I feel as though few people nowadays have as wide a reading list as mine. Hopefully by the time I'm 40 I'll have a deep connective understanding of many fields that will provide me with unending richness in how I view the world (I already have an inkling of that feeling now). I also like the freedom that comes with not having to be good at it. In school I always felt like I had to get As or HD's; now I can read material and there's little pressure on actually being good - if I get it I get it and if not I can move on.

>imaging what they are thinking based on what I feel about myself deep down.

Most people project their own feelings onto you. For example, my manager (who is a lovely woman) recently lost her husband. He was very old and, from what I can tell, he was a huge burden on her. She never described him as such, but she had to do a lot extra to pick up the slack. I projected my own feelings onto her; I couldn't help but assume she was secretly happy that he was finally gone and no longer causing her stress. I wouldn't dare express this publicly because I know she loved him, but it's a secret suspicion I carry because it's how I would respond to the situation. If it were actually true that I was right, rather than thinking less of her, I would probably think more highly of her for being more like me.
I will extrapolate this and conjecture that if people think less of you because of their projections, then they're really self-loathing. People think there's something wrong with me because I chose something I enjoy over money. In a way I think it's self-loathing, or perhaps envy, that I have what I want.

>They want people who can think critically.

>Most people get their jobs through connections too.
In her case these are both true. I don't even know if she finished her degree. I know many others from high school who dropped out of their degree half-way through and got lucrative positions because of connections.

Anyway nona, thanks for letting me spill my guts out, and thanks for spilling yours. You seem like a cool person and I don't think you should worry about what others think of you. Most of them barely even think of themselves truthfully.

Anonymous 104004

I left college after my freshman year due to mental health and the fact that I got screwed over by my high school best friend who I made the mistake of rooming with as a freshman. She treated me like shit once we got to college. I ended up actually getting a job at McDonald's. Honestly, there were times when I saw people I knew and felt embarrassed. Plus, that former friend found out through another friend where I was working. I'm pretty sure she made fun of me for it because I once looked at her facebook and saw she left a one-star rating of the exact location I worked at.

I went back to college and even went to grad school, though I finished years later than I should have. Things worked out for me exactly when they needed to, and now, I have a great budding career and a lot of things going for me that I never thought possible. That friend, however, doesn't seem much different than she was 10 years ago, and she definitely seems to have peaked during college. I'm more successful than she is today, even though she used to act like she was better than me and made fun of me and my family for being poor.

Maybe this story isn't helpful, but I'm just saying anyone who'd mock/look down on someone for their job probably lacks the character to be a happy or successful person anyway. The fact that you've gone back to school shows that you have character and drive, so you shouldn't be concerned with the opinion of anyone who'd judge you. I'm proud of having worked a crappy job (I ended up working there multiple times during college breaks) because it allowed me to keep paying for school to get me where I am today. Sorry such a long post.

Anonymous 104023

School isn't actual ability. The reason it isn't that important is because it's a poor indicator of ability, whereas the things outside of it are more solid.

Anonymous 104053

>College and university aren't that important
>Poor indicator of ability
Trueeeee I think that someone who fails a degree in medicine should be given a chance anyway…

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