How do i get over being molested Anonymous 104638
I was in a relationship when i was child by my live-in young adult cousin. He would finger me and i would moan really loudly (i don't actually know if i felt pleasure, it's very vague) and my siblings might have heard me but i'm not sure if my siblings hearing me actually happened, if it's true then it's really shameful, i just try not to think about it. He loved to grope my butt, and he would talk about how attractive my younger sister's butt was which was particularly concerning. He would get mad at me often for anything (like running out of breath when i was kissing him for a long time) and i would try to get him to not be mad at me by desperately talking to him. i would do anything he would say and i would often seek him and my parents didn't lie it. i would go into his room while everyone was asleep and he would make me masturbate him, if i didn't do it right he would make me leave. Sometimes he would get drunk and take my hand while a friend was in the room and he would put my hand on his penis. He was really attractive, and was dating another women at the time despite telling me that i was his gf, now when i run into that woman he was dating she gives me of pity and tells me everything will be alright. I would try to tell him that i didn't like him dating someone else and i would color pictures of my heart breaking but he would just mock me or wouldn't care.
He was my babysitter for 2 year, i'm not sure if he left first or if i told my therapist first but either way he was arrested, i assume. He came to my house years later when i was in my late teens and it started to grope him and he left for some reason. I was really depressed when i was a child after it happened but i didn't know why, i don't cringe when i remember him but i don't like that i happened the way it did. When i look at old family photos with me and him, i look so much younger than him, he knew me since i was a baby. I wish i could change how it happened, i just wasn't ready to do that, i feel like if it would have happened when i was older i could have made better decisions? I feel like maybe i should have used the situation to black mail him into staying with me, but it's too late now and it wouldn't be a good way to keep a relationship. I herd he attacked his wife (that woman he was dating) with a knife. I feel sorry for (i'm assuming) getting him into a sex offender registry. I don't miss him, but he was really attractive, i would have rather date him when i was older.
How do i get over this? it's been 23 years and while i don't have strong feelings about it, but shows up as hatred for men and my porn addiction and the type of porn i watch (incest and age play).
Anonymous 104639
Oh yeah, and i've been going to therapy since it happened and it hasn't really helped.
