Anonymous 105142
I am 18, have no friends or anyone to talk to. I have a mom but she only puts me down, tries to trigger my eating disorder and as general is abusive (for example doesn't let me eat) so I can't talk to her at all. I haven't finish high school yet but I have no social skills whatsoever so I don't talk to anyone and no one talks to me. I live off government benefits I get. I have never dated outside short internet relationships on discord and I have lost my hope for future so I think I will die alone.
I have lot of hate inside towards everything and everyone. I just to act like a guy on forums because I wanted to tell how I feel without people "judging" it was before I found this imageboard. Generally the things I have said as a guy where radical incel -tier for example idolizing Elliot Rodger. When I was 11 years old I found nazism and related ideologies which I started supporting but the ideologies changed due age. When I found Unabomber, that was next obsession. What I am trying to say is that I hate mankind and society. I think if I was a moid I would have commit a mass shooting. That's how "bad" it is.
I don't have anything in my life, no one even knows I exists. I supposed to be living my best years but what's best in it? All I do is scroll internet for 9 hours a day, eat and sleep. I have tried to make friends on discord for example but people just ignore me, I am noting to everyone. So I am thinking about suicide constantly but too scared to do it. If I ended everything now, it would take several months for anyone to notice, no one would come to my funeral. I am very depressed. Lay in bed for hours because too lazy to stand up.
I don't know what I should do with my life, I fail at everything, low IQ, bad genetics. At my best I am just average on the thing and improvement doesn't seen to help. I don't know what I should do or what is there to see. Staying inside, never seeing anyone, not having anyone, idk how long I can take it. I don't understand other people even if I try, it creates lot of problems. I am just some loser screaming in her room to nothing, no one truly cares. I have taken the pinkpill and swallowed some other ideas of reality from imageboards that I believe in.
Anonymous 105143
>>105142Become a toxic vtuber and people will flock to you
Anonymous 105147
>>105142You’re 18 so I think it’s too early to throw in the towel. It sounds like your whole life revolves around imageboards and getting approval of people on the internet. I’m not judging you for spending a lot of time online, but objectively it sounds like it isn’t helping. Things can feel hopeless, but you have your whole life ahead of you to work towards a life you feel more satisfied with. Are there ways you can incorporate other meaningful things into your life? What are some other things you like to do? Reading, playing video games, cooking, etc? Yes, trying to improve yourself is hard and there’s always a fear of failure but what’s the alternative? You could try or you could stay the way you are right now or kill yourself. You hate society? Sure, I do too. But I still think I deserve to have a life where I’m happy (not that I’m completely there yet) because why should I let the constraints of society dictate me to the extent that I’m miserable 24/7?
Anonymous 105148
I feel like I am in the same boat as you, nothing works for me either. Hang in ily I would be your friend
Anonymous 105167
>>105143Lol otherwise but I don't have good voice.
>>105147Thank you. Yeah I know I am quite young but tbh I have been like this since I was very small child. I have tried to improve but they always fail I am trying to search for new ways, atm I have one thing in my mind. Some ways I have tried is for example magnesium. So there was a study about relationships between low magnesium and depression so I ate excess amount of magnesium supplements for some time. It had some improvement but went away. I think I will try to be here at least until I am 20 to just see if anything changes.
>Are there ways you can incorporate other meaningful things into your life?Possible but I am not sure how, nothing feels meaningful.
>What are some other things you like to do?I like conspiracy theories, alternative science (related to health), sometimes reading manga (but thats on-off thing) and I get sometimes obsessed with one topic but I get bored of it.
>>105148Is there some way we could continue talking outside the board?
Anonymous 105168
Try to focus on something meaningful in your life like your personal health, education, some kind of employment path for you to be independent or something like that
18 and still in school is definitely not your best years, especially if you're struggling, just focus on getting through it for now and looking for something
Imo a lot of single mother/ daughter relationships can be especially toxic if it's just the two of you and you're entering adulthood, you might want to look towards moving out if it's in your means
Anonymous 105169
>>105167Memeing aside, you were too quick to dismiss the vtuber idea.
>I don't have a good voiceI think most don't, but that didn't prevent them from becoming one. You don't need to be toxic tho, that's the meme part. The bottom line is that those who watch vtubers are simplyis search on someone to relate to, voice plays no role in that. Explore your hobbies while streaming. Read conspiracies, search the internet archives on stream and such.
Anonymous 105187
>>105167if you want, i made a discord
mysterioustranger123
