/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I have a good friend I'd like to connect with again but it's hard being out of state in my hometown. I want to move back to my old city but I have a few things I need to take care of here before I leave town again. I know this time around I won't be coming back outside of visiting so, I want to make sure my family is good and I have all my basic necessities down. Anyways, I went back to visit a year ago and was happy to see her, she seemed to be doing well and well, I've still been struggling. I'm really just painfully shy when it comes to wanting to form a good friendship.  It seems I'd rather nurse an unstable relationship with a boyfriend rather than find greener pastures with healthy female friendships. I don't want to burden anyone really with my bad mood/temper especially since I'm recovering from alcoholism, but I really want to be able to be a supportive ear to her too. I guess it's a two way street since she hasn't reached out to me but I really think it's because she doesn't want to overstep my boundary. I'm not sure what to do, maybe I'm projecting how important she is me on to her and I'm afraid the feeling isn't mutual. Either way, this has happened many times to me. For the better sometimes because I ghosted a lot of friends who only cared about partying and not recovering. She's one of the few people I know who genuinely seems to want to get away from all that. I'd like to be able to support that notion with someone else too.