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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How to stop being a loser neet Anonymous 105153

I am 22, autistic, and I have basically wasted my entire teen years being a loser with no friends who stays inside and stays online 14+ hours a day. I have no online friends either, so I’m not even talking to people during those 14 hours.

I’ve lived like this so long I don’t even know how to start getting out. I have no job skills, only a high school diploma, and I also have fibromyalgia so I can’t even work simple ass jobs like cashier or fast food, jobs that I’ve seen 14 year olds get.

I don’t even know how to make internet friends. I have tried, but when I reach out, they either drop me cause I’m boring or men start flirting with me cause I’m a girl on the internet. I never return the feeling cause lesbian.

I don’t want to waste my 20s the same way. I just want one friend, one single friend. I’ll tolerate any amount of toxicity, I don’t even care if they call me slurs and put me down, I just want…any contact with someone outside my family at all. How do I get out of this?

Anonymous 105154

start going for walks anon, just getting outside can help a

Anonymous 105158

exercise, and find an irl hobby group to join

Anonymous 105160

Exercise is great for sure but it's not as straightforward if you're ill
Definitely try to focus on it though, even if it's just minor exercise like walking or even running, and eating alright as well (just make sure you get fresh food into your diet at the very least)
Even when I'm at my lowest and feel like I have nothing going on in my life I cling to my health and the goal of always getting fitter

Anonymous 105161

You have hypothyroidism

Anonymous 105172

Screenshot 2023-05…

nta but im also 22 and i literally do not know how to walk by people, like they get uncomfortable and give me a weird look because i am so weird. it is what it is i guess

Anonymous 105184

Same except Im over 30. At one point I had the grand idea I would find purpose with some nice career, wasted years getting a degree, got one job got fired over some bs reason couldnt get another one bc my resume is now ruined and had a breakdown over that. I just happen to be well off enough to be able to support the NEET lifestyle so I said fuckit. I spend most of my time shutin playing games so I dont rly encounter people irl. I mean I do go out occasionally but not like anyone ever pays any attention to me. But also a probably unhealthy amount of my time is spent lurking random places online hoping to find people to chat with and failing. Most of the time I try posting anywhere I dont get any response even though Im on topic and trying to post similar things. And if someone actually starts to take an interest I inevitability get ghosted. It seems to me that just like irl the internet is only full of a bunch of small exclusive friend groups that I can never become a part of for reasons unknown.
Interesting comment, Im hypothyroid but medicated. Can people sense your fucked up hormones and they just hate it or something? lol

Anonymous 105224

I hate bullshit "advice" like this with a passion. No different from telling a depressed person to "just smile more :)"

Anonymous 105225

Nah. You just hate that you can't commit long enough for it to actually take effect. That or you keep telling yourself "this isn't working" therefore manifesting into your reality

Anonymous 105226


>wasted years getting a degree, got one job got fired over some bs reason couldnt get another one bc my resume is now ruined and had a breakdown over that.

Your resume isn't ruined. I've also been fired for bs reasons. Just either leave the job off or bs about what happened. I recently realized I get auto-rejected from job applications, because of answering "Yes" instead of "No" on whether or not I graduated. Even regardings jobs I was clearly already being considered by a recruiter for. I've realized job hiring process are just a giant test of whether or not you'll demonstrate good faith in doing the job, even if that means making some shit up in order to get it. It's not a lie detector test.

Anonymous 105228


I wish I knew how to stop being a loser NEET too.
Every time I ask for advice online, all I get is useless suggestions on how to get a job, like going to college, learning programming and applying for every job advertisement online, even those that wouldn't fit you. I don't want to do any of this.
I'm pretty much in the same position as yours, except I'm older and I've wasted my 20s as a loser with no job, no friends, and being terminally online. I wake up with a panic attack every day because I'm so scared of wasting it, and I think the hopelessness of my situation makes anything that I try to do feel stupid and I give up.

I spent a couple of years experimenting with online friends, and this is just my personal experience, but it really isn't worth the time that I invested in there. All I managed to attract were toxic people, and they had severe empathy issues that I ended up playing the role of having to take care of their emotional needs. Drug addictions, depression, self-harm, cheating their boyfriends, you name it. It's such a mess.
>I don’t even know how to make internet friends.
Yeah, me too. I even ended up doing things that I didn't like just so I could find a "community" I could belong to, and make friends from there. Seems like that's one of the popular ways to make friends online these days, having similar interests. I hate anime.
>I just want one friend, one single friend. I’ll tolerate any amount of toxicity, I don’t even care if they call me slurs and put me down
Someone who breaches your emotional boundaries by calling you slurs isn't a friend in the first place though. It's just my experience, but you're better off being alone than being with an asshole who treats you like shit, but I understand when you say this. Loneliness is extremely painful and makes me cry every time before I go to sleep.

I try to go out for walks, but I get scared of seeing people and I sometimes start comparing myself with people who I see out and start ruminating about how miserable my life is. Maybe it helps others, but walks only make me feel bad.

Anonymous 105423

i want to reach out to you anon, we're so similar, but i know im painstakingly bad at communicating

Anonymous 105425

Posting in this thread with my experiences being a loser with no communication skills Or life skills. I jumped through all the hoops. Got my credentials, HS diploma, uni degree, wrote killer resumes and CVs etc. So overall I am not a NEET but I was/am terminally online, autistic with no social skills and no life skills. I just clock in my 9-5 and try to avoid my coworkers who interpret it as rude/I don’t like them. I always freeze when someone makes small talk and they can tell it’s awkward and strange whenever we converse because I stutter, say the wrong thing, speak with 100% negativity with a bitchy/snarky tone etc. I just have nothing in common with normies cuz I don’t watch sports, didnt even know what was fantasy football and one of my coworkers got angry when I refused his pestering and insistent request for me to participate in gambling in our offices fantasy football league betting.

Sometimes people insult me to my face but disguise it in a sweet way because they don’t like me due to my poor social skills. Like this lady mocked my poor vocabulary and made fun of my simple adjectives. Coworkers like to one-up each other I guess.

Trust me guys wagie life isn’t so great either once you enter the workforce. It’s hard to adjust if you’ve grown up online and kept to yourself ever since you were 12. I Barely speak to anyone and swear my brains communication zone is smoothed or rotted. People are overworked, tired, their cortisol levels through the roof because of coffee+workplace stress + family obligations. It isn’t nice living life on normal mode. I wish I could trade back and lock myself in my bedroom forever

Anonymous 105450

yup, because sitting for 14+ hours behind a screen and shitting up your brain with useless shit is totally as healthy as going outside for walks, right?

Anonymous 105455

>one of my coworkers got angry when I refused his pestering and insistent request for me to participate in gambling in our offices fantasy football league betting.
Damn, that's so messed up. Why can't normies just take a no and leave people alone without feeling like their ego got hurt?
>I wish I could trade back and lock myself in my bedroom forever
Yeah, I'm NEETing right now but I know that this can't last forever. I'm also being shamed by my parents and I even feel guilty when I see them cry about how bad my life had turned out.

It's okay but it surely not enough, like trying to put a band-aid over a fracture. How many hours could someone walk out?
An hour at most.
There's still 13+ hours of screenrot exposure left.

Anonymous 105461

I am the wagie anon and I basically sit behind a screen for 8h at work then come home and sit in front of a screen and consume things I actually enjoy for another 6h. I would rather make the other 8h more enjoyable too.
Yeah the guy avoids me and doesn’t even say hello to me because I hurt his ego and didn’t sign up to the hockey league thing.
They also know I hate spending time with coworkers but were insistent on throwing me an office birthday party even though I Am clearly uncomfortable in the limelight. Prob just an excuse to eat cake and not work tbh, the birthday card they got me didn’t even have a contributory gift card like the other peoples office birthday parties and I contributed some $$$ to theirs…

You do what you need to do to survive. I hate my life right now but at least I can pay the bills.

Anonymous 105462

Sorry I meant football thing not hockey thing, they’re doing the hockey thing right now because it’s hockey season and didn’t bother asking me again kek

Anonymous 105463

> It's okay but it surely not enough, like trying to put a band-aid over a fracture. How many hours could someone walk out?
I just wouldn't call it bullshit advice by any measure though. There's no one single solution to mental health problems, you have to take many different measures. Reducing screen time (mostly talking about browsing social media and forums here) is one of them. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the main culprit behind the rise of mental issues these days.

> An hour at most.

I feel like that's not necessarily true, even then, how hard can it be to limit the exposure a bit more and allow the brain to rest for a bit doing literally anything else?

That's fair, I was talking more in the context of the original post.

Anonymous 105464


feel free to call cringe but i think (1) show urself some compassion because clearly you're family/caregivers have failed in supporting you in the way that was best to meet ur needs and (2) being self-aware about this is good but now it's time to ask:

>will a friend actually give me the meaning in life that i need?


>ok. so – noone has the moral obligation to be my friend, so what can i do to be a person that someone would want to be friends with?
>well people are friends usually for three reasons
1. utility - friends are friends because they get something (money, knowledge, clout, social mobility) out of it
2. pleasure - friends are friends because they genuinely enjoy each others company (if you don't enjoy your own company this will be hard)
3. goodness - you share the same values + care about the same stuff, follow the same moral code (if you don't what you value/care about then this will be hard)

>so seeking friendship isnt really the answer. what has given you actual fulfillment + joy? where has that been? what were you doing?
>well, time to start experimenting and exploring what might do the trick

not trying to be tsk tsk tsky here or prescriptive, just went through a similar experience (only started meeting girlies and fun ppl at 22, currently 23) and this is what helped me get started. i promise its not too late

Anonymous 105477


>3. goodness - you share the same values + care about the same stuff, follow the same moral code (if you don't what you value/care about then this will be hard)
This is the only legitimate reason why you'd want to be friends with anyone in my opinion. The first two seems selfish and exploitative. A good therapist would play that role for a fee, or maybe a sponsor from AA or some similar group.
This actually reminds me of Kim Katsuragi from Disco Elysium if you choose to play as a good cop. He doesn't say much apart from what's necessary but played an important role of a stable rock in Harry's life and his recovery from alcoholism and depression wouldn't have happened without him.

Anonymous 105822


I have no idea how to get out of this mess.
I don't even know where to start.
I took a pen after a long time to write down my thoughts and I can't even hold it properly because my handwriting looks very horrible. I can't remember anything from my education.
My body is so weak from poor nutrition and my sister told me that I'm anemic and vitamin deficient because my nails have ridges on them if I try to grow them out.
My sleep is fucked up and every time I try to get up I just snooze my alarm and go back to sleep, or I feel very asleep and hypersomniac the whole day. I wake up late all night.
I don't even want a job right now.
I just want to feel good about myself when I go to sleep but all I do is watch braindead stuff like Love Island, porn, texting, help my mom with cleaning and cooking, and movies.

Anonymous 105823


Start with the basics (the HALT routine):
Hunger / Anger / Lonely / Tired
Identify when any of the four happens, and act on it. You can't feel well if these are not dealt with. So for now, make it your only job to deal with them.
Beyond that, you know the issues, you seem to have a clear view of the situation. So, baby steps:
Maybe make your bed once you wake up, it's stupid discipline but it'll mark the beginning and the end of your day, and it gives you something small to succeed at.
Maybe order some multivitamins and take one a day.
Maybe help your mother some more (it'll keep you away from the screens).
Maybe write in your diary more often, eventually everyday.
Maybe go out and see the sun for 15 minutes, eventually take a walk a day.

The trick is that it takes time, and you feel like you're not doing much, yet it adds up. It's all about never stop trying.

Anonymous 105829

sorry off topic ish but is the first part really that bad…

Anonymous 105831


Thank you, nona.

This is actually cool.
I feel like I'm hungry, angry, lonely, and tired all the time. I empty my fridge so much, lol. I guess I'm lonely too, and my sleep is messed up and makes me feel hypersomniac. Anger, not always but I sure have a short fuse.
I feel like I need to put a lot of effort to just not feel any of H A L T right now.
I'll try to follow your other points too.

I really love that habit chart for a whole year. It looks simple but also scary at the same time!

Anonymous 105834


Anonymous 105898

If you are for real autistic instead of just a loser idk if it will work but going to places with people (bars, parks, etc) alone made me feel less lonely.

Anonymous 105900

It's not that bad, but these are called "formative years" for a reason: everyone is learning and making mistakes, so it is a good time to do so; later, more people have their shit together, so you're stuck with the one that refuse to learn.
You can always learn, at anytime, no matter the people around you, but it's a tad easier when your peers and society know and accept you're still learning.
As usual the solution is: get a grip on yourself (see >>105823), enough to cover the basics, and then DO anything: start a hobby, volunteer, find a job (even one you can't do or think you can't do). It'll get clearer.

Anonymous 106021

something about the prospect of helping my mother or volunteering makes me feel so uncomfortable - like the other person or situation isn't really real or I'm somehow disconnected from reality while it's happening. do you ever get that? what is that?

Anonymous 106023

Honestly? Narcissism. Don't blame yourself, everything is pushing you towards it, it is a societal/civilizational issue. The Big Lie is that we are all individuals, lonely islands of desire, ideas, personality - it makes for better consumers.
The reality is that we are social animals, we never lived alone up until recently, we used to rely on each other for almost everything. That lie is the cause of the current mental health crisis because there is no such thing as a sole individual but we keep pretending it's true.
You think you are the issue, and you believe you'll find the solution inside of yourself, if only you had the energy/discipline whatever. The reality is that the answer is outside of you; your relationship to the world and yourself is fucked and you need to unfuck it. It starts with letting go of your main thought: yourself, even if it's only for an hour or two a week.
'Fake it til you make it' is your only way out of this, so go past the uneasiness, and volunteer, help your mother etc. because you need to be in any kind of relationship with another human, and being of service is what will get your head out of your ass.

Anonymous 106486

life is too real

Anonymous 106540

>>105153 Happiness won't come to you, you have to go work for it. I was honestly like you, I spent most of my teens being a shut-in, gaming it away because I wanted to distance myself from the world and live in my safe space but eventually even it got boring and lonely. When I looked around and saw people my age do so much and be so happy, self realization kicked in. I decided to join university, I was slightly insecure about being an older student but most don't care, it's still hard for me to socialize cus I have no social skills but life is hectic now, life is fun. I have deadlines now and chasing them is fun. I still don't know what to do with my life but where I'm now feels nice and cozy. You should also leave the confines you hold yourself in and allow yourself to live.

Anonymous 106573

I'm 20 and an autist and I've always wanted to have a female best friend, maybe we could talk and see if we click? No interest in calling you slurs or putting you down but it'd be really nice to start a long lasting friendship :)

Anonymous 107179

so bad that you misuse words…
with great care and thoroughness.

Anonymous 107180

huh. i didnt know it had that meaning. well in my defence im esl

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