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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Does my oneitis actually have any feelings for me? Anonymous 105705

Basically, I like this guy and frequently message him to indicate interest.

I always initiate the messages.

He is very detailed, lengthy and curated in his responses and we sometimes text for 1-2 hours but he never starts any with me. I don’t know if he is seeing anyone.

He sometimes might take 12+ hours to respond to an initial text but once we start talking we’ll speak for an hour+ back and forth. He has a job but no one ever really is that busy. He also encouraged me to text him if I want to reach out,

I started off a bit more professional asking about career but lately I’ve been getting more personal and he’s been responsive. Is he just being nice because he knows I like him? I think he knows I like him because why else would I be talking to him so much? He hearts my messages (if that means anything lmao).

Anonymous 105706

you should try to exercise self discipline and wait for him to message you or otherwise you'll perpetually be haunted by your question. if he genuinely sees you as a serious romantic prospect, he'll reach out

Anonymous 105707


I think that texting is very uncertain. It offers you the feeling of closeness and intimacy when it is anything but that, because it's epistolary. You're communicating thoughts, emotions and feelings purely through texts and letters on a screen, which leads to all kinds of confusion and interpretations. It is possible that he actually has feelings for you and hearts your messages, but it is also possible that he just did it for no reason. It messes up with your emotions and feelings because you prefer to interpret things as what you want it to be, and not how it actually is. A simple Hi! can make your feelings explode depending on how you interpret it. If it were in person though, you'd see that the person is just excited to see you, and isn't blushing or shy when saying hi. Important bodily cues are considered when assessing feelings directed towards you.

Anyway, if possible, you should try to meet him in person and try going out a few times before jumping to any conclusions.

There may be reasons why he doesn't initiate conversations on his own. I used to text someone who never started conversations on his own. He was too afraid of being ignored and disregarded, and would often accuse me of acting like a parent who pushes her child away when she brings something that she got excited about to her. There may be reasons why he doesn't reply instantly and waits for some time before he can reply as well. Same person, he doesn't like being interrupted. He prefers his conversations to flow without interruptions from the beginning till the end and he's just stop talking at the slightest interruption, like even when I really had to take a pee break. I think he's a narcissist who is so sensitive to rejection.
I personally get very anxious when I text and I have to wait for a reply because I often say something inappropriate for no reason and then I get worried if it got taken in a bad way.

I seriously hate texting, lol.

Anonymous 105710

>you should try to exercise self discipline and wait for him to message you or otherwise you'll perpetually be haunted by your question
You’re totally right! I don’t think I’ll text him again. If he gets curious and reaches out, it will be. Otherwise I’ll just move on to the next.
>I think that texting is very uncertain. It offers you the feeling of closeness and intimacy when it is anything but that
I agree. He could just be being nice and respectful, which are things I believe him to be. I also made it seem like I wanted career advice from him which is slightly true but I also wanted to get to know him. He’s a bit older and I find that conversations with him come off like him giving me helpful advice rather than anything romantic.

I tried to make the convos more personable and he does respond to all of my questions within a timely manner but him not initiating any really bothers me.

>Anyway, if possible, you should try to meet him in person and try going out a few times before jumping to any conclusions.

I saw him today but did not approach him. The way our situation is set up, I am only able to catch him a few times a week. It sounds like a lot but it’s not. I stopped hanging around where he’s at to give him his own space. He ignored me but he also had to get to work.

We really don’t speak much in person but I don’t think either of us would ever approach each other anyways.

Anonymous 105712


If he had feelings for you, it'll surely show up but he seems very uninterested apart from seeing himself as an helpful mentor. I think that you're probably just imagining feelings, but then you never know. Maybe just ask him for a coffee or something if you could.

Anonymous 105951

Update: I blocked him.

I deleted our text messages for the both of us. Then. I blocked him. This was two days ago.
Yesterday, I unblocked him and sent him a message. He didn’t respond (he wasn’t active on the app) within an hour so I deleted the message for the both of us and blocked him again.

I saw that he was active and realized that he probably planned on responding. I think he also blocked me on another platform because I can’t find his account (which was recommended to me since he is my contact) anywhere anymore.

I wish his responses weren’t so thorough as they confuse me. I would be better if he kept it curt with me or ghosted me. I feel so embarrassed because if he responds to me if I send another text he will see that our previous messages were all deleted.

Why is he so through and active to me through text but practically ignores me in person? It confuses, upsets and perplexes me.

Why do you think he would do this?

Anonymous 105959

Why can't you try to find 5 to 10 minutes in your day to ask him to meet up in person for coffee or something?
If he can't even give you that much time, then it really isn't worth it and you should just move on.

Anonymous 105965

Well, you're not sending very good messages by blocking, unblocking, texting, reblocking. You should drop it.

Anonymous 105969

Nonas, I thought I was crazy but I am now tasting the sweetness of vindication. Everything I assumed about this guy was right. Lmao, always trust your female intuition! Next caller!

Anonymous 105971

What did he say?

Anonymous 106071

just tell him you like already you dum dum, men are stupid and can't see the most obvious thing from a mile away.

Anonymous 106095

He never said anything but I found out he blocked me on another platform on which I just created an account. He was in my contacts so he must’ve been recommended my account.

Yes, this is after I blocked him on the messaging platform we were talking on but him blocking me still makes me feel some type of way. I’m a hypocrite. Additionally, I saw him irl and felt so much embarrassment for blocking him and being blocked. I think I might just stay away from him now.

I’m too sensitive to rejection.
I want to believe that. His sister even unfollowed me on Instagram. However, I think this is because my account was deactivated at the time so I was no longer shown as a follower of hers. I recall a girl I know irl who I am mutuals with not showing up when I searched up her account and II thought she blocked me or something but it turns out she was just deactivated for the time being and her account popped back up again.

I wonder if his sister thought the same thing. That I blocked her? But it also makes me wonder if he told her that I wouldn’t stop texting him. But he was also responsive in texts so I don’t completely feel bad for him. She only unfollowed me on Insta and on nothing else. We’re not super close that I feel comfortable asking her for details.

We’re both still young but he’s a few years older than me so he intimidates me a bit. Me blocking him was so random and I feel a bit bad about it. I feel so embarrassed whenever I see him.

I really can’t see him not making the connection that I like him. After all of this texting? I feel that he knows so I don’t think I’ll be bringing it up again. I feel sad that we likely won’t ever speak again.

Anonymous 106096

you probably had a good chance w/ him before you blocked. even if he didn't "like like" you he liked you enough to talk to you for hours. personally i often really like people but am too shy to speak to them much in-person or to initiate conversation thru text.. now he thinks ur weird and you've ruined your chances w him tbh lol

Anonymous 106097

>even if he didn't "like like" you he liked you enough to talk to you for hours.
Yeah, I can see this. I also thought he was just being respectful because our families know each other. I also never did imply anything romantic, although some of my questions were getting a bit more personal.!
>now he thinks ur weird and you've ruined your chances w him tbh lol
Possibly, lol, but I think it might be for the best. I don’t think it’s great for my to talk to a guy I know I really like and lead myself on. It will be less painful this way than waiting down the road while further leading myself into delusion.

Anonymous 106098

thats true– it is better to avoid men who can't be straightforward and who confuse you, even if it's not their intention! blocking & unblocking will make things very weird in the future for u tho so i'd avoid that. nxt time maybe just remove yourself from the situation in a way that makes sense

Anonymous 106118

you are clearly not ready for a relationship

Anonymous 106138

Perhaps that’s true! But I would also like to learn through experience. Even if it’s not something that leads to anything long-term.

Anonymous 106141

He’s not interested. He would be initiating more if he were. you describe him as just reacting and yourself as driving the dynamic forward.

Anonymous 106161

I agree he’s not interested. I just unadded him a week ago and haven’t talked to hiim since.

Anonymous 107137

UPDATE: He randomly texted me asking me how life’s been and that he’s missed our chats. He’s never initiated texts before. He said he’s open to helping me out with anything and asked me to reach out to him if I ever feel like it.

However, he’s a bit weirdly secretive through text. I asked him when his birthday was and he replied very vaguely like “late [month]” rather than a specific date. I asked about a way to contact him and he said he prefers texting me most.

Does this mean he wouldn’t be interested in speaking to me in person? Why is this?

He knows I blocked him at one point but didn’t address this. He still has me blocked on the the social media app.

All I did was stop texting him completely and no longer put myself in a position to run into him irl.

Anonymous 107138

He kept insisting how much he wants me to reach out (like 3x) to him with any questions I might have.

Anonymous 109430

honestly it sounds like hes interested in you and youre really weird and paranoid. i dont mean to insult you, im often the same. it doesnt make you unlikable but you have to be self aware.

Anonymous 109441

I don't think he was every interested in me.

I texted him that I don't think I'll be needing his help anymore and I hope he got the hint to no longer reach out to me. I think it's best to cut off all communication.

He told me that he wishes me the best. I wish it wasn't all so confusing. I said "happy birthday" to him and asked if his recently passed (as he alluded to the date) but he never responded to that.

I deleted all of our messages before he even had a change to respond though. I'm still 90% sure he saw it because his status was active. He's really the weird one imo. I think he wants to be left alone so I'll grant him his peace.

Anonymous 109443

No offense but it sounds like you're kind of playing games on your side, or at least you're wishy washy. You think you're getting mixed signals but you're also sending mixed signals.

Anonymous 109452

are you schizophrenic?

Anonymous 109456

Ignore the pick-me responses from the stacies who would accept this from men kek. You were right to feel embarrassed when theres a clear love-differential. Don't become another girl for him to pick from if you can feel yourself falling for somebody who isn't falling for you. Best solution is to try and put some emotional space between the two of you if you want to remain friends. It seems like he's either breadcrumbing you because he wants to keep you as just a friend or a backup for his relationship, and you shouldn't fall for that. Find more guys to talk to to keep your mind off things, if he really likes you he'll let you know. For now please get some distance while your pride is semi in-tact and before the limerence becomes a part of you. Keep in mind men are users, as lovers as friends and it will eat you alive if you take them seriously or believe anything they say. Take care nonette.

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