/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>105650
>neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family
>almost constantly picks introverted activities
>has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences
>seldom derives pleasure from any activities
>has no close friends other than immediate relatives
>appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others
>shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity
You just described a Buddhist monk.

>>105651
Hell yeah, who else /enlightened/?

ive said it before and I'll say it again I am bipolar and bpd with the occasional dash of psychosis

and the neurodivergent shit that gets mistaken for schizo because the adhd autist brains duty is to over analyze fucking everything

but combined these get me mistaken for a schizoid

>has no close relationships
Yes.
Not because "I've had enough" but because I honestly don't know how to maintain close relationships because of how interactions feel like I'm always walking on a landmine around people.
>is consistently alone
Yes.
I really love being alone but not still. Being still makes me feel like something is eating me on the inside, like there's a small black hole near my heart that's pulling everything around it. It's indescribable.
>has no interest in sex
Yes.
There's urges to masturbate, swoon over crushes and check out porn but I can't fantasize… um… intercourse for some reason.
>emotionally flat
>an aloof attitude
Yes and no.
I look emotionally flat and aloof on the outside, but come close to me and you're going to see exaggerated and emotional sperging.
>rarely feels happiness
Yes.
I can get excited about something, but never happy.
>has nobody they can trust
Yes.
Trusting people triggers a lot of my insecurities.
>appears indifferent to being praised
Yes.
I remember the day I graduated, and I saw people around me celebrating with my parents looking proud and all, but I was just dead inside. I felt nothing. All these praises mean shit when I tell to myself that I'm shit.

Schizoid outside.
Schizo inside.

>>105661
Owner and heir of my actions reporting in!

Sounds a lot like orangutans except orangutans probably are interested in sex otherwise there would be no orangutans.

im schizoid because my dad was mean to me as a kid

I don't know about schizoid, but I have had pretty severe social anxiety my whole childhood. At one point so bad that I made myself a mute and went to extreme lengths to avoid social interaction. These were usually done only out of fear, however. For the past few years, I think my fear has turned into genuine disinterest and lack of desire to socialize. I find too many people unpleasant and just simply don't have the energy to keep in contact or find it difficult to find genuine interest in others (I always feel like I have to pretend to care about anything they say).

Yes, but starting from my later 20s I have become better, more thoughtful, caring, emotional. At one moment of life I had this thought, that being edgelord is cringe (observing some people I know) and I need to train myself to be deeper. So more self reflection and actually paying attention to the outside world (not in a lab mouse way, but cognitive empathy way) helped me, I think.
But funny thing when I trained myself to be active and to want normal things, now some important people in my live would rather like my older, more convenient for them, self.

>>105650
I don't really get why people consider schizoids personality disordered - like if you don't want personal relationships then just don't have them? Seems like a pretty easy way to live.

>>105703
If I'm right, SzPD is one of the least "treatable" personality disorders out there with extremely low remission rates. SzPDs often get put into therapy not because they want to be there and think there's something wrong with them, but because their partners or their parents want their behaviors to change, and they rarely do, and because there's very less patients, there's no proper treatment modalities to make them better.

>like if you don't want personal relationships then just don't have them
SzPD is a spectrum. Notice how in the image it says 4 or more out of 7 criteria. There are schizoids who want personal relationships, but are afraid of sex. Similarly, there are schizoids who want sex but don't want personal relationships. There are also schizoids who want personal relationships and sex but don't trust anyone. Some schizoids get into personal relationships but they have other problems like being emotionally aloof which can be triggering to their partner who would force them to get professional help.

A really good example of a schizoid is Meursault from The Stranger. He has consistent sex and is in a relationship with his girlfriend, but he doesn't care about her as a person. He shoots a man, but he blames the sun instead because he doesn't know why he shot him. His emotions are completely stunted.

>neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family
Sometimes I feel like I want them, but then I'll usually (along the development of a relationship) push away or go into hiding. It's weird being "close" because I don't know what that could entail or what is expected, and I fear I'll make an ass of myself. Sounds more like social anxiety.
>almost constantly picks introverted activities
Ya
>has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences
Only after I started taking Prozac, so I can't say that I meet this symptom criteria
>seldom derives pleasure from any activities
When I'm depressed, ya
>has no close friends other than immediate relatives
Idk, but what is close?
>appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others
Yes but only because catholicsm. You can't be too prideful or else god will smite you for the gradiosity you show, or you will come across as big headed and cocky. If you cry or show emotion towards disapproval, people will think you're weak or can't handle criticism.
>shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity
Flattened affect, sure. Emotional coldness, IDK. Detachment, I try.

I want more info on how they determine this criteria

>>105703
As a disorder it leads to bad outcomes in life.

>>105779
Being enlightened is not a disorder, no matter how many names phony psychiatrists pull out of their bagel holes

>>105779
That just means it's not an efficient type of crazy to succeed in this world; not that it is wrong.

>>105650
I'm diagnosed SzPD.
I think people take the diagnostic criteria only at face value and don't think about the feelings behind it.
People assume that not enjoying things is the same as being happy without them, but that isn't true.
There may be schizoids who are perfectly content with who they are. But I also say that a lot, and I'm always lying, so…

In my own experience, the difference is a lack of fulfillment.
A monk can live the way he does because he is fulfilled by his spirituality.
Introverts can keep to themselves because they are fulfilled by their solitary activities.
And asexual and aromantic people can still find fulfillment in everything else in life.

For me, I just feel empty and there's nothing that really helps. Life is monotonous grey sludge, with restless and anxious undertones. I have no goals, hopes, dreams, motivation or willpower. My interests are superficial and I get tired of them quickly. I'm deeply lonely but can't connect with others. I'm deeply sad but can't express it. I feel worthless but don't care to improve. I hardly do anything but lay in bed and daydream for hours and hours. When I finally get evicted I may just lay down by the road and rot, I feel like I can't care enough to save myself, or that I don't even want to.

>>105703
>>105783
just bee yourself :)

>>105799
Chronic emptiness. There's honestly no cure for this.
I experience all that as a borderline too.

>>105799
>>105801
I know this feel. The only thing one can do is to change their attitude towards this condition. If life is empty, meaningless, and it seems like there wouldn't be a different whether you live or die, know that you are now also free to shape your perspective, and to take on any risk.
Realizing this is the start of the journey toward remembering who I am/you are

>>105883
It's quite challenging to change something that's a full-body experience like chronic emptiness with just thoughts.
I really hate CBT because of this. Thoughts and perspectives aren't everything. Some of these feelings are residues of past trauma.

I don't know about schizoids like the other nona but borderlines are said to exist in a state of prolonged grief and a complex post-traumatic stress. I think that for me, the feeling empty is a result of the sadness of losing what could've been, and what it isn't right now… like, I could've been a normal and healthy person but I'm just a walking shell that's missing the person that could've been, and so my body is grieving this loss.

>>105685
me irl