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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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friends Anonymous 106295

how do you find friends when you have no hobbies?

Anonymous 106296

What, exactly, do you think friendship is?

Anonymous 106297

Try volunteering or going to organized events. The public library usually has an event board.

Anonymous 106299

you can have friends that aren't organized around hobbies - maybe you share a similar sense of humor and communication styles so then you can go out and get dinner or something

Anonymous 106302

someone you can hang out with and talk to

Anonymous 106303

i don't have time to volunteer and my library doesn't have host interesting events :(

Anonymous 106304

Most lasting friendships require minimal effort. Take a closer look at the people right next to you: neighbors, coworkers, etc.

Anonymous 106306

>Most lasting friendships require minimal effort.

Anon those aren’t friendships, they’re acquaintanceships.

Anonymous 106308

y'all do this weird "uHm actually" shit for the most random normal stuff on this board. as if it's impossible to make friends with acquaintances in your area and that isn't reasonable advice.

Anonymous 106309

go to public places like the library or cafes, bars if u feel safe enough to do that, if you're in college then join a club or study group <3

Anonymous 106311

if i just go to public places, what do i do there to initiate conversation or look approachable? when i go i just study so nobody comes up to me

Anonymous 106312

no one approaches me at those either, but I have made friends by going to vegan potlucks and board games. usually eating with people or playing games with them forces them to talk to you if you speak up

Anonymous 106315


How do friendships even build from public spaces?
I mean, like say it's a school, college or office. You're going to see the same person every day, or maybe every week at least once, you talk to them, you have small conversations that break ice, you get close, you become friends.
What about these places though?
Like, you're going to see the same people at your library, coffee shops, volunteering groups, and so on?

My younger smartphone generation sisters told me that most of the friendships that they have right now were "built" at instagram, snapchat, tiktok and youtube. Some of them are even e-dating moids who are at least 10 years older than them whom they meet like maybe twice a month. I have no idea how they even exchange contacts or where they hang out. I think it's memes, multiplayer games and KPop groups.
I go outside, and I see street kids, and what do they do?
They sit like a group, but they're actually playing some battle royale multiplayer game on their smartphone. They're actually socializing!

Anonymous 106318

same, i feel like the events here are only catered to old people, like 70 year old+

Anonymous 106319

>My younger smartphone generation sisters told me that most of the friendships that they have right now were "built" at instagram, snapchat, tiktok and youtube.
i think this is true, you just have to be lucky enough to find someone online who lives close to you. or meet them through school/uni/work. honestly i havent heard of any friendships in the past 5 years being formed in anyway other than these

Anonymous 106320

Why do i squander every chance of being welcomed into a community and then it becomes too late why is my luck so dismal

Anonymous 106322

I’m sorry but “most lasting friendships require minimal effort” is just factually incorrect. All relationships require maintenance and some degree of effort.

Anonymous 106405

You're not wrong - all the events at my public library are either targeting kids under 5 and under, or are activities scheduled during the middle of the work day - which are obviously targeting retirees - like "jigsaw puzzle day" or adult education courses to learn how to use "the computers".

The truth is that unless you're a college student or you live in a major metro and already have a modest circle of friends - there's almost nothing out there to facilitate socializing with people from your peer group if you're over 20 and under, I dunno, 50.

Anonymous 106473

the question should be why you have no hobbies

Anonymous 106493

im stupid & depressed

Anonymous 106494

you need to try harder

Anonymous 106495

analyze your life trajectory and begin expelling the causes of sorrow or nothing you do will make you feel okay

Anonymous 106496

what are your hobbies?

Anonymous 106497

it doesn't matter anyway, since even if i had hobbies id probably not make any friends

Anonymous 106498

sure keep wallowing in your self-pity

Anonymous 106499

I can understand feeling this way – i did for most of my life – but what comfort could you possibly attain from begging for the question to be asked & then floundering around when you receive the answer? This is the death of dialogue, you are never going to feel better like this. You know that, so why do you make no effort toward challenging your carnal desires and fleeting impulse? You didn't have to write this post, you didn't have to write these comments. Whether you are conscious of it or not: you NEED love, you NEED change, and you HATE stagnancy. This truth has been eating you inside for years, act on it.

Anonymous 106595

can mods purge this thread? sick of these self-pity posts every couple weeks.

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