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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Am I a two-timing asshole Anonymous 104563

>Dated a guy (A) for 3 years and was in a 3 musketeers friendship with his best friend (B)
>A and I break up
>B and I get a lot closer
>We try to maintain 3 way friendship
>B and I start crushing on each other but we are both in denial
>Sidenote, I get kicked out of my house at one point and am homeless so I move in half and half with A and B
>B and I start fucking
>A and I start fucking
>B and I fall in love, are not exclusive
>Am still fucking A out of habit when I stay at his house. I don't even really want it but part of me likes the thought of having my best friends be spit sisters without knowing it
>B finally wants to be exclusive
>I break off the sex with A immediately
>I still haven't told B that I was fucking them both at the same time
>A doesn't know B and I have been dating.
>I've been in a secret relationship with B for 1 year and haven't told anyone but a distant friend and my therapist
>We want to tell A soon but we are afraid and keep putting it off.

Should I tell B I had sex with A before we were exclusive or pretend it didn't happen?

Also, judge my character. Be brutal if need be.

Anonymous 104564


you kind of suck…….it’s sad that you’re going to ruin their friendship. it’s sad that you’re going to ruin A’s image of you and also ability to trust others for a hot min. i actually can’t think of a worse position to be in than A’s. assuming he’s a moderately good person who doesn’t deserve this.. you’re fucking scummy! i’m not one to judge others so harshly but like what the fuck

Anonymous 104568

>Am I a two-timing asshole

Anonymous 104569

Your lifestyle is honestly kind of sad.

Anonymous 104570

Can confirm A is a very good person who doesn't deserve this. I just don't know where to go from here. What would a good person do? (other than not be in this situation in the first place)

Anonymous 104571


The temporarily homeless part or the ruining my closest friendships with sex part?

Anonymous 104572


The ruining friendships with sex part obviously. You are not better than a moid if you can't help yourself having sex here and there.

Anonymous 104574

My initial plan was to confess to B that I had sex with A last year before we started exclusively dating. If he dumps me over it then at least we can spare A's feelings and faith in people, even if it is built upon lies. Typing that out makes me realise that is a super selfish thing to do. I can't keep A's friendship if I stay with B.

So you're saying the right thing would be to break it off (friendship in A's case) with both of them? I really do love B. I don't want it to end. How would that be the morally sound thing to do?

Anonymous 104577

>even considering that these two things are comparable
unless it is completely your fault that you got kicked out, you should think deeply about what it means that you compare something in which you are passive (getting kicked out) to something in which you are active (ruining a friendship).

Anonymous 104587

It is technically my fault. I have a very strained relationship with my immigrant family and they have trouble that I'm friends with A and B because they're "white boys". I was super depressed after having my thyroid removed (I had papillary thyroid carcinoma) and they didn't understand why I wasn't getting out of bed, why I dropped out of school, why I wasn't getting a job. One day I didn't clean the kitchen and they got so upset they sent a wall of text to A and B stating rules of the house, saying I'm not allowed alone in the house because they don't want me trashing it, that A and B are banned, etc. My family's love and concern for mu life was suffocating so I left. And while I was working 3pm to 5am shifts 5 days a week at a bar cleaning up puke, A and B were by my side offering me housing and love. I abused it.

I guess I sought closeness. And I used the people that love me most for comfort. It was selfish of me. I will come clean. I just don't know how to go about it. B and I are out of the country together right now.

Anonymous 104593

>part of me likes the thought of having my best friends be spit sisters without knowing it
feeble moid thinking
Like those "revenge" stories where the offended gets revenge by rubbing the offender's toothbrush against his balls. The passive, cowardly way of owning people : I know something you don't and you'd hate, I have the power tell you and I don't, so I have the power in this relation.
Meanwhile you're whoring yourself to two people to avoid homelessness.

Anonymous 104668

>So you're saying the right thing would be to break it off (friendship in A's case) with both of them? I really do love B. I don't want it to end. How would that be the morally sound thing to do?
By giving them a chance to reflect on what has happened and giving their friendship a chance to not break apart because you are in the way. What you call love right now is selfishness.
>I don't want it to end
You've prematurely ended it by your actions anyways. You just don't have the guts right now to commit to your actions. Once they are over with it they will decide how they will deal with each other and you. It's the least bit of gratitude you can show them for helping you out in a time of need. However, since they are men and you never know how they react when their manlyness is hurt. That's why you have to take safety measures. Most important thing is to have a place to go and be not dependent of any of them. Without this I wouldn't dare to tell them what you did to them and just avoid them and explain your behavior of avoidance later on.
>inb4 love
This moid still can feel betrayed once you tell him which can cataclyst into an outburst of other feelings

Anonymous 104669

>feeble moid thinking
The whole thing reads like a moidpost.

Anonymous 104672

that's because it is

Anonymous 104689

It's not, but it can't be proven.
That said, she is fucking two guys to escape homelessness and she's lying to herself about it. That's just prostitution and denial.

Anonymous 104712

Why is everyone at her fucking throat when B is just as bad a her, B knew that her and A had dated and still got with her.
She has nothing to ruin, B already ruined the friendship the moment he started fucking his best friend's ex.
Idk why you fucking idiots in these threads treat men like they're these naive helpless little things at the mercy of big bad women, I'm starting to believe this site is nothing but moids and troons.

Anonymous 104716

Of course he's an asshole, but we have expectations for her, not for him. She should know better. And fishing for validation on anonymous board is icky.

Anonymous 104747

I don't think he is in this thread to yell at.

Anonymous 104750

I feel like the trolling and sarcasm is flying over my head because I don't see anything wrong with her. It's not two timing if they weren't dating again and the other wasn't exclusive yet so

Anonymous 104762

A and B both seem to believe they're the only ones, she knows it, it's at least a lie by omission. Or if they don't expect exclusivity, at least they don't expect their own roommate to be another lover of her.
(and what is it with this tendency to waive away moral matters on technicalities? She's asking for advice, for judgement, whether she is right or wrong. This isn't about getting out of a deal with the devil, but rather about seeing things clearly. Relying on technicalities to form a judgement here would muddle everything)

Anonymous 104768

OP, are there any updates? I wanna know if confessing to this will make you lose both of them

Anonymous 104788

I'm returning to my hometown in a few days for a two week period, then leaving to Asia for 3 weeks. B and I are trying to figure out how/when we're going to tell A. B is hesitant to tell the truth (on top of it all, A and B are in a semi-successful band together).

I want to tell B about my betrayal to him first. If B leaves me over it, we can part ways and at least A's feelings will have been spared. I'll move to another city or something.

A is going through a rough time right now (he is queer and his dad is an alt-right boomer, A is stuck living at home with him).

B suggested we semi-lie, tell A we have feelings for each other but haven't had sex and go from there so that A doesn't have to bare having been betrayed by his closest friends on top of the current struggle. It is super manipulative, but if A never finds out (no one but my therapist and 1 friend know B and I have been dating) maybe we can spare A the pain, and make him feel considered…

This situation has me realising how much I fucking hate lying. You can never be close to anyone, never have those boundless relationships where you are hiding nothing, where you feel free. A lie creates a barrier between you and every person you meet. You can never really be yourself. It is so lonely.

Maybe it isn't two-timing, but it's 'fair-game' on a technicality. My actions aren't honouring the honest, courteous, respectful friendship we all used to have. I honestly don't think it can be fixed. We may stay friends somehow, but it won't ever be how it used to be. It already isn't how it used to be. B feels distant from A, too. We chose each other at the cost of losing A. That was the risk we took.

Anonymous 104806


>he is queer

Anonymous 104810

please don't tell me she fucked a guy without telling a queer-he(her)

Anonymous 104816

Anonymous 104817

Yes, you're a terrible person. I hope A can move on. You & B deserve each other

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