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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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every fuvking time Anonymous 104962

things are going well in life
I start to feel less depressed and less cynical
I come out of my shell a bit
I meet a boy
he's kind to me. we have chemistry
I wonder if I'm wrong that all men are trash.
I wonder if my fear of relationships is caused by trauma. perhaps, it my experience is bad luck and perhaps, my luck can even change.
this hope fills some weird void in my soul. the grass starts to look greener
it takes a pitifully short amount of time to convince me of all this too
I am living in my head and so in the moment I really think a man likes me for more than my body
and one day, the moment is right. I'm super horny, I trust him, and so I fuck him
and what do you think happens when I do that.
everything changes.
of course it does.
it doesn't even matter if he said he wouldn't.
daily good morning texts become weekly "how you been" texts become monthly "u up?" texts become nothing at all.

why do I keep falling back into this delusions that good men exist, and that one of them cherishes ME? How do I let go of the prince charming fantasy I created in childhood once and for all, and how do I be happy without it? Is it possible to become a legitimate lesbian intentionally?

I just want to be cherished. Romantically. I don't know wtf happened to me to make this such an obsession. The depressive crash I feel every time this happens often gets in the way of my career, yet I never learn.

Anonymous 104966

Sorry you have to go through this nona. I don't have much advice besides looking into limerence and CPTSD, sounds like the two might apply here.

I also want to affirm something for you that you know already - don't date men unless you don't get anxiously attached, because 99.9% of men have behaviors and traits that cause a lot of pain if you let them get to you. It's just how they're built, but in a world where women are more or less seen as a resource, it's exacerbated. It gets really fucking bad if you invest in them a lot in terms of emotional labor. Like, they eat at you (and not in the good way), your self-esteem is out the window, your passions and hobbies are not as fulfilling after you had a breakdown crying 'cause he ignored you for 5 days, friends are struggling to undo the damage because deep down he's still your priority. Don't let them have you in that position, don't date them at all OR cut them off the very second they don't suit you. Don't doubt yourself, your intuition is telling you the right thing.

Anonymous 105097


How long do you wait before sleeping with them?

Anonymous 105098

This has happened to me and even the most gorgeous of girls, nona. Don’t feel alone.
Moids hunt girls down this way and will continue to pursue you for weeks or months and then drop all contact once they’ve got the achievement of sleeping with you.
I don’t even think it’s intentional when moids do this. Some of them will like you as a person, even have a genuine crush on you, but still do this to you because they don’t (caution: hippy-shit) soul-tie as women do. When women have sex we are naturally programmed to bond with what our body thinks is the potential father of our children. We need their support and reassurance. He is happy because his body is thinking “well, I just did my natural duty to spread my seed. That was fun/affirming”
In my experience waiting until commitment isn’t even that safe from these people unless you are starting to have sex MONTHS into the relationship. Moids will gladly lure you into relationships (even thinking they want it- because of the sexual, security and attention benefits) and then detach and break up while it is too short term to be more than trivial.

I think most single women nowadays are just staying single, going through what you’re going through or having a “roster” (aka letting men do these things but having a colder approach about it). If you’re young I’d say to even delay getting into dating because the current system is built for Peter Pan boys who sleep with girls out of boredom or to try to prove their masculinity to their friends/absentee father figure

Anonymous 105109

not long enough. I definitely don’t wait long enough. it’s a problem. I’m so touch starved. maybe this time I’ll finally learn

Anonymous 105110

I'm so sorry, nona. You deserve to be held and cherished.

Anonymous 105111


thank you, your words have made me feel better. you’re right. the soul-tie part is fully accurate. physical touch may be nice but I was so much happier when I actively chose to be single for a couple years. boys are literal mind poison. their entire existence is a series of attempts to try and beat women at another game they invented and rigged against us. a game we never asked to play. it’s no use trying to make sense of men, because there is no sense. the only real reason a male does anything is to ensure he is “winning”
in some way, which typically means women are losing. well I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t have a snotty male sports brain. you’re right: the only way to be happy as a woman is either to stay single with a career and good friends (opt out of the game,) or do the same thing except with a roster of wallets and attention/compliment guys who are easily replaceable and/or too silly to realize that you will NEVER actually sleep with them (win the game.) I have no base desire to string along anybody, but I will not sacrifice my own happiness for men, when they are the ones who decided THEY wanted everything to be a “who’s the most opportunistic asshole?” game, not me.

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